lacking confidence and inspiration
keithnerin@...
I'm feeling depressed and discouraged with my children lately. They have not shown interest in any activity other than playing video games (my older son on the PC, my younger son on the Xbox). They will hardly leave the house without me begging or bribing them. I have tried to engage them in other activities (playing a board game, cooking with me, going outside, making an art project together, etc.) My younger son (5) will sometimes go along with a different activity for a short amount of time before returning to the Xbox. My older son (12) will not show interest in any other activity. I really don't feel like I'm exaggerating this. He sleeps, eats, and sits at the computer. That has been his daily routine for months now.
I've been reading a lot and trying to deeply absorb the principles of radical unschooling for 6 months now. I was really sold on the idea until the past couple of weeks. I'm not so confident anymore though. I'm not feeling sparkly or inspired at all lately. I'm trying hard to be understanding and accepting, but I've been wanting to pull the plug on these devices for the last few days now. I would really appreciate feedback. Is this behavior normal? How long will it last? Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to bounce back to the opposite extreme, but I don't know how much longer I can keep faith. I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. My 5 year old has never done any formal schooling or really had any computer/game limits, as I eased up by the time he was old enough to be interested. I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. We have always been very relaxed/eclectic homeschoolers though and have never done a boxed curriculum or anything. Both of my boys used to spend a lot of time playing outside. (I think my younger one still would if the older would go, but he doesn't go alone, and I'm not as fun I guess.)
I've been asking questions and showing interest in my older son's PC games. I've brought him food/snacks at the computer (I used to frown on eating at the computer), I've supported his interests by buying him games, his own server, and helping him upgrade our PC for gaming. Maybe I've made it too enticing? I can't really play with him (only 1 computer), but I play Xbox Minecraft with my younger son often. I'm trying to build a trusting, supportive relationship. I would just really like him to spend at least a little bit of time on an activity that is not on the computer. Is that unreasonable of me?
A few things that I know exacerbate this issue for me -
I'm the type of person that has to get out of the house daily or I go stir crazy. Even just to the grocery store or somewhere. I've been leaving my boys home alone together for all of my shopping and errands as they do not want to come (and I stopped forcing them to 6 months ago).
My parents have always been supportive of our homeschooling, but lately my mother has asked me if we have done any schooling lately or if older son has read a book or anything recently. (We live close and spend a lot of time together.) She is understanding of our relaxed approach to homeschooling, but I have a hard time confidently defending myself when he has done nothing but computer games recently. (His computer activity does involve a lot of reading and writing, so I am not so much concerned about that. I am more concerned about the lack of physical activity and the body/eye strain of 12 consecutive hours in front of the computer.)
The weather has been cold and miserable here in the Northeast USA lately, which makes it not so enjoyable to spend time outside. We probably all have cabin fever.
I would love any advice to help me feel better about our situation or any tips on improving our life.
Thanks,
Erin
I've been reading a lot and trying to deeply absorb the principles of radical unschooling for 6 months now. I was really sold on the idea until the past couple of weeks. I'm not so confident anymore though. I'm not feeling sparkly or inspired at all lately. I'm trying hard to be understanding and accepting, but I've been wanting to pull the plug on these devices for the last few days now. I would really appreciate feedback. Is this behavior normal? How long will it last? Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to bounce back to the opposite extreme, but I don't know how much longer I can keep faith. I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. My 5 year old has never done any formal schooling or really had any computer/game limits, as I eased up by the time he was old enough to be interested. I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. We have always been very relaxed/eclectic homeschoolers though and have never done a boxed curriculum or anything. Both of my boys used to spend a lot of time playing outside. (I think my younger one still would if the older would go, but he doesn't go alone, and I'm not as fun I guess.)
I've been asking questions and showing interest in my older son's PC games. I've brought him food/snacks at the computer (I used to frown on eating at the computer), I've supported his interests by buying him games, his own server, and helping him upgrade our PC for gaming. Maybe I've made it too enticing? I can't really play with him (only 1 computer), but I play Xbox Minecraft with my younger son often. I'm trying to build a trusting, supportive relationship. I would just really like him to spend at least a little bit of time on an activity that is not on the computer. Is that unreasonable of me?
A few things that I know exacerbate this issue for me -
I'm the type of person that has to get out of the house daily or I go stir crazy. Even just to the grocery store or somewhere. I've been leaving my boys home alone together for all of my shopping and errands as they do not want to come (and I stopped forcing them to 6 months ago).
My parents have always been supportive of our homeschooling, but lately my mother has asked me if we have done any schooling lately or if older son has read a book or anything recently. (We live close and spend a lot of time together.) She is understanding of our relaxed approach to homeschooling, but I have a hard time confidently defending myself when he has done nothing but computer games recently. (His computer activity does involve a lot of reading and writing, so I am not so much concerned about that. I am more concerned about the lack of physical activity and the body/eye strain of 12 consecutive hours in front of the computer.)
The weather has been cold and miserable here in the Northeast USA lately, which makes it not so enjoyable to spend time outside. We probably all have cabin fever.
I would love any advice to help me feel better about our situation or any tips on improving our life.
Thanks,
Erin
Sarah Thompson
Hi there,
It sounds like you are waiting for them to "get over" the gaming and do something "better;" does that sound right?
That's not the way to engage them about the things they love. If you can get more resources to increase your participation, do. I have, and it's been wonderful. After years of mostly watching gaming youtubes, he is making them. I got an account and a channel so I could make them, too. My 5yo gets in on the act as well.
I have a couple of blogs. One of them is devoted to documenting my day. I take pictures and make videos throughout the day, and I get up early with my husband so that I can put together a quick blog. Then I share that with family and friends. That way, everyone can see how much is going on. It also helps *me* see how much is happening. What games is he watching/playing? What youtubers is he into? What achievements has he made on a new game? Is he working for hours on overcoming a gaming hurdle? Take some picures and write about how much effort and focus you see happening. Put it in a notebook, or on a blog, or just on the back of an envelope. It will help you see what *is* going on.
Sarah
Sandra Dodd
-=-I don't know how much longer I can keep faith.-=-
You don't have any faith to lose.
You had hope, maybe, but instead of breathing, and acting, you're holding your breath.
I see two problems that jump out yelling: One is the negativity. Read back through what you wrote, word for word. Maybe print it out and read it with a pen, marking negative words. Maybe write the negative words down on a piece of paper as you read. But I mean for real, to do it, if you want to move forward. Don't just read about doing it. (Why would I write that? See problem two, below.)
Problem two:
-=- I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. -=-
The more a person says she shouldn't need to deschool, the more she needs it. If people have encapsulated their schoolishness and see it as a part of them that's natural and not a problem, unschooling will not, ever, work.
There are no exceptions to deschooling.
Reading *about* something isn't worth a damn. In school, maybe it is, so defending yourself to a thousand unschoolers with "I've read about..." is useful only in that some of them will see that error in themselves, and some of them will point out the error in your own thoughts. Reading ABOUT something is worthless, when it's a think you want to incorporate into your life and to become. You need to read, try, wait, watch. You need to DO IT, not read about it. You need to deschool, not as a "we'—not your child, but you the parent, who went to school for more than six years.
-=-I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. -=-
For six months, you have not thought you needed to deschool, so add THAT six months to your schooled-life schedule, too. You're looking for schoolishness, and seeing the real world, and asking us to make some sort of exceptions for you, to somehow give you a bye, or a pass, to continue to unschooling without deschooling, or to go back to limiting your children.
Your son is twelve. From birth to... twelve or nearly twelve, you limited and controlled him, and praised him for playing outside and doing math and whatever all was on your list. You decided (for some actual reasons you don't need to tell us, but you should remember, review, remind yourself) to change, and to move toward unschooling. Then you decided (somehow) not to do it right.
His desire to do what was not allowed before is natural, understandable, and partially created by you and your actions. Partly it's being a normal human and wanting to make choices. Partly, you glorified what was limited, and he doesn't trust you not to re-institute limits.
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
That's by Pam Sorooshian. Don't read about it. Read _it._ And read it from the inside of you where your desire and confusion are, not from your eyes back and forth, glancing at the clock, thinking that getting to the end of it will gain you some credit. That only works in school.
Then this: http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
Sandra
You don't have any faith to lose.
You had hope, maybe, but instead of breathing, and acting, you're holding your breath.
I see two problems that jump out yelling: One is the negativity. Read back through what you wrote, word for word. Maybe print it out and read it with a pen, marking negative words. Maybe write the negative words down on a piece of paper as you read. But I mean for real, to do it, if you want to move forward. Don't just read about doing it. (Why would I write that? See problem two, below.)
Problem two:
-=- I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. -=-
The more a person says she shouldn't need to deschool, the more she needs it. If people have encapsulated their schoolishness and see it as a part of them that's natural and not a problem, unschooling will not, ever, work.
There are no exceptions to deschooling.
Reading *about* something isn't worth a damn. In school, maybe it is, so defending yourself to a thousand unschoolers with "I've read about..." is useful only in that some of them will see that error in themselves, and some of them will point out the error in your own thoughts. Reading ABOUT something is worthless, when it's a think you want to incorporate into your life and to become. You need to read, try, wait, watch. You need to DO IT, not read about it. You need to deschool, not as a "we'—not your child, but you the parent, who went to school for more than six years.
