No food restrictions update.
harrisjen41@...
My nephew has been eating less at each meal, as to not make himself sick (he hasn't thrown up or been sick for two days) and is putting more time between meals. He is learning to listen to his stomach and we have built trust with him by having food available when he needed or just wanted it. It has been a challenge at times to keep everyone on board..with one grandparent she doesn't cook or have food in the house because she eats out all the time. So I pack ( with his help) his food for a whole day to go with him, even through he stays only 6 hours, so the grandparent has no excuse to not give him food when he wants it.
Today, he said he only wanted two packs of oatmeal not three like usually. I said, okay. I fixed two packs and he eat it happily. I was waiting for him to ask for another pack and his usual request for a "snack" (his word for extra food to go with the food he already has) with it and all he said was he was full.
Two days no tummy aches, pains or sickness because he learned to listen to his own tummy! Thank you..to everyone for helping me and giving support.
Jen
Sandra Dodd
-=-Two days no tummy aches, pains or sickness because he learned to listen to his own tummy! -=-
Good to hear!!
"is learning to listen" will be better for you to think than "has learned to listen."
None of this is a once-and-for-all. Stresses (for you, for him, for other kids) can easily cause "reverting" back to earlier thoughts and practices and "knowledge." Any of us in a bad moment can channel a parent. A child who's stressed might act in some of his "worst" ways, so it might not all be steps forward; sometimes there's a step back.
Let it be a moment, not a day.
http://sandradodd.com/moment
Sandra
Good to hear!!
"is learning to listen" will be better for you to think than "has learned to listen."
None of this is a once-and-for-all. Stresses (for you, for him, for other kids) can easily cause "reverting" back to earlier thoughts and practices and "knowledge." Any of us in a bad moment can channel a parent. A child who's stressed might act in some of his "worst" ways, so it might not all be steps forward; sometimes there's a step back.
Let it be a moment, not a day.
http://sandradodd.com/moment
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-Any of us in a bad moment can channel a parent.-=-
I'm amending this.
People under stress sometimes seem to "become" a parent or some authority figure from childhood.
Some people wish they could channel a parent they never knew, so I don't want to say "Any can."
Sandra
I'm amending this.
People under stress sometimes seem to "become" a parent or some authority figure from childhood.
Some people wish they could channel a parent they never knew, so I don't want to say "Any can."
Sandra
jen harris
****"is learning to listen" will be better for you to think than "has learned to listen."****
You are correct.
The action verb I used implies it is a finished life experience. With all the past issues..he will more and likely face these problems again and we will take it moment to moment. So true! The other day he didn't want to visit the maternal grandmother because she keeps no food...none in the house. She told me she never kept food even when she was raising his mother. She would stop and get something on her way home daily...I expressed my concerned because he felt insecure. It fell on deaf ears. She doesn't and won't shop and store food she says.....so I pack the food for him. What was really sad and made me mad was when they had a free zoo day and she sent me a text and told me to get in free they would need to bring non-perishable items. To my surprise she "told" me to pack some for her and him so they could get in free. I told her she would be passing about three stores and she could stop and pick up a few cans for "herself" that I have twelve children to feed and her grandson was one of them..not her. With all that....I make sure he has a full days supply of food when he goes to her house because she doesn't provide security in this area of his life.
I also made a snack bar at home. It is an old book shelf that I put in the dining room and this has helped greatly. We keep baskets of different things out and my 11 year added a special touch and hung an eraser board above it to write what the snack bar would be serving for the day. :D
Jen
On Saturday, January 17, 2015 1:54 AM, "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" wrote:
-=-Any of us in a bad moment can channel a parent.-=-
I'm amending this.
People under stress sometimes seem to "become" a parent or some authority figure from childhood.
Some people wish they could channel a parent they never knew, so I don't want to say "Any can."
Sandra
I'm amending this.
People under stress sometimes seem to "become" a parent or some authority figure from childhood.
Some people wish they could channel a parent they never knew, so I don't want to say "Any can."
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=- What was really sad and made me mad was when they had a free zoo day and she sent me a text and told me to get in free they would need to bring non-perishable items. To my surprise she "told" me to pack some for her and him so they could get in free. I told her she would be passing about three stores and she could stop and pick up a few cans for "herself" that I have twelve children to feed and her grandson was one of them..not her.-=-
Sad and mad is wasting your energy.
The food to get into the zoo was not for her to eat. It was a donation to charity. Someone else took a child (of yours, directly or indirectly) to the zoo!! You didn't need to go! Zoo is good!
To begrudge the donation of some non-perishable foods seems too negative. To write and explain it to us is spreading negativity.
-=- I have twelve children to feed and her grandson was one of them..not her.-=-
If you have twelve, thirteen is not proportionally a lot more. But your argument is unrelated entirely to the situation, because you weren't feeing EITHER of them. It was the cost of zoo entry.
If one person living alone feeds one extra person, that's 100% greater expense.
If a person feeding twelve (plus two adults, so fourteen) feeds 15 instead of 14, that's only 7% or 8% more. Not much.
http://sandradodd.com/gratitude It's good to be grateful for help, even if it doesn't come exactly as you imagine you would provide help.
http://sandradodd.com/negativity It's good to be more positive, especially in public.
http://sandradodd.com/clarity Clarity helps everyone.
Sandra
Sad and mad is wasting your energy.
The food to get into the zoo was not for her to eat. It was a donation to charity. Someone else took a child (of yours, directly or indirectly) to the zoo!! You didn't need to go! Zoo is good!
To begrudge the donation of some non-perishable foods seems too negative. To write and explain it to us is spreading negativity.
-=- I have twelve children to feed and her grandson was one of them..not her.-=-
If you have twelve, thirteen is not proportionally a lot more. But your argument is unrelated entirely to the situation, because you weren't feeing EITHER of them. It was the cost of zoo entry.
If one person living alone feeds one extra person, that's 100% greater expense.
If a person feeding twelve (plus two adults, so fourteen) feeds 15 instead of 14, that's only 7% or 8% more. Not much.
http://sandradodd.com/gratitude It's good to be grateful for help, even if it doesn't come exactly as you imagine you would provide help.
http://sandradodd.com/negativity It's good to be more positive, especially in public.
http://sandradodd.com/clarity Clarity helps everyone.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-If you have twelve, thirteen is not proportionally a lot more. But your argument is unrelated entirely to the situation, because you weren't feeing EITHER of them. It was the cost of zoo entry.-=-
Feeding. Sorry.
Looks like feeling and freeing but should bee feeding.
-=-If one person living alone feeds one extra person, that's 100% greater expense.
If a person feeding twelve (plus two adults, so fourteen) feeds 15 instead of 14, that's only 7% or 8% more. Not much.-=-
This is a concept I learned well being in a babysitting co-op, and later having families come to our unschooling park day with a single child.
A single child wants to play at someone else's house. Having one child over when I already had three children was minor. For that family to reciprocate by having three children over was HUGE. Those single children were all boys, so even if the mom had Kirby and Marty over, it was three times as many kids for her, when her child at my house had been only 33% more, and we had enough space, enough food, enough toys.
Sandra
Feeding. Sorry.
Looks like feeling and freeing but should bee feeding.
-=-If one person living alone feeds one extra person, that's 100% greater expense.
If a person feeding twelve (plus two adults, so fourteen) feeds 15 instead of 14, that's only 7% or 8% more. Not much.-=-
This is a concept I learned well being in a babysitting co-op, and later having families come to our unschooling park day with a single child.
A single child wants to play at someone else's house. Having one child over when I already had three children was minor. For that family to reciprocate by having three children over was HUGE. Those single children were all boys, so even if the mom had Kirby and Marty over, it was three times as many kids for her, when her child at my house had been only 33% more, and we had enough space, enough food, enough toys.
Sandra
jen harris
I didn't know the percentages. So thanks for sharing that with me. Very interesting. Sorry if what I said was negative. My attempt was to point out that she doesn't place any importance on food and the security that it brings. We see that a house with no food restrictions brings joy to all my children. She doesn't. He went to the zoo happily because I provided for him the donations that he needed. I make sure he has time with all four sets of grandparents and is available when they want to visit. This is an open adoption (by my choice..it could have been closed) so my door is open to all of them and they visit my home regular along with their own visitation schedule. I will not bring issues relating to food issues or any issues with grandparents again per your request.
jen
On Saturday, January 17, 2015 2:29 PM, "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:
-=-If you have twelve, thirteen is not proportionally a lot more. But your argument is unrelated entirely to the situation, because you weren't feeing EITHER of them. It was the cost of zoo entry.-=-
Feeding. Sorry.
Looks like feeling and freeing but should bee feeding.
-=-If one person living alone feeds one extra person, that's 100% greater expense.
If a person feeding twelve (plus two adults, so fourteen) feeds 15 instead of 14, that's only 7% or 8% more. Not much.-=-
This is a concept I learned well being in a babysitting co-op, and later having families come to our unschooling park day with a single child.
A single child wants to play at someone else's house. Having one child over when I already had three children was minor. For that family to reciprocate by having three children over was HUGE. Those single children were all boys, so even if the mom had Kirby and Marty over, it was three times as many kids for her, when her child at my house had been only 33% more, and we had enough space, enough food, enough toys.
Sandra
Feeding. Sorry.
Looks like feeling and freeing but should bee feeding.
-=-If one person living alone feeds one extra person, that's 100% greater expense.
If a person feeding twelve (plus two adults, so fourteen) feeds 15 instead of 14, that's only 7% or 8% more. Not much.-=-
This is a concept I learned well being in a babysitting co-op, and later having families come to our unschooling park day with a single child.
A single child wants to play at someone else's house. Having one child over when I already had three children was minor. For that family to reciprocate by having three children over was HUGE. Those single children were all boys, so even if the mom had Kirby and Marty over, it was three times as many kids for her, when her child at my house had been only 33% more, and we had enough space, enough food, enough toys.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-This is an open adoption (by my choice..it could have been closed)-=-
I didn't know there could be a closed adoption of an older child already known to everyone.
And if he's with relatives, it's impossible to hide him from relatives on that side, anyway.
