He ate candy and chocolate for breakfast that day, but then halfway through his chocolate bunny he handed it to me and told me he wanted to save it. I wrapped it up and put it in the freezer for him, and later my husband and I marveled over it because neither one of us would ever put down a half-eaten chocolate bunny.

Not only did that make me realize that I could trust him to make that choice, but also that this was really a case of taking our own problems (if there is chocolate in front of us, we'll eat it even if we recognize that we aren't hungry at all, and stopping halfway through is just out of the question) and projecting them onto our child.

Rachael:

Jump forward to this last Halloween and the party my children attended the day before (all of us attended). When we walked through the door the first thing I noticed was the cake, pizza, and chocolate everywhere. So apparently did many of the other kids who came through the door (we belong to one group which is unschooled/homeschooled—difference mainly being restrictions on bedtimes, food, TV. etc.) My kids (who have had free access to food since they were born), said "no mom we don't want that, we want to play," despite the fact they had just been complaining about hunger 30 seconds earlier in the car. I sat and watched while other kids were made to eat a certain number of pieces of pizza, or vegetables before they could have the cake, or chocolate. (as if pizza is any better really!). Finally about two hours into the party, my eldest ( 5 1/2 ) ran over and asked for food. What he chose to eat was a large plate of tomatoes and snap peas. Parents asked me how I got him to do this— (I am thinking maybe they didn't notice that my youngest (4) had already eaten a few chocolate ghouls without me getting upset...)

My point is, my children have had a lot of exposure to many foods. They have foods they like, and those they do not like. I have never forced them into trying a food they were not interested in trying. I would not want someone forcing me to try something I thought looked disgusting. Even though we now have a large shopping bag full of candy from trick or treating they are not diving into it (like I would have) as if it is the best thing in the world. It is just another part of food. Not more important. I think allowing them to make their own food choices has been the best thing I could have done for them because they will not have the baggage that I did (and my mom) attached to it.

Oh—after the piñata broke the kids helped gather the candy but refused to take any home because they said they didn't need any. (Their words, not mine).

Rachael, Shaun, Kean (5½) and Kai (4).
(November 2010, on the Always Learning list)

Lauren:

Lauren:

My three year old just asked for one of the balls, took a bite, and then spotted the garlic. He handed me back the rest of the ball, and asked me to give him a dish of the garlic.

My six year old finished the rest of the ball, and then shared a few pieces of the garlic.

Zero control. Zero manipulation. Kids do like sweets, that's for sure. But they also like other stuff. Don't limit them, or assume they're limited.

Pam Sorooshian:

Of children eating part of candy and leaving the rest:

Linda M:

"Peach cobbler with ice cream. Do you want some?" I replied.

"After I finish my broccoli," she answered and she flew back down the stairs.

My husband and I just looked at each other in amazement. This is a kid whose diet has consisted mainly of corn dogs and doughnuts (glazed, chocolate, or with sprinkles!) for the past two weeks.

We had the opportunity to out to eat twice this past Sunday. At our dinner meal we discussed getting the big, gooey, chocolate cake with the giant dip of ice cream and the hot oozing chocolate sauce (I'm making myself hungry!) for dessert. My older DD (7) who loves sweets said at the end of the meal, "I'm full, let's not have the cake." And we all agreed and there was no cake.

I told my husband later that the reason DD felt free to turn down the cake was because she always has all of the sweets she wants whenever she wants. If a child were constantly denied sweets she would have felt compelled to order the cake and eat it even if she were full because she might not get another chance for sweets.

In fact, at Sunday brunch earlier that day this same DD, Sarah, had no less than 6 desserts. She methodically brought them from the buffet and arranged them around herself and ate as much or as little as she wanted from all of them. And so, at dinner, satisfied and full, she felt free to turn down a fabulous dessert!

Kris:

Lanora, 13, was talking about eating some cantaloupe. I told her that it was really good with ice cream, she looked at me like I had suggested pouring sand over it. She likes her melon neat, thank you.

Sylvia Woodman:

Gabriella has been making thoughtful choices about what she eats for a number of years now. Halloween is a favorite holiday and this year she had a plan to hit the maximum number of houses. When she returned she dumped all the candy out, sorted it, counted it, ate some, traded some with her brother, shared some with Jim and me and then put it all back in the pumpkin and then put it in the pantry. This is what is left of her Halloween candy. Today is February 5th.