-=-I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. -=-
For six months, you have not thought you needed to deschool, so add THAT six months to your schooled-life schedule, too. You're looking for schoolishness, and seeing the real world, and asking us to make some sort of exceptions for you, to somehow give you a bye, or a pass, to continue to unschooling without deschooling, or to go back to limiting your children.
Your son is twelve. From birth to... twelve or nearly twelve, you limited and controlled him, and praised him for playing outside and doing math and whatever all was on your list. You decided (for some actual reasons you don't need to tell us, but you should remember, review, remind yourself) to change, and to move toward unschooling. Then you decided (somehow) not to do it right.
His desire to do what was not allowed before is natural, understandable, and partially created by you and your actions. Partly it's being a normal human and wanting to make choices. Partly, you glorified what was limited, and he doesn't trust you not to re-institute limits.
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
That's by Pam Sorooshian. Don't read about it. Read _it._ And read it from the inside of you where your desire and confusion are, not from your eyes back and forth, glancing at the clock, thinking that getting to the end of it will gain you some credit. That only works in school.
Then this: http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
Thing. :-)
(or a think, maybe, but I meant "thing" in this:)
eading ABOUT something is worthless, when it's a thing you want to incorporate into your life and to become.
(or a think, maybe, but I meant "thing" in this:)
eading ABOUT something is worthless, when it's a thing you want to incorporate into your life and to become.
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm the type of person that has to get out of the house daily or I go stir crazy.-=-
You're using someone else's phrase ("stir crazy") and you've decided in advance what "type of person" you are. Can this not change? Could you perhaps change your desire or "need"?
"Has to" gets this: http://sandradodd.com/haveto
And "stir crazy" gets this: http://sandradodd.com/phrases
Deciding (and telling all of us) what type of person you are doesn't allow (even in your own view of yourself) for flexibility or growth.
Here are some accounts of people having changed—the first one, the change is implied, but it might be the most valuable one for you:
"If Only I'd Started Sooner..." a collection of wishes and regrets: http://sandradodd.com/ifonly
Thoughts on Changing: http://sandradodd.com/changes
How Unschooling Changes People: http://sandradodd.com/change.html
A quote from that second link:
___________________________________
Sandra's response to this question:
-=-As much as I read here and on your (Sandra's) and Joyce's websites, I seem to slide right back into schoolish ways...
How long does it take to really break that bad habit?-=-
Forever.
If you think of it in negative terms ("bad" and not just "break" but "really break"), you will just sit in that negativity, frustrated, forever. You will feel there had to be a winner (you) or a loser (you) and you will be angry with yourself.
The change you need is to live a different way. Step out of the grumpy dark into the calm decision-making choose-joy light.
Stop thinking about your own comfort for a while. If you become successful at attending to other people's comfort, their comfort will overflow all around you, and you will feel your success and that will be some of YOUR new comfort.
Stop thinking you know what they need and what you need. Try a new angle, a different trajectory.
__________________________________
You're using someone else's phrase ("stir crazy") and you've decided in advance what "type of person" you are. Can this not change? Could you perhaps change your desire or "need"?
"Has to" gets this: http://sandradodd.com/haveto
And "stir crazy" gets this: http://sandradodd.com/phrases
Deciding (and telling all of us) what type of person you are doesn't allow (even in your own view of yourself) for flexibility or growth.
Here are some accounts of people having changed—the first one, the change is implied, but it might be the most valuable one for you:
"If Only I'd Started Sooner..." a collection of wishes and regrets: http://sandradodd.com/ifonly
Thoughts on Changing: http://sandradodd.com/changes
How Unschooling Changes People: http://sandradodd.com/change.html
A quote from that second link:
___________________________________
Sandra's response to this question:
-=-As much as I read here and on your (Sandra's) and Joyce's websites, I seem to slide right back into schoolish ways...
How long does it take to really break that bad habit?-=-
Forever.
If you think of it in negative terms ("bad" and not just "break" but "really break"), you will just sit in that negativity, frustrated, forever. You will feel there had to be a winner (you) or a loser (you) and you will be angry with yourself.
The change you need is to live a different way. Step out of the grumpy dark into the calm decision-making choose-joy light.
Stop thinking about your own comfort for a while. If you become successful at attending to other people's comfort, their comfort will overflow all around you, and you will feel your success and that will be some of YOUR new comfort.
Stop thinking you know what they need and what you need. Try a new angle, a different trajectory.
__________________________________
Erin & Keith
Thanks for the responses. I wasn't implying that we didn't need to deschool, just that I didn't think we should need THAT much. I realize 6 months isn't really that long though.
I am just frustrated and feel like I'm not doing enough for him. I'm not concerned about anything academic, I'm confident that my boys know and are constantly learning everything they'll need in that sense. It's not even that I don't approve of the game playing, I'm fine with that. I enjoy it too. I just would like something else in addition to it. I worry about the lack of physical activity. I personally can't understand why he wouldn't want to leave his room. I enjoy playing with them for an hour or so, but then I need a break. My eyes hurt if I stare at a screen too long. We used to all enjoy hikes, skiing, swimming, etc. Now I have to bribe or force him to come along (which I admit I did twice this winter). He had a blast skiing once we got there, but he never wants to go. I honestly would be just as frustrated if he were reading books all day in his room.
For example, his best friend's family invited us to play laser tag with them tonight. He didn't want to go. He did finally decide to come after the rest of us said we were going (and his friend really wanted him), but he was reluctant. He had a lot of fun once we got there though.
He mentioned to me awhile back (maybe 3 months ago) that he's noticed I don't ask him to get off the computer anymore and that he appreciates that. I feel like I've shown I'm trustworthy to not take it away. (Right now I have the urge to, but I won't.) How long does it take for it to lose that special value? I know there is no right answer to that question...
I'm sorry for all the negativity. It has been building up inside me for the last week or so. I don't share any of it with my children, so I wanted to vent somewhere. I appreciate you calling me out. It's probably just my cabin fever. I would really like to get out and do more myself (skiing, sledding, skating, indoor swimming), but when my kids don't want to leave I feel trapped at home. Our old lifestyle I would say we're going to do ____ today and make them come along. They would sometimes whine about going, but always seem to have fun once out. Now that I've stopped requiring them to do things they don't want to (unless really necessary) I feel like I don't get to do anything. I leave them home alone for a short trip to the store, but wouldn't for a day of skiing.
Do any other mothers have this problem? I can't afford a nanny/sitter unless I was working. They could stay with a friend, but they probably wouldn't want to leave the house to go there.
I love my kids and generally like spending my days with them. I just am having a hard time being cooped up. Hopefully once warmer spring weather makes it our way they will want to start adventuring out with me.
Thanks,
Erin
On Mar 22, 2015 8:39 PM, "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:-=-I don't know how much longer I can keep faith.-=-
You don't have any faith to lose.
You had hope, maybe, but instead of breathing, and acting, you're holding your breath.
I see two problems that jump out yelling: One is the negativity. Read back through what you wrote, word for word. Maybe print it out and read it with a pen, marking negative words. Maybe write the negative words down on a piece of paper as you read. But I mean for real, to do it, if you want to move forward. Don't just read about doing it. (Why would I write that? See problem two, below.)
Problem two:
-=- I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. -=-
The more a person says she shouldn't need to deschool, the more she needs it. If people have encapsulated their schoolishness and see it as a part of them that's natural and not a problem, unschooling will not, ever, work.
There are no exceptions to deschooling.
Reading *about* something isn't worth a damn. In school, maybe it is, so defending yourself to a thousand unschoolers with "I've read about..." is useful only in that some of them will see that error in themselves, and some of them will point out the error in your own thoughts. Reading ABOUT something is worthless, when it's a think you want to incorporate into your life and to become. You need to read, try, wait, watch. You need to DO IT, not read about it. You need to deschool, not as a "we'—not your child, but you the parent, who went to school for more than six years.
-=-I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. -=-
For six months, you have not thought you needed to deschool, so add THAT six months to your schooled-life schedule, too. You're looking for schoolishness, and seeing the real world, and asking us to make some sort of exceptions for you, to somehow give you a bye, or a pass, to continue to unschooling without deschooling, or to go back to limiting your children.
Your son is twelve. From birth to... twelve or nearly twelve, you limited and controlled him, and praised him for playing outside and doing math and whatever all was on your list. You decided (for some actual reasons you don't need to tell us, but you should remember, review, remind yourself) to change, and to move toward unschooling. Then you decided (somehow) not to do it right.
His desire to do what was not allowed before is natural, understandable, and partially created by you and your actions. Partly it's being a normal human and wanting to make choices. Partly, you glorified what was limited, and he doesn't trust you not to re-institute limits.
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
That's by Pam Sorooshian. Don't read about it. Read _it._ And read it from the inside of you where your desire and confusion are, not from your eyes back and forth, glancing at the clock, thinking that getting to the end of it will gain you some credit. That only works in school.
Then this: http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=- I wasn't implying that we didn't need to deschool, just that I didn't think we should need THAT much. I realize 6 months isn't really that long though. -=-
You're saying "we."
The deschooling your children do will take less time than your own deschooling, which will take two or three years—but those years don't start until after you've stopped looking for school.
