madh4ofwaipu

I know through coming here I will get a mixed response but thats what life is like.

My daughter who is 5.5 enjoys being at 'home' with her brother and I. We still catch up with her school friends and like the proud mummy's they are they show off their children's writing, reading and maths skills in their end of year port foilos.
With my heart in my mouth I smile and look over the lovely work. All my daughters friends at school are 6 months younger than her and Their writing, and reading and spelling really well. My daughter has no intrest in any of these areas and when she does attempt to write it's illegible. No reading yet.

I've read John holt and Sandra your book too. Still it's hard to leap out into the unknown.

Some days I feel like I've really failed. I've hardly managed to put the washing out. Let alone provided interesting things for my children to explore. I've started to become more bad tempered with my worry and know that it's not nice and wonder if I'm better off putting them in school.

My own fear and experience of school would probably be very different to today's school. Am I damaging my children opportunity?
I'd love some tips or saying I can use - like this too shell pass...but also do I need to strew stuff on writing some how


There are very few homeschoolers in our community and even less unschoolers (I'm aiming to catch up with a family in our community 2hrs drive away) for ideas and a chat.

Sandra Dodd

-=-I know through coming here I will get a mixed response but thats what life is like.-=-

Do you consider mixed responses to be a bad thing, then?

Do you consider mixed responses to be a bad part of life?

These questions are more important than the problems you identified for us, so I'm glad you made that statement, even though when I first read it, I thought of Eeyore (of Winnie the Pooh fame).

If you have an Eeyore nature, it's worth recognizing that and trying to be more cheery and upbeat, less defeatist, less negative.

http://sandradodd.com/negativity
http://sandradodd.com/balance

We can't tell you exactly how to stand to ride a skateboard or a surf board. We can't tell you exactly how to stand to balance standing in a moving bus or train or how to walk in the aisle of an airplane. We can tell you that each of those situations will involve unpredictable factors, that you should be alert and do what's subtly necessary regarding the pressure in your legs and the position of your upper body, to keep yourself upright or to be prepared to hold on to something (in the bus or train anyway, not the surf board).

If you're unlucky, you will only get one response.
If you're lucky, you'll get several, and they'll be mixed! See that as a positive, as a GOOD part of what life is like.

Learn to roll with it. :-)

Sandra

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Joyce Fetteroll

On Dec 15, 2011, at 2:11 AM, madh4ofwaipu wrote:

> With my heart in my mouth I smile and look over the lovely work.
> All my daughters friends at school are 6 months younger than her
> and Their writing, and reading and spelling really well.

And how is it helping her friends be better at being 5?

Or is it helping their moms compete with each other at the "Look what a great mom I am!" game?

Are her friends better at being 5 than your daughter? Or are they spending 5 yo time rotely practicing and parroting the skills that adults find useful? Sort of an academic version of child beauty pageants?

There's a huge disdain for kids in this society. The more adult-like traits kids demonstrate, the more they're celebrated. Until they hit puberty and the sexual displays start, then it's "Don't be in such a rush to grow up!" ;-)

> My daughter has no intrest in any of these areas
> and when she does attempt to write it's illegible. No reading yet.

And she may not for years. Does she need those right now? Does she need them next year?

The only reason you fear is because everyone around you is absolutely convinced it takes years of practice to be competent at these skills. They're wrong. And they have no way of knowing they're wrong. They're immersed in a world where kids are not permitted to pick up these skills in a natural way.

The way schools get academics into kids goes against how we're naturally wired to learn. It's very hard for humans to memorize someone else's understanding of the world and then make sense of it. That's why it takes so long in school. It's why kids can "pass" classes and yet still have little practical understanding of what's been pushed in their heads.

We're hard wired to pull understanding out of life. We're pattern seeking creatures. Natural learning often doesn't look like much of anything from the outside. But it's like working on a million piece jigsaw puzzle. Kids are working here and there, jumping all over the place, spending a chunk of time in one area, then seemingly abandoning it for another. It doesn't look like progress. But by the time they're teens, the connections they've been creating between all the areas they've been working on shows. And it's not a bunch of memorized facts (that will fade) but a deeper understanding of how things work.

