Ana Maria Bruce

We have 5 children ranging from 23-13.   Our home has always been busy with activity as each one was creating; learning new things; pursuing their different interests. 

Our youngest daughter is 13.  She has become more selective in her choices and activities and doesn't seem as interested or have a passion for anything in particular......She is always bubbly and joyful so she isn't depressed or anything.....but I know the lack of interest in learning bothers me.
 
I am sure that all my children went through different seasons like this throughout the years, but it didn't affect me as much as now, possibly because I was so busy with another one that needed my attention?  Where now it is just her and I, and our 16 year old son, but he is purposely pursuing his interests on a daily basis.   Has anyone had similiar experiences?





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-She is always bubbly and joyful so she isn't depressed or
anything.....but I know the lack of interest in learning bothers me.-=-

Does it bother her?
I'm guessing you're thinking of "learning" as being schoolish
learning, and that you're not seeing what connections she might be
making within herself by her own interests and thoughts.

-=-I am sure that all my children went through different seasons like
this throughout the years, but it didn't affect me as much as now,
possibly because I was so busy with another one that needed my
attention?-=-

You seem very concerned with your own feelings about it and the affect
on you. Maybe you could pay more attention to her and what she's
doing, thinking, watching, reading, listening to.

-=- now it is just her and I, and our 16 year old son, but he is
purposely pursuing his interests on a daily basis.-=-

Good! He's busy. You can spend more time with your daughter now!
Don't waste any of that time trying to make her more like her brother,
or telling her you're bothered that she doesn't have interests or
isn't learning, though.

Sandra




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Vidyut Kale

A child's perspective.

I was a 'genius' kid - whatever that means. The only connection I see was
that I was always at the top of my class, and never paid attention in class
or did homework. I used to read textbooks out of curiosity when they were
purchased (before the school year began) and the rest was stray bits of
explanations that fell on my ear in class when I wasn't daydreaming. That
label never was anything useful to me. I consistently endured school rather
absently, not really believing I had any choice, accommodating my real
interests around it. I 'played with the rules' with seeming disregard,
including a joking bet with a teacher to earn 76 marks out of 100 in maths,
which I remembered and solved the paper for only 76 marks months later.

In a way, I unschooled myself with school as one of the conditions I lived
with. I have consistently disappointed parents, teachers and everyone I
encountered by not being interested in learning - not just textbooks. I
pretty much didn't learn at all in any recognized way. I just did stuff and
experimented. I dropped out of hobby classes from everything ranging from
drawing to karate, I never used to do homework, never minded punishments or
praise, just flowed around it all. It didn't really matter to me one way or
the other, as long as I was able to do what I wanted to do, which didn't
appear to be learning to them.

I have learned a lot from life I think, without ever setting out to learn.

I did not become a brain surgeon. If it weren't boring (for me) I don't
think it would have been difficult at all (maybe that is why it was boring).
I did become whatever I wanted to be countless times, being successful in
many professions, having parallel careers, starting from scratch, mixing and
merging seemingly unrelated streams of knowledge to consistently come up
with out-of-the-box methods that got widely adopted after creating waves of
'double-takes'.

My father still bemoans what I could have been 'if only I had been
interested in learning' :D

My parents want the best for me, so they worried. I see it as a sign of
their caring now, though I resented what I perceived as judgments then. I am
a parent now and I still don't have a degree, but I have top professionals
from many fields coming to me for guidance. I think I turned out okay, even
if I didn't 'learn'.

Vidyut

On Wed, Feb 24, 2010 at 12:52 PM, Ana Maria Bruce <
bittersweetanamaria@...> wrote:

>
>
> We have 5 children ranging from 23-13. Our home has always been busy with
> activity as each one was creating; learning new things; pursuing their
> different interests.
>
> Our youngest daughter is 13. She has become more selective in her choices
> and activities and doesn't seem as interested or have a passion for anything
> in particular......She is always bubbly and joyful so she isn't depressed or
> anything.....but I know the lack of interest in learning bothers me.
>
> I am sure that all my children went through different seasons like this
> throughout the years, but it didn't affect me as much as now, possibly
> because I was so busy with another one that needed my attention? Where now
> it is just her and I, and our 16 year old son, but he is purposely pursuing
> his interests on a daily basis. Has anyone had similiar experiences?
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Vidyut Kale

In hindsight, what people perceived as genius was simply some ability for
remembering things, which I use more selectively now, in ways that matter
more to me. I can describe details of body language accompanying an exact
quote by someone I am facilitating learning for months later. I no longer
apply it to remembering things I can reference easily. I am happy.