And you wrote with defensive justifications before you had time to do the things I wrote and recommended earlier.
-=-I feel like I've shown I'm trustworthy to not take it away. (Right now I have the urge to-=-
You've shown the people here that you're not. You're pretending. You haven't relaxed.
Could someone bring the link to what Pam Laricchia wrote about pretending, please?
-=-I'm sorry for all the negativity. It has been building up inside me for the last week or so. I don't share any of it with my children, so I wanted to vent somewhere. -=-
You're not being honest with yourself. Your children know. If you read through your posts you will see places where you tell us you have expressed it. I think it hasn't been just the last week.
Don't post again for a few days. Read all the posts, and links people have brought, and the links that lead from those links, out. And DO things, and think things, and change, inside yourself.
-=-I love my kids and generally like spending my days with them.-=-
Generally. Not always.
If you turn away from your fears and negativity, if you become an unschooling mom, you can delete the "generally" and come back in a few months with really happy stories. If you keep writing as you are, you're spinnning your wheels.
-=- I feel trapped at home.-=-
You are trapped by your expectations and disappointments.
You are trapped by your "have to''s. -=-Now I have to bribe or force him to come along-=-
-=- I honestly would be just as frustrated if he were reading books all day in his room.-=-
No, because your mom would not be critical.
Look as honestly as you can at your thoughts, words and actions.
Links for the writing above (though you still haven't gone through the links in the last e-mail, but others might use them):
http://sandradodd.com/we
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
http://sandradodd.com/trust
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
http://sandradodd.com/choices
http://sandradodd.com/haveto
Seriously, again: Don't post again for a few days. Read all the posts, and links people have brought, and the links that lead from those links, out. And DO things, and think things, and change, inside yourself.
Sandra
You're saying "we."
The deschooling your children do will take less time than your own deschooling, which will take two or three years—but those years don't start until after you've stopped looking for school.
And you wrote with defensive justifications before you had time to do the things I wrote and recommended earlier.
-=-I feel like I've shown I'm trustworthy to not take it away. (Right now I have the urge to-=-
You've shown the people here that you're not. You're pretending. You haven't relaxed.
Could someone bring the link to what Pam Laricchia wrote about pretending, please?
-=-I'm sorry for all the negativity. It has been building up inside me for the last week or so. I don't share any of it with my children, so I wanted to vent somewhere. -=-
You're not being honest with yourself. Your children know. If you read through your posts you will see places where you tell us you have expressed it. I think it hasn't been just the last week.
Don't post again for a few days. Read all the posts, and links people have brought, and the links that lead from those links, out. And DO things, and think things, and change, inside yourself.
-=-I love my kids and generally like spending my days with them.-=-
Generally. Not always.
If you turn away from your fears and negativity, if you become an unschooling mom, you can delete the "generally" and come back in a few months with really happy stories. If you keep writing as you are, you're spinnning your wheels.
-=- I feel trapped at home.-=-
You are trapped by your expectations and disappointments.
You are trapped by your "have to''s. -=-Now I have to bribe or force him to come along-=-
-=- I honestly would be just as frustrated if he were reading books all day in his room.-=-
No, because your mom would not be critical.
Look as honestly as you can at your thoughts, words and actions.
Links for the writing above (though you still haven't gone through the links in the last e-mail, but others might use them):
http://sandradodd.com/we
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
http://sandradodd.com/trust
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
http://sandradodd.com/choices
http://sandradodd.com/haveto
Seriously, again: Don't post again for a few days. Read all the posts, and links people have brought, and the links that lead from those links, out. And DO things, and think things, and change, inside yourself.
Sandra
K Pennell
I've noticed my 12 year old plays a lot more video games in the winter. It's too cold in the northeast, and after the first dozen snowfalls, he's kinda done with winter. He also hates art projects.
This winter, he and his dad tried and enjoyed models, so they built a model car and plane.
From: "keithnerin@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, March 22, 2015 6:54 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] lacking confidence and inspiration
I'm feeling depressed and discouraged with my children lately. They have not shown interest in any activity other than playing video games (my older son on the PC, my younger son on the Xbox). They will hardly leave the house without me begging or bribing them. I have tried to engage them in other activities (playing a board game, cooking with me, going outside, making an art project together, etc.) My younger son (5) will sometimes go along with a different activity for a short amount of time before returning to the Xbox. My older son (12) will not show interest in any other activity. I really don't feel like I'm exaggerating this. He sleeps, eats, and sits at the computer. That has been his daily routine for months now.
I've been reading a lot and trying to deeply absorb the principles of radical unschooling for 6 months now. I was really sold on the idea until the past couple of weeks. I'm not so confident anymore though. I'm not feeling sparkly or inspired at all lately. I'm trying hard to be understanding and accepting, but I've been wanting to pull the plug on these devices for the last few days now. I would really appreciate feedback. Is this behavior normal? How long will it last? Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to bounce back to the opposite extreme, but I don't know how much longer I can keep faith. I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. My 5 year old has never done any formal schooling or really had any computer/game limits, as I eased up by the time he was old enough to be interested. I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. We have always been very relaxed/eclectic homeschoolers though and have never done a boxed curriculum or anything. Both of my boys used to spend a lot of time playing outside. (I think my younger one still would if the older would go, but he doesn't go alone, and I'm not as fun I guess.)
I've been asking questions and showing interest in my older son's PC games. I've brought him food/snacks at the computer (I used to frown on eating at the computer), I've supported his interests by buying him games, his own server, and helping him upgrade our PC for gaming. Maybe I've made it too enticing? I can't really play with him (only 1 computer), but I play Xbox Minecraft with my younger son often. I'm trying to build a trusting, supportive relationship. I would just really like him to spend at least a little bit of time on an activity that is not on the computer. Is that unreasonable of me?
A few things that I know exacerbate this issue for me -
I'm the type of person that has to get out of the house daily or I go stir crazy. Even just to the grocery store or somewhere. I've been leaving my boys home alone together for all of my shopping and errands as they do not want to come (and I stopped forcing them to 6 months ago).
My parents have always been supportive of our homeschooling, but lately my mother has asked me if we have done any schooling lately or if older son has read a book or anything recently. (We live close and spend a lot of time together.) She is understanding of our relaxed approach to homeschooling, but I have a hard time confidently defending myself when he has done nothing but computer games recently. (His computer activity does involve a lot of reading and writing, so I am not so much concerned about that. I am more concerned about the lack of physical activity and the body/eye strain of 12 consecutive hours in front of the computer.)
The weather has been cold and miserable here in the Northeast USA lately, which makes it not so enjoyable to spend time outside. We probably all have cabin fever.
I would love any advice to help me feel better about our situation or any tips on improving our life.
Thanks,
Erin
kirkpatrick clare
" I wasn't implying that we didn't need to deschool, just that I didn't think we should need THAT much. I realize 6 months isn't really that long though. "
Deschooling lasts forever in a culture that is disempowering and schoolish. You need to throw yourself into your own deschooling. Unpick, unpick, unpick *all* the time. Ask yourself 'why do I want this? why am I hoping this? why am I responding this way'.
Why do you want them off the computer?
So they have more fun? They're clearly already having lots of fun and fun is where the learning is.
Because you like to get outside? Well get outside, then - garden; ask another adult if they'd mind sitting in the house while you go shopping/for a walk; go out in the evenings when your partner is home.
Because you want them to do different things? Why? What's wrong with doing the same thing every day? It's the path to becoming an expert. Concert pianists practice for hours and hours every day. Would that feel more acceptable to you? If so, why? If not, why not?
I would suggest writing a long list of all the things you can possibly think of that might make *you* feel lit up - things that you feel 'squee' about (a word we use in our house to denote an excited feeling...what we look forward to on waking etc.). I like playing our piano, which I'm waiting to be repaired...I'm getting it back today and can't wait! I love knitting and crocheting and my work, which I do two days per week, and my studying. I love working in my garden. When you learn the value of doing things *you* love, you'll feel more able to accept how wonderful it is for your children do the things *they* love and, rather than just *allowing* them to do those things, you'll begin to genuinely want to *help* them to do those things.
Think, also, about how you would feel if you knew your partner was hovering around hoping you'd soon get bored of the things you love, thinking that those things aren't enough on their own and that you ought to be doing other stuff and apply that feeling to your children's experience of doing something they love all the while knowing that you don't like it and wish they'd do something else.
Clare
Deschooling lasts forever in a culture that is disempowering and schoolish. You need to throw yourself into your own deschooling. Unpick, unpick, unpick *all* the time. Ask yourself 'why do I want this? why am I hoping this? why am I responding this way'.
Why do you want them off the computer?
So they have more fun? They're clearly already having lots of fun and fun is where the learning is.
Because you like to get outside? Well get outside, then - garden; ask another adult if they'd mind sitting in the house while you go shopping/for a walk; go out in the evenings when your partner is home.
Because you want them to do different things? Why? What's wrong with doing the same thing every day? It's the path to becoming an expert. Concert pianists practice for hours and hours every day. Would that feel more acceptable to you? If so, why? If not, why not?
