For years (and for much of the writing below) Karen James lived with her husband and son in the middle of New York State. In late May, 2015, they moved to California, south of San Francisco.
Karen paints, takes beautiful photos, she cooks, and (when we're lucky) writes about unschooling on Always Learning, on facebook and maybe elsewhere. I'm collecting some of the writing.
About balance, beautiful: Balance
"I know him well because I haven't tried to make him any other person." (click it for more)
"Trust in unschooling will deepen and grow as one gains understanding and experience."
The beautiful full original is here: Trust
The more I live this unschooling life with my son, the more I realize what was taken from me as a child and young adult. I don't mean that in an I feel sorry for myself kind of way, just in an I can finally be myself kind of way. Seeing and feeling that change in myself helps me look more directly at my son. And, what I see inspires me. I am inspired by Ethan's potential, interests and sweetness. I'm excited about uncovering mine again.
Because of unschooling, my son gets to follow almost anything that captures his imagination, unburdened by what others think he should know or not know, motivated to learn wholly by his own innate curiosity.Because of unschooling, I get to hold my thirteen year old son's hand as we walk down the sidewalk because he's placed his hand in mine, unconcerned about what others might think of him. I get to watch my husband and my son hold hands too, and that's a beautiful thing to me.
Because of unschooling, my son gets to choose what he wants to eat from a wide selection of available foods. He can cook it himself, if and when he wants to. He can eat when he's hungry. He's finished when he's full. He can take his time eating. He can eat and play, eat and watch, eat and talk. He can try new things when he's curious or stick to his favourite foods. There's no pressure around food.
Because of unschooling, my son has never learned to measure his success by grade letters or percentage points or someone else's evaluation of his efforts. He feels successful when he has accomplished the goals he has set for himself. He is considerate of others, but motivated internally.
Because of unschooling, I've come to a greater appreciation of the benefits of humour and play in living and learning.
Because of unschooling, I've come to see a more intricate web of connections, making my own experience of the world richer and more wondrous than I had previously imagined.
Because of unschooling, I have learned to see all learning as valuable, and Ethan has too.
"I've noticed with my son, those uncomfortable feelings of restlessness and uncertainty about what to do are eased by some company. Just me being fully present with him seems to help a lot. ..."
"Be precise in the words you use to describe those you love, aim to support and care for. Be as generous as you can too. The clearer you see your child, the better you can respond to their needs. The better you learn to listen to them, see them, and be of useful service to them, the more they will have confidence in your ability to have their best interest in mind."
On strengthening marriages, two passages at the bottom of "If You're Considering Separation"
Deschooling, by Karen James, a whole page of it
Safe, supported and believed in—Virtual Reality story from 2016
Apple Tree analogy, and the nature of wholeness
About video games (Seriously!) (with photos)
Real Learning, about a musical river, and the mom learning about the child's learning.
Something philosophical about Barbies and a cat: Investing in the Future
Some thoughts about school, the second and third entries on this brief page
The title at this link is part of a painting by Karen: Finish What you Start
Title by Karen James, Ethan and Nick, in October 2012: Learning from Minecraft
Karen read too much, at first, maybe, and then stopped reading for a while. Her account of those days follows this quote:
"Once I had strengthened my understanding of my son and myself, and began to really see what natural learning looked like, I slowly revisited some of the unschooling literature and discussions again. The principles of unschooling made more sense to me then."
Safe place, time and space
Bring it
Happiness, excitement and enthusiasm
Trustworthy and caring
Wonder
You'll know.
The best friend you can be
Step toward. . .
More time
Who's in charge?
Reading and Writing and Monsters
Ethan
Karen James, November 1, 2018, on Facebook, public:
This month Ethan's going to be 16. That feels big. Our first few months together were probably the hardest. I was afraid, sad, overwhelmed, alone, terrified at the idea of being responsible for someone other than myself. None of those emotions are what I imagined a new mother would/should be feeling, but I was experiencing them in abundance.
One afternoon, Ethan and I were sitting together. He was in his bouncy chair beside me. I was on our computer. He had been asleep, but he awoke. I heard him chirp and saw his one leg move to bounce his chair. He did this often--bounce his leg to bounce his chair. It was cute and seemed so clever to me. I looked over at him and smiled. He smiled back.
Next, I made a funny face and silly lip-flapping sound as I moved to kiss him on the neck, stopping midway as, from the bottom of his belly, a sound I'd never heard before emerged. Curious, I made the funny face and silly sound again. He made his sound again too, but this time I recognized what it was. It was a full-bellied laugh that spread across his whole body like a wave in water radiating from a coin-tossed wish. His eyes sparkled. His toothless smile spread right across his face making his chubby cheeks seem impossibly chubbier.
I remember sitting there in wonder. I'd never heard a baby's first laugh. Hearing the sound of that laugh and seeing the joy in my boy's being opened up my whole world at that moment. I remember the room getting brighter, lighter, softer. Things got easier for me after that. Not to say I didn't have some challenges as a parent, I did, but there was something about his laugh in that moment that brought clarity to my role as his mom and greater purpose to my life. His first laugh still echoes in my mind and heart. I hope it always does. ♥
Other Voices—collections of writings by particular writers
(click the image for the story)
Karen made this painting with feedback and suggestions from friends as it went:
Bottom of the Bucket - A Painting Created by Friends
Oil, oil pastel, iron, and silver leaf on gesso board
36 x 36 inches
2014