You say your daughter is happy. That tells me a lot.

Vidyut

On Wed, Feb 24, 2010 at 1:29 PM, Vidyut Kale <wide.aware@...> wrote:

> A child's perspective.
>
> I was a 'genius' kid - whatever that means. The only connection I see was
> that I was always at the top of my class, and never paid attention in class
> or did homework. I used to read textbooks out of curiosity when they were
> purchased (before the school year began) and the rest was stray bits of
> explanations that fell on my ear in class when I wasn't daydreaming. That
> label never was anything useful to me. I consistently endured school rather
> absently, not really believing I had any choice, accommodating my real
> interests around it. I 'played with the rules' with seeming disregard,
> including a joking bet with a teacher to earn 76 marks out of 100 in maths,
> which I remembered and solved the paper for only 76 marks months later.
>
> In a way, I unschooled myself with school as one of the conditions I lived
> with. I have consistently disappointed parents, teachers and everyone I
> encountered by not being interested in learning - not just textbooks. I
> pretty much didn't learn at all in any recognized way. I just did stuff and
> experimented. I dropped out of hobby classes from everything ranging from
> drawing to karate, I never used to do homework, never minded punishments or
> praise, just flowed around it all. It didn't really matter to me one way or
> the other, as long as I was able to do what I wanted to do, which didn't
> appear to be learning to them.
>
> I have learned a lot from life I think, without ever setting out to learn.
>
> I did not become a brain surgeon. If it weren't boring (for me) I don't
> think it would have been difficult at all (maybe that is why it was boring).
> I did become whatever I wanted to be countless times, being successful in
> many professions, having parallel careers, starting from scratch, mixing and
> merging seemingly unrelated streams of knowledge to consistently come up
> with out-of-the-box methods that got widely adopted after creating waves of
> 'double-takes'.
>
> My father still bemoans what I could have been 'if only I had been
> interested in learning' :D
>
> My parents want the best for me, so they worried. I see it as a sign of
> their caring now, though I resented what I perceived as judgments then. I am
> a parent now and I still don't have a degree, but I have top professionals
> from many fields coming to me for guidance. I think I turned out okay, even
> if I didn't 'learn'.
>
> Vidyut
>
>
> On Wed, Feb 24, 2010 at 12:52 PM, Ana Maria Bruce <
> bittersweetanamaria@...> wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> We have 5 children ranging from 23-13. Our home has always been busy
>> with activity as each one was creating; learning new things; pursuing their
>> different interests.
>>
>> Our youngest daughter is 13. She has become more selective in her choices
>> and activities and doesn't seem as interested or have a passion for anything
>> in particular......She is always bubbly and joyful so she isn't depressed or
>> anything.....but I know the lack of interest in learning bothers me.
>>
>> I am sure that all my children went through different seasons like this
>> throughout the years, but it didn't affect me as much as now, possibly
>> because I was so busy with another one that needed my attention? Where now
>> it is just her and I, and our 16 year old son, but he is purposely pursuing
>> his interests on a daily basis. Has anyone had similiar experiences?
>>
>> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>
>>
>>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pam Sorooshian

<< I am sure that all my children went through different seasons like this
throughout the years, but it didn't affect me as much as now, possibly
because I was so busy with another one that needed my attention? Where now
it is just her and I, and our 16 year old son, but he is purposely pursuing
his interests on a daily basis. Has anyone had similiar experiences?>>



I think it is REALLY common at about that age to have a kind of vegging-out
period. You may be product-oriented - you may have a family full of people
who are purpose-driven. But she might be happy just "being." Maybe you could
take a more zen-like approach and learn from her how to be fully present in
the moment, not looking ahead and feeling like you have to accomplish
something to justify your existence.