I would suggest writing a long list of all the things you can possibly think of that might make *you* feel lit up - things that you feel 'squee' about (a word we use in our house to denote an excited feeling...what we look forward to on waking etc.). I like playing our piano, which I'm waiting to be repaired...I'm getting it back today and can't wait! I love knitting and crocheting and my work, which I do two days per week, and my studying. I love working in my garden. When you learn the value of doing things *you* love, you'll feel more able to accept how wonderful it is for your children do the things *they* love and, rather than just *allowing* them to do those things, you'll begin to genuinely want to *help* them to do those things.
Think, also, about how you would feel if you knew your partner was hovering around hoping you'd soon get bored of the things you love, thinking that those things aren't enough on their own and that you ought to be doing other stuff and apply that feeling to your children's experience of doing something they love all the while knowing that you don't like it and wish they'd do something else.
Clare
On 23 March 2015 at 05:17, K Pennell mrsringsabre@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:I've noticed my 12 year old plays a lot more video games in the winter. It's too cold in the northeast, and after the first dozen snowfalls, he's kinda done with winter. He also hates art projects.This winter, he and his dad tried and enjoyed models, so they built a model car and plane.
From: "keithnerin@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, March 22, 2015 6:54 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] lacking confidence and inspiration
I'm feeling depressed and discouraged with my children lately. They have not shown interest in any activity other than playing video games (my older son on the PC, my younger son on the Xbox). They will hardly leave the house without me begging or bribing them. I have tried to engage them in other activities (playing a board game, cooking with me, going outside, making an art project together, etc.) My younger son (5) will sometimes go along with a different activity for a short amount of time before returning to the Xbox. My older son (12) will not show interest in any other activity. I really don't feel like I'm exaggerating this. He sleeps, eats, and sits at the computer. That has been his daily routine for months now.
I've been reading a lot and trying to deeply absorb the principles of radical unschooling for 6 months now. I was really sold on the idea until the past couple of weeks. I'm not so confident anymore though. I'm not feeling sparkly or inspired at all lately. I'm trying hard to be understanding and accepting, but I've been wanting to pull the plug on these devices for the last few days now. I would really appreciate feedback. Is this behavior normal? How long will it last? Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to bounce back to the opposite extreme, but I don't know how much longer I can keep faith. I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. My 5 year old has never done any formal schooling or really had any computer/game limits, as I eased up by the time he was old enough to be interested. I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. We have always been very relaxed/eclectic homeschoolers though and have never done a boxed curriculum or anything. Both of my boys used to spend a lot of time playing outside. (I think my younger one still would if the older would go, but he doesn't go alone, and I'm not as fun I guess.)
I've been asking questions and showing interest in my older son's PC games. I've brought him food/snacks at the computer (I used to frown on eating at the computer), I've supported his interests by buying him games, his own server, and helping him upgrade our PC for gaming. Maybe I've made it too enticing? I can't really play with him (only 1 computer), but I play Xbox Minecraft with my younger son often. I'm trying to build a trusting, supportive relationship. I would just really like him to spend at least a little bit of time on an activity that is not on the computer. Is that unreasonable of me?
A few things that I know exacerbate this issue for me -
I'm the type of person that has to get out of the house daily or I go stir crazy. Even just to the grocery store or somewhere. I've been leaving my boys home alone together for all of my shopping and errands as they do not want to come (and I stopped forcing them to 6 months ago).
My parents have always been supportive of our homeschooling, but lately my mother has asked me if we have done any schooling lately or if older son has read a book or anything recently. (We live close and spend a lot of time together.) She is understanding of our relaxed approach to homeschooling, but I have a hard time confidently defending myself when he has done nothing but computer games recently. (His computer activity does involve a lot of reading and writing, so I am not so much concerned about that. I am more concerned about the lack of physical activity and the body/eye strain of 12 consecutive hours in front of the computer.)
The weather has been cold and miserable here in the Northeast USA lately, which makes it not so enjoyable to spend time outside. We probably all have cabin fever.
I would love any advice to help me feel better about our situation or any tips on improving our life.
Thanks,
Erin
Erin & Keith
Thank you Clare, I appreciate the response!
I think part of my problem is that we don't know any other local unschoolers. The only people I could ask to watch the kids are my parents or our school-at-home friends. All of whom would question the all day gaming. That makes me sort of feel alone in this.
Usually the kids and I can all have fun together and don't need anybody else. Lately I can't relate to them as much though. I can't stay interested in their games for as long as they do and have felt that fully supporting their interests has squandered my own. My husband calls me a gamer, but after a couple hours I'm done and ready for something different. I appreciate the suggestions though! I will try to start some of my own in the house hobbies. I haven't done any knitting in a long time and I've also always wanted to try making a quilt. I'm not very crafty, but I'll give it a try. I will focus on activities like that and try to be content staying home.
I'll still hold out hope that when it finally warms up here they will be more interested in venturing out again. The snow has started melting a little bit!
Anyway, just writing everything out and trying to explain my feelings has helped me better understand them myself. I will take that reflection and all of the responses and try to view our life/situation in a different, more positive light.
Thanks again,
Erin
On Mar 23, 2015 5:38 AM, "kirkpatrick clare clare.kirkpatrick@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:" I wasn't implying that we didn't need to deschool, just that I didn't think we should need THAT much. I realize 6 months isn't really that long though. "
Deschooling lasts forever in a culture that is disempowering and schoolish. You need to throw yourself into your own deschooling. Unpick, unpick, unpick *all* the time. Ask yourself 'why do I want this? why am I hoping this? why am I responding this way'.
Why do you want them off the computer?
So they have more fun? They're clearly already having lots of fun and fun is where the learning is.
Because you like to get outside? Well get outside, then - garden; ask another adult if they'd mind sitting in the house while you go shopping/for a walk; go out in the evenings when your partner is home.
Because you want them to do different things? Why? What's wrong with doing the same thing every day? It's the path to becoming an expert. Concert pianists practice for hours and hours every day. Would that feel more acceptable to you? If so, why? If not, why not?
I would suggest writing a long list of all the things you can possibly think of that might make *you* feel lit up - things that you feel 'squee' about (a word we use in our house to denote an excited feeling...what we look forward to on waking etc.). I like playing our piano, which I'm waiting to be repaired...I'm getting it back today and can't wait! I love knitting and crocheting and my work, which I do two days per week, and my studying. I love working in my garden. When you learn the value of doing things *you* love, you'll feel more able to accept how wonderful it is for your children do the things *they* love and, rather than just *allowing* them to do those things, you'll begin to genuinely want to *help* them to do those things.
Think, also, about how you would feel if you knew your partner was hovering around hoping you'd soon get bored of the things you love, thinking that those things aren't enough on their own and that you ought to be doing other stuff and apply that feeling to your children's experience of doing something they love all the while knowing that you don't like it and wish they'd do something else.
ClareOn 23 March 2015 at 05:17, K Pennell mrsringsabre@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:I've noticed my 12 year old plays a lot more video games in the winter. It's too cold in the northeast, and after the first dozen snowfalls, he's kinda done with winter. He also hates art projects.This winter, he and his dad tried and enjoyed models, so they built a model car and plane.
From: "keithnerin@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, March 22, 2015 6:54 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] lacking confidence and inspiration
I'm feeling depressed and discouraged with my children lately. They have not shown interest in any activity other than playing video games (my older son on the PC, my younger son on the Xbox). They will hardly leave the house without me begging or bribing them. I have tried to engage them in other activities (playing a board game, cooking with me, going outside, making an art project together, etc.) My younger son (5) will sometimes go along with a different activity for a short amount of time before returning to the Xbox. My older son (12) will not show interest in any other activity. I really don't feel like I'm exaggerating this. He sleeps, eats, and sits at the computer. That has been his daily routine for months now.
I've been reading a lot and trying to deeply absorb the principles of radical unschooling for 6 months now. I was really sold on the idea until the past couple of weeks. I'm not so confident anymore though. I'm not feeling sparkly or inspired at all lately. I'm trying hard to be understanding and accepting, but I've been wanting to pull the plug on these devices for the last few days now. I would really appreciate feedback. Is this behavior normal? How long will it last? Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to bounce back to the opposite extreme, but I don't know how much longer I can keep faith. I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. My 5 year old has never done any formal schooling or really had any computer/game limits, as I eased up by the time he was old enough to be interested. I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. We have always been very relaxed/eclectic homeschoolers though and have never done a boxed curriculum or anything. Both of my boys used to spend a lot of time playing outside. (I think my younger one still would if the older would go, but he doesn't go alone, and I'm not as fun I guess.)
I've been asking questions and showing interest in my older son's PC games. I've brought him food/snacks at the computer (I used to frown on eating at the computer), I've supported his interests by buying him games, his own server, and helping him upgrade our PC for gaming. Maybe I've made it too enticing? I can't really play with him (only 1 computer), but I play Xbox Minecraft with my younger son often. I'm trying to build a trusting, supportive relationship. I would just really like him to spend at least a little bit of time on an activity that is not on the computer. Is that unreasonable of me?
A few things that I know exacerbate this issue for me -
I'm the type of person that has to get out of the house daily or I go stir crazy. Even just to the grocery store or somewhere. I've been leaving my boys home alone together for all of my shopping and errands as they do not want to come (and I stopped forcing them to 6 months ago).