Whereas the kids in school have been told what pieces to put where and how to put them in, to drop that interesting piece because it's not part of the curriculum. By the time they hit middle school most are ready to slam the door on the puzzle and have nothing more to do with it.

> do I need to strew stuff on writing some how


The question points to a misunderstanding of strewing. (And misunderstanding is part of the process of pulling understanding from chaos! :-)

Strewing isn't dropping bread crumbs in a line to lead a child to a particular destination. Strewing is placing potentially interesting things around the house. A leaf. A rock. A comic. A puzzle. A 12-sided die. They don't lead any particular direction. They may be picked up and played with for a minute or an hour. They may be ignored.

You should make sure she has opportunities and the tools to write when *she* finds it useful. Which might be tomorrow. Which might be 5 years from now. And writing might not look like (school) writing. Offering to write down or audio-record her stories for her is writing. Having a conversation, even, is connected to and in support of writing. Talking with each other about what you liked and didn't like about a movie connects to writing.

Kids in school aren't getting that. What they're getting is an experience with writing being hard and boring and what they need to do to get positive attention from adults.

What supports natural learning is *access* to the million piece jigsaw puzzle. That access looks like pieces strewn about the house which are then swept up every few days and replaced with new ones. It's helping kids get more of what intrigues them. It's being interested in the kids and fascinated about life. It's taking them new places. It''s bringing in new experiences (food, movies, YouTube videos). How much of each will depend on the kids. But creating the environment that runs parts of life the kids don't realize exist into the kids lives is the parents role.

Joyce

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BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

<<<<"My own fear and experience of school would probably be very different to today's school. Am I damaging my children opportunity?
I'd love some tips or saying I can use - like this too shell pass...but also do I need to strew stuff on writing some how">>>>>>>>


Why because kids need to be spelling and writing at 5?
Here is an article in the NY times about Finland, who is a huge success story in terms of education.
OH and they do NOT start school until they are 7 years old . they believe kids should be kids and play.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/13/education/from-finland-an-intriguing-school-reform-model.html


Alex Polikowksy ( who is from Brazil where kids did not start learning letters until they were 7 years old too in my time)


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Jenny Cyphers

***My daughter who is 5.5 enjoys being at 'home' with her brother and I. We still catch up with her school friends and like the proud mummy's they are they show off their children's writing, reading and maths skills in their end of year port foilos.
With my heart in my mouth I smile and look over the lovely work. All my daughters friends at school are 6 months younger than her and Their writing, and reading and spelling really well. My daughter has no intrest in any of these areas and when she does attempt to write it's illegible. No reading yet.***


Portfolios for 5 yr olds?!!!  Really?

I completely understand being proud of things that kids do!  I have a box of stuff like that for each of my kids.  Perhaps you need to find something other than silly worksheets to be proud of.  Does your daughter like to draw or paint?  Does she like to build things for you to take pictures of?  Does she like to tell stories that you can act out or write out for her?

When Chamille was 5, she's 17 now, an "expert" said that she needed therapy because she was clearly behind since she didn't like to hold pencils and write.  She DID cut paper with real scissors.  She cut all kinds of things, shapes, snowflakes, confetti, paper chains, etc.  Over the years, she still doesn't have a fondness for writing.  She types very well, spells great, uses grammar and punctuation correctly, and reads.  Her real skill?  She's great at doing hair.  She's great at cutting and styling and dyeing and knowing what looks good on different people.  That's just one skill.  The other day she painted a surprisingly beautiful picture.  I say surprising because I hadn't seen her paint since she was much much younger and what she did, just the other day, was stunning.

At 5 yrs of age, kids should play.  If you need tangible things to be proud of, make sure that you have some cool art supplies readily available.  Take more pictures of the essence of your daughter and put a caption to the moment.  If she likes to dance, video record her.  If she's great at singing, record it.  If she's sweet to her stuffed animals, take note of it.  All those things are really cool indications that your daughter is learning neat and interesting things, that she has talents and skills specific to her.  Maybe her talent will never be writing words on paper, or reading or spelling.  Some of her same age friends might not have those talents either, but won't find theirs for a while because they are being made to focus on writing on paper and spelling and reading.

