Not eating breakfast then having meltdowns
Emily S
My daughter Ezabella will be 4 in a few days. She's never eaten breakfast right when she wakes up, which is fine, but the last few weeks it seems to be affecting her mood. When I wake up, I usually make a smoothie or oatmeal or some other kind of hot cereal or pancakes or just put out some cut up fruit. She used to like all of those things, so it was just a matter of leaving it on the table until she was ready to eat. Now she turns down all of those things (except the fruit and sometimes the pancakes, but I don't make those very often). So, I go ahead and make it for me and sometimes for my husband too, and I offer to find her something else to eat. But she's not hungry when I'm making my breakfast. So, later in the morning I will offer again, but she will say she's not hungry. But then she will want chocolate or icecream or something like that.
I'll just explain what happened this morning, because it has been like this most mornings for the last few weeks.
I ate some left over pumpkin rolls from Thanksgiving for breakfast, and offered some to her, but she said she didn't like them. She wanted to play a computer game, so while she was playing I cut up some apples and bananas and put them in a bowl on the desk just in case she got hungry.
Then she asked for chocolate, and I said while I was getting it out, "Sure, just remember that chocolate has a lot of sugar, and you might have more energy for your day if you get some protein. Can I help you find something to eat with it that would have some protein?"
She said, "these chocolates have protein because they have peanut butter." I thought that was pretty cool that she remembered that I had told her about peanut butter having protein. So, she didn't want me to find her anything else to eat and she ate the chocolate.
She wanted to nurse, and I said "wait till nap time." This is a daily struggle, because she wants to nurse a lot more than I am willing to nurse her. I'm tandem nursing her and her 16 month old sister, and she will nurse more than the baby if I let her. So, I nurse her in the morning, at nap time and bed time and then some times at other times if she really seems to need the connection or she gets hurt or something. But every morning, she asks to nurse, and then melts down when I say no. I hold her and comfort her and she calms down and then goes and plays, but the daily meltdown over nursing is getting old. Which might be a different issue, but she doesn't get so upset about nursing (or want to nurse as much) if she's eaten.
Then at noon, she still hadn't eaten anything else, and I started making lunch. She started drawing on some of her sister's paper and her sister wanted it back. When I gave it back to her sister, she got really upset and went in her room crying and screaming. I let her cool off while I finished making lunch and then I came and told her it was ready. I held her for a while, and then she calmed down and went to the table. She said she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to draw, so I moved the food over and let her draw. I thought she might eat while she was drawing, but she said she didn't want what I had made. So, I offered something else, but she said she wasn't hungry, she just wanted chocolate.
She had another meltdown later and I can't even remember now what triggered it. But when I went in her room and held her, I said that I thought maybe she needed some protein for her body to feel better. She said she the thing about the chocolate having protein again, and I said yes, but maybe it's not enough. So, I offered to get her a bowl full of peanut butter and put some chocolate pieces in it. She like that idea and she ate it.
Since then she's had some apple. I know that little ones sometimes don't eat much and that they will eat what they need over time. I'm not usually concerned about how much she is eating. But it just seems like every morning she gets out of sorts because she really needs some food in her body, but she says she's not hungry. But she always feels better and acts happier once she eats. So, I don't know what to do.
Wow, that turned out to be really long! Any thoughts? Thanks!
Emily
I'll just explain what happened this morning, because it has been like this most mornings for the last few weeks.
I ate some left over pumpkin rolls from Thanksgiving for breakfast, and offered some to her, but she said she didn't like them. She wanted to play a computer game, so while she was playing I cut up some apples and bananas and put them in a bowl on the desk just in case she got hungry.
Then she asked for chocolate, and I said while I was getting it out, "Sure, just remember that chocolate has a lot of sugar, and you might have more energy for your day if you get some protein. Can I help you find something to eat with it that would have some protein?"
She said, "these chocolates have protein because they have peanut butter." I thought that was pretty cool that she remembered that I had told her about peanut butter having protein. So, she didn't want me to find her anything else to eat and she ate the chocolate.
She wanted to nurse, and I said "wait till nap time." This is a daily struggle, because she wants to nurse a lot more than I am willing to nurse her. I'm tandem nursing her and her 16 month old sister, and she will nurse more than the baby if I let her. So, I nurse her in the morning, at nap time and bed time and then some times at other times if she really seems to need the connection or she gets hurt or something. But every morning, she asks to nurse, and then melts down when I say no. I hold her and comfort her and she calms down and then goes and plays, but the daily meltdown over nursing is getting old. Which might be a different issue, but she doesn't get so upset about nursing (or want to nurse as much) if she's eaten.
Then at noon, she still hadn't eaten anything else, and I started making lunch. She started drawing on some of her sister's paper and her sister wanted it back. When I gave it back to her sister, she got really upset and went in her room crying and screaming. I let her cool off while I finished making lunch and then I came and told her it was ready. I held her for a while, and then she calmed down and went to the table. She said she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to draw, so I moved the food over and let her draw. I thought she might eat while she was drawing, but she said she didn't want what I had made. So, I offered something else, but she said she wasn't hungry, she just wanted chocolate.
She had another meltdown later and I can't even remember now what triggered it. But when I went in her room and held her, I said that I thought maybe she needed some protein for her body to feel better. She said she the thing about the chocolate having protein again, and I said yes, but maybe it's not enough. So, I offered to get her a bowl full of peanut butter and put some chocolate pieces in it. She like that idea and she ate it.
Since then she's had some apple. I know that little ones sometimes don't eat much and that they will eat what they need over time. I'm not usually concerned about how much she is eating. But it just seems like every morning she gets out of sorts because she really needs some food in her body, but she says she's not hungry. But she always feels better and acts happier once she eats. So, I don't know what to do.
Wow, that turned out to be really long! Any thoughts? Thanks!
Emily
Sandra Dodd
I think if you work on having some high-protein snacks out and
attractively ready when she wakes up, and replenishing that a time or
two in the morning, but definitely with protein foods, you might
figure out some things she'll like. Eggs? Cheese? Devilled eggs?
Little egg salad sandwiches? Homemade mac and cheese? Grilled cheese
sandwiches? Those hot dogs with spaghetti in them? <g>
There's a long list of protein foods, and those are even all
vegetarian. If she'll eat meat and eggs it might help.
If protein doesn't seem to do it, maybe she needs happy music,
something special, just hers, more time with parents...
Maybe all those things.
The protein snacks list:
http://sandradodd.com/eating/protein
and those other things:
http://sandradodd.com/eating/hotdogart
attractively ready when she wakes up, and replenishing that a time or
two in the morning, but definitely with protein foods, you might
figure out some things she'll like. Eggs? Cheese? Devilled eggs?
Little egg salad sandwiches? Homemade mac and cheese? Grilled cheese
sandwiches? Those hot dogs with spaghetti in them? <g>
There's a long list of protein foods, and those are even all
vegetarian. If she'll eat meat and eggs it might help.
If protein doesn't seem to do it, maybe she needs happy music,
something special, just hers, more time with parents...
Maybe all those things.
The protein snacks list:
http://sandradodd.com/eating/protein
and those other things:
http://sandradodd.com/eating/hotdogart
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<< She wanted to nurse, and I said "wait till nap time." This is a daily
struggle, because she wants to nurse a lot more than I am willing to nurse
her. I'm tandem nursing her and her 16 month old sister, and she will nurse
more than the baby if I let her. So, I nurse her in the morning, at nap
time and bed time and then some times at other times if she really seems to
need the connection or she gets hurt or something. But every morning, she
asks to nurse, and then melts down when I say no. >>>>>
I would be concerned about anything that is a "daily struggle".
The thing about nursing a 4 year and a 16 month old is that neither are
getting the bulk of their nutrition from nursing by then. Nursing is
fulfilling a different need for both of your children. If you are thinking
of the 4yo as "taking" the nursing from "the baby" that might be coming
through to your 4yo and promoting her neediness. Perhaps she herself has
noticed that she gets less nursing when she has eaten, and that is playing
in to her need to nurse and her avoidance of food.
More power to you for tandem nursing. Jayn nursed until she was 8. I
remember her being quite clingy and having a lot of desire to nurse - more
than I would have expected when she was 3, 4 and even 5. By the time she was
6 it was tapering off to morning and night. Her desire and need for the
comfort and connection of nursing varied.
I would encourage you not to compare your two kids, who are at very
different stages developmentally. Even though your 4 yo is so much older,
she might be in a needy stage and nursing might be more important to her
than you imagine. I know with Jayn her desire to nurse, her endless seeming
asking for nursing seemed to increase in direct proportion to my desire to
avoid it. The more I put her off, the more she asked. Plus she was able to
articulate how important nursing was to her very clearly.
Finally when she was about 5 I made myself a small list of things that I
wanted to keep in the forefront of my thinking in my parenting. This
included starting sentences with "I can" and "I will", making the effort to
be cheerful when there was a spill (as my face was communicating more
irritation than I actually felt), and to nurse whenever I was asked without
delays. I found that she would nurse for only a minute or two, not the long
sessions that I was fearing. It was all about connection, and we certainly
started our day with nursing.
I finally had to rescue my nipples from her teeth when she was 8 and she was
not happy for a while. But what I had noticed was my own unwillingness to
cuddle her since she immediately wanted to nurse whenever I put my arms
around her. In weaning, I made a concious effort to hug her a lot more, and
I explained how I had noticed my reluctance to cuddle her.
Jayn rarely wants to eat as soon as she gets up, unless she is the middle of
a growth spurt. The amount of food she eats in the course of a day varies
hugely also. It always has. There are days when it looks like all she is
eating is little bits of candy - like little energy shots. Then she will end
her day by asking for something high protein. On other days she eats protein
with every meal and snack, and will skip the other foods on her plate.
It sounds like your dd is making a concious choice rather than grabbing the
easiest thing. I would continue to offer a wide variety, but not make
negative comments about her choices, or try to sway her with science. I'd
probably try to say yes more to nursing also.
Oh, I wanted to add that we didn't have a "nap time". Jayn would nap when
she was tired on her own schedule, and certainly by the time she was 4 her
naps were fast disappearing from her day, becoming the exception rather than
the rule. Tying nursing to nap time, if napping is becoming unnecessary for
her might be adding to the problem too.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
struggle, because she wants to nurse a lot more than I am willing to nurse
her. I'm tandem nursing her and her 16 month old sister, and she will nurse
more than the baby if I let her. So, I nurse her in the morning, at nap
time and bed time and then some times at other times if she really seems to
need the connection or she gets hurt or something. But every morning, she
asks to nurse, and then melts down when I say no. >>>>>
I would be concerned about anything that is a "daily struggle".
The thing about nursing a 4 year and a 16 month old is that neither are
getting the bulk of their nutrition from nursing by then. Nursing is
fulfilling a different need for both of your children. If you are thinking
of the 4yo as "taking" the nursing from "the baby" that might be coming
through to your 4yo and promoting her neediness. Perhaps she herself has
noticed that she gets less nursing when she has eaten, and that is playing
in to her need to nurse and her avoidance of food.
More power to you for tandem nursing. Jayn nursed until she was 8. I
remember her being quite clingy and having a lot of desire to nurse - more
than I would have expected when she was 3, 4 and even 5. By the time she was
6 it was tapering off to morning and night. Her desire and need for the
comfort and connection of nursing varied.
I would encourage you not to compare your two kids, who are at very
different stages developmentally. Even though your 4 yo is so much older,
she might be in a needy stage and nursing might be more important to her
than you imagine. I know with Jayn her desire to nurse, her endless seeming
asking for nursing seemed to increase in direct proportion to my desire to
avoid it. The more I put her off, the more she asked. Plus she was able to
articulate how important nursing was to her very clearly.
Finally when she was about 5 I made myself a small list of things that I
wanted to keep in the forefront of my thinking in my parenting. This
included starting sentences with "I can" and "I will", making the effort to
be cheerful when there was a spill (as my face was communicating more
irritation than I actually felt), and to nurse whenever I was asked without
delays. I found that she would nurse for only a minute or two, not the long
sessions that I was fearing. It was all about connection, and we certainly
started our day with nursing.
I finally had to rescue my nipples from her teeth when she was 8 and she was
not happy for a while. But what I had noticed was my own unwillingness to
cuddle her since she immediately wanted to nurse whenever I put my arms
around her. In weaning, I made a concious effort to hug her a lot more, and
I explained how I had noticed my reluctance to cuddle her.
Jayn rarely wants to eat as soon as she gets up, unless she is the middle of
a growth spurt. The amount of food she eats in the course of a day varies
hugely also. It always has. There are days when it looks like all she is
eating is little bits of candy - like little energy shots. Then she will end
her day by asking for something high protein. On other days she eats protein
with every meal and snack, and will skip the other foods on her plate.
It sounds like your dd is making a concious choice rather than grabbing the
easiest thing. I would continue to offer a wide variety, but not make
negative comments about her choices, or try to sway her with science. I'd
probably try to say yes more to nursing also.
Oh, I wanted to add that we didn't have a "nap time". Jayn would nap when
she was tired on her own schedule, and certainly by the time she was 4 her
naps were fast disappearing from her day, becoming the exception rather than
the rule. Tying nursing to nap time, if napping is becoming unnecessary for
her might be adding to the problem too.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
Emily S
Thanks for the ideas! I did offer her eggs this morning, which she likes. And peanut butter and honey sandwich.
We had some music on this morning, and were dancing and wrestling. We went outside together just the two of us. We did a puzzle together and I watched her draw. She "wrote" me a letter and I wrote one back.
Emily
We had some music on this morning, and were dancing and wrestling. We went outside together just the two of us. We did a puzzle together and I watched her draw. She "wrote" me a letter and I wrote one back.
Emily
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> I think if you work on having some high-protein snacks out and
> attractively ready when she wakes up, and replenishing that a time or
> two in the morning, but definitely with protein foods, you might
> figure out some things she'll like. Eggs? Cheese? Devilled eggs?
> Little egg salad sandwiches? Homemade mac and cheese? Grilled cheese
> sandwiches? Those hot dogs with spaghetti in them? <g>
>
> There's a long list of protein foods, and those are even all
> vegetarian. If she'll eat meat and eggs it might help.
>
> If protein doesn't seem to do it, maybe she needs happy music,
> something special, just hers, more time with parents...
>
> Maybe all those things.
>
> The protein snacks list:
> http://sandradodd.com/eating/protein
>
> and those other things:
> http://sandradodd.com/eating/hotdogart
>
Emily S
--- In [email protected], "Robyn L. Coburn" <dezigna@...> wrote:
The number is 12 by the way. I tried the "don't offer, don't refuse" thing for 3 days and she nursed 12 times a day.
The only reason I say "nap time" is because when I was nursing her totally on demand, she would nurse SO MUCH that I was getting really touched out between the two kids. So, I thought having some kind of routine would help so she would know when to expect that she would be able to nurse. Well, it hasn't worked out that way, because we don't have much of a routine to our days, and nap time isn't at a set time. But I don't know what else to do.
And that does create problems because she will say "I'm tired, I want a nap" two hours after she woke up in the morning just so she can nurse. So, I offer to help her fall asleep other ways (which she can do), but suddenly she's not sleepy any more.
I don't have strict limits on her nursing. I try to nurse her when I feel able, but at a minimum of morning, nap and night. That's my attempt at a balance between on demand nursing and weaning her. Most days I nurse her more than that.
I know it probably seems like, why not just add a mid-morning nursing time into our day? When I do that, she still asks to nurse an hour later and will melt down if I don't let her. If I nurse her twice in the morning, she will melt down on the third request. But this isn't such a big deal to her if she eats.
Emily
>Oh no, I have never thought of it as "taking" from the baby or set it up as any kind of competition or anything.
> I would be concerned about anything that is a "daily struggle".
>
> The thing about nursing a 4 year and a 16 month old is that neither are
> getting the bulk of their nutrition from nursing by then. Nursing is
> fulfilling a different need for both of your children. If you are thinking
> of the 4yo as "taking" the nursing from "the baby" that might be coming
> through to your 4yo and promoting her neediness.
>Perhaps she herself hasShe actually has gotten to nurse more at times after eating. Sometimes she will say she is hungry, but doesn't want anything we offer. Then she wants to nurse and I say "no, not for food. If you're hungry, go eat, and then if you still need to nurse, I'll nurse you, but if you want to spend time together, let's find another way to do that." Also, it's not an avoidance of food in general, just in the morning. Which was fine until she started having these meltdowns every morning that don't seem to be related to anything else other than hunger.
> noticed that she gets less nursing when she has eaten, and that is playing
> in to her need to nurse and her avoidance of food.
>I hadn't thought of myself as comparing them- that's something I'll have to reflect on. I only said it that way to give you an idea of the number of times a day she would like to nurse, but I guess I could have said the number rather than make that comparison. Something to think about....
> More power to you for tandem nursing. Jayn nursed until she was 8. I
> remember her being quite clingy and having a lot of desire to nurse - more
> than I would have expected when she was 3, 4 and even 5. By the time she was
> 6 it was tapering off to morning and night. Her desire and need for the
> comfort and connection of nursing varied.
>
> I would encourage you not to compare your two kids, who are at very
> different stages developmentally. Even though your 4 yo is so much older,
> she might be in a needy stage and nursing might be more important to her
> than you imagine. I know with Jayn her desire to nurse, her endless seeming
> asking for nursing seemed to increase in direct proportion to my desire to
> avoid it. The more I put her off, the more she asked. Plus she was able to
> articulate how important nursing was to her very clearly.
The number is 12 by the way. I tried the "don't offer, don't refuse" thing for 3 days and she nursed 12 times a day.
>We don't have any kind of set nap time. Usually at some point in the afternoon, I'll see that she's getting tired and we'll rest. Sometimes that means an actual nap and sometimes it means laying down and nursing for a few minutes, then reading some books or watching a movie together. She usually asks for this or sometimes I suggest it, but it's never forced or at any set time. If we are out in the afternoon, she'll usually fall asleep in the car.
> Oh, I wanted to add that we didn't have a "nap time". Jayn would nap when
> she was tired on her own schedule, and certainly by the time she was 4 her
> naps were fast disappearing from her day, becoming the exception rather than
> the rule. Tying nursing to nap time, if napping is becoming unnecessary for
> her might be adding to the problem too.
The only reason I say "nap time" is because when I was nursing her totally on demand, she would nurse SO MUCH that I was getting really touched out between the two kids. So, I thought having some kind of routine would help so she would know when to expect that she would be able to nurse. Well, it hasn't worked out that way, because we don't have much of a routine to our days, and nap time isn't at a set time. But I don't know what else to do.
And that does create problems because she will say "I'm tired, I want a nap" two hours after she woke up in the morning just so she can nurse. So, I offer to help her fall asleep other ways (which she can do), but suddenly she's not sleepy any more.
I don't have strict limits on her nursing. I try to nurse her when I feel able, but at a minimum of morning, nap and night. That's my attempt at a balance between on demand nursing and weaning her. Most days I nurse her more than that.
I know it probably seems like, why not just add a mid-morning nursing time into our day? When I do that, she still asks to nurse an hour later and will melt down if I don't let her. If I nurse her twice in the morning, she will melt down on the third request. But this isn't such a big deal to her if she eats.
Emily
Lauren Seaver
Just a thought--it sounds like your daughter is having a chocolate kick. What about making foods that include chocolate, that also include protein and other things her body might need? One idea I've read about was buying a boxed cake mix (chocolate in this situation of course ;) and adding pureed veggies or meat to it. Chocolate has such a strong flavor (I've found) that lots of things can go w/ it...(Hmmmm...just now thinking of some kind of a mole style muffin...I'll need to think on that! ;) Finely diced kale is usually not noticable in baked goods, and sweet potatoes are a wonderful addition to chocolate things (IME). I've even put liver into some brownies and we all liked them.
I would totally make this kind of thing *with* her--I don't personally try to 'trick' my ds into eating anything and find if he helps make something he usually wants to try it. You could make them into muffins (and leave some in the fridge or freezer--easy access when she wants one) so when she's hungry it *could* be almost like a 'well-rounded' snack... You can also always use almond flour for extra protein as well (check out elanaspantry.com for yummy recipes). We make a lot of stuff w/ ground pumpkin seeds as the flour and LOVE how they come out...
Just a couple of ideas--HTH!
Lauren :)
I would totally make this kind of thing *with* her--I don't personally try to 'trick' my ds into eating anything and find if he helps make something he usually wants to try it. You could make them into muffins (and leave some in the fridge or freezer--easy access when she wants one) so when she's hungry it *could* be almost like a 'well-rounded' snack... You can also always use almond flour for extra protein as well (check out elanaspantry.com for yummy recipes). We make a lot of stuff w/ ground pumpkin seeds as the flour and LOVE how they come out...
Just a couple of ideas--HTH!
Lauren :)
Lauren Seaver
http://healthyindulgences.blogspot.com/2009/05/healthy-chocolate-cake-with-secret.html
I totally forgot--this is an AWESOME recipe for a black bean based chocolate cake (I've made it and it's delicious!) Talk about protein and chocolate together--YUM!!!
Lauren :)
I totally forgot--this is an AWESOME recipe for a black bean based chocolate cake (I've made it and it's delicious!) Talk about protein and chocolate together--YUM!!!
Lauren :)
Emily S
Oh, you just reminded me of these raw foods bars I used to make. Kind of like Lara bars. I would mix dates, peanut butter, honey, nuts, cocoa powder and other things and make balls or bars. The whole family like them, not sure why I stopped. I will definitely try that again and some of your suggestions too!
Although, I don't think it's chocolate kick. She only had about 10 pieces all day, she just didn't have anything else until past noon. Which was fine- I'm not worried about her eating the chocolate, it was just that she really was acting hungry and out of sorts because of it. On other days it has been icecream or lollypops for breakfast, but more often it has been nothing at all for hours.
Emily
Although, I don't think it's chocolate kick. She only had about 10 pieces all day, she just didn't have anything else until past noon. Which was fine- I'm not worried about her eating the chocolate, it was just that she really was acting hungry and out of sorts because of it. On other days it has been icecream or lollypops for breakfast, but more often it has been nothing at all for hours.
Emily
--- In [email protected], Lauren Seaver <yis4yoga@...> wrote:
>
> Just a thought--it sounds like your daughter is having a chocolate kick. What about making foods that include chocolate, that also include protein and other things her body might need? One idea I've read about was buying a boxed cake mix (chocolate in this situation of course ;) and adding pureed veggies or meat to it. Chocolate has such a strong flavor (I've found) that lots of things can go w/ it...(Hmmmm...just now thinking of some kind of a mole style muffin...I'll need to think on that! ;) Finely diced kale is usually not noticable in baked goods, and sweet potatoes are a wonderful addition to chocolate things (IME). I've even put liver into some brownies and we all liked them.
>
> I would totally make this kind of thing *with* her--I don't personally try to 'trick' my ds into eating anything and find if he helps make something he usually wants to try it. You could make them into muffins (and leave some in the fridge or freezer--easy access when she wants one) so when she's hungry it *could* be almost like a 'well-rounded' snack... You can also always use almond flour for extra protein as well (check out elanaspantry.com for yummy recipes). We make a lot of stuff w/ ground pumpkin seeds as the flour and LOVE how they come out...
>
> Just a couple of ideas--HTH!
>
>
> Lauren :)
>
Emily S
I read this again, and this time the "something special, just hers" jumped out at me. She's never had a "lovey" like a blanket or stuffed animal that she was really attached to. It seems like a lot of kids have those as kind of a substitute parent when their real parent makes them cry it out in their crib or sends them away to preschool. I do know some attached kids with loveys, but not many. Anyway, in my more frustrated moments of this nursing relationship, I have considered buying her a pacifier. Most people are trying to get their 4 year olds to stop sucking the pacifier and here I'm thinking about buying one. I wonder if it would satisfy the sucking need, since there are times when it really seems like that's all she needs. I will try to connect with her in other ways and she will say "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU! I WANT TO NURSE!" and sometimes sucking on my finger (she won't suck her thumb) will satisfy her for a while. Or maybe if she had a special stuffed animal, but I guess if she wanted that she would have gotten attached to one of her stuffed animals that she has. Actually, just typing that, the idea made me really sad. I don't want her to have a substitute me.
