shilpa.r1110@...

Hello,

We as a family started on our unschooling journey less than a year back. We have two daughters-12 and 9 yrs. I find that I increasingly am getting less tolerant and more angry when they choose to watch movies at home. I willingly say yes to the first 2 movies. By the third, I can feel my anger rising and by the fourth, I've usually erupted. I realise that my reaction hampers their freedom to choose and even makes them anxious, but I am unable to wrap my mind around the reality of almost 8 hrs a day spent watching movies. The other guilt I go through is that I have so far been unable to bring myself to watching movies with them for so many hours, I feel responsible and like a failure because other kind of activities with them are not happening. I also struggle to truly deeply believe that its ok to watch so many movies. Or does it become an ok thing if I am watching with them? I want "Being" and "parenting peacefully" but its not happening.

Sarah Thompson

"Watching movies" makes it sound like one thing, but movies are so many things! What are they watching? Lumping it into one activity, instead of seeing it as many discrete explorations, disrespects the medium and it disrespects their choices. Your hostility to it is also likely to inspire unhealthy binging as a defense.

I've felt some of these feelings. What helped was to watch with my boys, and to ask lots of questions during non-video times.

Also, if you just started unschooling, this is really more of a deschooling period. If they've felt restricted for years, that isn't going to change overnight.

Sarah

Sandra Dodd

From the very beginning you're using too many words.

"my reaction to their choice of activity being movies"

First, you don't seem to like movies.
You see watching a movie as "an activity."
You don't like that that is "the activity" they chose.
You want toi look at your reaction to all of that. :-)

http://sandradodd.com/deschooling

You're looking at a lot of things that are not learning, and are not your children.
You're looking at 'movies" as though they're rocks, or boxes.

http://sandradodd.com/movies

But I think the best thing you could do right now is to subscribe to Pam Laricchia's introduction to unschooling. It's free. REALLY read it, slowly, carefully. Do the exercises. Think the thoughts she's asking you to think. Do it without agitation and frustration. Practice being with those thoughts.

-=-I willingly say yes to the first 2 movies.-=-

Why are you counting?
Why do they need to ask you?
(Don't answer the questions in this discussion. Consider them as you deschool.)

If you don't disassemble the school in your mind, you won't be able to unschool. That's not a maybe.

http://livingjoyfully.ca/newsletter/

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

-=- I realise that my reaction hampers their freedom to choose and even makes them anxious, but I am unable to wrap my mind around the reality of almost 8 hrs a day spent watching movies.-=-

Do you plan to change so that you are not making them anxious or hampering them?
When you say "I am unable to wrap my mind around..." it's rejecting and dismissive. Is your mind too small a wrapping, or are you declaring the other thing impossible to comprehend or unworthy of being considered? Whatever it is, it's very negative.

There's an interesting quote here about capacity, and a wrapping. :-)

http://sandradodd.com/intelligences/zenthing
Look here, too: http://sandradodd.com/intelligences

Not everyone can unschool. If you want to, then stop doing damage now. Make choices that lead you in a dozen small ways a day, or a hundred, toward being a parent who provides options.

http://sandradodd.com/choices

-=-my reaction hampers their freedom to choose-=-

TOO many words.
Don't look at freedom.
http://sandradodd.com/freedom
It's a problem.

Look at peace, partnership and learning.

You're hampering their peace, partnership and learning.

Relax. Breathe. http://sandradodd.com/breathing
Smile. Be sweet.

Subscribe to this and don't ignore it, if you want to be softer and nicer.
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com

This would have helped you, if you had read it and understood:

http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-safest-place.html
The quote and photo and link all are valuable.
Make yourself your child's safest place in the world, and many of your old concerns will just disappear.

-=- I also struggle to truly deeply believe that its ok to watch so many movies.-=-

Stop struggling. Stop separating yourself from direct experience with SO many qualifiers and modifiers.
http://sandradodd.com/battle
Movies aren't struggling back with you.
You want to see the value in movies. Then look at the movie, not at your fear, your clock, the number of movies.
You don't need to struggle. You don't need to "believe it's ok" and that believe doesn't need to be truly and deeply.

When you see learning, it will be real learning. If you're looking at a dozen other things, you will never, ever see learning and your unschooling will fail..


-=-But until you stop doing what you were doing before, you will not see those stars.-=-
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2012/07/stages-of-unschooling.html

http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2013/08/be-still.html
"Until a person stops doing the things that keep unschooling from working, unschooling can't begin to work...."

It would probably be better if, instead of responding to this, you spend a few weeks being a soft, open mother.

http://sandradodd.com/readalittle

You will see your own changes then. We can't persuade you that your children are learning. We can't see them. YOU should be looking at them, but it doesn't sound like you are.

Sandra