Something that unschooling has really demonstrated to me, is that kids get to know themselves really well, much earlier than their school peers.  They know their talents and their likes and dislikes.  They know themselves.  That has a lot to do with the fact that unschooled kids, from an early age, do what they love and blossom from it, expand on it, and grow on it.

What does your daughter love?  Start there.


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Sandra Dodd

-=-Maybe her talent will never be writing words on paper, or reading or spelling. Some of her same age friends might not have those talents either, but won't find theirs for a while because they are being made to focus on writing on paper and spelling and reading.-=-

And some of them who might have developed a special love for writing when they a little older will be sick of the whole idea of it, and will associate it with school and homework and pressure and tests, and will never, ever be able to frolic in words by their own choice. Some will never write if they don't "have to."

Sandra

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dkjsv05

.~"We still catch up with her school friends and like the proud mummy's they are they show off their children's writing, reading and maths skills in their end of year port foilos."

Hello,

Try to remember that these "portfolios" are put together by the teacher to showcase the child's "best" work from the year to show parents that the teacher has been doing her job :).

This is exactly the reason I started to blog. Not just to show family members and friends all that my children do in a week ,month, or year but also for myself to serve as a reminder when times like these arise.

I am very proud of my girls too :). For some parents all they have *to* brag about is their children's schoolwork or good grades. Maybe it would help to focus more on your families relationship success then friends children's school success.

You said ~> "My daughter who is 5.5 enjoys being at 'home' with her brother and I."~ that is great how many other parents can say that? I know of families where the siblings can't stand to be around each other. I know of children that can't wait to get away from their parents (I was one of them).

~"> Some days I feel like I've really failed. I've hardly managed to put the washing out. Let alone provided interesting things for my children to explore. "~

I've had days like this too, sometimes things happen beyond our control like sleep deprivation, or migraine headaches, or a child is whinny and needs snuggles in bed :). Maybe you need a change of scenery, some fresh air or rest. Maybe stepping back and taking a look of what's going on in the moment and asking yourself why am I feeling this way. Again this is when a blog or journal might come in handy.



Kim

Kim Zerbe

Jenny, this post is just what I needed to read today! I hadn't even read the original post, just opened email and clicked on this one.

I've been really observing my 7yo son lately and videotaping his dancing and story telling. Enjoying his natural talents. Reassuring myself that he is developing as he needs to and doesn't need to be force fed anything or kept on any sort of track.

I've been paying closer attention to what he DOES know after being informed by my MIL (was she trying to make me feel bad or take action?) that Damon doesn't know how to write lower case letters, something he should know by now as all other second grade children can do this. (According to her.) Sheesh. We had her watch him for 3 days in November and she made him sit and write letters each day. He also had to write a story which he illustrated with crude drawings (apparently he is not up to par on his drawing skills either). She claims he sat and did this willingly once she suggested it but I suspect there were bribes like a prize for completion. He would never sit and practice letters if I suggested it! I think he just wanted to please his grandma. I'm trying not to dwell on this too much. She loves him and is just doing what she thinks is best.

She came yesterday to watch his last ice skating lesson and have dinner with us and again confronted me, asking how do I know if he's learning everything kids are learning in school in second grade. She saw a good book, something like "Everything Your Second Grader Needs to Know" and asked if I had it. She must think I really suck at homeschooling since I don't own it! I told her I'd bought books like that in the past (I do have a first grade book like that!) and when we've sat down with the book (we did, at the beginning of summer) Damon pretty much knew most of the stuff in the book and the other things he was working on in his own way. Like money was in the first grade book and he still doesn't quite get that but he has no interest yet. He has money and a wallet and a piggy bank but can't keep straight the coin values.

Anyway, I was feeling the same as the original poster, being told what other kids are learning that mine is not. Is the intent to shame us? Or just information being shared? I choose to believe the latter. And maybe I'll put out the letter writing wipe off board that has lines like school paper. But if he doesn't want to write, we'll do something else. (Gotta go! Just got asked to read him a book!)

Kim

Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...> wrote:

>***My daughter who is 5.5 enjoys being at 'home' with her brother and I. We still catch up with her school friends and like the proud mummy's they are they show off their children's writing, reading and maths skills in their end of year port foilos.
>With my heart in my mouth I smile and look over the lovely work. All my daughters friends at school are 6 months younger than her and Their writing, and reading and spelling really well. My daughter has no intrest in any of these areas and when she does attempt to write it's illegible. No reading yet.***
>
>
>Portfolios for 5 yr olds?!!!  Really?
>
>I completely understand being proud of things that kids do!  I have a box of stuff like that for each of my kids.  Perhaps you need to find something other than silly worksheets to be proud of.  Does your daughter like to draw or paint?  Does she like to build things for you to take pictures of?  Does she like to tell stories that you can act out or write out for her?
>
>When Chamille was 5, she's 17 now, an "expert" said that she needed therapy because she was clearly behind since she didn't like to hold pencils and write.  She DID cut paper with real scissors.  She cut all kinds of things, shapes, snowflakes, confetti, paper chains, etc.  Over the years, she still doesn't have a fondness for writing.  She types very well, spells great, uses grammar and punctuation correctly, and reads.  Her real skill?  She's great at doing hair.  She's great at cutting and styling and dyeing and knowing what looks good on different people.  That's just one skill.  The other day she painted a surprisingly beautiful picture.  I say surprising because I hadn't seen her paint since she was much much younger and what she did, just the other day, was stunning.
>
>At 5 yrs of age, kids should play.  If you need tangible things to be proud of, make sure that you have some cool art supplies readily available.  Take more pictures of the essence of your daughter and put a caption to the moment.  If she likes to dance, video record her.  If she's great at singing, record it.  If she's sweet to her stuffed animals, take note of it.  All those things are really cool indications that your daughter is learning neat and interesting things, that she has talents and skills specific to her.  Maybe her talent will never be writing words on paper, or reading or spelling.  Some of her same age friends might not have those talents either, but won't find theirs for a while because they are being made to focus on writing on paper and spelling and reading.
>
>Something that unschooling has really demonstrated to me, is that kids get to know themselves really well, much earlier than their school peers.  They know their talents and their likes and dislikes.  They know themselves.  That has a lot to do with the fact that unschooled kids, from an early age, do what they love and blossom from it, expand on it, and grow on it.
>
>What does your daughter love?  Start there.
>
>
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>

Lisa

***+++++ Jenny wrote ++++

Something that unschooling has really demonstrated to me, is that kids get to know themselves really well, much earlier than their school peers. They know their talents and their likes and dislikes. They know themselves. That has a lot to do with the fact that unschooled kids, from an early age, do what they love and blossom from it, expand on it, and grow on it.

**** +++++

oh my gosh I SOOO love this. I think that knowing oneself is directly tied into one's ability to be happy. Truly happy and joyful.

I got to know myself between the ages of age 34 and 37 (and I'm growing and evolving so I'm still getting to know myself). I'm now 39. and I'm happy now. Really happy.

Coming to know myself and designing a happy life was a direct result of learning to understand unschooling and the principles behind it. Applying the principles to all my relationships and to myself changed my life in profound ways.

My son is 8 and he knows himself well. And he understands things about human behavior that most young adults don't understand. and he's happy. He's the happiest person I know. That's important to me.

Lisa

Jennifer Schuelein

The very first thing you must try to do is stop comparing your child and your family to others. You have not failed. Who says you have failed? Is there a test you are going to have to take to see if you have failed? Nope! Is your child happy? Are you doing a good job at making your child happy and full? It seems so!

I used to compare my child, too. He has Asperger's Symdrome (gifted form of autism) and he has learning delays. He did not read until he was almost 9. He still doesn't write well because it's frustrating and causes high anxiety. We don't worry about these things. He's wonderfully happy. He learns things at his own pace. I feel that all children have a pace that is specific to their personality, etc. I read at age 4. My brother at age 4. Oh well. Does that matter now? Nope!

If it makes you feel bad to see these particular moms that are doing all of the comparing, then maybe see them less. You don't need a large quantity of friends or playmates, just a few good quality ones where hanging out makes you feel good, not less than.

We all question ourselves. This is natural, but don't beat yourself up un-necessarily. If your child is happy, then you are doing a great job. She is 5 years old after all. Her job is to be a child, to experience life and to grow.

--- In [email protected], "madh4ofwaipu" <megan2@...> wrote:
>
> I know through coming here I will get a mixed response but thats what life is like.
>
> My daughter who is 5.5 enjoys being at 'home' with her brother and I. We still catch up with her school friends and like the proud mummy's they are they show off their children's writing, reading and maths skills in their end of year port foilos.
> With my heart in my mouth I smile and look over the lovely work. All my daughters friends at school are 6 months younger than her and Their writing, and reading and spelling really well. My daughter has no intrest in any of these areas and when she does attempt to write it's illegible. No reading yet.
>
> I've read John holt and Sandra your book too. Still it's hard to leap out into the unknown.
>
> Some days I feel like I've really failed. I've hardly managed to put the washing out. Let alone provided interesting things for my children to explore. I've started to become more bad tempered with my worry and know that it's not nice and wonder if I'm better off putting them in school.
>
> My own fear and experience of school would probably be very different to today's school. Am I damaging my children opportunity?
> I'd love some tips or saying I can use - like this too shell pass...but also do I need to strew stuff on writing some how
>
>
> There are very few homeschoolers in our community and even less unschoolers (I'm aiming to catch up with a family in our community 2hrs drive away) for ideas and a chat.
>

Sandra Dodd

-=I think that knowing oneself is directly tied into one's ability to be happy. Truly happy and joyful. -=-

That and helps, definitely.

Other things that help (and are common to unschoolers) are having choices, being around people who are striving to be peaceful and supportive, and learning! Learning is fun and feels good. (So does singing, but not everyone sings. So does running, say runners. :-)

My kids have known each other in ways I didn't until I was in my 30's, and probably some other ways, too, that I can't even perceive.

Sandra

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Meredith

Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
>Maybe her talent will never be writing words on paper, or reading or spelling.  Some of her same age friends might not have those talents either, but won't find theirs for a while because they are being made to focus on writing on paper and spelling and reading.
******************

Mo has a homeschooled friend a year older than she is. At five, this girl had lovely handwriting and like to tell stories. Now, at 11, she hates to write, hates "learning", no longer tells stories except as assignments. Her mom complains about her handwriting and spelling.

Mo, at five, didn't like to read or write. She spent a great deal of time cutting and creating with paper, and playing and playing and playing. Right now I'm taking a break from helping her write a story about a young dragon who got lost from his flock in a storm - hours of writing while she dictates and draws characters, scenes, maps, explains details of dragon life and culture. I'm worn out! But after my little break I'll get back at it. A couple weeks ago she wrote a walkthrough for a video game - typed it out herself on the computer, pages of details just like the walkthroughs she's read for help. I wouldn't have predicted either of those things a few years ago... maybe not one year ago.

There's no way of knowing, at five, what a kid's interests will be in five years. But when kids don't have a choice about school, its very very very common for them to be hating their education five years later.

---Meredith

alma

--- In [email protected], "dkjsv05" <dkjsv05@...> wrote:

>
> Try to remember that these "portfolios" are put together by the teacher to showcase the child's "best" work from the year to show parents that the teacher has been doing her job :).
>


Worse than that - teachers may have a much bigger hand in the child's work than you imagine - they may do the cutting out, select colours, hold the child's hand, redo redo redo until it's nice enough etc. We have a friend who teaches 5 year olds who was staying with us for the weekend recently. While we were hanging out at home she was touching up a stack of little watercolour paintings, all of a sea scene using greens and blues. Puzzled, I asked her what she was doing and she explained they were the paintings of the children in her class that she was finishing. Apparently the class had not been long enough, watercolouring was over for the year but the work was not good enough to send home to the parents!!!