Sandra, were you thinking a lovey when you wrote that? Or something else?
Emily
Sandra, were you thinking a lovey when you wrote that? Or something else?
Emily
>
> --- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@> wrote:
> > If protein doesn't seem to do it, maybe she needs happy music,
> > something special, just hers, more time with parents...
> >
> > Maybe all those things.
Anne Mills
I had the same period with nursing William then 4 and Julia 1 but, after receiving guidance from a friend, I realized how I was too harsh and wanted very much to be fair to both of my little ones.I have descovered that 4 ad 5 and beyond is really small and I slowed down. It bacame more important to offer nursing time more. As soon as I decided to put this as a priority, everything got easier. I fed better, prepared delicious food AND nursed a lot. It is very important for me to acknowledge the right, for my son, to BE a baby as long as he needs.
Anne
To: [email protected]
From: dezigna@...
Date: Fri, 27 Nov 2009 19:05:03 -0800
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Not eating breakfast then having meltdowns
<<<< She wanted to nurse, and I said "wait till nap time." This is a daily
struggle, because she wants to nurse a lot more than I am willing to nurse
her. I'm tandem nursing her and her 16 month old sister, and she will nurse
more than the baby if I let her. So, I nurse her in the morning, at nap
time and bed time and then some times at other times if she really seems to
need the connection or she gets hurt or something. But every morning, she
asks to nurse, and then melts down when I say no. >>>>>
I would be concerned about anything that is a "daily struggle".
The thing about nursing a 4 year and a 16 month old is that neither are
getting the bulk of their nutrition from nursing by then. Nursing is
fulfilling a different need for both of your children. If you are thinking
of the 4yo as "taking" the nursing from "the baby" that might be coming
through to your 4yo and promoting her neediness. Perhaps she herself has
noticed that she gets less nursing when she has eaten, and that is playing
in to her need to nurse and her avoidance of food.
More power to you for tandem nursing. Jayn nursed until she was 8. I
remember her being quite clingy and having a lot of desire to nurse - more
than I would have expected when she was 3, 4 and even 5. By the time she was
6 it was tapering off to morning and night. Her desire and need for the
comfort and connection of nursing varied.
I would encourage you not to compare your two kids, who are at very
different stages developmentally. Even though your 4 yo is so much older,
she might be in a needy stage and nursing might be more important to her
than you imagine. I know with Jayn her desire to nurse, her endless seeming
asking for nursing seemed to increase in direct proportion to my desire to
avoid it. The more I put her off, the more she asked. Plus she was able to
articulate how important nursing was to her very clearly.
Finally when she was about 5 I made myself a small list of things that I
wanted to keep in the forefront of my thinking in my parenting. This
included starting sentences with "I can" and "I will", making the effort to
be cheerful when there was a spill (as my face was communicating more
irritation than I actually felt), and to nurse whenever I was asked without
delays. I found that she would nurse for only a minute or two, not the long
sessions that I was fearing. It was all about connection, and we certainly
started our day with nursing.
I finally had to rescue my nipples from her teeth when she was 8 and she was
not happy for a while. But what I had noticed was my own unwillingness to
cuddle her since she immediately wanted to nurse whenever I put my arms
around her. In weaning, I made a concious effort to hug her a lot more, and
I explained how I had noticed my reluctance to cuddle her.
Jayn rarely wants to eat as soon as she gets up, unless she is the middle of
a growth spurt. The amount of food she eats in the course of a day varies
hugely also. It always has. There are days when it looks like all she is
eating is little bits of candy - like little energy shots. Then she will end
her day by asking for something high protein. On other days she eats protein
with every meal and snack, and will skip the other foods on her plate.
It sounds like your dd is making a concious choice rather than grabbing the
easiest thing. I would continue to offer a wide variety, but not make
negative comments about her choices, or try to sway her with science. I'd
probably try to say yes more to nursing also.
Oh, I wanted to add that we didn't have a "nap time". Jayn would nap when
she was tired on her own schedule, and certainly by the time she was 4 her
naps were fast disappearing from her day, becoming the exception rather than
the rule. Tying nursing to nap time, if napping is becoming unnecessary for
her might be adding to the problem too.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
_________________________________________________________________
T�l�chargez Internet Explorer 8 et surfez sans laisser de trace !
http://clk.atdmt.com/FRM/go/182932252/direct/01/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anne
To: [email protected]
From: dezigna@...
Date: Fri, 27 Nov 2009 19:05:03 -0800
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Not eating breakfast then having meltdowns
<<<< She wanted to nurse, and I said "wait till nap time." This is a daily
struggle, because she wants to nurse a lot more than I am willing to nurse
her. I'm tandem nursing her and her 16 month old sister, and she will nurse
more than the baby if I let her. So, I nurse her in the morning, at nap
time and bed time and then some times at other times if she really seems to
need the connection or she gets hurt or something. But every morning, she
asks to nurse, and then melts down when I say no. >>>>>
I would be concerned about anything that is a "daily struggle".
The thing about nursing a 4 year and a 16 month old is that neither are
getting the bulk of their nutrition from nursing by then. Nursing is
fulfilling a different need for both of your children. If you are thinking
of the 4yo as "taking" the nursing from "the baby" that might be coming
through to your 4yo and promoting her neediness. Perhaps she herself has
noticed that she gets less nursing when she has eaten, and that is playing
in to her need to nurse and her avoidance of food.
More power to you for tandem nursing. Jayn nursed until she was 8. I
remember her being quite clingy and having a lot of desire to nurse - more
than I would have expected when she was 3, 4 and even 5. By the time she was
6 it was tapering off to morning and night. Her desire and need for the
comfort and connection of nursing varied.
I would encourage you not to compare your two kids, who are at very
different stages developmentally. Even though your 4 yo is so much older,
she might be in a needy stage and nursing might be more important to her
than you imagine. I know with Jayn her desire to nurse, her endless seeming
asking for nursing seemed to increase in direct proportion to my desire to
avoid it. The more I put her off, the more she asked. Plus she was able to
articulate how important nursing was to her very clearly.
Finally when she was about 5 I made myself a small list of things that I
wanted to keep in the forefront of my thinking in my parenting. This
included starting sentences with "I can" and "I will", making the effort to
be cheerful when there was a spill (as my face was communicating more
irritation than I actually felt), and to nurse whenever I was asked without
delays. I found that she would nurse for only a minute or two, not the long
sessions that I was fearing. It was all about connection, and we certainly
started our day with nursing.
I finally had to rescue my nipples from her teeth when she was 8 and she was
not happy for a while. But what I had noticed was my own unwillingness to
cuddle her since she immediately wanted to nurse whenever I put my arms
around her. In weaning, I made a concious effort to hug her a lot more, and
I explained how I had noticed my reluctance to cuddle her.
Jayn rarely wants to eat as soon as she gets up, unless she is the middle of
a growth spurt. The amount of food she eats in the course of a day varies
hugely also. It always has. There are days when it looks like all she is
eating is little bits of candy - like little energy shots. Then she will end
her day by asking for something high protein. On other days she eats protein
with every meal and snack, and will skip the other foods on her plate.
It sounds like your dd is making a concious choice rather than grabbing the
easiest thing. I would continue to offer a wide variety, but not make
negative comments about her choices, or try to sway her with science. I'd
probably try to say yes more to nursing also.
Oh, I wanted to add that we didn't have a "nap time". Jayn would nap when
she was tired on her own schedule, and certainly by the time she was 4 her
naps were fast disappearing from her day, becoming the exception rather than
the rule. Tying nursing to nap time, if napping is becoming unnecessary for
her might be adding to the problem too.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
_________________________________________________________________
T�l�chargez Internet Explorer 8 et surfez sans laisser de trace !
http://clk.atdmt.com/FRM/go/182932252/direct/01/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anne Mills
If she was kept away for a while, she might need to make up for the time sort of.
It takes a long time to go back to routinely say yes to a little one whom wants to nurse. She is really smaller than you might consider her to be.Because having a sibling is pretty traumatising and with girls especially we tend to want them to grow up fast.
I think the mother suffer more than the child when she tries to slow down and count the feeds. If you count them (and i did do the same thing sometimes) it looses its appeal !
The key is to find the nice pleasurable part of nursing for you. The more relaxed she will be when seeing you relaxed, the more she will have room to ''let go'' and play more...
I am just trying to suggest things,as it has been suggested to me over the years and helped traumendously. Sure enough, it is work, hard work but little ones do deserve to nurse.
Anne
To: [email protected]
From: saturnfire16@...
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 2009 04:41:28 +0000
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Not eating breakfast then having meltdowns
It takes a long time to go back to routinely say yes to a little one whom wants to nurse. She is really smaller than you might consider her to be.Because having a sibling is pretty traumatising and with girls especially we tend to want them to grow up fast.
I think the mother suffer more than the child when she tries to slow down and count the feeds. If you count them (and i did do the same thing sometimes) it looses its appeal !
The key is to find the nice pleasurable part of nursing for you. The more relaxed she will be when seeing you relaxed, the more she will have room to ''let go'' and play more...
I am just trying to suggest things,as it has been suggested to me over the years and helped traumendously. Sure enough, it is work, hard work but little ones do deserve to nurse.
Anne
To: [email protected]
From: saturnfire16@...
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 2009 04:41:28 +0000
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Not eating breakfast then having meltdowns
--- In [email protected], "Robyn L. Coburn" <dezigna@...> wrote:
>
> I would be concerned about anything that is a "daily struggle".
>
> The thing about nursing a 4 year and a 16 month old is that neither are
> getting the bulk of their nutrition from nursing by then. Nursing is
> fulfilling a different need for both of your children. If you are thinking
> of the 4yo as "taking" the nursing from "the baby" that might be coming
> through to your 4yo and promoting her neediness.
Oh no, I have never thought of it as "taking" from the baby or set it up as any kind of competition or anything.
>Perhaps she herself has
> noticed that she gets less nursing when she has eaten, and that is playing
> in to her need to nurse and her avoidance of food.
She actually has gotten to nurse more at times after eating. Sometimes she will say she is hungry, but doesn't want anything we offer. Then she wants to nurse and I say "no, not for food. If you're hungry, go eat, and then if you still need to nurse, I'll nurse you, but if you want to spend time together, let's find another way to do that." Also, it's not an avoidance of food in general, just in the morning. Which was fine until she started having these meltdowns every morning that don't seem to be related to anything else other than hunger.
>
> More power to you for tandem nursing. Jayn nursed until she was 8. I
> remember her being quite clingy and having a lot of desire to nurse - more
> than I would have expected when she was 3, 4 and even 5. By the time she was
> 6 it was tapering off to morning and night. Her desire and need for the
> comfort and connection of nursing varied.
>
> I would encourage you not to compare your two kids, who are at very
> different stages developmentally. Even though your 4 yo is so much older,
> she might be in a needy stage and nursing might be more important to her
> than you imagine. I know with Jayn her desire to nurse, her endless seeming
> asking for nursing seemed to increase in direct proportion to my desire to
> avoid it. The more I put her off, the more she asked. Plus she was able to
> articulate how important nursing was to her very clearly.
I hadn't thought of myself as comparing them- that's something I'll have to reflect on. I only said it that way to give you an idea of the number of times a day she would like to nurse, but I guess I could have said the number rather than make that comparison. Something to think about....
The number is 12 by the way. I tried the "don't offer, don't refuse" thing for 3 days and she nursed 12 times a day.
>
> Oh, I wanted to add that we didn't have a "nap time". Jayn would nap when
> she was tired on her own schedule, and certainly by the time she was 4 her
> naps were fast disappearing from her day, becoming the exception rather than
> the rule. Tying nursing to nap time, if napping is becoming unnecessary for
> her might be adding to the problem too.
We don't have any kind of set nap time. Usually at some point in the afternoon, I'll see that she's getting tired and we'll rest. Sometimes that means an actual nap and sometimes it means laying down and nursing for a few minutes, then reading some books or watching a movie together. She usually asks for this or sometimes I suggest it, but it's never forced or at any set time. If we are out in the afternoon, she'll usually fall asleep in the car.
The only reason I say "nap time" is because when I was nursing her totally on demand, she would nurse SO MUCH that I was getting really touched out between the two kids. So, I thought having some kind of routine would help so she would know when to expect that she would be able to nurse. Well, it hasn't worked out that way, because we don't have much of a routine to our days, and nap time isn't at a set time. But I don't know what else to do.
And that does create problems because she will say "I'm tired, I want a nap" two hours after she woke up in the morning just so she can nurse. So, I offer to help her fall asleep other ways (which she can do), but suddenly she's not sleepy any more.
I don't have strict limits on her nursing. I try to nurse her when I feel able, but at a minimum of morning, nap and night. That's my attempt at a balance between on demand nursing and weaning her. Most days I nurse her more than that.
I know it probably seems like, why not just add a mid-morning nursing time into our day? When I do that, she still asks to nurse an hour later and will melt down if I don't let her. If I nurse her twice in the morning, she will melt down on the third request. But this isn't such a big deal to her if she eats.
Emily
_________________________________________________________________
Windows 7 � 35� pour les �tudiants�!
http://www.windows-7-pour-les-etudiants.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-The number is 12 by the way. I tried the "don't offer, don't
refuse" thing for 3 days and she nursed 12 times a day.=-
Counting is bound to increase your frustration.
Documenting frustration makes it solid. "Documented."
Try to live in the moment and not in the day.
http://sandradodd.com/moment
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
refuse" thing for 3 days and she nursed 12 times a day.=-
Counting is bound to increase your frustration.
Documenting frustration makes it solid. "Documented."
Try to live in the moment and not in the day.
http://sandradodd.com/moment
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Although, I don't think it's chocolate kick. She only had about 10
pieces all day, she just didn't have anything else until past noon.
Which was fine- I'm not worried about her eating the chocolate, it was
just that she really was acting hungry and out of sorts because of it.
On other days it has been icecream or lollypops for breakfast, but
more often it has been nothing at all for hours. -=-
Ten of ANYthing can be called "a ... kick." Ten is a lot.
If there are better foods, warm, smelling good, easily available, I
can't see any normal, active child choosing lollypops or ice cream for
breakfast. Something else is happening. Focus on having good foods
out when she wakes up. Or make orange juice pops or something.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pieces all day, she just didn't have anything else until past noon.
Which was fine- I'm not worried about her eating the chocolate, it was
just that she really was acting hungry and out of sorts because of it.
On other days it has been icecream or lollypops for breakfast, but
more often it has been nothing at all for hours. -=-
Ten of ANYthing can be called "a ... kick." Ten is a lot.
If there are better foods, warm, smelling good, easily available, I
can't see any normal, active child choosing lollypops or ice cream for
breakfast. Something else is happening. Focus on having good foods
out when she wakes up. Or make orange juice pops or something.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Sandra, were you thinking a lovey when you wrote that? Or something
else?=-
No, I was thinking a great space in the house, a shared interest with
mom, or something like a hobby center, or trips to a museum where it's
just her and one parent. I wasn't picturing specific things so much
as thinking she needs to be whole and special and respected.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
else?=-
No, I was thinking a great space in the house, a shared interest with
mom, or something like a hobby center, or trips to a museum where it's
just her and one parent. I wasn't picturing specific things so much
as thinking she needs to be whole and special and respected.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
-=-Sometimes she will say she is hungry, but doesn't want anything we offer. Then she wants to nurse and I say "no, not for food. If you're hungry, go eat, and then if you still need to nurse, I'll nurse you, but if you want to spend time together, let's find another way to do that.-=-
You can't specify for her what her need is: food, company, sucking, etc. And at this point, she's not able to articulate the need except: nursing. It seems like you're expending more energy on finding substitutes for nursing than you'd spend on just nursing her - connecting with her in a way that's meaningful to her.
