In 2017, I wrote this, and in 2023 I stand by it."When one agenda clashes with another, priorities won’t match. But for unschooling if one parent takes a child’s side against the other parent in something like this, unschooling could end for them. I don’t think it’s too selfish of me to think that I would prefer to spend my volunteer time maintaining a group that will actually help parents be calm, rational, peaceful and thoughtful. Some of what I’ve read seems reactionary, and dangerous." (in context)
Thoughts and links on transgender issues
Notes are by Sandra Dodd unless otherwise credited.
In January 2017, it was brought to my attention that there are unschoolers who feel that because of the principles of unschooling, the parents are required to say yes to whatever a child wants. That was a misunderstanding on their part, or is being used as an excuse, or they're confused, but when that confusion intersects some of the kinds of transgender ideas linked or quoted below, they might be too quick to jump too far.The idea that unschooling might be a factor in parental hesitation or logic is the purpose for my creation of this page. Some of what is written below is by unschoolers, and some is from outside, brought because I thought it could help people clarify without it being personal.
(more "why" at the bottom) A summary of why on September 10, 2018
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Two years after the founding of the group discussion for parents linked just below this, Jenny Cyphers wrote, of unschooling:
What's been the most frustrating is the total lack of information on this subject, for parents to have a deeper understanding. The narrative is already set in stone and any questioning or deviation from it, gets you labeled a bigot and a transphobe. That actually does a great deal of harm for all children exploring their personhood. One singular narrative doesn't make for good outcomes. What it does is put children and their parents, seeking to be kind and supportive, onto a singular path that cannot be questioned. It is antithesis of what unschooling is about, the open exploration of the world, together, parent and child. No child is born wrong. No child needs their body fixed to match their brain. Even just writing that down sounded absurd to me. How do you fix a body to match a brain? Brains are part of the body. There is no such thing as a mismatch. You are born with it all. You mature with it all. Unless of course your parents have decided for you that your body was born so wrong that it needed invasive life altering irreversible medical interventions based upon a dogmatic belief system that gender is somehow both innate, and alterable with hormones. It's so messed up. And I am truly sorry this narrative has invaded unschooling, because for me, unschooling has always been about deeply understanding child development and partnering with children to learn deeply about the world and the self. I never thought I'd see this child respecting way of educating children, turn against children so tragically. |
Most useful, and newer:
A directory for use by people who don't want to join but would like to access the collected links and comments.
Questions about transgender issues, PUBLIC, so don't respond if you need to have privacy. This is not a private group; it's not secret; it's open.Discussions have been in closed groups, secret groups, and friends-only discussions where questions seem to be discouraged, so I'm hoping to set some things out in public so people can share what they know, and have more information to think about what they're told or come across in random ways.
If you want to send a comment or link and you don't want your name to show with it, send it to an administrator of the group.
I wrote about it on my facebook page and there are comments there:
Two people have let me know that someone is stalking me online, a bit, enough to take note of who is commenting on or even "liking" my posts. Some people are being given an ultimatum about being either my facebook friend or hers, can't have both. I'm sorry if some of the birthday exchanges caused anyone to be pressured by someone who has an unhealthy interest in my life.This part was public to me; my name was used in such a way that I was notified. That was July 9. It was still happening on the 25th.If you're not affected, good. Most won't be.
If you are, and if there is any advantage to you in unfriending me on facebook, it won't hurt my feelings. It won't change any actual friendships. Do what's easy and expedient, if there are any factors in your life that make it a social danger for you. Unfriend me if it will avoid irritation.
I'll still be around. My page here is public anyway, as is my website, my personal blog, the daily thing, site announcements, and most of my groups.
I'll list those below, for anyone wondering what I could possibly be doing that's so dangerous that someone would dedicate time and effort to trying to keep people from reading any of it.
Some of these pages need more info or formatting, but here's what's being collected:
Phrases used repeatedly in transgender defense such as "google it," "literally..." and "dumpster fire"Building a Transgender History
In June 2018, someone thanked me in public for this page, and for being a critical thinker. Most of my response:
Thanks.My interest is unschooling, and keeping some clarity and light around that topic.I made that page because of a couple of concerns. Some people are associating this with unschooling, and some unschooling parents are being pressured by other unschoolers to just act without thinking, and to accept glorious claims without asking too many questions.
Learning doesn't work that way, and I care about helping people have more faith in their ability to learn and to make thoughtful, mindful decisions. Without considering what can go wrong, and what is or isn't even possible, there is no thoughtful decision.
I've been misrepresented and insulted about it, but I think that's part of creating false teams and enemies, which makes it easier to bully people, and make them feel better about being pressured to allow (and to pay for) "treatments" and surgeries that block or destroy healthy function.
If some people hadn't used unschooling phrases and networks to pressure others, I wouldn't have said or written a word.
If people live their unschooling in the normal, present world, thoughtfully, solidly, they should be okay.
There is a danger when someone's own understanding and practice of unschooling is shaky, and she wants the approval of others more than the solid joyful everyday life of her family. I've seen a few of those.
Another problem comes when someone's reasons for unschooling are not about learning and family relationships, but about being way cool and out there, and cutting edge, and anti-this'n'that. But that sets the stage for lots of problems in insecure people, when they want to glom onto something that's wild and new and shocking.
After four years of looking at these issues I've learned more than I wanted to know.
I'm going to leave some links for my own purposes; if others want them that's fine, but sometimes I can't find info again.
This Never Happens, about crimes committed by female-identifying men. "This Never Happens is a research archive. It is not a discussion group."
Sports:
- Trans Athletes Are Posting Victories and Shaking Up Sports
- Transgender wrestler Mack Beggs wins Texas girls title again
and a follow-up: Transgender wrestler has ‘top surgery’ and sex changed to ‘male’ on birth certificate
- Transgender athletes don't belong in girls' sports. Let my daughter compete fairly.
- This one needs a New York Times subscription: Inclusion of Transgender Student Athletes Violates Title IX, Trump Administration Says (It has nothing to do with Trump.)