My parents have always been supportive of our homeschooling, but lately my mother has asked me if we have done any schooling lately or if older son has read a book or anything recently. (We live close and spend a lot of time together.) She is understanding of our relaxed approach to homeschooling, but I have a hard time confidently defending myself when he has done nothing but computer games recently. (His computer activity does involve a lot of reading and writing, so I am not so much concerned about that. I am more concerned about the lack of physical activity and the body/eye strain of 12 consecutive hours in front of the computer.)
The weather has been cold and miserable here in the Northeast USA lately, which makes it not so enjoyable to spend time outside. We probably all have cabin fever.
I would love any advice to help me feel better about our situation or any tips on improving our life.
Thanks,
Erin
semajrak@...
<<Could someone bring the link to what Pam Laricchia wrote about pretending, please?>>
I think you mean this one, Sandra:
I think you mean this one, Sandra:
Tiffani
>>>>>We probably all have cabin fever.<<<<<You might have cabin fever but it sounds like your kids have found a way to connect to the world. They get to be warm and cozy and be with friends and be mentally active.>>>>>Because you like to get outside? Well get outside, then - garden; ask another adult if they'd mind sitting in the house while you go shopping/for a walk; go out in the evenings when your partner is home.I would suggest writing a long list of all the things you can possibly think of that might make *you* feel lit up<<<<<I was thinking this same thing. It took me a long time to relax. What helped me was to find my own activities. My kids were all involved in what they wanted to do and I was left feeling kinda lonely. I love to chat with friends. I will call my friends and talk while doing things around the house. I love reading email and facebook. I love walking my dogs. I think of activities for our parkday group to do. All of these things can be dropped to do things my kids need or want to do and they fill me up when they are busy doing things they want to do.When my teens are talking to friends I say Hi to their friends. I talk with them on the games and on Skype. Do not do that if it bugs your kids. My kids don't mind. Then when they share things about their friends I know who they are talking about. My kids have made friends from all over the world. So even when they do not leave the house they are engaged with the world.
Tiffani
From: "kirkpatrick clare clare.kirkpatrick@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, March 23, 2015 2:38 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] lacking confidence and inspiration
" I wasn't implying that we didn't need to deschool, just that I didn't think we should need THAT much. I realize 6 months isn't really that long though. "
Deschooling lasts forever in a culture that is disempowering and schoolish. You need to throw yourself into your own deschooling. Unpick, unpick, unpick *all* the time. Ask yourself 'why do I want this? why am I hoping this? why am I responding this way'.
Why do you want them off the computer?
So they have more fun? They're clearly already having lots of fun and fun is where the learning is.
Because you like to get outside? Well get outside, then - garden; ask another adult if they'd mind sitting in the house while you go shopping/for a walk; go out in the evenings when your partner is home.
Because you want them to do different things? Why? What's wrong with doing the same thing every day? It's the path to becoming an expert. Concert pianists practice for hours and hours every day. Would that feel more acceptable to you? If so, why? If not, why not?
I would suggest writing a long list of all the things you can possibly think of that might make *you* feel lit up - things that you feel 'squee' about (a word we use in our house to denote an excited feeling...what we look forward to on waking etc.). I like playing our piano, which I'm waiting to be repaired...I'm getting it back today and can't wait! I love knitting and crocheting and my work, which I do two days per week, and my studying. I love working in my garden. When you learn the value of doing things *you* love, you'll feel more able to accept how wonderful it is for your children do the things *they* love and, rather than just *allowing* them to do those things, you'll begin to genuinely want to *help* them to do those things.
Think, also, about how you would feel if you knew your partner was hovering around hoping you'd soon get bored of the things you love, thinking that those things aren't enough on their own and that you ought to be doing other stuff and apply that feeling to your children's experience of doing something they love all the while knowing that you don't like it and wish they'd do something else.
Clare
Deschooling lasts forever in a culture that is disempowering and schoolish. You need to throw yourself into your own deschooling. Unpick, unpick, unpick *all* the time. Ask yourself 'why do I want this? why am I hoping this? why am I responding this way'.
Why do you want them off the computer?
So they have more fun? They're clearly already having lots of fun and fun is where the learning is.
Because you like to get outside? Well get outside, then - garden; ask another adult if they'd mind sitting in the house while you go shopping/for a walk; go out in the evenings when your partner is home.
Because you want them to do different things? Why? What's wrong with doing the same thing every day? It's the path to becoming an expert. Concert pianists practice for hours and hours every day. Would that feel more acceptable to you? If so, why? If not, why not?
I would suggest writing a long list of all the things you can possibly think of that might make *you* feel lit up - things that you feel 'squee' about (a word we use in our house to denote an excited feeling...what we look forward to on waking etc.). I like playing our piano, which I'm waiting to be repaired...I'm getting it back today and can't wait! I love knitting and crocheting and my work, which I do two days per week, and my studying. I love working in my garden. When you learn the value of doing things *you* love, you'll feel more able to accept how wonderful it is for your children do the things *they* love and, rather than just *allowing* them to do those things, you'll begin to genuinely want to *help* them to do those things.
Think, also, about how you would feel if you knew your partner was hovering around hoping you'd soon get bored of the things you love, thinking that those things aren't enough on their own and that you ought to be doing other stuff and apply that feeling to your children's experience of doing something they love all the while knowing that you don't like it and wish they'd do something else.
Clare
On 23 March 2015 at 05:17, K Pennell mrsringsabre@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
I've noticed my 12 year old plays a lot more video games in the winter. It's too cold in the northeast, and after the first dozen snowfalls, he's kinda done with winter. He also hates art projects.This winter, he and his dad tried and enjoyed models, so they built a model car and plane.
From: "keithnerin@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, March 22, 2015 6:54 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] lacking confidence and inspiration
I'm feeling depressed and discouraged with my children lately. They have not shown interest in any activity other than playing video games (my older son on the PC, my younger son on the Xbox). They will hardly leave the house without me begging or bribing them. I have tried to engage them in other activities (playing a board game, cooking with me, going outside, making an art project together, etc.) My younger son (5) will sometimes go along with a different activity for a short amount of time before returning to the Xbox. My older son (12) will not show interest in any other activity. I really don't feel like I'm exaggerating this. He sleeps, eats, and sits at the computer. That has been his daily routine for months now.
I've been reading a lot and trying to deeply absorb the principles of radical unschooling for 6 months now. I was really sold on the idea until the past couple of weeks. I'm not so confident anymore though. I'm not feeling sparkly or inspired at all lately. I'm trying hard to be understanding and accepting, but I've been wanting to pull the plug on these devices for the last few days now. I would really appreciate feedback. Is this behavior normal? How long will it last? Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to bounce back to the opposite extreme, but I don't know how much longer I can keep faith. I've read about deschooling, but I don't think we should really have that much deschooling to do. My 5 year old has never done any formal schooling or really had any computer/game limits, as I eased up by the time he was old enough to be interested. I used to limit my 12 year old's computer time to 3-4 hours a day and require that he did some reading/writing/math activities, but have not done that for 6 months now. We have always been very relaxed/eclectic homeschoolers though and have never done a boxed curriculum or anything. Both of my boys used to spend a lot of time playing outside. (I think my younger one still would if the older would go, but he doesn't go alone, and I'm not as fun I guess.)
I've been asking questions and showing interest in my older son's PC games. I've brought him food/snacks at the computer (I used to frown on eating at the computer), I've supported his interests by buying him games, his own server, and helping him upgrade our PC for gaming. Maybe I've made it too enticing? I can't really play with him (only 1 computer), but I play Xbox Minecraft with my younger son often. I'm trying to build a trusting, supportive relationship. I would just really like him to spend at least a little bit of time on an activity that is not on the computer. Is that unreasonable of me?
A few things that I know exacerbate this issue for me -
I'm the type of person that has to get out of the house daily or I go stir crazy. Even just to the grocery store or somewhere. I've been leaving my boys home alone together for all of my shopping and errands as they do not want to come (and I stopped forcing them to 6 months ago).
My parents have always been supportive of our homeschooling, but lately my mother has asked me if we have done any schooling lately or if older son has read a book or anything recently. (We live close and spend a lot of time together.) She is understanding of our relaxed approach to homeschooling, but I have a hard time confidently defending myself when he has done nothing but computer games recently. (His computer activity does involve a lot of reading and writing, so I am not so much concerned about that. I am more concerned about the lack of physical activity and the body/eye strain of 12 consecutive hours in front of the computer.)
The weather has been cold and miserable here in the Northeast USA lately, which makes it not so enjoyable to spend time outside. We probably all have cabin fever.
I would love any advice to help me feel better about our situation or any tips on improving our life.
Thanks,
Erin
semajrak@...
<<He also hates art projects.>>
Hate is a pretty strong word. Maybe he's not interested in certain art projects. Maybe he resents the way art is presented to him. Maybe he does hate art projects. I feel like that's a little sad if true though.
Hate is a pretty strong word. Maybe he's not interested in certain art projects. Maybe he resents the way art is presented to him. Maybe he does hate art projects. I feel like that's a little sad if true though.
The idea of what defines art opened wide for me when I really began to embrace unschooling. I'm an artist. When we started unschooling Ethan, I thought art looked like it had been presented to me in school. Painting, drawing, sculpting, fashion, design--neatly packed subjects with well defined conditions. I presented art to Ethan this way. He found that limiting and boring. Now I better understand why. I didn't then. I remember feeling sad because I believed he didn't like art. But really he was rejecting the way I was presenting art. Not art. What I didn't realize was that he understood art more than I did, because for him it was bigger than the boxes I wanted to put it in. Art held more potential than that, and he knew it. I didn't.
