Staci Rankin

<<<Surely you're not accusing people on this list of not helping people
change so that they have happier, brighter experiences.>>>



Are you willing to truly hear that your approach to helping people isn't
working for some to the capacity that you probably intend? Although it is up
to each individual to extract meaning from your attempts to help, I assume
that you want to reach as many people as possible with your words. It is
obvious that you are deeply passionate about unschooling and really want to
contribute to other unschoolers, however from what I see happening, this
isn't about juju topics. It's bigger and more comprehensive than that. It's
about attitude and communication.



I've been hopping around to unschooling groups online for a couple of years
now with the hope I would find support, encouragement, and inspiration.
Unfortunately, the kind of support I have wanted has been difficult to find.
My family went out of town yesterday, so I thought I would continue the
search and that is what has brought me here to join this group today. I see
that paranormal and seemingly unscientific concepts are up for examination.
Science and spirituality/paranormal stuff are my lifelong passions, now
perfectly converging with my unschooling path. So I am excited to comment
and create some closure for myself about my frustration with these groups
since Abe-Hicks has been a big support for me, as well as the RU group, when
I couldn't meet my needs elsewhere.



For me, unschooling includes fostering free-thinking and yet I observe
evaluations being made about this topic with criticism, sarcasm, and with
some resistance to exploring Abe-Hicks for understanding and clarity. I find
it contradictory that "seasoned" unschoolers who claim they want to share
their experience criticize certain unschoolers because of a particular
interest or passion they have. It appears we may have different
understandings of free-thinking going on. One of the reasons I choose to
unschool my kids is to foster a functioning concept of acceptance of all
people, regardless of what they think yet using discernment to know what is
healthy to allow in their lives.



I do not judge others who perceive Abe-Hicks differently from me, everyone's
POV is valid to me. For instance, this topic is providing me with the
inspiration and opportunity to voice some things that are dear to me. I
just want to share my observations and provide feedback that given what some
people are implying they are trying to accomplish within these groups -
namely helping people- is getting lost in the translation. I am not pointing
fingers at any particular people as I have ran into this with multiple
people on multiple groups. And since people can only determine if they are
fulfilling their intentions by the feedback they get, I am tossing mine out
for clarity. I also think there might be more people on these lists that
might resonate with my perception but are too discouraged to speak up. I
have no need to be liked by anybody in particular so I am happily willing to
share my POV that others might disagree with. It's all relative and it's all
good. I do think that there is an easier way to learn from each other rather
than out of conflict and defensiveness though. In fact, I thought that was
something all unschoolers were basing their path on. And just for clarity's
sake, I don't mean that everybody ought to see things the same way. I do
think that agreeing on one thing would be helpful to everybody - that simply
being kindness and mindfulness.



My understanding of unschooling includes trust not judgment, joy not guilt,
fun not dread, nurturance not indifference, open-mindedness not intolerance
, individuality not conformity, friendship not competition, love not
disgust. We have chosen to create these positive elements in the lives of
our children. But to what extent? Are we to model it or follow the parenting
model of "don't do what I do, do as I say." I want to be the kind of person
I want my children to be - that means diligence on my part. Haven't we all
decided to do things differently from our parents? Aren't we trying to
accelerate the process by consciously deciding to close that generational
gap as much as possible? Isn't that the reason why deschooling is more
critical for the parents? Perhaps resocializing would be a better word. Not
just because we went to school, but because the aspects of the school system
unschoolers mutually deem as unworthy are the symptoms the organization
breeds - failing to meet the needs of individuals. And for me that includes
both the giving and receiving of acceptance. Division is superseded by more
division.



The radical unschooling group is the only forum I have found so far that
provides those opportunities exclusively. I am thankful for that. It has
definitely encouraged me to visualize/imagine and hence manifest more of
what I was/am wanting in my life. Works for me since using one's imagination
is fundamental in life because everything is birthed from thought.



When I was younger I used to talk to my dad about my interests and beliefs
about the "higher power" I believed in. I wanted so much to be understood by
him. However he was not as receptive as I hoped, as he was inundated with
all of indoctrination that his parents passed to him that contradicted what
I was sharing with him. It was very painful to me that he resisted my POV
because his support meant a great deal to me, and I thought he did not
accept me completely for who I was. I recall feeling nervous just thinking
about telling him that I didn't believe in his concept of god or any
religion even though my parents encouraged me to follow my gut, think for
myself, and disregard others' opinions of me that didn't serve me -
including theirs. So although I wasn't "unschooled," they gave me a
precious gift- especially since I enjoyed a lot of juju stuff! Now they seek
answers from me - another precious gift. They have embraced that our
relationship is a two way street. Sometimes when we think we know what is
best for someone's growth - we're wrong. I don't take that lightly when
reaching out to people. It's like I tell my kids, you don't know if your are
helping unless someone tells you it would be helpful. So anyone please feel
free to tell me if this wasn't helpful to you so I can assess my approach
and choose accordingly.