Perhaps "closed adoption" would mean that he was no longer related to to that other side of the family, removing their legal rights?
-=- I will not bring issues relating to food issues or any issues with grandparents again per your request. -=-
I made no such request, as the moderators know, and if you honestly believe I did, please re-read the side e-mail very carefully.
The statement you're misrepresenting was "If you meant an even more negative term than "deaf ears," then I would like to ask you not to tell any more stories about that person. Your negativity is too harsh to share. It's too harsh to cling to."
IF you intend to continue to think and write so harshly of someone (which I don't think you should; that was part of my point there AND in public), don't do it here.
People here ARE trying to help. Please review the group guidelines for posting here:
http://sandradodd.com/lists/alwayslearningPOSTS
Sandra
I didn't know there could be a closed adoption of an older child already known to everyone.
And if he's with relatives, it's impossible to hide him from relatives on that side, anyway.
Perhaps "closed adoption" would mean that he was no longer related to to that other side of the family, removing their legal rights?
-=- I will not bring issues relating to food issues or any issues with grandparents again per your request. -=-
I made no such request, as the moderators know, and if you honestly believe I did, please re-read the side e-mail very carefully.
The statement you're misrepresenting was "If you meant an even more negative term than "deaf ears," then I would like to ask you not to tell any more stories about that person. Your negativity is too harsh to share. It's too harsh to cling to."
IF you intend to continue to think and write so harshly of someone (which I don't think you should; that was part of my point there AND in public), don't do it here.
People here ARE trying to help. Please review the group guidelines for posting here:
http://sandradodd.com/lists/alwayslearningPOSTS
Sandra
jen harris
Thank you for the clarity. The circumstances were severe and he was going to be placed in foster care and adopted out if I (his step-great-aunt) didn't step in. I didn't mean to seem negative and harsh. My focus truly was on his food issues (from being without ) and how I can do better to help him work through them with everyone and everywhere he goes. I sincerely never meant harm.
Jen
On Saturday, January 17, 2015 4:52 PM, "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:
-=-This is an open adoption (by my choice..it could have been closed)-=-
I didn't know there could be a closed adoption of an older child already known to everyone.
And if he's with relatives, it's impossible to hide him from relatives on that side, anyway.
Perhaps "closed adoption" would mean that he was no longer related to to that other side of the family, removing their legal rights?
-=- I will not bring issues relating to food issues or any issues with grandparents again per your request. -=-
I made no such request, as the moderators know, and if you honestly believe I did, please re-read the side e-mail very carefully.
The statement you're misrepresenting was "If you meant an even more negative term than "deaf ears," then I would like to ask you not to tell any more stories about that person. Your negativity is too harsh to share. It's too harsh to cling to."
IF you intend to continue to think and write so harshly of someone (which I don't think you should; that was part of my point there AND in public), don't do it here.
People here ARE trying to help. Please review the group guidelines for posting here:
http://sandradodd.com/lists/alwayslearningPOSTS
Sandra
I didn't know there could be a closed adoption of an older child already known to everyone.
And if he's with relatives, it's impossible to hide him from relatives on that side, anyway.
Perhaps "closed adoption" would mean that he was no longer related to to that other side of the family, removing their legal rights?
-=- I will not bring issues relating to food issues or any issues with grandparents again per your request. -=-
I made no such request, as the moderators know, and if you honestly believe I did, please re-read the side e-mail very carefully.
The statement you're misrepresenting was "If you meant an even more negative term than "deaf ears," then I would like to ask you not to tell any more stories about that person. Your negativity is too harsh to share. It's too harsh to cling to."
IF you intend to continue to think and write so harshly of someone (which I don't think you should; that was part of my point there AND in public), don't do it here.
People here ARE trying to help. Please review the group guidelines for posting here:
http://sandradodd.com/lists/alwayslearningPOSTS
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-
My focus truly was on his food issues (from being without ) and how I can do better to help him work through them with everyone and everywhere he goes. I sincerely never meant harm.
-=-
It takes more than feeding a child to create a successful unschooling environment.
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
It's not enough to have not meant harm before. A steady movement toward less anger, "mad and sad," less expressed negativity and more softness is better for every child at your house, for yourself, for your relationships, and for anyone who reads what you write.
You're going from one extreme to another, in your writing here. That means you're going from one extreme to another in your thinking.
Find some middle ground.
http://sandradodd.com/balance
Don't respond. Too much response, not enough reading, trying, waiting and watching.
http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
Sandra
My focus truly was on his food issues (from being without ) and how I can do better to help him work through them with everyone and everywhere he goes. I sincerely never meant harm.
-=-
It takes more than feeding a child to create a successful unschooling environment.
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
It's not enough to have not meant harm before. A steady movement toward less anger, "mad and sad," less expressed negativity and more softness is better for every child at your house, for yourself, for your relationships, and for anyone who reads what you write.
You're going from one extreme to another, in your writing here. That means you're going from one extreme to another in your thinking.
Find some middle ground.
http://sandradodd.com/balance
Don't respond. Too much response, not enough reading, trying, waiting and watching.
http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
Sandra