jendakini@...

Ok, so we are very new to unschooling.  I heard an awesome man (I believe he is the young man who coined Uncollege) on National Radio 3 years ago and thought "That sounds amazing but not for us".  After 3 more years of school (I have 10, 8, and 5 year old boys) we decided to home school at the end of the last term.  We are in New Zealand so that was Dec 18 and school goes back after summer break this week.  I originally thought to use New Zealand's Correspondence School (aka Te Kura) which has a very good reputation, but while we were waiting to enroll I checked out all the books on home schooling from our lovely local library and lo and behold Pam Laricchia's Free to Learn and Free to Live were in the pile and they sounded so right, refreshing and possible for us. 

We spent the school holidays just enjoying our children without the stress of expectations and school.  My children are very thankful to unschooling philosophy as it has loosened restrictions we had about screentime and opened my mind to observing joy and learning that is happening during it as opposed to seeing it as a waste of time.  It is a big step for us, actually, as one of the main reasons for considering home education in the first place was because their school was requiring us to buy chromebooks for the older 2 boys and we didn't want to increase their exposure to screen (lol).  So I have done a bit of a 180 here:).  The Chromebook issue did allow us to see the way decisions are made from the top down at schools (as one of the primary reasons for implementing it was to make the teachers' job easier?!?). I love the irony that I have the Chromebook situation to thank for helping change my perception of my kids on screen:)  Still a work in progress I must admit as I have spent a lot of time thinking it was just a waste of time (not being naturally interested in video games myself).  Now I see that devaluing something that brings them so much pleasure could actually be quite damaging and they actually learn a lot and get along great when they are on screen!

Here's the big BUT, I still have a hard time when we get to the say, 4 hour mark (we used to be 1/2 hour on weekdays 1 hour weekends with some wiggle room depending) I really get antsy and feel like a bad parent that I am not providing them with a rich and engaging environment.  We live on 370 ha of gorgeous bush in NZ and while they get out and have a run around when I say, "ok time for a break" the length of time they are willing to spend outside is less and less.  I am finding it really hard to let go and let my active children (back when we did the time limits on screen, while they complained some, they would usually find something to do outside that they sure as heck looked like they were enjoying).  Now that the limits have come off (mostly) it seems to be their default activity.  Is this rich, engaging and varied enough? 

Here is where my original subject question comes in.  My 8 yr old son is really interested in vikings so we did some online research, read some books etc and he was keen to role play.  He is very physical so I suggested we spar with staffs (like viking children do).  Then later in the day he was upset when he said no one had played with him all day. (We (the parents) had said to take a break from screen after 5+ hours on a gorgeous sunny day.)  I pointed out our viking sparring from earlier in the day.  While he seemed to enjoy it at the time, he said playing with me was boring:(!  I am embarassed for being so sensitive but it made me concerned about my ability to engage and extend learning for my kids in an unschooling setting.  I was one of those kids that liked school and enjoyed jumping through the hoops but I'm starting to wonder if this has left me unable to play without pretending??

I think these may be unschooling growing pains?!?  But I would appreciate feed back:)
Cheers,
Aroha



Sandra Dodd

-=- they actually learn a lot and get along great when they are on screen! -=-

Language, language!
“On screen” means that they’re in a movie, or a TV show, or YouTube video perhaps, that the rest of us are watching.

http://sandradodd.com/screentime.html
This is as important as anything you will ever learn about unschooling.
http://sandradodd.com/screentime has more.

-=-Now that the limits have come off (mostly) it seems to be their default activity. Is this rich, engaging and varied enough? -=-

Recovery takes time.
They’re recovering from your limitations and pressure and criticism.

Let them recover.

Read more about people who have grown up with choices and options about computers, TV, lots of things, and see if you find any of them who don’t have other interests, activities, hobbies, eventually jobs, etc.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

-=-(We (the parents) had said to take a break from screen after 5+ hours on a gorgeous sunny day.) -=-

Perhaps they felt you were taking them away from a gorgeous game/video/story to go out and look at the sky, which they’ve seen before.
Because you used to “make them” go outside that is NOT a desireable thing now. You ruined it. Don’t blame them. Don’t glorify the weather.
Because you used to forbid the computers or whatever (I can’t see what it is, but stop saying “screens”), you made those things valuable. Don’t blame the kids.


-=-I pointed out our viking sparring from earlier in the day. While he seemed to enjoy it at the time, he said playing with me was boring:(! I am embarassed for being so sensitive but it made me concerned about my ability to engage and extend learning for my kids in an unschooling setting. -=-

It will take practice, or maybe finding him more people to play with. It doesn’t need to be someone his age or gender. And made some boffer staves—don’t use wood.

http://special-effects.wonderhowto.com/how-to/make-level-three-foam-boffer-sword-for-larping-213274/
http://www.knightrealms.com/game-play/weapons-armor/240-making-boffer-weapons.html

Foam and duct tape on… depends what. Dowel, or small PVC pipe, or… depends. Look at those above, and maybe google “boffer staff” for more ideas.


You can make things that are safe and fun. They can be fun to make. Don’t expect your children to make the first few. It’s too hard. Maybe hire a teen or young adult to come over and make some he can see made (or YOU watch, if the child isn’t interested in watching).



-=-I was one of those kids that liked school and enjoyed jumping through the hoops but I'm starting to wonder if this has left me unable to play without pretending??-=-

Pretending to play? Pretending to have fun? Unable to pretend?
If you can’t play a certain thing (I’m not good with Barbies), find someone who to do that, and find what you CAN play.

http://sandradodd.com/play

Sandra

claramont@...

http://sandradodd.com/play is not working...

_____________

Sandra response (so soon!?):   Sorry.  Here it is:   http://sandradodd.com/playing

I can pop into posts if they're in the queue not approved yet!  It's a sneaky door I rarely use. :-)

Sandra

Bernadette Lynn



On 4 February 2016 at 00:13, jendakini@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:



Here's the big BUT, I still have a hard time when we get to the say, 4 hour mark (we used to be 1/2 hour on weekdays 1 hour weekends with some wiggle room depending) I really get antsy and feel like a bad parent that I am not providing them with a rich and engaging environment. 



=========================================================


One reason children like to spend so much time on the computer is that it IS a rich and engaging environment. If they weren't engaged with it they'd be bored and look for something else to do. 

It doesn't mean you shouldn't put effort into making sure they have other options and interesting things around, but you shouldn't get upset if they want to concentrate on the richest, most engaging thing they have. There's a vast world out there and so much of it can be reached by computer! 

You may never be able to make the rest of your home as interesting as what they can do on a computer, from the point of view of your children, and that's OK. If your home is spacious, and beautiful, and interesting, and your children still love games and internet more, you know that they enjoy those things very much indeed. And it's a wonderful thing when our children can love something so much!

Bernadette.

Jason M Dyess

I had been debating posting a different but similar question on the Radical Unschoolers Facebook group, but since this came up here, I will post it here, because I think what I have seen so far will help Jen/(Aroha?). For clarity's sake, I have to start with some background. My wife and I moved in together in June of 2013. Along with her came her (now our) 12-year-old DD. I have some, but not all, information about what restrictions there were before they moved up here. Once we moved in together, there were not any restrictions of TV or Video Games, I don't think there were many if any before then. She was enrolled in the public schools here, and when she wasn't at school, she was grouchy, despondent, and spent all of her time with the TV or video games. But we both realized that she needed that to decompress from the time at school. The next year right after 8th grade started, we (collectively, she was included in the decision) pulled her out of school and started deschooling.

Then she spent even more time watching TV and playing Video Games. It took me a little while to realize that even without Us giving her limitations, she had still had limitations when she was in school. No more school, no more limitations. Binge on! But we understood she needed that too, and slowly, we watched our interactions change. Now (at 15) when she comes out of her room she talks to us; she carries on a conversation; she asks us how our day is going. Sometimes she stays a while, sometimes she doesn't.

Which finally leads to what I was going to ask / relate. Our DD has reached a point where she is tired of the TV and video games all the time. She is rewatching stuff for the sixth time because she is bored (her words not mine). I have read all of the pages on Sandra's site about boredom and strewing, and I am still at a loss for how to help. We live on a very tight budget right now. My wife and I both work from home, but I am available to her as long as I am not on the phone or out meeting with a client (I am self employed, so lots of leeway). She is sharing stuff with us more (mostly stuff she finds funny), and we have supported the few things we know she is interested in. She seems happy with what we have done, but I don't think it is varied enough for her. I know some of that is just being a teenager. I was starting to think I am boring to her, but she is staying with a family friend this week, and told that family friend that my wife and I are cool (Our teenage daughter, who has only known me for about 4 years, thinks I am cool. So awesome). So, am I overthinking this, should I just share more, or is there some realization that just hasn't hit me yet?

I think I worded everything the way I meant it this time, but if not, Sandra and others will find it and beat me over the head with it (not a complaint. I wouldn't post here if they were not so passionate about the clarity of the discussion. I learn more when I say something wrong, others learn more when I say something right. :-) ).

On Thu, Feb 4, 2016 at 6:37 AM, Bernadette Lynn bernadette.lynn@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 



On 4 February 2016 at 00:13, jendakini@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:



Here's the big BUT, I still have a hard time when we get to the say, 4 hour mark (we used to be 1/2 hour on weekdays 1 hour weekends with some wiggle room depending) I really get antsy and feel like a bad parent that I am not providing them with a rich and engaging environment. 



 =========================================================


One reason children like to spend so much time on the computer is that it IS a rich and engaging environment. If they weren't engaged with it they'd be bored and look for something else to do. 

It doesn't mean you shouldn't put effort into making sure they have other options and interesting things around, but you shouldn't get upset if they want to concentrate on the richest, most engaging thing they have. There's a vast world out there and so much of it can be reached by computer! 

You may never be able to make the rest of your home as interesting as what they can do on a computer, from the point of view of your children, and that's OK. If your home is spacious, and beautiful, and interesting, and your children still love games and internet more, you know that they enjoy those things very much indeed. And it's a wonderful thing when our children can love something so much!

Bernadette.


Sandra Dodd

-=-I think I worded everything the way I meant it this time, but if not, Sandra and others will find it and beat me over the head with it…-=-

I looked for something to pick on you about, but didn’t find anything. ;-P


-=-Our DD has reached a point where she is tired of the TV and video games all the time. She is rewatching stuff for the sixth time because she is bored (her words not mine).-=-

She’s fifteen, and has unschooled for how long? two or three years?

-=-She seems happy with what we have done, but I don't think it is varied enough for her. I know some of that is just being a teenager. I was starting to think I am boring to her, but she is staying with a family friend this week, and told that family friend that my wife and I are cool-=-

If she seems happy, you’re way ahead of the average for a fifteen year old daughter, I think.

-=-So, am I overthinking this, should I just share more, or is there some realization that just hasn't hit me yet?-=-

If she has options she hasn’t opted into yet, you’re not limiting her ability to look further.

There are movies she hasn’t seen.
http://sandradodd.com/movies
Maybe watch with her, follow trails.

Might new art supplies help? (If she’s artsy…)

I hope others will have suggestions, but mostly I think don’t worry. Keep things flowing, conversationally, informationally, smile a lot, provide varied foods, maybe play music she hasn’t heard that she might like…

Sandra

Jason M Dyess

-=-She’s fifteen, and has unschooled for how long? two or three years?-=-

Not quite a year and a half (16 months or so).  She was almost 14 when we started and just turned 15 in November. So I realize that we are probably transitioning between deschooling and unschooling (or between Kelly Lovejoy's Stage I and Stage II). 

-=-If she has options she hasn’t opted into yet, you’re not limiting her ability to look further. -=-

As long as we can afford it, she has all the options in the world.  I think that those two things are part of our confusion. We are on a limited income for now, so some/many/most of the things we have come up with aren't possible at the moment (example: she and I both would like to go to one of those places where you float over this giant fan, like you are in freefall when skydiving, but we don't have the money for that). On the other hand, if she is coming to me and telling me she is bored, I first have to help her figure out what form of stimulation she is needing (conversational, visual, etc.) and I am not quite sure how to do that without playing 20 questions, so we seem to be defaulting to me saying, "do you want to X?" "No." "How about Y?" "No" And eventually she wanders back to her room and finds something to do on her own.

-=-Might new art supplies help? (If she’s artsy…)-=-

She asked for painting supplies for Christmas. We got her an easel, nice paints, some small canvases, brushes, etc. and she was delighted. She painted her mom a nice design on one of the canvases, and as far as I know she hasn't used them since that. Which I understand. I got a cool little programmable circuit board a year ago. I played with it for one day and it has been sitting on my desk since then. Not because I don't like it, I just haven't been in the mood or mindspace to do anything with it. I think part of it is just a lack of variety. She is learning french on duolingo (I am going to learn too, so she has someone to talk to until she is comfortable finding other people to talk with). She has a new camera, but she doesn't want to go out in the cold. Talking with her, it feels to me like she feels stuck (in a rut?) and just can't figure out what she wants to do.


