Someone with an adopted child who didn't seem to be making enough progress wrote:
I have let her know that she is safe and has a voice in our family.
Sylvia Woodman responded:
You saying it and her internalizing it are two different things. How are you letting her know? Through words?
I expanded a little:
Hugely true and important.

People (even people who want to become unschoolers) will write things like
“We’ve taught them...”
“I’ve always told him…”
“In our family we believe…”
“He knows that…”
and then they complain to us with exasperation that the child seems NOT to have learned, understood, heard or believed the “truth” or simple fact.

That’s a problem with the parent’s expectation and vision, more than with the child.

Unschooling takes a long time to learn. Rushing a child to understand something complicated while the parent isn’t even looking in the right direction to see unschooling is a problem that’s easily solved. Stop pressuring the child. Stop “communicating” the confusion. Quietly empty yourself of much of what you think you know. If it were working, there would’ve been no reason to ask us for help.

With a mind open to change, then, go here: Read a Little

Children need time to heal. Quiet time is probably better than constant noise, no matter how much the noise is intended to express love and reassurance.

That made me think to create a page for future use. I found several Just Add Light posts to help create a quiet collection. The first quote below is also from the discussion quoted above here.

Quiet enough to hear

"They don't need my direction much of the time, but they need me to pay attention to what is happening *in case* I'm needed. I need to be quiet so I'm not filling up their world with my noise, and so that *I* can hear as well."
—Sarah Thompson

photo by Susan Gaissert

Sometimes be quiet and wait

Very often parents find themselves in a situation where they might not see a way to make things better, but they could easily make things worse.

The quote isn't from there, but the information could be helpful.
photo by Sandra Dodd

This goes to a search for “Quiet” at Just Add Light and Stir. Each of those will go to something, somewhere, on my site: search...quiet

I wanted to list the names of the posts that came up, though. Just reading the titles might be a bit soothing:

Quiet time for parents
Quiet enough to hear
A long, quiet time
Quite quiet
Talking less
Quiet antiques
Quiet reflection
A quiet, soft place
Calm and Quiet

(I left out a few that didn’t have “quiet” in the title, but only in the text. One is called “Thrashing and flailing.”)

I think it means not to feel guilty about not talking too much.

archived, from Always Learning or now that it's public again, that one 2018 post

Watch quietly

Thoughts don't show. Provide opportunities and time. Watch quietly. Don't break the spell.

photo by Jennie Gomes

Calm and quiet

Please take time for reflection. Take time for your mind to be calm and quiet. Take time to be open to input, not busy creating output. Don't respond, think. Take the ideas and let them "be" in your mind and go spend lots of time with your children and consider and observe how the ideas might play out in your own home with your own kids.
—Pam Sorooshian

photo by Sandra Dodd

Quietly better

The fewer things you say or do to make things worse, the better things will be.

antique 'explosives' sign

photo by Marty Dodd

Look quietly

Look quietly.

At least once a day, just look quietly.

photo ColleenOwl.jpg
photo by Colleen Prieto


 photo KarenJamesKayakSun.jpg

Sometimes parents talk too much.

Practice being quiet.

photo by Karen James

Sometimes, wait.

Sometimes attending to someone means giving them space and quiet and waiting until they have rested or calmed down or thought about what they want to say before you press them to listen or speak. Inattentive parents miss those cues sometimes.

from page 65 of The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Quietly, lovingly now

Every day he is older.

Be with him, where he is, quietly, lovingly, now.

photo by Sandra Dodd



Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch