Social Skills Training ?
michelle_m29@...
My eleven-year-old has been in speech therapy since he was three or four and it's been an ongoing struggle, which I've asked about here once or twice. Now that he's easily understood, I thought (because they told me so) that they were on the edge of graduating him out of therapy for good, then today the newest speech pathologist came in to evaluate him. She spent -maybe- three minutes with him and asked a handful of questions:
What he was interested in. (Possums, because he wants to be a wildlife rehabilitator)
What he wanted to be when he grows up. (He doesn't know - probably because she just scoffed at his interest in possums.)
Who his best friend is. (Friend has an odd name and I think she assumed, until the other therapist jumped in, that he was imaginary.)
Based on that brief conversation, she's recommending that we put him in group sessions to develop social skills, because he's at risk for bullying and entering his teenage years. Did I mention that he's 11 and only turned 11 last month? He does fine in groups of kids near his own age. He's fine talking to adults, now that he can make himself understood. I don't think he needs social skills training. Actually, I'm thinking that if he'd told her he's obsessed with Minecraft (which he does like) we might not be having the same conversation.
Does anyone have experience with social skills training? I'm wondering how it would be any better (and actually thinking that it would be a lot worse) than finding a few more activities with kids his own age. We do a lot of stuff, but lately it's been more "stuff as a family" than gym and park days.
Michelle
millionairemama@...
== Did I mention that he's 11 and only turned 11 last month? He does fine in groups of kids near his own age. He's fine talking to adults, now that he can make himself understood. I don't think he needs social skills training.==
I think you answered your own question there. If he's doing fine with groups of kids, he talks to adults and YOU don't think he needs social skills training then don't put him in that therapy.
When Austin was 4 (he's now 11), he was in speech therapy which he "graduated" from within 6 months and occupational therapy which he loved. I'm thinking that social skills training is similar to behavioural modification which we all disliked. Behavioural modification was all about forcing him to do things that are considered socially acceptable and to dissuade him from anything considered awkward... we only lasted one session and I was done. They wouldn't let him have his lollipop until he ate ALL of his corn and rice, I stepped in and said it was unacceptable and we never went back. Unless the state is involved in your son's care, then I wouldn't put him in those sessions. You know your son better than anyone, especially someone who sat with him for 3 minutes as you've stated.
The lead therapist told me that Austin needed to be in the Autistic Program and that he would not thrive as a homeschooled child. Well they were very wrong, Austin is excelling, travelling around the world, reading on his own although he doesn't like to write, he loves minecraft, cosplay, comic books, video games and he loves learning about ancient civilizations and he helps to plan our trips. If your gut tells you your son doesn't need "training" then don't subject him to it.
Nina
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 10, 2015, at 9:37 PM, michelle_m29@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
*** Based on that brief conversation, she's recommending that we put him in group sessions to develop social skills ***
I suspect you feel her degree gives her an insight into children that you don't have.
But she's trained to identify kids who aren't round pegs so she can offer them services to get them to fit into the school's round holes.
Child professional should really be called schooled-child professionals. Their practice focuses on getting kids to cope with a life that includes school. They *can't* know what children without school need. All studies are done on schooled kids. Which means they have zero experience, zero way of knowing how children naturally grow and develop when school isn't in their lives.
So she isn't saying your child needs help. She's saying she sees differences that she believes -- or, if she's less than sincere, believes she can convince you -- could cause future problems. But what are her beliefs based on? Is she familiar with natural child growth and development when kids aren't squeezed into the round hole of school?
A better source is looking at your son and asking radical unschoolers when he hits a snag you can't figure out. Does *he* want more activities with friends his age? Is there something *he* is struggling to do?
Joyce
Sarah Thompson
The tone of your email suggests that you recognize that she was dismissive and disrespectful of and to your son. To me, unschooling is exactly the opposite of that-it is engaged and considerate. Given that, it seems unlikely that she would have suggestions and ideas that would benefit your son.
It also sounds like maybe she planted some seeds of doubt. That is a frustrating experience. When you are working toward being your best self/best parent, and someone suggests that you are doing it wrong, it can be helpful, or it can fester as a wound. Did you *have* any concerns prior to this conversation? Did she touch a nerve, so to speak? If so, maybe that's where the meat of a productive inquiry lies.
