Robyn expanded on that in October, 2012:

Deschooling works differently for adults than for kids. For kids, it is an automatic process once school and schooly pressures (including from parents) are removed, and they are allowed and supported to make their own choices about how they will spend their time and discover or rediscover their interests. However for parents it is more active and intentional - directing energy to deschooling, not just being out of the school building. It means examining your own choices and reactions, asking

• "Why did I want to say no to that just then?"
• "Why does this [kid's activity or interest] make me feel uncomfortable?"
• "What do I fear? Where is it coming from?"
• "Whose mental tapes are those running in my head?"
• "Why do I feel the urge to control my child's experience of thus-and-such today?"

It means consciously examining what happened emotionally in our school years.

My daughter has no deschooling to do, since she never went to school. But I am a recovering valedictorian.I had some unhelpful ideas because of what and how I was rewarded at school. It was not until unschooling that I realized how extremely stressful my school years were, and how extremely focused on external validation I was/am. My husband and I often talk over different insights we have gained as our process unfolds. Discussions on Always Learning often help a lot - even just reading there without posting. Very useful for pinning down the irrational basis of fears.

this article by Sandra Dodd appeared in the September/October 2002 issue of Home Education Magazine article in French Links to others' deschooling articles follow.

Once upon a time a confident and experienced scholar went to the best Zen teacher he knew, to apply to be his student. The master offered tea, and he held out his cup. While the student recited his knowledge and cataloged his accomplishments to date, the master poured slowly. The bragging continued, and the pouring continued, until the student was getting a lapful of tea, and said, “My cup is full!” The master smiled and said, “Yes, it is. And until you empty yourself of what you think you know, you won’t be able to learn.”

Weird Al says it a different way in “Everything You Know is Wrong,” and Christians say “You must surrender yourself.” Before that Jesus said, “Unless you become as a little child…”

What it means in homeschooling terms is that as long as you think you can control and add to what you already know, it will be hard to come to unschooling. The more quickly you empty your cup and open yourself to new ideas uncritically, the sooner you will see natural learning blossom.

So much for philosophy and buildup. How can this be done? Can it work for former teachers? What about engineers who are sure their children need lots of math in an organized fashion? What about moms who love schedules and organization?

Deschooling is needed much more by parents than by children. I still have subconscious school-stuff to slough off; it surfaces when I least expect it and I wrestle it, encapsulate it, and try to forget it.

Here’s a way to schedule some deschooling and avoid the time-wasting stress of trying to build unschooling out of school-parts.

Quick Installation for Unschooling: Just stop.

Stop thinking schoolishly. Stop acting teacherishly. Stop talking about learning as though it’s separate from life.

Look directly at your child. Practice watching your child without expectations. Try to see what he is really doing, rather than seeing what he’s NOT doing. If you hold the template of “learning” up and squint through that, it will be harder for you to see clearly. Just look.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

When you have completed some or most of the exercises above and you no longer tense up at the thought of whether your child could possibly get into college, and when you can hear “math worksheets” without thinking “Maybe we should get some of THOSE!” you can consider yourself a graduate of Sandra Dodd’s Advanced School of Deschooling.

Congratulations! Below is your combination final project and field trip: Rent some movies and watch with your kids. Here’s my recommended list, but let personal preference rule. You might have better ideas:

Spartacus
El Cid
Ben Hur
The King and I
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
          (maybe send little kids for popcorn during Castle Anthrax)
Star Wars (all)
Karate Kid (all three in marathon can be good!)
Hamlet (I like the one with Mel Gibson)
Romeo and Juliet (Zeffirelli’s, from the late 60’s)
Singing in the Rain
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
The Music Man
Last Action Hero
Galaxy Quest
The Miracle Worker
Fly Away Home
Paper Moon (Holly’s recommendation)

Discuss as little or as much as the kids seem interested in discussing. By this point you’ll be past the need to wonder whether there’s anything worth learning in those movies, and you’ll see your kids learning and laughing and being glad you’re there.

Have fun learning for the rest of your life!

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Sandra Dodd, former mother of toddlers, has had three large children sneak up on her over the past ten years. They just keep hanging around the house and learning things. Read more at SandraDodd.com/unschooling anytime.

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2013 UPDATE NOTE: Pam Laricchia wrote a great companion piece for Ferris Bueller's Day off: Living Joyfully Newsletter Issue 8

Click here to read comments on this page or ensuing discussions.

DESCHOOLING by other authors Deschooling by Pattie Donahue-Krueger Excellent article which originally appeared in F.U.N. News in 1998 What is Deschooling?, on LivingJoyfully.ca, one of the most attractive websites ever (besides being full of unschooling ideas) Deschooling ideas from Joyce Fetteroll: Look for the delight in life and it will infect your kids "How do I stop wanting to see structured learning?" "My kids want to go back to the structured learning we used to do." Unschooling FAQ, by Amy Bell Short. I liked it even before I saw she quotes me! Unschooling and deschooling, and changes..., by Sandy Lubert Deschooling, Unschooling and Natural Learning, by Beverley Paine "Deschooling specifically refers to that period of adjustment experienced by children removed from school settings. It also can include the process of deschooling parents; that is, the unlearning of concepts and beliefs about the nature and purpose of education. School based methods of instruction and thinking rarely translate directly into the homeschool, and where they are tried, often parents run into the same kinds of problems faced by teachers in schools! Children and parents need time to adjust to the new arrangement. Often this is best begun with a 'holiday' at home, a time to observe and record what naturally occurs in the child's life, and where additional resources are needed to introduce additional learning activities considered important and essential. It often takes many months, and sometimes even a year, for the process of deschooling to unfold. During this time it is a great idea to seek support from families who display a similar style of homeschooling to yourself. " [—Beverley Paine, 1999]

Related Articles by Sandra Dodd The best companion article for the one above is Disposable Checklists for Unschoolers. Also applicable for those trying to figure out how to create an unschooling home are Building an Unschooling Nest Your House as a Museum Bored No More Triviality: Textbooks for Unschoolers Related, though not such "how to": "The School in my Head" More Movie Recommendations Movies for Unschoolers

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Title by Holly Dodd