Gail responded:

This is true at our home also. Logan did go trick or treating this year and most of it is still in a box in his room. Brenna occasionally asks him for a piece and he tells her go ahead (she didn't go trick or treating). Candy is always around and chips and ice cream. If the neighbor kids don't come by often to eat the ice cream we have been known to throw it out when it gets a little old.

Logan often has tuna on crackers for breakfast while Brenna will eat carrot cake. There is just no emotion to a certain type of food except we like most of it. When I ask if they want anything at the store it might be artichokes or sour cream dip but very rarely is it anything sweet.

This summer when my stepdaughter was with us, she ate so many M&M's cookies that she got sick and threw up. Not just once but on two different occasions. When I talked with her about it, she said she was afraid the other kids were going to eat them all. I told her we'd just buy more. By the time she went home, I think she was starting to get the idea that all kinds of food would be available to her while she was at our house. No need to binge or hoard. Since food is not an issue in our family it seems we make healthy choices most of the time.

Not only are our food choices healthier but since I have stopped controlling sleep and chores and T.V. watching and video games our family is healthier and happier. It didn't happen overnight but it's been like this long enough that I can't imagine our lives any other way.

Heather:

The other night we went through Mc Donald's Drive thru my oldest ordered a water with his meal. He knows he can have a pop whenever he wants but that night water was what he wanted.

It is so cool when you let go.

Paula:

Around 10 a.m., Andy (3.75 years) and I were up on the computer playing games, and I said, "Hey! Let's go downstairs and eat some ice cream!"

He wrinkled his nose and said, "Nah, I'm not in the mood for ice cream today."

His overall intake of healthy stuff is really good. If he asks for cookies or cake or ice cream anytime, and we have it in the house, he can eat it. He can eat as much as he wants. We don't always have it in the house, and then he chooses other things.

Jalen just turned 3 in February. He chooses water to drink more often than any other liquid. He had cream soda, soymilk (both vanilla and strawberry/banana) to choose from last night. He only wanted water. If I regulated what he drank, he would have a harder time listening to his true needs, and go for the limited items.

It's cool when they don't need to do that.

My kids have now had food freedom for about a week and a half. Last night we ate dinner at the Olive Garden. They had some fruit and snacks before we left, because they don't like restaurant food, generally.

The last time we ate there, the boys just scarfed as many breadsticks as the server would bring and guzzled root beer like there was no tomorrow.

THIS time, Zach drank about half of his root beer, ate 1.5 breadsticks, and said he was full. He didn't even want to try one bite of the dessert we ordered. I have NEVER seen this kid turn down chocolate cake before. He didn't NEED to try it because he knows he can have "dessert" (whether it's cake or marshmallows or jelly beans) when he is hungry for it.

Even in such a short time I have been seeing some really positive changes, and we're all much happier and more relaxed about food. My husband even said, "I've got to admit, this is sure a lot easier!"

I was putting away the groceries while this was going on. As I put the carrots away, I thought about how tasty a carrot sounded. I could have had ice cream — in fact I love ice cream — but I had the carrot instead because it really sounded better at that moment. I know I can have ice cream AND carrots both, whenever I want.

It feels so good to eat what I want.

I heard a radio show recently, I think it was NPR's This American Life, about food. One segment of the show said that one reason French women are so thin is because they eat sweets whenever they wish and they don't feel guilty about it. That may be a poor stereotype, but I liked the sound of it. Eat what you really want and feel good about eating it.

It's not that she just doesn't like donuts, cookies etc. - I took her and her younger brother out to get some donuts the other day because they asked. The great thing is that she doesn't feel the need to eat them just because they are available (that's me!).

Real broccoli (Sandra Dodd)

Holly asked for broccoli Tuesday. I bought some and cooked it before I knew she had gone to her friend's for an overnighter (she got the invite and left while I was shopping). So yesterday she asked about it, I reheated it and brought it to her at the TV where she was playing a game, waiting for the Simpsons to come on. She finished that bowl of broccoli, salt and butter, and asked for more with less butter.

I cooked the rest of it, and she ate most of it.

When The Simpsons ended she was done with the TV.

This isn't theoretical broccoli or TV, it was yesterday.