Just the other day Ethan and I were planning to play on our game of "Don't Starve Together." We had been playing on the same game for a couple days, and I was talking about building a house when we resumed. Earlier in the day I had been talking about when we move, reflecting on making myself a place in our new apartment to make art. Connecting what I had talked about earlier with what we were planning in that moment, Ethan said to me "Well, if you make a house in Don't Starve...that's art!" And he was right! I didn't have to wait to move to make a place for myself to make art. I could do it anywhere, any way, with anything I chose to use my creative skills and imagination on. Looking at it that way is so rich and exciting—so much more about making the most of every moment in ways that can be boundless and full of the essence of the things we love to do.
He still understands better than I do that there are truly no clear borders in subjects. That goes for art, for math, for history, for science, for all of it. He gets it without having to think about it. I love that he understands that better than me. It means I haven't limited him too much. I feel pretty good about that.
Karen James
Sandra@...
-=- I can't stay interested in their games for as long as they do and have felt that fully supporting their interests has squandered my own.-=-
Apparently Erin doesn't care what I recommend about her continuing to post.
Anyone who, even on the same day people are suggesting she be more positive and read links that could help her be closer to and more supportive of her children (at a deep, not surface level) chooses to write that supporting her children is squandering her own interests (time, life) is, I think, looking more for a reason NOT to unschool than for help to unschool.
Don't squander your life doing something you don't understand and don't really want to learn more about. It's a waste of a life, and your kids might be happier in school.
Anyone who IS going to unschool should do it fully and wholeheartedly.
Sandra
kirkpatrick clare
" I will focus on activities like that and try to be content staying home."
Well you won't succeed. Don't try to be content staying home. Find ways to be joyful about staying home. Home is awesome! It's warm, it's dry, it's full of food and love and tv programmes to watch and books to read and sofas to snuggle on and beds to nap in.
"I think part of my problem is that we don't know any other local unschoolers. The only people I could ask to watch the kids are my parents or our school-at-home friends. All of whom would question the all day gaming. That makes me sort of feel alone in this."
Something I found held me back loads when I was first learning about unschooling was that I would keep coming back with 'yes, but' all the time. Constantly citing reasons why something won't work will not help you one bit in moving forwards with unschooling. As soon as you hear yourself begin to say 'yes, but', stop yourself and, instead, think 'maybe...' and let the ideas filter in, give them time. Soon they'll begin to turn into ideas that *will* work in your life.
"I'll still hold out hope that when it finally warms up here they will be more interested in venturing out again. The snow has started melting a little bit!"
And you absolutely need to let go of this! Why would you want them to want to give up something they love so much? I knew a family where the dad wanted the children to go to bed early and wake early. On asking him to really dig deep into why that was, it turned out he didn't want them to 'become nocturnal' because he didn't want to miss seeing them during the day. All very lovely but it was about *him* not about the children. This is about what *you* want, not what your children want. If you want to unschool, you'll be focusing on helping them do what they want, not constantly hoping they'll magically want to do what you want. Think creatively. Don't respond with reasons why you can't do this or that. Just believe that there is an answer and that it's a joyful one for you *and* for your children and an answer will come to you. So long as you think you're stuck or trapped, you will be.
Clare
On 23 March 2015 at 19:37, Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:-=- I can't stay interested in their games for as long as they do and have felt that fully supporting their interests has squandered my own.-=-
Apparently Erin doesn't care what I recommend about her continuing to post.Anyone who, even on the same day people are suggesting she be more positive and read links that could help her be closer to and more supportive of her children (at a deep, not surface level) chooses to write that supporting her children is squandering her own interests (time, life) is, I think, looking more for a reason NOT to unschool than for help to unschool.Don't squander your life doing something you don't understand and don't really want to learn more about. It's a waste of a life, and your kids might be happier in school.Anyone who IS going to unschool should do it fully and wholeheartedly.Sandra
K Pennell
He says "I hate art projects". Really, what he means is he dislikes drawing, painting and sculpting. He enjoys making tie dye, models, some sewing projects. I never realized it, but he (and I) haven't really thought of those as art projects. They are just projects.
And for a while, he used clay, Legos and paint to make lots of DC Comics characters. He researched how to do it on You Tube. It was pretty cool. I thought of that as art, but he just called it Legos.
From: "semajrak@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, March 23, 2015 12:39 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: lacking confidence and inspiration
<<He also hates art projects.>>
Hate is a pretty strong word. Maybe he's not interested in certain art projects. Maybe he resents the way art is presented to him. Maybe he does hate art projects. I feel like that's a little sad if true though.
The idea of what defines art opened wide for me when I really began to embrace unschooling. I'm an artist. When we started unschooling Ethan, I thought art looked like it had been presented to me in school. Painting, drawing, sculpting, fashion, design--neatly packed subjects with well defined conditions. I presented art to Ethan this way. He found that limiting and boring. Now I better understand why. I didn't then. I remember feeling sad because I believed he didn't like art. But really he was rejecting the way I was presenting art. Not art. What I didn't realize was that he understood art more than I did, because for him it was bigger than the boxes I wanted to put it in. Art held more potential than that, and he knew it. I didn't.
Just the other day Ethan and I were planning to play on our game of "Don't Starve Together." We had been playing on the same game for a couple days, and I was talking about building a house when we resumed. Earlier in the day I had been talking about when we move, reflecting on making myself a place in our new apartment to make art. Connecting what I had talked about earlier with what we were planning in that moment, Ethan said to me "Well, if you make a house in Don't Starve...that's art!" And he was right! I didn't have to wait to move to make a place for myself to make art. I could do it anywhere, any way, with anything I chose to use my creative skills and imagination on. Looking at it that way is so rich and exciting—so much more about making the most of every moment in ways that can be boundless and full of the essence of the things we love to do.
He still understands better than I do that there are truly no clear borders in subjects. That goes for art, for math, for history, for science, for all of it. He gets it without having to think about it. I love that he understands that better than me. It means I haven't limited him too much. I feel pretty good about that.
Karen James
jsearthmom@...
There is a big difference between embracing what your children love and tolerating it.
As you described the activities of your twelve year old, I could imagine the hours of fun and challenge in the new games. A new game means excitement and challenge and focus. And rebuilding his computer- what a great project!
Find joy in your children's joy. Be part of it. Build a new computer with your son so you can play too.
Feel the difference between putting up with something (and waiting - patiently or not- for it to end) and what it might feel like to be excited with your kids for what they are enjoying today.
If you need to get out, go with friends in the evening for social time of your own. Or go for a walk or bike ride when another parent is home, if the kids don't want to go.
Karen
Sandra Dodd
Two things:
#1
The original poster (Erin) wrote and explained that she had intended to address a poster directly (after I asked her not to
Please don't do that here. People join this discussion to discuss in a group. Side conversations might not be welcome. It's not a social group, it's a discussion of ideas.
#2 a post arrived and I will put the text of it below, but it was the first post by someone who joined last month, and I don't want her to feel attacked. I do want to take the ideas out into the light of unschooling.
______________
I don't see any reason that you CAN'T limit their time on the computer or game playing. Balance is a good thing. Moderation is a good thing. Physical activity is a good thing. Sometimes we need to help someone see that. You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes. You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day. So what if they're bored without a controller in their hand. They'll figure out something else to do. Boredom can be a good thing.
Don't beg or bribe. Find something that might interest them and take them to it. Make it a date. While you want to encourage their interests, their interests don't trump all. Just like YOUR interests don't trump all.
Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up. We ALL live by rules that we don't like.
______________end of quote__________________
"We ALL live by rules that we don't like."
Like what?
(If the person who wrote that responds, I can lift just the response without the name—other moderators, please don't let it through with the name.)
Sandra
#1
The original poster (Erin) wrote and explained that she had intended to address a poster directly (after I asked her not to
Please don't do that here. People join this discussion to discuss in a group. Side conversations might not be welcome. It's not a social group, it's a discussion of ideas.
#2 a post arrived and I will put the text of it below, but it was the first post by someone who joined last month, and I don't want her to feel attacked. I do want to take the ideas out into the light of unschooling.
______________
I don't see any reason that you CAN'T limit their time on the computer or game playing. Balance is a good thing. Moderation is a good thing. Physical activity is a good thing. Sometimes we need to help someone see that. You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes. You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day. So what if they're bored without a controller in their hand. They'll figure out something else to do. Boredom can be a good thing.
Don't beg or bribe. Find something that might interest them and take them to it. Make it a date. While you want to encourage their interests, their interests don't trump all. Just like YOUR interests don't trump all.
Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up. We ALL live by rules that we don't like.
______________end of quote__________________
"We ALL live by rules that we don't like."
Like what?
(If the person who wrote that responds, I can lift just the response without the name—other moderators, please don't let it through with the name.)
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
Someone I have anonymized wrote:
I don't see any reason that you CAN'T limit their time on the computer or game playing. Balance is a good thing. Moderation is a good thing. Physical activity is a good thing. Sometimes we need to help someone see that. You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes. You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day. So what if they're bored without a controller in their hand. They'll figure out something else to do. Boredom can be a good thing.