Often, when children have some type of food allergy, nursing provides a "buffer" so the allergy doesn't affect them as strongly, if at all, as long as they're nursing, and they'll often "grow out" of the propensity for that allergy without ever developing it. Research has shown this to be the case for celiac disease. (I can't find the link right now!) Is there any way for you to accept that her need is for *nursing*, and to meet that need?
I understand being "touched out", I understand how frustrating it can be... but your little girl will be your little girl for such a short, short time. She won't nurse forever! And it's possible she'll cut down on asking once she FEELS your acceptance of her need. I know she seems BIG compared to your baby, but she's still very small. Melting down rather than a small "aw... ok" when you say no indicates that nursing is very much a need for her.
Getting the experience of saying "yes" even when you don't understand the need is good practice for unschooling!
Caren
You can't specify for her what her need is: food, company, sucking, etc. And at this point, she's not able to articulate the need except: nursing. It seems like you're expending more energy on finding substitutes for nursing than you'd spend on just nursing her - connecting with her in a way that's meaningful to her.
Often, when children have some type of food allergy, nursing provides a "buffer" so the allergy doesn't affect them as strongly, if at all, as long as they're nursing, and they'll often "grow out" of the propensity for that allergy without ever developing it. Research has shown this to be the case for celiac disease. (I can't find the link right now!) Is there any way for you to accept that her need is for *nursing*, and to meet that need?
I understand being "touched out", I understand how frustrating it can be... but your little girl will be your little girl for such a short, short time. She won't nurse forever! And it's possible she'll cut down on asking once she FEELS your acceptance of her need. I know she seems BIG compared to your baby, but she's still very small. Melting down rather than a small "aw... ok" when you say no indicates that nursing is very much a need for her.
Getting the experience of saying "yes" even when you don't understand the need is good practice for unschooling!
Caren
emiLy Q.
> Often, when children have some type of food allergy, nursing provides aI was hesitant to say anything because I feel like I've been talking about
> "buffer" so the allergy doesn't affect them as strongly, if at all, as long as
> they're nursing, and they'll often "grow out" of the propensity for that
> allergy without ever developing it. Research has shown this to be the case for
> celiac disease. (I can't find the link right now!) Is there any way for you to
> accept that her need is for *nursing*, and to meet that need?
food allergies / sensitivities a lot lately but it was the first thought
that popped into my mind. Except that I haven't ever heard of anyone
growing out of celiac disease - unless they stop eating gluten :)
It might be good to read at the FoodLab yahoo group for a while to hear
about some really specific food ideas. There have already been some great
links shared on this thread too.
-emiLy, mom to Delia (6) & Henry (2.5)
http://www.TheECstore.com
Kim Zerbe
Ezabella's persistence sounds like my kid only I didn't have a 2nd one so I
don't know what tandem nursing is like. I do know what it's like to have a
child who wants to nurse all day and all night! At times I was at wits end.
Nobody I knew had advice I wanted to hear. Just say no. Cut him off. He's
too old anyway. He needs to be eating more food. He's STILL nursing?! OMG!
Now I'm not sure where I got the good advice, if someone told me or I read
it somewhere, but what worked was for me to let go and say yes. I was all
hung up about what he was "supposed" to be doing or not doing and how I was
"supposed" to be weaning or encouraging more eating of food or snuggling
while saying no or whatever. But it all felt like denying him what he really
wanted and offering cheap substitutes. My very perceptive child (like yours)
would not fall for it! She senses you pulling back (and you've done this
before!) and that makes her want it more! (It's like TV and other things
that people restrict with their kids, telling them they can't have something
they really want makes them crave it and think about it all the time.)
Let go of whatever you think she's supposed to be doing. She wants to nurse.
Say yes. Don't count the times in a day. Do it for more than 3 days. I don't
think that was long enough to see results. What happened on Day 4? Just when
she was getting used to it, you stopped?! It may seem counterintuitive, but
if you nurse her more (as much as she wants), after a time she'll want it
less. When she gets it enough. What she considers enough, not you. You'll
know when the number of times a day goes down.
I'm telling you this because it works! I had to let go of whatever I was
feeling about Damon nursing too much. I tried really hard to say YES and be
in a pleasant mood whenever he asked (for Boobie Time). I'm not sure how
long it took, but I do know that eventually he only asked for it when he
really needed it. And I started to miss it! (After a WHILE.)
Damon hung in there until he was almost 5; he was going strong until his 4th
birthday, then it tapered off after 4.5 (lots of activities around
Christmastime and weird schedules I think played a part). I went through
tough times at 18-20 mos and around 3 or 3.5, I think I was beginning again
to think about what he "should" be doing instead of nursing, but according
to whom?! Once I relaxed, both times, so did he.
I also wanted to say that she might be too young to process what you say
about foods and protein. I've done that with Damon too, expected him to get
a concept or something because he's bright and communicative with a large
vocabulary and curiosity (same as Ezabella!), but sometimes it's just not
important to them or is not something they want or need to know or can't
quite fit it into their worlds yet. TMI.
I like the comments people have shared. I too need to offer more protein
foods and snacks during the day! I've seen a lot more meltdowns lately and
realize I have not been as attentive to what I am offering. (I let him eat
whatever he found in the cabinet because it's not worth the fight he'll give
me if I try to "take it away" by offering other choices.) This happens more
when I'm low on groceries and need to shop.
Hang in there! Just think how much you've learned so far on your road to
peace!
I was reading Sandra's book this weekend and have been reflecting on a
section about Bad Days (I'm sure you can find it on her web site, I don't
have my book handy). She said don't think about a bad DAY, just reflect on a
moment, the next one could be better. (I think that by reflecting on one
incident as you are doing by writing here, you can improve future incidents
of the same type!) There was also something that struck me about moving
towards peace. It's a journey, you don't just arrive there, at a completely
peaceful existence! It takes time. And practice and patience. (What would we
know about the path anyway if we could just arrive there?!) We all mess up
along the way, just focus on the end result and forgive yourself for messing
up. :)
Kim Zerbe
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
don't know what tandem nursing is like. I do know what it's like to have a
child who wants to nurse all day and all night! At times I was at wits end.
Nobody I knew had advice I wanted to hear. Just say no. Cut him off. He's
too old anyway. He needs to be eating more food. He's STILL nursing?! OMG!
Now I'm not sure where I got the good advice, if someone told me or I read
it somewhere, but what worked was for me to let go and say yes. I was all
hung up about what he was "supposed" to be doing or not doing and how I was
"supposed" to be weaning or encouraging more eating of food or snuggling
while saying no or whatever. But it all felt like denying him what he really
wanted and offering cheap substitutes. My very perceptive child (like yours)
would not fall for it! She senses you pulling back (and you've done this
before!) and that makes her want it more! (It's like TV and other things
that people restrict with their kids, telling them they can't have something
they really want makes them crave it and think about it all the time.)
Let go of whatever you think she's supposed to be doing. She wants to nurse.
Say yes. Don't count the times in a day. Do it for more than 3 days. I don't
think that was long enough to see results. What happened on Day 4? Just when
she was getting used to it, you stopped?! It may seem counterintuitive, but
if you nurse her more (as much as she wants), after a time she'll want it
less. When she gets it enough. What she considers enough, not you. You'll
know when the number of times a day goes down.
I'm telling you this because it works! I had to let go of whatever I was
feeling about Damon nursing too much. I tried really hard to say YES and be
in a pleasant mood whenever he asked (for Boobie Time). I'm not sure how
long it took, but I do know that eventually he only asked for it when he
really needed it. And I started to miss it! (After a WHILE.)
Damon hung in there until he was almost 5; he was going strong until his 4th
birthday, then it tapered off after 4.5 (lots of activities around
Christmastime and weird schedules I think played a part). I went through
tough times at 18-20 mos and around 3 or 3.5, I think I was beginning again
to think about what he "should" be doing instead of nursing, but according
to whom?! Once I relaxed, both times, so did he.
I also wanted to say that she might be too young to process what you say
about foods and protein. I've done that with Damon too, expected him to get
a concept or something because he's bright and communicative with a large
vocabulary and curiosity (same as Ezabella!), but sometimes it's just not
important to them or is not something they want or need to know or can't
quite fit it into their worlds yet. TMI.
