Transgender index page
Links and commentary (originating in an unschooling forum)
Public facebook group (if it's still there)
Idzie, second campaign
July 9, 2018
Idzie Desmarais
Fellow cisgender unschoolers, can I talk to you for a moment?
At this point, it's very openly known that a certain segment of our community--a minority one, but made up of some big names like Sandra Dodd and Joyce Fetteroll--is extremely transphobic. The way they talk about trans people is vile (and you can find numerous examples of that vileness in their group "transgender questions (parents)". They accuse parents who actually take the "respect and listen to children" thing seriously of abusing their children by affirming their gender. Their views are extraordinarily bigoted, although they claim they're not bigots at all, as bigots often do. They're just "asking questions," just being "rational," just pushing back against the supposed "transgender ideology," they're just looking out for the children who the trans people are trying to convert. A lot of their rhetoric reminds me unavoidably of what has been historically used against gay people, and which still is in certain far-right circles. They like to couch their bigotry in reasonable language, but it shines through regardless.
As all this has become public, it's deeply disappointing how many unschooling parents--especially those of Dodd and Fetterol's generation--have stood by them, continued to be buddies, making no statements in any public places in support of trans people or pushing back against rhetoric in our community. This HURTS people, causes real harm, as parents are being encouraged to seek what's essentially trans conversion therapy for their children, instead of real care that respects their identities.
I understand fear of speaking out. I was fearful of doing so for YEARS, an ultimately selfish fear that prioritized my desire not to be yelled at online or potentially lose some parent-friends over the actual safety of trans people, trans children. I made a mistake by staying quiet as long as I did, so while I understand the fear, I hope you can learn from my mistake.
As Elie Wiesel famously said, "We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."
I encourage you to think about what it might feel like for the trans people in our community to see you sharing your in-jokes with Sandra on Facebook, to see your tacit support of someone who thinks like she does. Differences of opinion when it comes to friendships are normal, but when that difference of opinion in about the humanity of other people? I'd question the validity of remaining friends with that person, but if you are to remain friends with them, I believe it to be your DUTY to attempt to 1) educate them, work on changing their minds, and 2) to VOCALLY, ACTIVELY push back against their rhetoric. Otherwise? To paraphrase a quote I saw recently on Twitter, What do you call someone sitting at a table of transphobes? You call them a transphobe. Basically? If you refuse to "take sides" while remaining friends with bigots, you yourself start to look rather like a bigot.
I don't think it means that everyone who's friends with the worst of the transphobes in our community is an awful person: I know you're not, because some of you are my friends, are people who I've seen act with great kindness, and do incredible work in furthering respect for children. It's precisely BECAUSE I know you to be good people that I implore you to re-evaluate your behaviour, to sit with yourself and ask some hard questions about what your role is in the community, and whether you're doing all you can to make our community genuinely welcoming to trans parents and trans children, and how your words and actions, your silence and complicity, impact others. There is no such thing as neutrality, and staying silent can speak as loudly as words.
Let's all commit to making our community better, and that means doing things that are hard, admitting mistakes, putting in real work, and it might mean losing some friends. But it will never be anything but a net positive if we take actions to make sure the unschooling community is one that is accepting and welcoming, and where children are truly, genuinely supported for being exactly who they are.
Some notes:
The group American College of Pediatricians, which I often see cited as a source against the affirmative care model for trans kids, is listed by the SPLC as an anti-LGBTQ hate group: https://www.splcenter.org/�/�/american-college-pediatricians
On the other hand, the American Academy of Pediatrics, which is ACTUALLY a well respected professional association, has this statement on supporting trans children: https://www.aap.org/�/AAP-Statement-in-Support-of-Transgend�
TERF's, or Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists, are a relatively small but extremely vocal and often violent group who oppose trans rights at any cost, and have a long history of teaming up with the far right in their campaign against trans people: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/�/radical-feminists-team-up-wit�/ 4th Wave Now, which some unschoolers are involved with, is a TERF site. (As a sidenote, I wouldn't classify Sandra Dodd as a TERF since along with being transphobic she espouses views I'd consider very much anti-feminist)
The most thorough article I've seen debunking a lot of the nasty and misleading rhetoric about trans kids is this one from Julia Serano: https://medium.com/�/detransition-desistance-and-disinforma
(Here Julia shares a whole thread of her essays on misinformation on trans children, she's wonderful and you should read them: https://twitter.com/JuliaSerano/status/1016402634662526976)
Cisgender is a term, like transgender, that describes whether someone is the gender they were assigned at birth or not. Transgender = different gender than the one assigned at birth, cisgender = same gender as the one assigned at birth. "Cis" is not a slur, it's simply a descriptor.
COMMENTS (some of which were removed within half an hour)
Brianna Mooradian
Not supporting trans kids is quite something coming from someone who believed siblings should be allowed to sexually explore each other. 🙄
Idzie Desmarais
Oh for fucks sake. The list of AWFUL things she's said on so many different topics is truly impressive.
Jody Milholland
That is truly awful.
|
Clarification, for this page: I posted in response to "coming from someone who believed siblings should be allowed to sexually explore each other. " *That* was made up and I said they should be better people. I didn't save it, and Idzie deleted it the second she saw it. The post itself summoned me; my name was lit up, by someone, somehow. I commented, and that was deleted and then the post was misrepresented. I don't have the URLS without the bad characters. I only have what was gathered up that day. |
Idzie Desmarais
But anyway, people like us are "making stuff up" about her and need to be "better people" (I'm paraphrasing, because as I just said, I blocked/deleted immediately).
Brianna Mooradian
Not concerned. To be fair this was years and years ago, Sandra and her antics were one of the reasons I left the unschooling community and shied away from anyone involved well past adulthood. The racism, hate and cult following was too much. I assumed all of them were terrible, TBH.
Idzie Desmarais
Ugh. I've had an overwhelming positive experience with the unschooling community, NEUC is a conference I loved going to for years, I have tons of friends in the community, some very close friends... But the Sandra Dodd parts I have always avoided.
Brianna Mooradian
It was all types of SD's here. And I don't just mean her or even followers, but similar people with similar views. We were ostracized because unschooling means no boundaries at all, drinking is fine, sex is all fine, drugs, cool. Don't ever want to learn your numbers? Ok. Want to play in traffic? DO IT UP. That's not how I was raised, and while I consider myself unschooled - I was raised - not babysat.