Sarah
Randie Wann
I, too, feel the pressure to put my son, 10, in social skills groups, from family members, well meaning friends, schoolish residue.... He has been unschooled for two years now, and really prefers spending time alone, although he does play with his younger sister occassionally. When I take him to park days, he doesn't really connect with the kids; he does interact a bit, but because of awkward speech patterns and a tendency to flail his arms quite a bit, many kids shy away from him or state that he is weird.
I asked my son if he wanted to try a social skills group and he gave it a go. While I would have loved to pressure him into continuing, he said that the group seemed "forced" -it was!- and "unnatural" - well, yes...- and that while he would go if I really wanted him to, he would rather not go....
This is relevant to unschooling because he articulated all of this calmly. I have changed into a parent who doesn't necessarily think that I know - or that experts know - what is the best way for my kid to learn social skills, or anything else. This situation was made peaceful because I have changed. I seem to be following a principle of unschooling in that I listen to my kids!
Thanks for being out there, everyone,
Miranda
Sent on the wings of doves
I asked my son if he wanted to try a social skills group and he gave it a go. While I would have loved to pressure him into continuing, he said that the group seemed "forced" -it was!- and "unnatural" - well, yes...- and that while he would go if I really wanted him to, he would rather not go....
This is relevant to unschooling because he articulated all of this calmly. I have changed into a parent who doesn't necessarily think that I know - or that experts know - what is the best way for my kid to learn social skills, or anything else. This situation was made peaceful because I have changed. I seem to be following a principle of unschooling in that I listen to my kids!
Thanks for being out there, everyone,
Miranda
Sent on the wings of doves
K Pennell
If you stop taking him to speech services, they get no money (from you, insurance, etc...). Lower numbers can affect funding for schools (if he goes to school for speech) as well. It is in their interest to find something else he "needs" to work on.
This newest pathologist just met him? She may be either basing it on literally just meeting him in evaluation, or going by anecdotal evidence from the other speech people that have worked with him, or by a past diagnosis. If he has a diagnosis on the autism spectrum, for example, a pathologist will be expecting "social skill deficits".
Is your son wanting more involvement in groups or activities with kids his own age? If so, I think you're right, something interest based or friend based would be better than a "social skills group". Ugh. If he is happy with the way things are now, that's great, too.
From: "michelle_m29@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, November 10, 2015 9:37 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Social Skills Training ?
My eleven-year-old has been in speech therapy since he was three or four and it's been an ongoing struggle, which I've asked about here once or twice. Now that he's easily understood, I thought (because they told me so) that they were on the edge of graduating him out of therapy for good, then today the newest speech pathologist came in to evaluate him. She spent -maybe- three minutes with him and asked a handful of questions:
What he was interested in. (Possums, because he wants to be a wildlife rehabilitator)
What he wanted to be when he grows up. (He doesn't know - probably because she just scoffed at his interest in possums.)
Who his best friend is. (Friend has an odd name and I think she assumed, until the other therapist jumped in, that he was imaginary.)
Based on that brief conversation, she's recommending that we put him in group sessions to develop social skills, because he's at risk for bullying and entering his teenage years. Did I mention that he's 11 and only turned 11 last month? He does fine in groups of kids near his own age. He's fine talking to adults, now that he can make himself understood. I don't think he needs social skills training. Actually, I'm thinking that if he'd told her he's obsessed with Minecraft (which he does like) we might not be having the same conversation.
Does anyone have experience with social skills training? I'm wondering how it would be any better (and actually thinking that it would be a lot worse) than finding a few more activities with kids his own age. We do a lot of stuff, but lately it's been more "stuff as a family" than gym and park days.
Michelle
Robyn Coburn
What a horrible sounding phrase.
Just because one expert says something is needed, especially in an area as fuzzy as this, does not make it so. I bet Social Skills Training is that therapist's very special area of expertise and they see the urgent need for it in every "patient" they meet, even if it is for a mere five minutes.
Your dissatisfaction with this new therapist and this new plan is palpable in every word you write, and especially in your description of your son's social acumen.
However are there any legal ramifications to saying no to this "training"? If you decline now, can you take it up later if you feel the need for it?
What does your son say about the idea? Has it even been explained what this might entail? If it were, oh I don't know, playing some fun games with new friends, it might feel like a play date. But if it is more time with a therapist who scoffs at his interests and implies he's a liar (charming social skills modeling!), it might be downright harmful.
This is rather like the school choice conversation. Having the freedom to leave at any time makes all the difference. But I would be watching like a hawk, and at the first sign of belittling, scoffing, shaming or too much direction, strong words would be said.
Good luck.
Robyn C.
Sandra Dodd
This is beautiful:
-=-This is relevant to unschooling because he articulated all of this calmly. I have changed into a parent who doesn't necessarily think that I know - or that experts know - what is the best way for my kid to learn social skills, or anything else. This situation was made peaceful because I have changed. I seem to be following a principle of unschooling in that I listen to my kids! -=-
Miranda wrote it.
Here’s more to go with some of those ideas.
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2015/08/quietly-at-home.html
http://sandradodd.com/being/home.html
http://sandradodd.com/introvert
Sandra
-=-This is relevant to unschooling because he articulated all of this calmly. I have changed into a parent who doesn't necessarily think that I know - or that experts know - what is the best way for my kid to learn social skills, or anything else. This situation was made peaceful because I have changed. I seem to be following a principle of unschooling in that I listen to my kids! -=-
Miranda wrote it.
Here’s more to go with some of those ideas.
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2015/08/quietly-at-home.html
http://sandradodd.com/being/home.html
http://sandradodd.com/introvert
Sandra
bragdontina@...
I can't emphasize enough how much I regret labelling, or thinking in categories, or however you want to call it....this post brought up so many thoughts in me....
I have two children, age 15 dd and age 12 ds, who have always been unschooled. Had experience in the speech and physio/OT world, with ds, from ages 4-10, of which we quit. Some (OK actually a lot) of which I regret, As he got older (about 7 or so) and they got less play based, more pushy, and more "academic" with him I could totally see the whole paradigm of pushing him into school readiness. Based on the experience I had in the "speech world", I believe Joyce is absolutely bang on about assessing for the square peg/red flags, just by the leading questions the therapist asked the original posters child....there are definite things that therapist would be looking for and assuming about him, based on his answers (like if his friend was imaginary or real).
That whole "getting ready" paradigm was something I really really wished I had realized before I just jumped into interventions so long ago. I did get some ideas for him, but a lot of that I could have discovered on my own (by looking at him, what he was trying to do, his interests, maybe googling....and then looking at "HIM" and just MOVING ON, not getting swallowed up in all the what if's and the future instead of focusing on the child I had today). I lost so many moments of enjoyment with my kids swallowed up in worry. :(
AND most importantly, I REALLY REALLY wish I realized the impact it would have on me, in seeing past my child as a whole, not a "checklist". THAT is the danger with labels. I wish I would have paid more attention to that. It is still something I am trying to get over when it occasionally rears its' ugly head in me even now sometimes. And my son still remembers feeling bad about himself, how it opened up (in his mind), comparisons to other kids when that may have not ever occurred to him, had they not been inferred.
I still have much work in my mind today and am still catching myself toying around in my mind with things at times, regarding labels. Regarding the original posters question with social skills training, it is not something that I have experience but through (schooled) cousins of my kids I am aware of what it is and what is entailed. Darn right it is not natural!! Interestingly enough, my dd has right from very little always had traits and ways of acting/talking/ being around others socially that likely would be labelled if she were in the school environment, as it would not be what they would expect, or want. We had never looked into anything formally other than ruling out hearing issues through an audiologist at one point. Otherwise she's the one we never "took to therapy".
Unfortunately due to my experience of labelling my son, my mind soon swirled to all sorts of possibilities (and still does sometimes). I really wished I believed all those unschoolers, some of them even who are on this list, who told me so long ago with my son, that what did it matter outside the realm of school. I could not internalize that in my bones at the time, but so wish I had sooner. Over the years, I forced my dd into things that ***I*** "thought" would be good for her at the time, like 5 years of Girl Guides, loud homeschool gym times where she looked totally bewildered and lost, Sunday School, a cartooning class jumping on the fact she loved to draw. I was looking at what I thought was good for her, not factoring in that she was miserable. It was only when I started attending things with her by leader's/teacher's request, that my eyes were opened and I had to ask who this was really for (not her, BTW). I had to look at her and we pulled her out of all of that. She was so relieved.
When well meaning relatives express concern (like just yesterday!), that she is solitary, she cocoons too much, why is she pacing, I have to look at her...and focus on what she can do, her strengths, her vivid imagination, her writing online, her art, all sorts of things. That she shares herself with others or with us in her own way.
As I was told on another Yahoo unschooling group...."sit beside her, see her smile and laughter....just look at HER, breathe her in, in all her glory! What is YOUR truth, Tina ? How's that working for you? (referring to how I was believing society sees her) She needs to see you (see her) SHINING in her eyes...." I had to believe and tell myself that there are no "will never's..." I now see things she is in that she does shine and play to her strengths, that she was naturally attracted to (like a LARPing/live action role playing group which so jives with her imagination). How she seems comfortable in her own skin, is brutally honest and isn't afraid to tell things like they are. How she can actually "handle things" when she goes at her own pace.
It is only when I have "my" own expectation of how things "should" be, how much she "should" handle, that I feel that angst in my mind.
Isn't there an old saying? FEAR is False Expectations Appearing Real? When I center myself of what is in front of me, my dd and my ds....that shows me more clarity and my path.
What if your child is an introvert?
Problems with Labelling Children
---In [email protected], <jfetteroll@...> wrote :
I have two children, age 15 dd and age 12 ds, who have always been unschooled. Had experience in the speech and physio/OT world, with ds, from ages 4-10, of which we quit. Some (OK actually a lot) of which I regret, As he got older (about 7 or so) and they got less play based, more pushy, and more "academic" with him I could totally see the whole paradigm of pushing him into school readiness. Based on the experience I had in the "speech world", I believe Joyce is absolutely bang on about assessing for the square peg/red flags, just by the leading questions the therapist asked the original posters child....there are definite things that therapist would be looking for and assuming about him, based on his answers (like if his friend was imaginary or real).
That whole "getting ready" paradigm was something I really really wished I had realized before I just jumped into interventions so long ago. I did get some ideas for him, but a lot of that I could have discovered on my own (by looking at him, what he was trying to do, his interests, maybe googling....and then looking at "HIM" and just MOVING ON, not getting swallowed up in all the what if's and the future instead of focusing on the child I had today). I lost so many moments of enjoyment with my kids swallowed up in worry. :(
AND most importantly, I REALLY REALLY wish I realized the impact it would have on me, in seeing past my child as a whole, not a "checklist". THAT is the danger with labels. I wish I would have paid more attention to that. It is still something I am trying to get over when it occasionally rears its' ugly head in me even now sometimes. And my son still remembers feeling bad about himself, how it opened up (in his mind), comparisons to other kids when that may have not ever occurred to him, had they not been inferred.
I still have much work in my mind today and am still catching myself toying around in my mind with things at times, regarding labels. Regarding the original posters question with social skills training, it is not something that I have experience but through (schooled) cousins of my kids I am aware of what it is and what is entailed. Darn right it is not natural!! Interestingly enough, my dd has right from very little always had traits and ways of acting/talking/ being around others socially that likely would be labelled if she were in the school environment, as it would not be what they would expect, or want. We had never looked into anything formally other than ruling out hearing issues through an audiologist at one point. Otherwise she's the one we never "took to therapy".
Unfortunately due to my experience of labelling my son, my mind soon swirled to all sorts of possibilities (and still does sometimes). I really wished I believed all those unschoolers, some of them even who are on this list, who told me so long ago with my son, that what did it matter outside the realm of school. I could not internalize that in my bones at the time, but so wish I had sooner. Over the years, I forced my dd into things that ***I*** "thought" would be good for her at the time, like 5 years of Girl Guides, loud homeschool gym times where she looked totally bewildered and lost, Sunday School, a cartooning class jumping on the fact she loved to draw. I was looking at what I thought was good for her, not factoring in that she was miserable. It was only when I started attending things with her by leader's/teacher's request, that my eyes were opened and I had to ask who this was really for (not her, BTW). I had to look at her and we pulled her out of all of that. She was so relieved.