Don't beg or bribe. Find something that might interest them and take them to it. Make it a date. While you want to encourage their interests, their interests don't trump all. Just like YOUR interests don't trump all.
Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up. We ALL live by rules that we don't like.
+++++++++++++++++
Nothing in those three paragraphs looks anything like unschooling to me.
Everything in that writing looks like default, critical, belittling "kids are kids, parents know everything" traditional parenting, and this forum is not a place to make recommendations like that. I have some links that will help, assuming the author of those words came here to learn more about unschooling. I've been collecting ideas about these things for a lifetime now—most of mine, but all of Kirby Dodd's, who will be 29 in a few months. Others have, similarly, for the lifetime of a now-grown child, and a lot of the best writings of years of careful examination, discussion, and actual daily use are collected and linked here regularly.
-=-I don't see any reason that you CAN'T limit their time on the computer or game playing.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
http://sandradodd.com/control
-=- Balance is a good thing.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/balance
-=-Moderation is a good thing. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/moderation
-=-Physical activity is a good thing. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/physicality
-=-Sometimes we need to help someone see that.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/teaching (about the difference between teaching and learning—what you "help them see" might not be what they learn from your actions)
-=-You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes. You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day. -=-
"Every reason"? Not only is "you have every reason to..." an idiom and not the authors actual words, the implication is that EVERYTHING is a danger, and OF COURSE one should panic.
http://sandradodd.com/phrases
Worrying about the health of someone else's eyes won't help. Every theory in my lifetime (I'm 61) about what will "ruin your eyes" has been proven false.
And the hypocrisy of someone using a computer to recommend limiting someone else's access to or use of a computer amuses me every time.
-=-So what if they're bored without a controller in their hand. They'll figure out something else to do. Boredom can be a good thing. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/boredom
http://sandradodd.com/BoredNoMore
-=-Don't beg or bribe.-=-
I agree with not begging. Don't whine. But for something to be presented as alluring and exciting, the person "selling" it needs to honestly want to do it, because it's awesome. Not be recommending it because of some checklist/curriculum. And "bribe" is as misused as "consequences" by controlling parents.
http://sandradodd.com/bribery
-=- Find something that might interest them and take them to it. Make it a date.-=-
Sounds like a crap date.
Treat your children as you would treat an adult friend, or your partner/husband/wife.
I will have been married 31 years next Tuesday. If my husband found something that might interest me and said "This is a date" and TOOK me to it, I would NOT be happy. The lack of choice on my part would most likely negate my potential interest in the activity or destination. But if he described it in an appealing way, I might really want to go with him and have a good time.
I have friends who know me well, but if one said "Get in the car, I'm going to take you to something that might interest you," I would want to know what, and I might not want to go, and the "get in the car" part might already have damaged the friendship.
-=- While you want to encourage their interests, their interests don't trump all. Just like YOUR interests don't trump all. -=-
This is both mean and wimpy.
I didn't "want to" encourage my children's interests. I DID encourage their interests.
http://sandradodd.com/partners/child
"Trump" is a term from a type of cardgame where there can be sudden winners and there are always losers. To think of whose interests will win and whose will lose is antagonistic, and not peaceful.
http://sandradodd.com/peace
-=-Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up. We ALL live by rules that we don't like.-=-
Ah. This is traditional "Keep it up until you break his will" advice.
Part of the design of schools is to train children to accept teachers they don't like because they might have bosses they don't like someday, and to get along with the other children, so they can learn to get along with co-workers someday. That's one aspect of spirit-breaking that unschooling should not adopt or value. We have relatives who are actually related; we can practice tolerance on them. But for a mother to come here and recommend that the others do things their children don't like, and the mom should persevere.... that's not okay with me, and it's my yahoogroup, so I get to say what's okay here.
Sandra
I don't see any reason that you CAN'T limit their time on the computer or game playing. Balance is a good thing. Moderation is a good thing. Physical activity is a good thing. Sometimes we need to help someone see that. You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes. You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day. So what if they're bored without a controller in their hand. They'll figure out something else to do. Boredom can be a good thing.
Don't beg or bribe. Find something that might interest them and take them to it. Make it a date. While you want to encourage their interests, their interests don't trump all. Just like YOUR interests don't trump all.
Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up. We ALL live by rules that we don't like.
+++++++++++++++++
Nothing in those three paragraphs looks anything like unschooling to me.
Everything in that writing looks like default, critical, belittling "kids are kids, parents know everything" traditional parenting, and this forum is not a place to make recommendations like that. I have some links that will help, assuming the author of those words came here to learn more about unschooling. I've been collecting ideas about these things for a lifetime now—most of mine, but all of Kirby Dodd's, who will be 29 in a few months. Others have, similarly, for the lifetime of a now-grown child, and a lot of the best writings of years of careful examination, discussion, and actual daily use are collected and linked here regularly.
-=-I don't see any reason that you CAN'T limit their time on the computer or game playing.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
http://sandradodd.com/control
-=- Balance is a good thing.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/balance
-=-Moderation is a good thing. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/moderation
-=-Physical activity is a good thing. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/physicality
-=-Sometimes we need to help someone see that.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/teaching (about the difference between teaching and learning—what you "help them see" might not be what they learn from your actions)
-=-You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes. You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day. -=-
"Every reason"? Not only is "you have every reason to..." an idiom and not the authors actual words, the implication is that EVERYTHING is a danger, and OF COURSE one should panic.
http://sandradodd.com/phrases
Worrying about the health of someone else's eyes won't help. Every theory in my lifetime (I'm 61) about what will "ruin your eyes" has been proven false.
And the hypocrisy of someone using a computer to recommend limiting someone else's access to or use of a computer amuses me every time.
-=-So what if they're bored without a controller in their hand. They'll figure out something else to do. Boredom can be a good thing. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/boredom
http://sandradodd.com/BoredNoMore
-=-Don't beg or bribe.-=-
I agree with not begging. Don't whine. But for something to be presented as alluring and exciting, the person "selling" it needs to honestly want to do it, because it's awesome. Not be recommending it because of some checklist/curriculum. And "bribe" is as misused as "consequences" by controlling parents.
http://sandradodd.com/bribery
-=- Find something that might interest them and take them to it. Make it a date.-=-
Sounds like a crap date.
Treat your children as you would treat an adult friend, or your partner/husband/wife.
I will have been married 31 years next Tuesday. If my husband found something that might interest me and said "This is a date" and TOOK me to it, I would NOT be happy. The lack of choice on my part would most likely negate my potential interest in the activity or destination. But if he described it in an appealing way, I might really want to go with him and have a good time.
I have friends who know me well, but if one said "Get in the car, I'm going to take you to something that might interest you," I would want to know what, and I might not want to go, and the "get in the car" part might already have damaged the friendship.
-=- While you want to encourage their interests, their interests don't trump all. Just like YOUR interests don't trump all. -=-
This is both mean and wimpy.
I didn't "want to" encourage my children's interests. I DID encourage their interests.
http://sandradodd.com/partners/child
"Trump" is a term from a type of cardgame where there can be sudden winners and there are always losers. To think of whose interests will win and whose will lose is antagonistic, and not peaceful.
http://sandradodd.com/peace
-=-Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up. We ALL live by rules that we don't like.-=-
Ah. This is traditional "Keep it up until you break his will" advice.
Part of the design of schools is to train children to accept teachers they don't like because they might have bosses they don't like someday, and to get along with the other children, so they can learn to get along with co-workers someday. That's one aspect of spirit-breaking that unschooling should not adopt or value. We have relatives who are actually related; we can practice tolerance on them. But for a mother to come here and recommend that the others do things their children don't like, and the mom should persevere.... that's not okay with me, and it's my yahoogroup, so I get to say what's okay here.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-So what if they're bored-=-
-=-Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up.-=-
Children whose parents feel that way might be better off in school.
Without the intent to make life rich and sparkly, why even look in the direction of unschooling?
Don't do ANYTHING that induces boredom. Don't glorify boredom. Don't belittle children with "so what" about ANYTHING.
Don't do ANYthing you know they won't like, and don't continue to do the thing they don't like until they give up and go limp and you "win."
"So what" and "of course they won't like it" remind me of many aspects of my own childhood that was permeated with my mom's bad temper, alcoholism, spankings, arbitrary rules and conditions, shaming, neglect and bullshit. It is possible to live without ANY of that.
It is not good, for unschooling, to want, or keep, or use ANY of it.
Sandra
-=-Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up.-=-
Children whose parents feel that way might be better off in school.
Without the intent to make life rich and sparkly, why even look in the direction of unschooling?
Don't do ANYTHING that induces boredom. Don't glorify boredom. Don't belittle children with "so what" about ANYTHING.
Don't do ANYthing you know they won't like, and don't continue to do the thing they don't like until they give up and go limp and you "win."
"So what" and "of course they won't like it" remind me of many aspects of my own childhood that was permeated with my mom's bad temper, alcoholism, spankings, arbitrary rules and conditions, shaming, neglect and bullshit. It is possible to live without ANY of that.
It is not good, for unschooling, to want, or keep, or use ANY of it.
Sandra
Joyce Fetteroll
> I don't see any reason that you CAN'T limit their time on theIf the goal is to support a child discovering what works for him rather than having him memorize the "right" answers, then there's huge reasons not to.
