Why Rush People to GET IT? —Why can't they just take their time and come to unschooling gradually?

We discover new things all the time, and haven't done anything schooly in a long time. They are changing so quickly, and all in a positive way. It's weird to see the changes in them, since they haven't been in public school. I can honestly say that I wish I had pulled them out sooner, but I can't change that now. I have only the future to look forward to, and with my kids I know it will be exciting.

Vanessa

I just wish these lists and you had been around when my I had my first baby.

I am awakened! I thought that my awakening had completely already happened. I WAS this Radical Unschooling mom. Now I know that I was in my dark space (Thanks Mary Gold – Lions & Tigers & Teens, Oh My!) and that I had emerged from being a “school at home mom” years ago, but yet I have just been sitting strengthening my wings. I have so many places to fly and so many journeys to yet take. . . I am saddened. I know, that is a funny one. I am saddened that I did not get it long ago. I saw all these amazing kids and teens and wish that Sorscha had what she now has years ago. I know that I cannot go back and change it, but I am dam sure that her world will never be what it was. Crystal, on her blog full text here: http://daikinicrossroads.blogspot.com/2006/09/live-learn-conference-2006.html

I do wish I had known about unschooling from the start.

Unfortunately, I came to it in the middle of raising my children. We have four grown that went through public school, and I SO wish I would have seen the light much sooner. I never realized the resources available to me.

I have learned so much from you and the unschooling list and feel so confident in living life as unschoolers. I "get it". I only wish I had unschooled years ago. I began unschooling my daughter (8 yr old) only 3 months and 8 days ago, and she has changed so much, she has gone from insecure, sullen, angry, to the child I used to have, she loves to learn, and we really have fun again. I wish I had done this earlier, but she didn't want to!! We are still deschooling (the whole family), but we are on the right track. Welcome to the list and the journey!!! It is amazing.

from her presentation "Out of School and Into the Real World" (available for purchase here)

I am green with envy of all the rest of ya’ll who figured this all out really early.

I wish I’d found I’d found the family bed,
I wish I’d discovered peaceful parenting,
I wish I’d not sent my kid…

We waited ‘til Cameron was twelve.

Then many stories of how they came to unschooling, and of its wonderful effects on their lives.

Nobody here is going to tell you “I wish I’d found unschooling later."
I could just kick myself for not pursuing it any earlier.
Kelly Lovejoy

I do want to thank you for your posts on the group and your web site writings as they have really helped our family on our journey (that is still progressing). The only regret I have is we didn't find this path earlier in our life, but better late than never!

I endured 8 years of English boarding school. My older daughter aged 19 was in school for 2 years, tried 2 alternative schools and then was home educated like school at home but a bit more relaxed.

Only after my younger daughter was born did we move to an eclectic style of home education and she did attend (much to my regret) a year of nursery.

It's only in the last couple of years that we have moved to unschooling, it's been a very long journey. I have found mysefl talking to my older daughter a lot about how I feel and have told her I regret not knowing about unschooling fully when I was bring her up.

For some reason most of my friends seem to think that if I truly cared about my kids then I would put them in school and in every extra-curricular activity. They can't fathom what my kids do all day as being learning. They simply think I am wasting their lives away and will regret it later.

My regrets are that I didn't unschool them in all areas of their lives from the beginning. I hate seeing others do what I have done in the past. I feel like I can give them insight if I am painfully honest with the harm I inflicted on my own kids.

Even if it's only one day of regret...

We've been unschooling for two years now and our house has become a more peaceful and a happier place to be. I've learned to trust my children and I am a better parent and a better thinker.

In the beginning of our homeschooling I bought a curriculum and our experiment with school at home lasted about day when I realized it was completely offensive to my older daughter (and to me!) Sarah (7 years now) wanted nothing to do with school at home but we did enjoy reading some of the books and using up the stuff that came with it. Otherwise it was an expensive ($500) lesson on stuff we don't need. Money we now spend on trips and museums and stuff the kids want or are interested in.

Anyway, this ... is to say how exciting life is when you trust your children and support them—and to say thank you to the experienced unschoolers who post here. I've learned so much but I do get frustrated with newbies who post and then seem to fight every bit of wisdom that is so graciously given.

Maggioncalda... (Olivia's mom)

Hi Sandra. . . . I have been following you. . . since my daughter was 3. Ohhh, how I wished I could have handled your advice to others on lists at that time. I was not ready, unfortunately for my child. Now my daughter is 7 and for the past year we have been unschooling. Our new focus is Radical Unschooling. We are definitely getting there. Thank you for all you do for this community and our children. My husband and I are very excited to receive your book and are looking forward to the many more you write.

I'm happy I found unschooling, but I wish I would have found it many, many years ago.The damage to my oldest can't be undone, but hopefully he will be better now, and his kids will be much better for it. (He said if he ever has kids he would love to unschool them.)

[To someone who asked if anyone on a forum had homeschooled and then unschooled:]

I am not sure what you're looking for as far as before and after, but: I wish I had known about unschooling from the start, and never done anything else.

The net effect is (with unschooling), we're all happier. We're less stressed. We have our own schedule - or lack of schedule - not one imposed on us by school, or even homeschooling. The kids' relationship with their dad is better. MY relationship with their dad is better. *grin*

I have so many regrets.

My head knows that I did what I thought was best at the time and that if I had known better I would have done better (and whole-life unschooling is THE best), but my heart still feels so bad.

A friend suggested I needed to grieve for those lost opportunities.

So now, each time I remember something I did, I reflect on it and think about what I would do differently and I cry about it. I cry it all out as long as I need to. I do it often when I read here or on the lists.

It’s been better for me since I’ve allowed myself to do that.

I guess I finally get what people mean when they say they found Jesus and were saved. That 's how I'm feeling about unschooling.

I am questioning so many of the old beliefs I carry that block joy.

I feel overwhelmed with grief when I think of the ten years I have been parenting my son from a place of judgment. I think that is a normal reaction because it is a loss. I feel inspired to parent from a place of unconditional love and acceptance (which I actually thought I was doing before). I could cry about the 10 years wasted or say "Thank God he's just turning 10" ! There is still time!

I feel grateful to all of you who contribute and share and especially Sandra Dodd whose writings have changed my life.

On the Always Learning list in June, 2007, a mom came back after ten years and reported on changes in her unschooling life: Saying Yes (again)

"If Only I'd Started Sooner..." a collection of wishes and regrets

Change *** Deschooling *** Changing Points of View
Stages of Unschooling *** Seeing Unschooling
Choice vs. "Have To" *** Principles vs. Rules *** Building an Unschooling Nest

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