When well meaning relatives express concern (like just yesterday!), that she is solitary, she cocoons too much, why is she pacing, I have to look at her...and focus on what she can do, her strengths, her vivid imagination, her writing online, her art, all sorts of things. That she shares herself with others or with us in her own way.
As I was told on another Yahoo unschooling group...."sit beside her, see her smile and laughter....just look at HER, breathe her in, in all her glory! What is YOUR truth, Tina ? How's that working for you? (referring to how I was believing society sees her) She needs to see you (see her) SHINING in her eyes...." I had to believe and tell myself that there are no "will never's..." I now see things she is in that she does shine and play to her strengths, that she was naturally attracted to (like a LARPing/live action role playing group which so jives with her imagination). How she seems comfortable in her own skin, is brutally honest and isn't afraid to tell things like they are. How she can actually "handle things" when she goes at her own pace.
It is only when I have "my" own expectation of how things "should" be, how much she "should" handle, that I feel that angst in my mind.
Isn't there an old saying? FEAR is False Expectations Appearing Real? When I center myself of what is in front of me, my dd and my ds....that shows me more clarity and my path.
What if your child is an introvert?
Problems with Labelling Children
---In [email protected], <jfetteroll@...> wrote :
On Nov 10, 2015, at 9:37 PM, michelle_m29@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
But she's trained to identify kids who aren't round pegs so she can offer them services to get them to fit into the school's round holes.
Child professional should really be called schooled-child professionals. Their practice focuses on getting kids to cope with a life that includes school. They *can't* know what children without school need. All studies are done on schooled kids. Which means they have zero experience, zero way of knowing how children naturally grow and develop when school isn't in their lives.
michelle_m29@...
I agree that it's a horrible sounding phrase and it did cross my mind that there's money at stake. We use a private therapy center instead of the public schools (because my children have never been to public school and involving them seemed like it would muddy the waters and make things more complicated) and everything is paid for by us and our health insurance. They make money off of my kid. Which has been fine for the speech therapy. We've been paying for a service that he needed and it's benefited him. (Maybe he'd have outgrown some of his speech difficulties on his own.... I don't know. His dad wanted him to have the therapy and if that kept him happy with homeschooling, I think it was a reasonable thing to do. I might've handled a few things differently along the way if the decisions were mine alone instead of mine and my husband's. But we both agree that social skills training isn't something we want to pay for or subject our child to.)
Robin asked if there were legal ramifications. I don't think so. If he leaves therapy at this point, I don't think insurance will pay for it if he jumps back in, but we've never had concerns about his social interactions with other kids. When we go to the park or other homeschool activities, my boys get along with other kids, usually join in whatever game is being played....I haven't seen any friction or problems. I'm not waiting to see if he solves some difficulties on his own that therapy might help -- I've never seen anything that makes me think he needs help reading body language or interacting with other kids.
The newest pathologist did just meet him. Like I said, she spent three or four minutes talking to him, then made her diagnosis. I'm sure that since the regular therapist had talked to her about him. She's mentioned to me several times that Quinn's "robotic" speech concerns her. But he only talks that way in speech therapy appointments when he's focused on all of his sounds, not when he's out in the rest of the world.
Quinn is overdue to be evaluated for progress as far as his speech is concerned. I was told that the new pathologist would do it and I said I wanted it done by the other pathologist, who did his initial evaluation and has done quick ones over the past few years. Where we go from there, I don't know. My husband want me to just say absolutely not to the social skills and keep up the speech therapy. I'm not sure it's that easy. (Hope it is, but I'm a bit on edge about the thinking his friend wasn't a real person bit...)
There should be a homeschool game day between now and his next appointment. I'm thinking that going so we can report back "Look, we went, he interacted well" might be a good thing.
There should be a homeschool game day between now and his next appointment. I'm thinking that going so we can report back "Look, we went, he interacted well" might be a good thing.
Michelle
Tisha
Just to chime in, my son did speech therapy, occupational therapy, and social skills training.
For us, it was all beneficial. But, my son has Asperger's. I could only wish for my son to be as at ease around playground playmates.