Alison
DS(9) and DS(6)

Sandra Dodd

-=-Puzzled, I asked her what she was doing and she explained they were the paintings of the children in her class that she was finishing. Apparently the class had not been long enough, watercolouring was over for the year but the work was not good enough to send home to the parents!!!-=-

Holy crap.
Falsification of government records.
Tampering with evidence.

And whether they're good enough or not, they're mass-produced arts and crafts things, very often. It will train kids to work on assembly lines, or those factories where copyists/painters copy famous paintings in bulk. :-)

Sandra

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Sandra Dodd

-=-A couple weeks ago she wrote a walkthrough for a video game - typed it out herself on the computer, pages of details just like the walkthroughs she's read for help. I wouldn't have predicted either of those things a few years ago... maybe not one year ago.-=-

That is real writing.

School 'reports' and essays are not real writing. Marty wrote papers for his classes recently--Eastern Religion, and Macroeconomics. In neither case was he addressing people who didn't know, and giving them information they could use.

Today he did a presentation on the elements used on an altar for Ganesha. He had done quite a bit of reading and looking around, we went shopping for his long list of supplies and elements, and he said it was very well received. That was a real report, a real show and tell, to people who were interested and learned things. He was saying some things his teacher didn't know, and enjoyed hearing.

If it had been in a place where others could have wandered by or come because it was advertised, people who weren't in his class, it would have been even more real. :-)

When someone (of any age) writes down information about a game, or a hobby, or where to buy something, or a movie or book review, where other people will find it and use that information, that beats all the "reports" of an entire school career.

Sandra
(who used to teach composition to young teens in public school)

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madh4ofwaipu

Oh my goodness that is amazing.
I've started a folio incase we are visited by ero (nz) but at least I know my child's work is her own...that is a concern I hope we never get visted how can a child be viewed beside an adult. I keep all art works. Oh well at least my documents are real and my daughter can say she did the lot.

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-Puzzled, I asked her what she was doing and she explained they were the paintings of the children in her class that she was finishing. Apparently the class had not been long enough, watercolouring was over for the year but the work was not good enough to send home to the parents!!!-=-
>
> Holy crap.
> Falsification of government records.
> Tampering with evidence.
>
> And whether they're good enough or not, they're mass-produced arts and crafts things, very often. It will train kids to work on assembly lines, or those factories where copyists/painters copy famous paintings in bulk. :-)
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Maria

=-Apparently the class had not been long enough, watercolouring was over for the year but the work was not good enough to send home to the parents!!!-=

This happens a lot.

I worked in a public elementary school for two years. The teacher's aids (for the younger classes) spent all of their time cutting, pasting and adding to the kid's projects. I was amazed at how much time the adults in the class spent on the work. it really did not seem to be the kid's work at all.

Rachel

Parents do it too. I have friends who say that they have to get their children's homework and projects finished. It always amazes me that they don't seem to think this is at all strange.

Rachel

On Dec 16, 2011, at 2:40 PM, "Maria" <kansymaria@...> wrote:

> =-Apparently the class had not been long enough, watercolouring was over for the year but the work was not good enough to send home to the parents!!!-=
>
> This happens a lot.
>
> I worked in a public elementary school for two years. The teacher's aids (for the younger classes) spent all of their time cutting, pasting and adding to the kid's projects. I was amazed at how much time the adults in the class spent on the work. it really did not seem to be the kid's work at all.
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>

Sandra Dodd

-=-Parents do it too. I have friends who say that they have to get their children's homework and projects finished. It always amazes me that they don't seem to think this is at all strange.-=-

If school were really about learning and not about competition, it would be fine. If kids helped each other with projects, it would be better preparation for the real world--the world of research, and of real work.

Marty's final presentation in an Eastern Religions class was to set up and show the elements of an altar to Ganesha. Holly and I went with him shopping to find the elements he didn't already have, and Holly went with me alone to buy flowers so I could make a little garland for it. When I was in India I saw people stringing flowers who had been doing it for years (probably decades and generations), which didn't mean I could do it well, but which meant I had a vague idea. :-) It was FUN! And for Marty it wasn't cheating. In India if you want flowers you can have them delivered daily in a little bag for your home altar, or you can go out and buy them, loose or all strung up.

What I made shows here.

http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2011/12/restaging.html

About half the tiny white petals broke through the needle and thread, but a few dozen stayed. :-) It's now hung on the rearview mirror of Marty's jeep.

The pendant middle part wasn't great, but marigolds aren't in season and I didn't know any tricks for doing a better middle part. If I did this regularly, or got to hang out where others were doing it, I might learn some good methods and options. But it was for learning, and I learned. And it was for fun, and I had fun!

A guy at an Indian grocery store had sold him a garland made out of something... not plastic, but some unnatural kind of fibers--in case he didn't come up with real flowers. :-) So that's hanging on the doorknob of Barbieland. Our house is increasingly cluttered, but every object has a great story. :-)

Sandra

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[email protected]

The parents I'm talking about do the projects by themselves with little or no input from the children.

Rachel


On 16 Dec 2011, at 16:49, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

>
>
> If school were really about learning and not about competition, it would be fine. If kids helped each other with projects, it would be better preparation for the real world--the world of research, and of real work
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>

Sandra Dodd

-=-The parents I'm talking about do the projects by themselves with little or no input from the children.-=-

I hope stories like these will help unschoolers see even more clearly what is learning and what is "just schooling."

Sandra

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alma

There is a huge difference between pretending something was done by a person when it wasn't and working together. The ability to work collaboratively with my children has been one of the unexpected joys of unschooling for me - both in terms of being able to help my children in the ways they want and in term of not having to jealously guard my own ideas or work from being copied :-)

I learned at school that to receive help, whether from an adult or another child, was cheating. The end result only mattered if it was all my own work. I assume this was to enforce the idea that we were all in competition with each other, an idea that would come to fruition at exam time. As an adult I discovered that the teachers themselves are often cheating!

When my older son was about six he wanted to draw and colour a life size lioness on a piece of huge card. Ater he drew (in a typical young child way) the body, legs and tail he asked his Dad to do the head and face, because, as he pointed out, daddy was better at faces. I cannot believe now that I initially balked at this because it would be cheating. I wanted to say to him that he must do it himself and that what counts is that he do his best. And then I stopped because, actually, what really mattered to him was that he get a satisfactory finish. Oh the deschooling I had to do ha ha. Anyway the resulting hybrid lioness , which was a hugely satisfying finished product for my son, was on our wall for many months reminding me that my kids do not have to produce work for any other reasons than their own.

Alison
DS(9) and DS(6)

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-Parents do it too. I have friends who say that they have to get their children's homework and projects finished. It always amazes me that they don't seem to think this is at all strange.-=-
>
> If school were really about learning and not about competition, it would be fine. If kids helped each other with projects, it would be better preparation for the real world--the world of research, and of real work.
>
> Marty's final presentation in an Eastern Religions class was to set up and show the elements of an altar to Ganesha. Holly and I went with him shopping to find the elements he didn't already have, and Holly went with me alone to buy flowers so I could make a little garland for it. When I was in India I saw people stringing flowers who had been doing it for years (probably decades and generations), which didn't mean I could do it well, but which meant I had a vague idea. :-) It was FUN! And for Marty it wasn't cheating. In India if you want flowers you can have them delivered daily in a little bag for your home altar, or you can go out and buy them, loose or all strung up.
>
> What I made shows here.
>
> http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2011/12/restaging.html
>
> About half the tiny white petals broke through the needle and thread, but a few dozen stayed. :-) It's now hung on the rearview mirror of Marty's jeep.
>
> The pendant middle part wasn't great, but marigolds aren't in season and I didn't know any tricks for doing a better middle part. If I did this regularly, or got to hang out where others were doing it, I might learn some good methods and options. But it was for learning, and I learned. And it was for fun, and I had fun!
>
> A guy at an Indian grocery store had sold him a garland made out of something... not plastic, but some unnatural kind of fibers--in case he didn't come up with real flowers. :-) So that's hanging on the doorknob of Barbieland. Our house is increasingly cluttered, but every object has a great story. :-)
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Michelle and Hub