> computer or game playing.
It blocks the child from figuring out what he values. It imposes what Mom values.
It sends a message that the "This feels right," and "This feels wrong," voices he tests out can't to be trusted. It's Mom and other experts who know what is best for him.
Being deprived of what you love grows a greater desire for it.
It sends a message that might makes right. That the way to get your way is to be more powerful and impose it on someone.
> Balance is a good thing. Moderation is a good thing.There isn't a universal measure of balance or moderation.
Should balance and moderation apply to love? To laughter? To joy?
For unschooling parents variety and choice is what they need to offer. If they get to understand their inner voice, they will be able to find what works for them no matter how life changes. It isn't balance they need. It's the ability to choose what feels right and stop when things don't feel right.
That ability won't come by silencing their inner voice. It comes from letting them try out their ideas. It comes from sharing ideas for them to try.
> Sometimes we need to help someone see that.If you presume there's a universal balance based on what *you* feel is right, then I suppose that's true.
My husband is a triathlete. His idea of right involves several hours of working out. I prefer curling up with some good questions to answer and other kinds of writing. What I find right is a lot of computer time.
It would be dismissive to decide our own rights were right for everyone.
> You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes.Can you provide links to research? Not articles that pass on that fear. But actual research.
> You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day.Is he sitting longer than kids do in school?
Worry isn't helpful. Ideas are helpful. Dismissing a child's preferences shows kids that the way to solve problems is to be more powerful so you can impose your solution.
Asking what ideas unschoolers have found useful in helping gaming kids be more active is helpful.
Trampolines. Exercise balls to sit on. Having room so they can stand and move around while they play. Planning outings. Ask kids for ideas. Being aware of good stopping points and offering activities that are even better are a few ideas.
> So what if they're bored without a controller in their hand.So what if my husband is bored without a bike to ride, or a trail to run on? He'll figure out something else to do.
> They'll figure out something else to do. Boredom can be a good thing.
How cold. I don't ever want to be so dismissive of his feelings. I don't ever want to treat him in a way that says what he loves is of no importance to me. It would damage our relationship.
> Of course they won't like it at first, but don't give up.I don't want my husband so dismissive of my feelings that he treats me that way.
I didn't want to show Kat that that was an okay way to treat other people.
> We ALL live by rules that we don't like.Such as? What rules do you not like that you don't also see a purpose in?
Limiting a child's time is imposing a rule that to them would make no sense. Is it your goal that kids obey rules just because? Or that they make thoughtful choices?
Joyce
Sandra Dodd
Leah Rose has pointed out that I don't HAVE a page called /moderation which makes me think I SHOULD have, since I'm guessing that URL. :-)
I was hoping to link to this quote, by Leah Rose.
_________
I've been thinking about that saying "All things in moderation." Next time someone says it to me, I think I might just ask them: "Do you mean we should have joy in moderation? Should we have peace in moderation? Kindness in moderation? Patience in moderation? Forgiveness? Compassion? Humility?"
Honestly, I used to think it sounded like a very wise and balanced philosophy. Now, the more I think about it the less sense it makes.
—Leah Rose
____________
It's here:
http://sandradodd.com/focus
There's something by Colleen Prieto here:
http://sandradodd.com/abundance/
Sandra
I was hoping to link to this quote, by Leah Rose.
_________
I've been thinking about that saying "All things in moderation." Next time someone says it to me, I think I might just ask them: "Do you mean we should have joy in moderation? Should we have peace in moderation? Kindness in moderation? Patience in moderation? Forgiveness? Compassion? Humility?"
Honestly, I used to think it sounded like a very wise and balanced philosophy. Now, the more I think about it the less sense it makes.
—Leah Rose
____________
It's here:
http://sandradodd.com/focus
There's something by Colleen Prieto here:
http://sandradodd.com/abundance/
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
Now there is a page on moderation:
http://sandradodd.com/moderation
http://sandradodd.com/moderation
kirkpatrick clare
"I don't see any reason that you CAN'T limit their time on the computer or game playing."
I see lots of reasons for NOT limiting my kids' time on the computer or game playing or watching tv or knitting or reading or playing with barbies or playdough or baking or anything. Those reasons are that where joy is, you will find learning. Where joy is, you will find flow. These are all things we want to *help* our children do *if* that is what they want because we want them to learn. I could, if I wanted to, name many, many things that my children would *not* be doing if I had limited their time doing the things they love, including being on the computer and gaming.
"You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes. You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day."
I have 'every reason' to worry about them being in a car accident, I still take them out in cars. I have 'every reason' to worry about them catching some nasty illness, I still take them to play with their friends. If my child ran around all day, I might decide to worry about them pulling a muscle or breaking a bone. If they played outside all day I might worry that they'd never learn how to use computers - the very tools they're going to really need to understand to be able to thrive in the world they're growing up into. If they read books all day I might worry that they'll never learn the team-building, strategising, planning skills they could learn so easily from gaming. If I limited everything they did all day long, I might worry that they're never going to learn how to manage their own time; that they'll never have the chance to develop a skill if that's what they want to do; that they'll be angry with me and that holes will form in our relationship and that damage could lead to future mental health problems...
I always find it helpful to really pick apart my fears and compare them to other fears I could have and I usually come to the conclusion that I really should just chill out about it all and look for joy, not fear. Fear just gets in the way of everything. And fear itself is bad for you anyway -worrying about this or that all the time just means you have some nasty, harmful hormones floating round your body. You can find reasons to worry about everything but all those things will get in your way.
Clare
I see lots of reasons for NOT limiting my kids' time on the computer or game playing or watching tv or knitting or reading or playing with barbies or playdough or baking or anything. Those reasons are that where joy is, you will find learning. Where joy is, you will find flow. These are all things we want to *help* our children do *if* that is what they want because we want them to learn. I could, if I wanted to, name many, many things that my children would *not* be doing if I had limited their time doing the things they love, including being on the computer and gaming.
"You have every reason to worry about the health of their eyes. You also have every reason to worry about your child sitting all day."
I have 'every reason' to worry about them being in a car accident, I still take them out in cars. I have 'every reason' to worry about them catching some nasty illness, I still take them to play with their friends. If my child ran around all day, I might decide to worry about them pulling a muscle or breaking a bone. If they played outside all day I might worry that they'd never learn how to use computers - the very tools they're going to really need to understand to be able to thrive in the world they're growing up into. If they read books all day I might worry that they'll never learn the team-building, strategising, planning skills they could learn so easily from gaming. If I limited everything they did all day long, I might worry that they're never going to learn how to manage their own time; that they'll never have the chance to develop a skill if that's what they want to do; that they'll be angry with me and that holes will form in our relationship and that damage could lead to future mental health problems...
I always find it helpful to really pick apart my fears and compare them to other fears I could have and I usually come to the conclusion that I really should just chill out about it all and look for joy, not fear. Fear just gets in the way of everything. And fear itself is bad for you anyway -worrying about this or that all the time just means you have some nasty, harmful hormones floating round your body. You can find reasons to worry about everything but all those things will get in your way.
Clare
On 25 March 2015 at 18:32, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:Now there is a page on moderation:
http://sandradodd.com/moderation
Sandra Dodd
Clare wrote much wonderfulness!!
This is a big, important thing for unschooling success:
-=-I always find it helpful to really pick apart my fears and compare them to other fears I could have and I usually come to the conclusion that I really should just chill out about it all and look for joy, not fear. Fear just gets in the way of everything. And fear itself is bad for you anyway -worrying about this or that all the time just means you have some nasty, harmful hormones floating round your body. You can find reasons to worry about everything but all those things will get in your way.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
In this podcast (one of Amy Child's wonderfully edited short exciting unschooling topics) I talked about people who are critical and what it's causing them to miss:
http://unschoolingsupport.com/laughter/
When making choices, choose toward joy.
Sandra
This is a big, important thing for unschooling success:
-=-I always find it helpful to really pick apart my fears and compare them to other fears I could have and I usually come to the conclusion that I really should just chill out about it all and look for joy, not fear. Fear just gets in the way of everything. And fear itself is bad for you anyway -worrying about this or that all the time just means you have some nasty, harmful hormones floating round your body. You can find reasons to worry about everything but all those things will get in your way.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
In this podcast (one of Amy Child's wonderfully edited short exciting unschooling topics) I talked about people who are critical and what it's causing them to miss:
http://unschoolingsupport.com/laughter/
When making choices, choose toward joy.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
i guess when the anonymom wrote that she saw no problem with limits, I could have just used this link (which now has a quote from Clare added! :-) )
http://sandradodd.com/limits/
I have pages I forget about.
And then (apparently) I envision pages that don't exist. :-)
Sandra
http://sandradodd.com/limits/
I have pages I forget about.
And then (apparently) I envision pages that don't exist. :-)
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
I've taken half of Clare Kirkpatrick's post and put it here:
http://sandradodd.com/fears.html
And there's another page on problems with fear:
http://sandradodd.com/fear
They link back and forth. Moms can't wait too long to find some ways to gain confidence.
Sandra
http://sandradodd.com/fears.html
And there's another page on problems with fear:
http://sandradodd.com/fear
They link back and forth. Moms can't wait too long to find some ways to gain confidence.
Sandra