I use private insurance and therapies, not the public school system, and although they obviously do benefit from being paid, I don't feel we were pushed into anything. I was and am constantly being asked how I feel about their suggestions and more importantly, they ask my son.
My personal feeling is that myself and my son know what is best for us, and therapists are just tools to take us where we need to go- not leaders.
Don't damn the therapy, in other words. If it doesn't fit, move on. You know best.
But I'd probably ask for a different speech therapist if she continued to be so condescending.
A good therapist can really make all the difference.
Tish
Tish
On Nov 11, 2015, at 6:24 PM, michelle_m29@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
I agree that it's a horrible sounding phrase and it did cross my mind that there's money at stake. We use a private therapy center instead of the public schools (because my children have never been to public school and involving them seemed like it would muddy the waters and make things more complicated) and everything is paid for by us and our health insurance. They make money off of my kid. Which has been fine for the speech therapy. We've been paying for a service that he needed and it's benefited him. (Maybe he'd have outgrown some of his speech difficulties on his own.... I don't know. His dad wanted him to have the therapy and if that kept him happy with homeschooling, I think it was a reasonable thing to do. I might've handled a few things differently along the way if the decisions were mine alone instead of mine and my husband's. But we both agree that social skills training isn't something we want to pay for or subject our child to.)
Robin asked if there were legal ramifications. I don't think so. If he leaves therapy at this point, I don't think insurance will pay for it if he jumps back in, but we've never had concerns about his social interactions with other kids. When we go to the park or other homeschool activities, my boys get along with other kids, usually join in whatever game is being played....I haven't seen any friction or problems. I'm not waiting to see if he solves some difficulties on his own that therapy might help -- I've never seen anything that makes me think he needs help reading body language or interacting with other kids.The newest pathologist did just meet him. Like I said, she spent three or four minutes talking to him, then made her diagnosis. I'm sure that since the regular therapist had talked to her about him. She's mentioned to me several times that Quinn's "robotic" speech concerns her. But he only talks that way in speech therapy appointments when he's focused on all of his sounds, not when he's out in the rest of the world.Quinn is overdue to be evaluated for progress as far as his speech is concerned. I was told that the new pathologist would do it and I said I wanted it done by the other pathologist, who did his initial evaluation and has done quick ones over the past few years. Where we go from there, I don't know. My husband want me to just say absolutely not to the social skills and keep up the speech therapy. I'm not sure it's that easy. (Hope it is, but I'm a bit on edge about the thinking his friend wasn't a real person bit...)
There should be a homeschool game day between now and his next appointment. I'm thinking that going so we can report back "Look, we went, he interacted well" might be a good thing.Michelle
Sandra Dodd
-=-My personal feeling is that myself and my son know what is best for us, and therapists are just tools to take us where we need to go- not leaders.-=-
I agree with the end of that, but there’s something to consider in the first part.
The questions in this forum should always be responded to from an unschooling point of view. When a mom says “we,” there can be a problem. A child will usually agree with his mom when she says “That therapy for what is wrong with you helped, right?” His “right” doesn’t create a solid “we.”
Though it might not be the case in this particular family’s situation, it is and has been true in others, so please, everyone, be wary of justifying something with a “we.”
-=-A good therapist can really make all the difference.-=-
This is true IF the assumption is that therapy is required or necessary. IF therapy is inavoidable then “the difference” between a good experience and a bad one will depend on “a good therapist.” But two things (a small one and then a big one):
1. Someone can be, objectively, “a good therapist” and yet not be a good match for an individual client.
2. For unschoolers, for various reasons, it’s possible in many situations that no therapist at all (lack of therapist) could be better than a therapist (good or bad).
-=-Don't damn the therapy, in other words. If it doesn't fit, move on. You know best.-=-
If she already absolutely knew, why would she have asked others for input?
What will help or might hinder unschooling, in this situation, is the background of all discussion in Always Learning.
The problem of “we”:
http://sandradodd.com/we
I found this, about why “being supportive” can be a detrimental:
http://sandradodd.com/support/problem
Sandra
I agree with the end of that, but there’s something to consider in the first part.