Sandra, I'm wondering why you brought this to the table for discussing. Are
you wanting empathy for your frustrations or to make it clear that you don't
approve of exploring these types of topics on your list or something else?
Would you be willing to clarify your intentions?



Loving life, living to love!

Staci

<http://www.myspace.com/staci444> http://www.myspace.com/staci444



















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Sandra Dodd

-=-<<<Surely you're not accusing people on this list of not helping
people
change so that they have happier, brighter experiences.>>>

-=-Are you willing to truly hear that your approach to helping people
isn't
working for some to the capacity that you probably intend?-=-

Do I have TIME? I have about twelve e-mails open on the desktop here
that need responses, and another fifteen or so in the sidebar needing
to be quoted on my site.

There's a tire store behind my house (on the main street that's near
our back gate). Do you want to tell them that their approach to
selling tires isn't working for some people in Albuquerque to the
capacity that they probably intend? Every bay is full, every day,
and yet some people in Albuquerque buy their tires somewhere else.

Here is the capacity I intend: I will work at this when I feel like
it, in the way I feel like doing it. If everyone down to the last
person decided to leave this list and go to another one, and if there
was nobody on UnschoolingDiscussion anymore, those lists could be
closed down and I would go and make a quilt or watch movies or drink
margaritas in the hot tub with my husband.

-=-I assume that you want to reach as many people as possible with
your words.-=-

I don't think that's a valid assumption. I'm not out selling
myself. I'm not making any exaggerated, glorified claims on my
website. I'm not writing to conference organizers and saying "Pick
me!" I'm not sending articles to magazines. They ask me sometimes
to send something. I'm not writing to people and saying "interview
me," but sometimes people call me.

Someone here was giving advice (criticism, but that's okay) about how
the writers here should do something different (use blogs instead of
static websites, I think it was) and said wouldn't I like it if my
site came up first if someone put in unschooling and spanking? I
hadn't thought of that, but I went to google to see, and mine DID
come up first. So the advice was packaged in an odd way, and for
mysterious reasons, but the fact was (and I'm checking again) mine
was easy to find just as it was.

Yep. Still there. And then Joyce. Yet someone was advising us as
though we weren't doing sufficient good, or weren't making our
information readily available.

-=-It is obvious that you are deeply passionate about unschooling and
really want to contribute to other unschoolers, however ... -=-

I really want to contribute?

If you'll read all of these two pages, I'll read as much criticism of
me as you want to send.

http://sandradodd.com/feedback

http://sandradodd.com/list

I'll respond to more of that juju (long) post in other bits. It's
tiring and I'm trying to work on this:

http://sandradodd.com/artan/swords

but one video isn't uploading, and the bio page addresses don't all
match so I had to hunt them. And I'm watering my yard, and I made
lunch for Marty and Holly (Quinn already ate).

Sandra








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Sandra Dodd

-=-It is
obvious that you are deeply passionate about unschooling and really
want to
contribute to other unschoolers, however from what I see happening, this
isn't about juju topics. It's bigger and more comprehensive than
that. It's
about attitude and communication.-=-

If you have an unschooling website you'd like to invite people to,
give us the URL.

I have had one for a long time, from before there were any decent
websites, and it's ever growing and being tweaked. It's just there.

This isn't about juju topics, it's about unschooling and integrity.

It's my attitude, and my voluntary communications. I'm sure those
who don't care what I say can get clear of me. So it's not bigger
and more comprehensive, if you don't like my attitude. That makes it
smaller and incomprehensible.

So no problem, right?



And I shall continue in another e-mail...



Sandra

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Sandra Dodd

-=-For me, unschooling includes fostering free-thinking and yet I
observe
evaluations being made about this topic with criticism, sarcasm, and
with
some resistance to exploring Abe-Hicks for understanding and clarity.-=-

I keep asking WHO this Abraham is and nobody's telling me. I'm being
criticized for resisting exploration of a committee of fictional
characters, I think.

I have a lot of understanding and clarity of unschooling. If you
think I could use more, why is that? I haven't been bouncing from
group to group for years. I've been unschooling.

-=-One of the reasons I choose to unschool my kids is to foster a
functioning concept of acceptance of all people, regardless of what
they think yet using discernment to know what is healthy to allow in
their lives. -=-

Can you paraphrase that into smaller words? It's not that I don't
understand it, I just think it's something simple, overstated. Can
you decide something is not healthy and also accept it?