-pam



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-In hindsight, what people perceived as genius was simply some
ability for
remembering things, which I use more selectively now, in ways that
matter
more to me.-=-

My friend Jeff had perfect visual memory and if he got a whiff of a
smell, a perfume, a food, he could just go off on all the connections
that made for him. My memories were about emotions, and we would
remember different aspects of the same incidents.

My connections didn't help me a bit in school. Jeff's made him seem
like a genius. But it was a parlor trick. It wasn't about studying
or understanding (though he did those too)--it was being able to see
the chalkboard from last month in his mind, or the pages of the book.
I'd say that should be considered cheating!! <g>

Holly and I were talking about Adam Daniel, who's nearly five years
old and VERY verbal and analytical. Just because he talks a ton now
doesn't guarantee he'll be "ahead of the curve" forever. It sure is
fun to hang out with a four year old who can talk all about what he
thinks and sees and learns!

http://sandradodd.com/intelligences

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ana Maria Bruce

-=-You seem very concerned with your own feelings about it and the affect
on you. Maybe you could pay more attention to her and what she's
doing, thinking, watching, reading, listening to-=-
You can spend more time with your daughter now!
 
 I know everything she is doing, watching, reading listening to.......she spends alot of time texting(her own phone is something new), FB, music.   She freely shares some of her conversations with her friends.  We have a really good relationship I think.  We spend all of our time together.   I guess texting, and FB I have never seen as learning, you learn how to use it all and such but she has been technology savi for many years.  Her activities up until this last June have been sewing, dancing, making things with her hands.....and she has dropped it all it seems for her phone and computer. 




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ana Maria Bruce

not looking ahead and feeling like you have to accomplish
something to justify your existence.

This is a good word for me....thanks!




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Feb 24, 2010, at 4:12 AM, Ana Maria Bruce wrote:

> Her activities up until this last June have been sewing, dancing,
> making things with her hands.....and she has dropped it all it
> seems for her phone and computer.

No, I bet she's moving on to relationships and social learning! That
can be big, especially with teen girls. Phones and IMs and Facebook
are likely to be her "thing" for the next few years so it will be
good for your relationship to embrace that. For some parents that
type of learning may be harder to accept than TV and video games ;-)
But for many teens it's hugely important.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=- She freely shares some of her conversations with her friends. We
have a really good relationship I think. We spend all of our time
together. I guess texting, and FB I have never seen as learning, you
learn how to use it all and such but -=-

http://sandradodd.com/intelligences

Please read those with your daughter in mind, and maybe after a day or
two read them again.

The purpose of texting is not to learn to text.
The purpose of facebook is not to learn to use facebook.

There are people on the other ends of those conversations.

http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
If you see your son as "learning" and your daughter as "not learning,"
it might be good to read through a lot of the deschooling stuff with
your daughter in mind, too.

Perhaps you have relatives who are asking you schooly questions and
you haven't come up with unschooling confidence.

http://sandradodd.com/movies

There are movies there you might want to bring into the house and
watch with her. You might be able to share some inter- and intra-
personal-related conversations.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Vidyut Kale

"I'd say that should be considered cheating!!"

Funny you say that. Another of my "bad behaviour" sometimes used to be
purposely scoring low, so that my friends got a chance too :D I honestly
used to be happier about it, because I hated my family talking like I 'won'
when I knew damn well inside me that I hadn't entered the race - like being
dropped off at the finish line (cheating?)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

John and Amanda Slater

You might want to check out Roya's speech at the 2005 Live and Learn Conference. I remember in her description of her life involving a year or two of just being social. Unfortunately I can't come up with a link to buy it, does anyone have one?

Amanda
Eli 8, Samuel 7




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

emiLy Quick

>
> I know everything she is doing, watching, reading listening to.......she spends alot of time texting(her own phone is something new), FB, music. She freely shares some of her conversations with her friends. We have a really good relationship I think. We spend all of our time together. I guess texting, and FB I have never seen as learning, you learn how to use it all and such but she has been technology savi for many years. Her activities up until this last June have been sewing, dancing, making things with her hands.....and she has dropped it all it seems for her phone and computer.