Alison wrote this:
>
> When my older son was about six he wanted to draw and colour a life size lioness on a piece of huge card. Ater he drew (in a typical young child way) the body, legs and tail he asked his Dad to do the head and face, because, as he pointed out, daddy was better at faces. I cannot believe now that I initially balked at this because it would be cheating. I wanted to say to him that he must do it himself and that what counts is that he do his best. And then I stopped because, actually, what really mattered to him was that he get a satisfactory finish. Oh the deschooling I had to do ha ha. Anyway the resulting hybrid lioness , which was a hugely satisfying finished product for my son, was on our wall for many months reminding me that my kids do not have to produce work for any other reasons than their own.
>

I used to think this way about the piano. Alex (age 5) would learn the first 2 or 3 lines of a song pretty quickly, and then want me to play the rest. My very first inkling was to say no, you're doing fine, keep practicing, you'll get it. Luckily I didn't act that out. Instead I made sure I was there every time he wanted to play that song, until he could do it on his own. He wanted to hear the whole song, and for a while he needed my help to do it. I worked hard against the old tapes in my head that it was "cheating" and I "wasn't doing him any favors" and "how will he ever learn if it's never hard." The result has been a whole series of sweet shared moments with my little boy.

Michelle

Catherine Goudouchaouri

Sanra wrote : "And whether they're good enough or not, they're
mass-produced arts and crafts things, very often."

It reminds me of my eldest son, in year 1 or 2, learning about Monet and
making a painting "à la manière de"... a nice nymphea one with... a
shark in the middle.
Oh the look of the teacher when she gave it to me...

Cath

dezignarob

Every day at Michaels, kids and their parents come in with the lists for the school projects they have to make. In California in 4th grade (I think) they do the California Missions. We do a huge business in kits for that. But some teachers have gotten wise and don't allow the kits to be used. The families from those schools are the ones walking around with the frowns and anxiety because they have to make from scratch.

Sciences, history, book reports of all kinds, social studies - miniatures, dioramas, reproductions, models, presentations.

I've seen kids so frozen about the crafty projects, and the parents so worried, (and forget about it when I say "when's it due?".."tomorrow" - yikes), that they almost need me to do it for them in the store. I have samples of projects I have made that I take to work and they take photos of them for ideas.

Then there's those who have given up on any idea of excellence - "he just has to have something to hand in to pass - we don't need an A".

You do know that the idea is for the kids to learn something - make connections between how the ribosomes work with the golgi apparatus; notice how Native Americans organized their division of labor in home construction; see how the Missions changed the lives of the people in CA...I don't even know what the purpose of diorama book reports is, except that once the teacher has signed off on the design, the student isn't allowed to change it - I've seen the materials lists they bring in to the store.

And believe me, most of the parents are planning on helping their kid a lot, and most of the parents ("I'm not crafty", "I'm not artistic") are truly scared that it will be their fault if the grade is bad.

Stay tuned for my new publishing venture that will address this need.

Robyn L. Coburn
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-Puzzled, I asked her what she was doing and she explained they were the paintings of the children in her class that she was finishing. Apparently the class had not been long enough, watercolouring was over for the year but the work was not good enough to send home to the parents!!!-=-
>
> Holy crap.
> Falsification of government records.
> Tampering with evidence.
>
> And whether they're good enough or not, they're mass-produced arts and crafts things, very often. It will train kids to work on assembly lines, or those factories where copyists/painters copy famous paintings in bulk. :-)
>
> Sandra
>
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>