-=-I hope others will have suggestions, but mostly I think don’t worry. Keep things flowing, conversationally, informationally, smile a lot, provide varied foods, maybe play music she hasn’t heard that she might like…-=-

That sounds so simple...On some levels, Unschooling feels very overwhelming to me. It feels like this enormous, beautiful, but complex, system (then again, everything looks that way to me), because it is life, and that is how I see life. I don't always know what I want to do at any given time. Helping someone else figure out what they want to do is daunting. I wonder if there is an expectation problem, or the perception of an expectation problem (on either side). I don't think we are expecting her to do anything in particular, but I don't really know what she is expecting for/of herself, or what she believes we are expecting of her. Again, maybe I am overthinking this.

And I am going to stop here for the moment, because I could talk about this all day and then you would have to read a book instead of an email. I really need to start posting on my blog again. .. 


Alex & Brian Polikowsky

Yes  to watching her favorite movies or playing her favorite games with her. 
That way you can learn what she really loves and see on them and build upon that.

It maybe music and instruments or Artsy stuff of soundtracks are her thing or she likes doing artistic things ( which is so vast in itself).
It could even be make up!

It maybe doing some kid of physical activity like ice skating or cycling that can be done as a family. I used to love going to family outings in our bikes. My son likes to go biking with his dad!

Explore local places can be lots of fun too.

If she likes games that involve history in any way you can find local historical places to go explore.

If she likes animals you can go visit shelters and maybe you guys can volunteer together at those.

There is a lot that can be added to her passions of only you can really get to know her and what moves her.


Alex Polikowsky 

Sent from my iPhone

On Feb 4, 2016, at 11:02 AM, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:

 

-=-I think I worded everything the way I meant it this time, but if not, Sandra and others will find it and beat me over the head with it…-=-

I looked for something to pick on you about, but didn’t find anything. ;-P

-=-Our DD has reached a point where she is tired of the TV and video games all the time. She is rewatching stuff for the sixth time because she is bored (her words not mine).-=-

She’s fifteen, and has unschooled for how long? two or three years?

-=-She seems happy with what we have done, but I don't think it is varied enough for her. I know some of that is just being a teenager. I was starting to think I am boring to her, but she is staying with a family friend this week, and told that family friend that my wife and I are cool-=-

If she seems happy, you’re way ahead of the average for a fifteen year old daughter, I think.

-=-So, am I overthinking this, should I just share more, or is there some realization that just hasn't hit me yet?-=-

If she has options she hasn’t opted into yet, you’re not limiting her ability to look further.

There are movies she hasn’t seen.
http://sandradodd.com/movies
Maybe watch with her, follow trails.

Might new art supplies help? (If she’s artsy…)

I hope others will have suggestions, but mostly I think don’t worry. Keep things flowing, conversationally, informationally, smile a lot, provide varied foods, maybe play music she hasn’t heard that she might like…

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

Out to lunch at a sit-down place you’ve never been, or shopping (in leisurely fashion) at a different grocery store.

Sandra Dodd

-=-And I am going to stop here for the moment, because I could talk about this all day and then you would have to read a book instead of an email. I really need to start posting on my blog again. .. -=-

That sounds to me (and I could be wrong) that you think writing more will help you more than going through those links some and trying the ideas.

You could list thousands of things you can’t afford to do. You listed a couple for us, and there are more in your head. NOT productive. Not helpful.

-=-On the other hand, if she is coming to me and telling me she is bored, I first have to…-=-

Woop! WOOP! Woop! “Have to” alarm!
http://sandradodd.com/haveto


-=-... help her figure out what form of stimulation she is needing (conversational, visual, etc.) and I am not quite sure how to do that without playing 20 questions-=-

Wrong! WHY do you “have to” figure out? WHy does SHE need to figure out?

PROVIDE conversation and visual stimulation.

I could go back and cut and past what I wrote before and keeping input going, but instead I will ask you to go back and read each response mindfully, bit by bit, slowly, with an open mind, and to follow the links and read there mindfully, bit by bit, slowly, with an open mind.

Don’t write again telling us what you have to do and need to do, please. If you knew what you have-to/need-to, I don’t think you would have asked.

http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
http://sandradodd.com/truck

Sandra

semajrak@...

The other day my son came over to where I was making something and said, "Mom, I have a problem."  I stopped what I was doing and turned my whole body in his direction so that he knew he had my full attention, and waited.  He told me he was a bit tired of the game he'd been playing, and he didn't know what he wanted to do next.  I was kind of relieved, actually, because I had no idea what his problem was going to be.  He's thirteen.