Maria Montessori studied what kids liked to, and learned the most from, at certain ages. In the teenage years, she found that the thing that was most important to them was connections with their peers. Her idea for junior high/ high school was a place where kids that age could be extremely extremely SOCIAL with people of all ages and types. One example was them (a whole group of teen peers, like a classroom) running a bed & breakfast so they'd meet tons and tons of new people all the time. They'd also interact with their peers all the time, in a meaningful way in order to accomplish day to day tasks.

Running an inn is the "learning" part of it, but the real part of what she found is that teens are SOCIAL and this is how they learn at that age, no matter what they are doing. I'm sure your daughter will get back to other things she enjoys. Perhaps you could look for teen groups she could get together with, or ask her if she'd like to try a job somewhere she could be social. Or just let her be, doing what she's doing, and enjoy. :)

-emiLy

Pam Sorooshian

<< I guess texting, and FB I have never seen as learning, you learn how to
use it all and such but she has been technology savi for many years. Her
activities up until this last June have been sewing, dancing, making things
with her hands.....and she has dropped it all it seems for her phone and
computer. >>



Aha.



That's because she's becoming a woman!

Meaning - it is in her nature to pursue learning all about relationships and
how they work and don't work and to experiment and to compare notes. It is
probably a biological imperative. So - what you could notice in this is a
passion for experiencing interactions with people. Help her get as much of
it as possible. Texting and facebooking are great ways to learn all about
people and how they react and respond and what they think and so on. She
might be interested in some other activities that support that same
interest. Polls are often big for girls at that age. My oldest daughter, at
13, had a couple of books that were filled with psychological questionnaires
and loved to go around having all her friends fill them out (pre-facebook).



Think of this as supporting her ability to be a wonderful friend and wife
and mother and coworker - in the future. She's learning about the variety of
human experience - how people are the same and different. She'll almost
certainly be disappointed in some of her friends - they won't be as honest
as she thinks they should be or they'll be mean or petty or something. And
she'll learn to deal with that. And she'll learn to speak up for what she
believes in and when to just be quiet and not argue and on and on. Great
stuff.



If you want to "do things" together - try to be creative and focus on things
that have relationships as their core. And, of course, include her friends
in things. If you want to go to an art museum, take a couple of her friends
along. If you think of something she might enjoy - baking, etc. - invite a
friend to do it with her. Support this interest - it is a great one!



Also - watch tv and movies and talk about the relationships. Good time for
chick-flicks and romantic comedy.



-pam



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

alexandriapalonia

It's actually a (measurable) aptitude that the Johnson O'Connor calls "memory for design." (They measure a whole host of other aptitudes, too, like structural visualization, graphoria (for those folks who are great at clerical tasks), color visualization, musical aptitudes . . .
Andrea

> My connections didn't help me a bit in school. Jeff's made him seem
> like a genius. But it was a parlor trick. It wasn't about studying
> or understanding (though he did those too)--it was being able to see
> the chalkboard from last month in his mind, or the pages of the book. > I'd say that should be considered cheating!! <g>

Ana Maria Bruce

phone and FB...so it will be good for your relationship to embrace that. For some parents that
type of learning may be harder to accept than TV and video games ;-)
But for many teens it's hugely important.

That's it thanks Joyce




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny Cyphers

*** I guess texting, and FB I have never seen as learning***

Time to start seeing it differently then! Everytime I log into FB, I learn something new and interesting. Social networking IS learning. Being social is learning, making social connections is important. Yet, even if you ignore that obvious part of FB, people's status updates and "fan's of" links point us to new thoughts and ideas everytime we see them. I can't even begin to tell you how much *I* have learned from these things! I'll be cruising along reading status updates and somebodies link or update will peak my interest because it was something I didn't know before, and I'll check it out!





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ana Maria Bruce

Perhaps you have relatives who are asking you schooly questions and
you haven't come up with unschooling confidence.

Thanks Sandra.....oh my I have out of state relatives that are staying in our home in May.....I didn't realize that is motivating me to feel insecure!





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]