-=-I do not judge others who perceive Abe-Hicks differently from me,
everyone's POV is valid to me.-=-

I think perceived and discerned a lot of judgment in these statements:

"I find it contradictory that "seasoned" unschoolers who claim they
want to share their experience ... "

"I observe evaluations being made about this topic with criticism,
sarcasm, and with some resistance to exploring..."

I have a note on my door that says no missionaries, no tree trimming,
no encyclopedia salesmen and that. Does that mean someone could
observe me evaluating those things with criticism and some resistance
to exploring them? I've heard what the Jehovah's Witnesses say. I
let some people give me the whole series, when I was pregnant and
bored years ago. I've done the same for Mormons. I DO know about
that. I know a fair amount about manifestation and visualization and
all that too. I didn't resist exploring.



And I **am** a seasoned unschooler who shares my experiences.

http://sandradodd.blogspot.com

http://sandradodd.com/unschooling

I'm not "a 'seasoned' unschooler who claims I want to share.

-=-I do not judge others who perceive Abe-Hicks differently from me,
everyone's POV is valid to me.-=-

"Everyone's POV is valid to me" doesn't make any earthly sense. A
guy just murdered his whole family. "Valid"? A kid in Colorado shot
two people, went home and slept, got up in the morning and shot some
more people. Valid to you? Would you tell the relatives of the
deceased that the boy's point of view was valid to you? Would you
tell his parents (who are blaming Satan) that you understand his POV?

-=-I just want to share my observations and provide feedback that
given what some people are implying they are trying to accomplish
within these groups -namely helping people- is getting lost in the
translation. -=-

I'm not implying that I and very many others on this list are helping
people. I'm stating it as fact.

http://sandradodd.com/robyncoburn

http://sandradodd.com/deblewis

http://sandradodd.com/pamsorooshian

http://sandradodd.com/schuylerwaynforth

http://sandradodd.com/kellylovejoy

http://sandradodd.com/joycefetteroll (best for last)

There are others whose things have been gathered and cross-linked
and put freely out there for anyone with a computer to find and read
in the privacy of wherever they are. To imply that people are not
being helped seems very (I'm trying to think of a better word than
"pissy" or "churlish")... spiteful.

-=-. I am not pointing fingers at any particular people as I have ran
into this with multiple people on multiple groups.-=-

Is it possible you just don't like discussion groups, or you're
hoping for unschooling to be something other than what it is? Is it
possible that if it has happened to you multiple times that the
common factor is you?

-=-And since people can only determine if they are fulfilling their
intentions by the feedback they get, I am tossing mine out for
clarity.-=-

I can tell if I'm fulfilling my intentions without feedback, but I do
have a ton of positive feedback, and some churlish feedback (not
nearly as much). I intended to share my kids' experiences, and I
have done that. If I drop dead today, I'm done. Success!!

-=-I also think there might be more people on these lists that might
resonate with my perception but are too discouraged to speak up.-=-

Take them all with you to a new group and do all the things you wish
had been happening on all those other groups you tried. Offer the
kind of "support, encouragement, and inspiration" you see so
lacking. Do it! Why not?

-=-I am happily willing to share my POV that others might disagree
with. It's all relative and it's all good.-=-

Well "relative" means some is more good that others, depending on
one's point of view.

I have a friend I've known since he was a teen. He became a
policeman. He said one night he was arresting a guy for murder. The
guy was around 20 years old, sitting on the sidewalk in handcuffs,
and said "It's all good." WHAT THE F*** did he think that
meant!???? A guy was dead, RIGHT THERE. He was probably never going
to be out of jail another day in his life. It's wasn't at ALL good.
At least two families were destroyed.

-=-do think that there is an easier way to learn from each other
rather than out of conflict and defensiveness though. In fact, I
thought that was something all unschoolers were basing their path on.
And just for clarity's sake, I don't mean that everybody ought to see
things the same way. I do think that agreeing on one thing would be
helpful to everybody - that simply being kindness and mindfulness. -=-

Do you think you're being kinder by coming here and complaining about
this list than I'm being by maintaining it and posting regularly for
seven years or however long?

Do you think you're being more mindful by telling me it's all good
and that you respect all points of view than I'm being by pointing
out that this doesn't help other people understand how to behave with
their children today in ways that will make their lives better?

-=-It's like I tell my kids, you don't know if your are helping
unless someone tells you it would be helpful.-=-

That doesn't seem like a good thing to tell one's kids.

Sandra

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Nicole Willoughby

My son is at cooks childrens right now. He isnt injured of sick Ill write more later but for now I need to go no-mail. Take care all.

Nicole


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