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You can’t understand all of unschooling without just doing it, without making lots of small choices each day which you hope lead towards your current understanding of unschooling. As you make these choices you observe, carefully and honestly, how those choices pan out. Then depending on whether those choices lead to greater connection, peace, joy for your family, those observations inform your next choices.. . . . ...[We] muddled through until eventually he saw what was happening. Joy and connection. But it was incremental, and took time and possibly neither of us 'understood' it for years!
On Tue, Nov 26, 2019 at 08:26 PM, belinda dutch wrote:As you make these choices you observe, carefully and honestly, how those choices pan out. Then depending on whether those choices lead to greater connection, peace, joy for your family, those observations inform your next choices.This is the "wait a while, watch" part of the "Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch" method. 🙂 If you watch to see if things are more relaxed, happier, if learning is happening, then you're getting warmer.
SandraDodd.com/gettingwarm
I recommended that people think of two things to do and make the more peaceful choice.Although this tool is useful in the moment, its best use is for incremental change. If my best choice used to be to yell or hit, and I yelled, then the next time I thought about it, hitting wasn't even going to begin to be one of my choices. Would I yell or wait? Or yell or speak quietly? Yell or leave the room? Maybe leave out the yelling, and choose between "speak quietly" or "breathe before speaking."
Make incremental changes based on your new understanding. Treat each instance as new and unique, instead of “removing” what you’re doing.. . . . It’s not a switch you flip, it’s a change in awareness and methodology of thought.
For me, it was very clearly incremental, it was a step by step building from small changes to a point where I was in a position to find personal fulfilment in being with my children.
Delete this later, but it's for my benefit for now:
Replacement for incrementalchange.html, which was combined with https://sandradodd.com/uca2015.htmlLinks below were provided to viewers of an online presentation, in 2015. The video (slides with voice-over) is no longer available to me, but I think this topic can be built of other parts, and the list of links below are good to consider for incremental change (the how and the why of it).
My presentation showed 22 posts from
Just Add Light and Stir
The Big Book of Unschooling (eBook has black and white photos)
Moving a Puddle (collection of published articles from 1992 to 2005; the eBook at Lulu has color photos)
Pages quoted and referenced, about choices and decision-making:
Make the Better Choice
(some English, some French)
Unschoolers and their relatives
I showed a couple of Karen James photos. Here are others, and some posts with quotes by her and photos by others.
The study on divorce and the effect on children was reported in the book:
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: Report of a 25-Year Study, by Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee
Make the better choice
(history of the concept as I've used it)
About living in the moment:
No Bad Days—and fewer bad moments
Relationships:
Becoming a Better Partner
Some of that, and some other things, in French:
French
Here is a link to the Just Add Light posts in which Colleen Prieto is credited, for writing or photo: Prieto Search. There are several bird photos in that set.
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