I like the comments people have shared. I too need to offer more protein
foods and snacks during the day! I've seen a lot more meltdowns lately and
realize I have not been as attentive to what I am offering. (I let him eat
whatever he found in the cabinet because it's not worth the fight he'll give
me if I try to "take it away" by offering other choices.) This happens more
when I'm low on groceries and need to shop.
Hang in there! Just think how much you've learned so far on your road to
peace!
I was reading Sandra's book this weekend and have been reflecting on a
section about Bad Days (I'm sure you can find it on her web site, I don't
have my book handy). She said don't think about a bad DAY, just reflect on a
moment, the next one could be better. (I think that by reflecting on one
incident as you are doing by writing here, you can improve future incidents
of the same type!) There was also something that struck me about moving
towards peace. It's a journey, you don't just arrive there, at a completely
peaceful existence! It takes time. And practice and patience. (What would we
know about the path anyway if we could just arrive there?!) We all mess up
along the way, just focus on the end result and forgive yourself for messing
up. :)
Kim Zerbe
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I was reading Sandra's book this weekend and have been reflecting
on a
section about Bad Days (I'm sure you can find it on her web site, I
don't
have my book handy). She said don't think about a bad DAY, just
reflect on a
moment, the next one could be better. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/moment
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
on a
section about Bad Days (I'm sure you can find it on her web site, I
don't
have my book handy). She said don't think about a bad DAY, just
reflect on a
moment, the next one could be better. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/moment
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Emily S
Thanks Kim, I know what you are all saying is so right. Say yes, she'll only be little for a while, she really needs this....
And you're right about the restriction making it more appealing too.
I'm not worried about what other people think. In fact, I know so many people who are extended and tandem nursing that I have myself in a nice little bubble of cultural acceptance. But even when I'm out and about, I don't think twice about other people's opinions of her nursing.
However, when I've had someone sucking on my boob every hour for days, I just want to scream. And my husband better not even touch me. On the other hand, it so sweet to see the bond tandem nursing has brought my two kids and I do want to fill up Ezabella's need for nursing.
I will say that life is a LOT more peaceful than it was a year ago or six months. We're making progress!
Now if I can just remember to stay in the moment. I want to both laugh and cry when, every time I post here, someone (usually Sandra) reminds me to live in moments not days. Every time! It's a good thing- I need the reminder, but I must be really dense, cause I keep going back to thinking in days.
Emily
And you're right about the restriction making it more appealing too.
I'm not worried about what other people think. In fact, I know so many people who are extended and tandem nursing that I have myself in a nice little bubble of cultural acceptance. But even when I'm out and about, I don't think twice about other people's opinions of her nursing.
However, when I've had someone sucking on my boob every hour for days, I just want to scream. And my husband better not even touch me. On the other hand, it so sweet to see the bond tandem nursing has brought my two kids and I do want to fill up Ezabella's need for nursing.
I will say that life is a LOT more peaceful than it was a year ago or six months. We're making progress!
Now if I can just remember to stay in the moment. I want to both laugh and cry when, every time I post here, someone (usually Sandra) reminds me to live in moments not days. Every time! It's a good thing- I need the reminder, but I must be really dense, cause I keep going back to thinking in days.
Emily
--- In [email protected], "Kim Zerbe" <kim.zerbe@...> wrote:
>
> Ezabella's persistence sounds like my kid only I didn't have a 2nd one so I
> don't know what tandem nursing is like. I do know what it's like to have a
> child who wants to nurse all day and all night! At times I was at wits end.
> Nobody I knew had advice I wanted to hear. Just say no. Cut him off. He's
> too old anyway. He needs to be eating more food. He's STILL nursing?! OMG!
>
> Now I'm not sure where I got the good advice, if someone told me or I read
> it somewhere, but what worked was for me to let go and say yes. I was all
> hung up about what he was "supposed" to be doing or not doing and how I was
> "supposed" to be weaning or encouraging more eating of food or snuggling
> while saying no or whatever. But it all felt like denying him what he really
> wanted and offering cheap substitutes. My very perceptive child (like yours)
> would not fall for it! She senses you pulling back (and you've done this
> before!) and that makes her want it more! (It's like TV and other things
> that people restrict with their kids, telling them they can't have something
> they really want makes them crave it and think about it all the time.)
>
> Let go of whatever you think she's supposed to be doing. She wants to nurse.
> Say yes. Don't count the times in a day. Do it for more than 3 days. I don't
> think that was long enough to see results. What happened on Day 4? Just when
> she was getting used to it, you stopped?! It may seem counterintuitive, but
> if you nurse her more (as much as she wants), after a time she'll want it
> less. When she gets it enough. What she considers enough, not you. You'll
> know when the number of times a day goes down.
>
> I'm telling you this because it works! I had to let go of whatever I was
> feeling about Damon nursing too much. I tried really hard to say YES and be
> in a pleasant mood whenever he asked (for Boobie Time). I'm not sure how
> long it took, but I do know that eventually he only asked for it when he
> really needed it. And I started to miss it! (After a WHILE.)
>
> Damon hung in there until he was almost 5; he was going strong until his 4th
> birthday, then it tapered off after 4.5 (lots of activities around
> Christmastime and weird schedules I think played a part). I went through
> tough times at 18-20 mos and around 3 or 3.5, I think I was beginning again
> to think about what he "should" be doing instead of nursing, but according
> to whom?! Once I relaxed, both times, so did he.
>
> I also wanted to say that she might be too young to process what you say
> about foods and protein. I've done that with Damon too, expected him to get
> a concept or something because he's bright and communicative with a large
> vocabulary and curiosity (same as Ezabella!), but sometimes it's just not
> important to them or is not something they want or need to know or can't
> quite fit it into their worlds yet. TMI.
>
> I like the comments people have shared. I too need to offer more protein
> foods and snacks during the day! I've seen a lot more meltdowns lately and
> realize I have not been as attentive to what I am offering. (I let him eat
> whatever he found in the cabinet because it's not worth the fight he'll give
> me if I try to "take it away" by offering other choices.) This happens more
> when I'm low on groceries and need to shop.
>
> Hang in there! Just think how much you've learned so far on your road to
> peace!
>
> I was reading Sandra's book this weekend and have been reflecting on a
> section about Bad Days (I'm sure you can find it on her web site, I don't
> have my book handy). She said don't think about a bad DAY, just reflect on a
> moment, the next one could be better. (I think that by reflecting on one
> incident as you are doing by writing here, you can improve future incidents
> of the same type!) There was also something that struck me about moving
> towards peace. It's a journey, you don't just arrive there, at a completely
> peaceful existence! It takes time. And practice and patience. (What would we
> know about the path anyway if we could just arrive there?!) We all mess up
> along the way, just focus on the end result and forgive yourself for messing
> up. :)
>
> Kim Zerbe
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
carnationsgalore
> I read this again, and this time the "something special, just hers"I can't make a generalized statement about the reasons children form attachments to blankets and toys. Perhaps Allie (11) is one of the rare ones you mentioned. She had a favorite blanket that she carried around when she started crawling and walking. I thought it was cute! She still has that blanket and 12 others now. They all have names and she calls them her girls. Along with 2 favorite stuffed animals, they all sleep with her every night (and one or two watches tv with her during the day). We laugh that there is hardly any room in the bed for me! She likes me to sleep with her occasionally. Sometimes she tells me to sleep in my own room. :)
> jumped out at me. She's never had a "lovey" like a blanket or
> stuffed animal that she was really attached to. It seems like a
> lot of kids have those as kind of a substitute parent when their
> real parent makes them cry it out in their crib or sends them away
> to preschool.
She nursed until just before her 4th birthday. Some of my family couldn't stop themselves from offering advice. They told me I was setting her up to be a clingy dependent person. They were truly bothered by her nursing even after she started use the bathroom rather than diapers. When I was in a couple of mom's groups, I couldn't participate in the whining and venting about children resisting training to stop nursing, go on the bottle, go to a sippy cup, then a real cup, or going from diapers to pull-ups and then potty training that seemed to last forever. I didn't know about attachment parenting at that point. I just did what I felt was right and figured it must be right because our home was so much less stressful than those other mom's homes.
