Kathleen

Hi Sandra and Group,

Where and how can I access the google groups unschooling discussion page?

Holy Cow - What I have to walk through to keep recommitting to unschooling. It is so hard. I have had a monkey mind this past week. I am freaking out because I don't like piercings, sexy pictures of a 12 year old, tattoos, or anything that glorifies or is suggestive of drugs or a druggy life. That life almost killed me. For some, it works, but NOT for me. Plus, I have triggers that are NOT about any of you readers out there.

These are triggers from my life. I have friends with tattoos and piercings whom I adore. I have friends who smoke pot. I don't let them drive my daughter around. I love them, though. I have sober friends with tats and piercings who do not glorify drugs. I know it is not about the outsides, but I am a mess because of the outside stuff.

For example, I hate where my best friend lives. I am NOT judging her. I am not even discerning whether her location is safe for me. I feel safe in her home. I hate it because it reminds me when I lived in an area like that and was molested alot by the neighborhood kids. Intellectually, I know that the place did not matter because, when we did have money and live in a different place, it happened again. My parents were not attentive like I am, and like my friends are, so my reaction is from within me. THE CAUSE IS WITHIN, THE EFFECT IS WITHOUT!!!!!

Here is my problem: There is a small voice, probably based in ego, that is saying to me: you should send her to Waldorf where there are nice wholesome children. There is stimulation there. She could be directed and influenced in a different way. Perhaps this way is wrong, and I am screwing up my kid. I am afraid.

The facts are these: My BFF and her daughter are attached. My daughter loves her daughter, and they play like they own restaurants, do modeling where I take some of those sexy pictures (I don't feel afraid when we are doing it), etc... I love this little girl and do not feel worried when I am in their presence. The sexy pictures are not associated with actual sexual behaviors. And if my daughter's bff learns something about life that I don't want my daughter to know about, she is great not to tell her. My daughter is 10 and her bff is 12. The pictures are posted in a safe zone with safe friends and family who know her. Those are the facts.

I am just saying, my brain is trying to get me to think that my daughter is bored as an unschooler, and will go a path of least resistance to drugs. It will be my fault for not stimulating her, or getting her around Waldorf children.

The Waldorf idea is crazy for me to think, also. Because Hannah wanted to try Waldorf. She tried it for 2 weeks, and we were out of there. They are a bit bizarre also. Little kids were forced to sit outside of their kindergarten class because they didn't want to eat their porridge.

I use this unschooling discussion list for support when I need it. I need it today.

Thanks for listening,
Kat

Jenny Cyphers

Basically, the way that I am reading this, is that you are being triggered by
photography play that suggests sexy and that it terrifies you.

You think that your daughter might be bored and doing these photo shoots because
of boredom. You think that if she does these photo shoots, it will lead to
something else down the road that is unhealthy. Just because you fear that one
will lead to the other, even if you've known people where this is the case, it
doesn't mean that it will be true for your daughter.

The facts that you shared are that she is playing. She is enjoying dressing up
and pretending to be something other than who she is and capturing the moment
with pictures as part of the play. I don't see anything wrong with that. Does
she have any magazine subscriptions? Have you ever taken her to any fashion
runway shows? Sometimes the local malls will do them. Does she enjoy fashion?
How about designing clothing?

If she is bored, feed her interest. She's 10, it's a pretty big transitional
age for a lot of girls, and it lasts a couple of years. All those seemingly
little things that she is interested in right now, the play restaurant, the
pretend modeling, all of it exists in real life. She's trying on various
lifestyles and ideas. Encourage that. She's going to keep trying things on and
eventually she will find a niche that fits.

If she's bored, it doesn't mean she is going to seek drugs to satisfy her
boredom. Sure lots of people do that. There are even unschooled kids that have
experimented. The difference, that I've seen, is the underlying reasons for
doing it. I've yet to meet an unschooler that has experimented in drug usage as
a means of escapism. I've met a LOT of public schooled kids that do.

Make your daughter's life so happy that she has nothing to escape from.
Encourage happy play. Encourage safe pretend play. Add to it, make it more
fun. Create that safe haven that learning flourishes in. All that play and
pretending is learning, it IS how children learn.

Find fancy dinner table decorations, cool waitress attire, interesting menu
options, find interesting fashion clothing, do up hair and makeup, try on shoes,
add accessories, do interesting things with lighting and backgrounds and camera
angles. Inspire more fun and creativity in the play they already do.






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-THE CAUSE IS WITHIN, THE EFFECT IS WITHOUT!!!!!-=-

http://sandradodd.com/choices

If you feel helpless, you are.
If you feel powerless, you are.

Make conscious choices, in little ways, in ways that make your family warmer and more comfortable. Not a few big decisions, but a hundred little decisions in the next 20 hours. Tone of voice. Smile/no-smile. Patience/rush. Gentle/jerky.

-=-I hate where my best friend lives. -=-

Try not to hate anything more than you "have to," and once you get to thinking more positively, you might find there's is nothing you have to hate.

http://sandradodd.com/negativity
http://sandradodd.com/haveto

-=- am just saying, my brain is trying to get me to think that my daughter is bored as an unschooler-=-

Anytime an unschooling mother thinks she's not doing enough, the simple solution is for her to do more. Here are some ideas:
http://sandradodd.com/checklists

-=-It will be my fault for not stimulating her, or getting her around Waldorf children.-=-

In your world there is evil, boring unschooling, and glorious Waldorf!?
Come out into the Real world! :-)

-=-I use this unschooling discussion list for support when I need it. I need it today.-=-

Perhaps if you "use this list" more often, you won't feel panicky.

-=-Where and how can I access the google groups unschooling discussion page?-=-

https://groups.google.com/g/unschoolingdiscussionforum/unschoolingdiscussion

I googled google groups unschooling discussion
Maybe you have to be a member for it to come up.

Sandra

[link to Unschooling Discussion archive was edited in July 2022, by Sandra]