We moved just over six months ago.  We moved across the country (US), leaving our friends and everything familiar to Ethan.  Playing games and Skyping with friends was a good transition for him, but I can tell he's ready to explore our new home and all the things it has to offer.  Yet, he doesn't quite know where to begin.  Even before we moved, I could tell he was beginning a transition of some kind.

Anyway, after he told me what was going on with him, I nodded and said, "Okay."  Then I got up and followed him.  He walked over to the sofa, where he put on the television.  We sat side by side for a while, watching.  It was a show we'd seen before, but that was okay.  He put his head on my shoulder.  

As we watched, I looked around the room for something interesting that he hadn't explored in a while.  I found something, went over and pulled it down.  On the floor in front of the television, I began building.  His face lit up and he joined me.  We played like that for about an hour--watching and building and chatting about whatever came up.  I could tell, when he walked away to to his own thing, he felt rejuvenated.  He was looking for connection while he processed some restless feelings of uncertainty.  

My son likes building and tinkering, so those are the kinds of things I look for when he seems restless.  I don't ask him if he wants to do something.  I just start doing something that I think he might enjoy (and that I enjoy).  Most often he comes over and watches or joins in.  I know he likes to be goofy, so sometimes I get goofy.  I know he likes conversational games, so sometimes I start one.  I know he likes to make food, so sometimes I'll offer to make something that he can join me in.  

I've noticed with my son, those uncomfortable feelings of restlessness and uncertainty about what to do are eased by some company.  Just me being fully present with him seems to help a lot.  Sometimes a half an hour of doing something together is enough to spark an idea for something else he'd like to do.  Sometimes he wants to spend longer periods of time together.  I don't ask a lot of questions about what he'd like to do.  I just spend time with him, sometimes doing things, sometimes just sitting with him.  I aim to be a good friend to him in these moments, because I think that's what I would want most for myself.  

Like Alex said, spend some time really getting to know your daughter.  Find out what she enjoys about the shows she watches and the games she plays.  Watch and play with her.  Talk with her about her interests, and then add some things you think she might enjoy.  

Try not to worry.  I know that's hard.  I'm a worrier, myself.  But when we worry about another person, it becomes a burden for them on top of what they are already experiencing.  Just be with her, as fully as you can.  If she's telling you she's bored, she's inviting you into her experience.  Join her.  Learn about her.  Share yourself with her too.  You'll likely learn a lot about her (and yourself) in the process, and I'm confident it will be enriching and rewarding for you both. 

Karen James

Sandra Dodd

Jason sent a follow-up on the side, and gave me permission to quote this:
____________

Thank you for pointing out the "have to" and sending me back to read some more. I realize now that I had led myself into a sort of trap. I was worrying about "fixing" my daughters boredom; I had this idea that I "had to" do something because somehow I had translated what I read on your site and Pam's (and so many others') into "you have to do things or it is just cheerful neglect." I was so afraid of failing her that I didn't realize that I was trying to go too fast and had missed something crucial. I wasn't being there. I was choosing to focus on her boredom (in my head, "solve the problem") rather than accepting an invitation to join her in her life. I had completely missed the point.

And you were right, I was thinking that getting more of my thoughts out on paper/screen would help me (to at least get what was in my head in order). However, going back and rereading what I wrote, it was very negative. I didn't realize how negative until just now.
____________

Aroha Hawkins


-=-Recovery takes time.
They’re recovering from your limitations and pressure and criticism.
Let them recover.-=-
and
-=-One reason children like to spend so much time on the computer is that it IS a rich and engaging environment. If they weren't engaged with it they'd be bored and look for something else to do. -=-

Thank you, it is working:)!  I really appreciate yours' and Bernadette's feedback.  It must be a bit annoying to have to say the same things over and over again to the newbies :)!  I hope this is okay to share:
The night before I read your first response Sandra, the boys had spent the entire day watching youtube videos and playing on the ipad.  I still was in the space of feeling guilty about it and not actually seeing what they were doing, not recognizing that they were happy and engaged.  About 5:00 I said ok "everybody off" and my middle child went to his bed upset and angry.  I went in with my thoughts all about "screen", thinking how he should be grateful because he'd been playing and watching all day,  I said as much to him and he replied,  "It's not about screen MUM!  No one will play with me,  I just want to go back to school!" 

Whoa!  A-ha moment!!  It is so easy to fixate on something that I think is so important as a parent and completely miss what is actually happening for my kid!!  The communication and respect is increasing around here since exploring unschooling.  I'm sure we have miles to go but I will keep reading and learning and living with my boys.