The questions in this forum should always be responded to from an unschooling point of view. When a mom says “we,” there can be a problem. A child will usually agree with his mom when she says “That therapy for what is wrong with you helped, right?” His “right” doesn’t create a solid “we.”
Though it might not be the case in this particular family’s situation, it is and has been true in others, so please, everyone, be wary of justifying something with a “we.”
-=-A good therapist can really make all the difference.-=-
This is true IF the assumption is that therapy is required or necessary. IF therapy is inavoidable then “the difference” between a good experience and a bad one will depend on “a good therapist.” But two things (a small one and then a big one):
1. Someone can be, objectively, “a good therapist” and yet not be a good match for an individual client.
2. For unschoolers, for various reasons, it’s possible in many situations that no therapist at all (lack of therapist) could be better than a therapist (good or bad).
-=-Don't damn the therapy, in other words. If it doesn't fit, move on. You know best.-=-
If she already absolutely knew, why would she have asked others for input?
What will help or might hinder unschooling, in this situation, is the background of all discussion in Always Learning.
The problem of “we”:
http://sandradodd.com/we
I found this, about why “being supportive” can be a detrimental:
http://sandradodd.com/support/problem
Sandra
michelle_m29@...
Thank you to everyone who answering my question about Social Skills Training. We went to this week's appointment and at the end of the appointment while Quinn went outside to join his sister and brothers, his regular speech therapist (M) apologized to me, saying that S had only been called in to listen to Quinn's speech and M didn't know how the idea of social skills training came into it.
I'm a little confused, because when we left last week M seemed to be pushing me pretty strongly towards the group appointments. My best guess is that maybe one or both of them spoke to the director of the facility, who has been overseeing Quinn's progress for the past six or seven years.
I'm still not happy with the situation, but I guess all I can do for now is wait and watch.
Michelle
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm still not happy with the situation, but I guess all I can do for now is wait and watch. -=-
You don’t need to tell us anything more—have all the privacy you want.
IF THIS IS VOLUNTARY, you don’t need to wait and watch if you don’t want to. You could just say “I thought about it, but we’re going to wait a while,” or something.
If this is required by law somehow, maybe you could just not show up as often as they want.
If this is court-mandated somehow (social services recommendation, or terms of a divorce or something where contempt of court would be a factor), THEN waiting and watching seems quite a reasonable place to be.
Sandra
You don’t need to tell us anything more—have all the privacy you want.
IF THIS IS VOLUNTARY, you don’t need to wait and watch if you don’t want to. You could just say “I thought about it, but we’re going to wait a while,” or something.
If this is required by law somehow, maybe you could just not show up as often as they want.
If this is court-mandated somehow (social services recommendation, or terms of a divorce or something where contempt of court would be a factor), THEN waiting and watching seems quite a reasonable place to be.
Sandra
Michelle Marr
> IF THIS IS VOLUNTARY, you don’t need to waitBy "wait and watch," I meant that we'll continue with his regular speech therapy for the moment, as long as it doesn't involve the new speech pathologist. Since they say they're close to "graduating" him, maybe it's a good thing if they say he's done as opposed to my abruptly pulling him out because they made a recommendation I don't agree with... Maybe I'm being overly cautious. I got the impression that this woman (who knows nothing or next to nothing about us) either doesn't understand homeschooling, or has some misconceptions about it, or just plain doesn't approve of it. I can't get over the fact that she said in front of my son that he was going to be bullied as an adult because there's something wrong with him.
> and watch if you don’t want to. You could just say “I
> thought about it, but we’re going to wait a while,” or
> something.
They just re-hired one of Quinn's previous speech therapists (he'd been there temporarily while they were restructuring a couple of years ago) so I'm happy that we've got another person there who has spent a lot time with my kid and can see how much he's grown and improved over the past eighteen months. If there is/was something going on with Quinn's social skills that needs to be addressed, he (or the other gal who worked with Quinn before she moved out of state) would have brought it up at some point.
The speech therapy is all voluntary. We had a concern, got him evaluated, found a therapist and have been paying for it (with the help of our medical insurance.) There's no IEP or custody battle or any kind of government involvement or recommendation at all. I'm just trying to tread lightly and play nice because I don't want to create problems where there aren't any.
Michelle