-=-And made some boffer staves—don’t use wood.-=-

PS We all had an awesome (very not boring:) time whacking each other with pool noodles on the tramp tonight:) as we haven't constructed boffer staves yet :)

Cheers,
Aroha

Sandra Dodd

-=- About 5:00 I said ok "everybody off" and my middle child went to his bed upset and angry. I went in with my thoughts all about "screen", thinking how he should be grateful because he'd been playing and watching all day, I said as much to him -=-

You went on to write about him being sad for not having people to play with him.

First, you should play with him more AND get him out to places where other kids are, even if it’s just a McDonald’s play place.

Second, Iwant to back up to the quote above. He was upset and angry because you said “everybody off.”
Hunreds of thousands of parents have blamed TV, video, video games and now iPads for making their children cranky when it was NOT those things at all—it was a parent coming and stopping something in the middle, and then shaming the child.

Every incident erodes the relationship between the parent and the child. I can’t sugar coat that. You told the story and skipped on by the pivotal damage point.

Sandra

Aroha Hawkins

-=-Second, Iwant to back up to the quote above. He was upset and angry because you said “everybody off.”
Hunreds of thousands of parents have blamed TV, video, video games and now iPads for making their children cranky when it was NOT those things at all—it was a parent coming and stopping something in the middle, and then shaming the child.-=-

I do get it.  That was actually the last "everybody off" we've used :)!!  We recently got 2 budgies and we are exploring having them out of the cage.  Catching them and getting them back in has been a fun challenge but not something they seem to enjoy very much.  This morning they lit on their cage and ultimately went in on their own.  I love that my oldest just said, (looking up from playing Spore:), "Just like us on screen Mum.  We are free to choose when we get off." 

-=-First, you should play with him more AND get him out to places where other kids are, even if it’s just a McDonald’s play place.-=-

I am finding joining in on minecraft and spore (although I am still cusping a bit as he is so much better than me he ends up telling me what he's doing instead of me actually playing) a great way to be with him and appreciate his time playing.  His upset in the afternoons hasn't returned since that day.  Getting out with others has always been a challenge as we live pretty remotely but I am making it a priority.

I hope this isn't too chatty:)  I just loved the bird story and wanted to share. I will go back to reading for awhile, it's just comforting to know there is thoughtful support out there.

Aroha


Sarah Thompson

I was talking to a friend last night who said that some kids never put the tablet (or device of choice) down, and that this type of computer use is proven to reduce creativity and the exposure to radiation causes neurological damage.

When I told her that I have a network of teen and adult unschoolers and their parents whose experiences (along with my own) contradict that assertion, and that I prefer joyful connection with my children and their chosen activities to fighting them out of fear of radiation (not in that succinct or aggressive a way-it was a chat:), she said that my situation is unique. I argued that the only thing unique about it is the unschooling, and the common denominator in the gloom-and-doom scenarios is school.

I mentioned the economics of prohibition and the idea that the kids who are on their tablets whenever they aren't in school might be responding to the massive amounts of control and top-down management in the rest of their lives.

All of this is a foreward to the following thought:

Computer technology raises the creativity bar. If it's *not* bad, that means:

- parents and other caregivers have to be *cooler* and that's more work (and sometimes impossible, because for a kid that wants to play Star Wars Battlefront on the XBox, there isn't a lot a parent can offer in the moment that will rival the experience of riding a speeder on Endor)

And/Or

-parents and caregivers have to stretch farther and work harder to learn new ways of finding connections around these amazing toys (I hear many people say they "can't stand" video games, or gaming youtubes or whatever, and they aren't ever going like them, and I think that's a factor-it's a new trick and they feel like old dogs and whatever happened to puppet shows?)

And/or

-learning and "productive" use of time might not look like what parents and caregivers were trained to believe it looked like, which means they have to throw out their old assumptions and start from scratch and that can be scary and hard.

And/or

-the "problems" caregivers perceive around computer technology might be either imagined or a direct result of their own actions and neuroses or both.

Or, computer technology *is* bad, after all, at least in any application out of the adult's initial comfort zone, which is much easier on the caregiver's psyche. The problem then becomes the child and their intransigent refusal to grow up and recognize what's good for them. The adult can step in to the comfortable role of manager and insist on more "creative" play, even if that means forcing boredom on a child until they "find something to do" (as I was told in my youth).

When I've been concerned that I was too boring to unschool, meaning failing to offer sufficient stimulation, what that meant was that *I* was bored, and had to find a way to play with my kids on their terms, or pursue my own interests if they didn't wish for my participation at that moment.

Sarah