Beth M.
Valentine
Thanks for this message!!!
I'm also reading the big book and the section you're talking about "bad days" really helped me yesterday. I was not in a good mood for various reasons and suddenly i thought about this chapter and realized the next moment and the rest of the day could still be great, it only depended on me. And the rest of the day was just great, we played and laughed and played and laughed a lot (thanks again sandra for this book!).
About proteins, I agree with you.
And although it's important for me to be attentive to what i'm offering, i would not link the meltdowns to the food. Especially when there are so many other reasons for the kid to feel bad. Focusing on the food seems pretty unfair to me (all the more if the mum tells the kid) if it leads the parent to ignore the difficulties the child go through.
About peanut butter, it's funny here in France most parents would rather see their kids eat chocolate rather than peanut butter. Beliefs about food.
Valentine
Ezabella's persistence sounds like my kid only I didn't have a 2nd one so I
don't know what tandem nursing is like. I do know what it's like to have a
child who wants to nurse all day and all night! At times I was at wits end.
Nobody I knew had advice I wanted to hear. Just say no. Cut him off. He's
too old anyway. He needs to be eating more food. He's STILL nursing?! OMG!
Now I'm not sure where I got the good advice, if someone told me or I read
it somewhere, but what worked was for me to let go and say yes. I was all
hung up about what he was "supposed" to be doing or not doing and how I was
"supposed" to be weaning or encouraging more eating of food or snuggling
while saying no or whatever. But it all felt like denying him what he really
wanted and offering cheap substitutes. My very perceptive child (like yours)
would not fall for it! She senses you pulling back (and you've done this
before!) and that makes her want it more! (It's like TV and other things
that people restrict with their kids, telling them they can't have something
they really want makes them crave it and think about it all the time.)
Let go of whatever you think she's supposed to be doing. She wants to nurse.
Say yes. Don't count the times in a day. Do it for more than 3 days. I don't
think that was long enough to see results. What happened on Day 4? Just when
she was getting used to it, you stopped?! It may seem counterintuitive, but
if you nurse her more (as much as she wants), after a time she'll want it
less. When she gets it enough. What she considers enough, not you. You'll
know when the number of times a day goes down.
I'm telling you this because it works! I had to let go of whatever I was
feeling about Damon nursing too much. I tried really hard to say YES and be
in a pleasant mood whenever he asked (for Boobie Time). I'm not sure how
long it took, but I do know that eventually he only asked for it when he
really needed it. And I started to miss it! (After a WHILE.)
Damon hung in there until he was almost 5; he was going strong until his 4th
birthday, then it tapered off after 4.5 (lots of activities around
Christmastime and weird schedules I think played a part). I went through
tough times at 18-20 mos and around 3 or 3.5, I think I was beginning again
to think about what he "should" be doing instead of nursing, but according
to whom?! Once I relaxed, both times, so did he.
I also wanted to say that she might be too young to process what you say
about foods and protein. I've done that with Damon too, expected him to get
a concept or something because he's bright and communicative with a large
vocabulary and curiosity (same as Ezabella!), but sometimes it's just not
important to them or is not something they want or need to know or can't
quite fit it into their worlds yet. TMI.
I like the comments people have shared. I too need to offer more protein
foods and snacks during the day! I've seen a lot more meltdowns lately and
realize I have not been as attentive to what I am offering. (I let him eat
whatever he found in the cabinet because it's not worth the fight he'll give
me if I try to "take it away" by offering other choices.) This happens more
when I'm low on groceries and need to shop.
Hang in there! Just think how much you've learned so far on your road to
peace!
I was reading Sandra's book this weekend and have been reflecting on a
section about Bad Days (I'm sure you can find it on her web site, I don't
have my book handy). She said don't think about a bad DAY, just reflect on a
moment, the next one could be better. (I think that by reflecting on one
incident as you are doing by writing here, you can improve future incidents
of the same type!) There was also something that struck me about moving
towards peace. It's a journey, you don't just arrive there, at a completely
peaceful existence! It takes time. And practice and patience. (What would we
know about the path anyway if we could just arrive there?!) We all mess up
along the way, just focus on the end result and forgive yourself for messing
up. :)
Kim Zerbe
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm also reading the big book and the section you're talking about "bad days" really helped me yesterday. I was not in a good mood for various reasons and suddenly i thought about this chapter and realized the next moment and the rest of the day could still be great, it only depended on me. And the rest of the day was just great, we played and laughed and played and laughed a lot (thanks again sandra for this book!).
About proteins, I agree with you.
And although it's important for me to be attentive to what i'm offering, i would not link the meltdowns to the food. Especially when there are so many other reasons for the kid to feel bad. Focusing on the food seems pretty unfair to me (all the more if the mum tells the kid) if it leads the parent to ignore the difficulties the child go through.
About peanut butter, it's funny here in France most parents would rather see their kids eat chocolate rather than peanut butter. Beliefs about food.
Valentine
Ezabella's persistence sounds like my kid only I didn't have a 2nd one so I
don't know what tandem nursing is like. I do know what it's like to have a
child who wants to nurse all day and all night! At times I was at wits end.
Nobody I knew had advice I wanted to hear. Just say no. Cut him off. He's
too old anyway. He needs to be eating more food. He's STILL nursing?! OMG!
Now I'm not sure where I got the good advice, if someone told me or I read
it somewhere, but what worked was for me to let go and say yes. I was all
hung up about what he was "supposed" to be doing or not doing and how I was
"supposed" to be weaning or encouraging more eating of food or snuggling
while saying no or whatever. But it all felt like denying him what he really
wanted and offering cheap substitutes. My very perceptive child (like yours)
would not fall for it! She senses you pulling back (and you've done this
before!) and that makes her want it more! (It's like TV and other things
that people restrict with their kids, telling them they can't have something
they really want makes them crave it and think about it all the time.)
Let go of whatever you think she's supposed to be doing. She wants to nurse.
Say yes. Don't count the times in a day. Do it for more than 3 days. I don't
think that was long enough to see results. What happened on Day 4? Just when
she was getting used to it, you stopped?! It may seem counterintuitive, but
if you nurse her more (as much as she wants), after a time she'll want it
less. When she gets it enough. What she considers enough, not you. You'll
know when the number of times a day goes down.
I'm telling you this because it works! I had to let go of whatever I was
feeling about Damon nursing too much. I tried really hard to say YES and be
in a pleasant mood whenever he asked (for Boobie Time). I'm not sure how
long it took, but I do know that eventually he only asked for it when he
really needed it. And I started to miss it! (After a WHILE.)
Damon hung in there until he was almost 5; he was going strong until his 4th
birthday, then it tapered off after 4.5 (lots of activities around
Christmastime and weird schedules I think played a part). I went through
tough times at 18-20 mos and around 3 or 3.5, I think I was beginning again
to think about what he "should" be doing instead of nursing, but according
to whom?! Once I relaxed, both times, so did he.
I also wanted to say that she might be too young to process what you say
about foods and protein. I've done that with Damon too, expected him to get
a concept or something because he's bright and communicative with a large
vocabulary and curiosity (same as Ezabella!), but sometimes it's just not
important to them or is not something they want or need to know or can't
quite fit it into their worlds yet. TMI.
I like the comments people have shared. I too need to offer more protein
foods and snacks during the day! I've seen a lot more meltdowns lately and
realize I have not been as attentive to what I am offering. (I let him eat
whatever he found in the cabinet because it's not worth the fight he'll give
me if I try to "take it away" by offering other choices.) This happens more
when I'm low on groceries and need to shop.
Hang in there! Just think how much you've learned so far on your road to
peace!
I was reading Sandra's book this weekend and have been reflecting on a
section about Bad Days (I'm sure you can find it on her web site, I don't
have my book handy). She said don't think about a bad DAY, just reflect on a
moment, the next one could be better. (I think that by reflecting on one
incident as you are doing by writing here, you can improve future incidents
of the same type!) There was also something that struck me about moving
towards peace. It's a journey, you don't just arrive there, at a completely
peaceful existence! It takes time. And practice and patience. (What would we
know about the path anyway if we could just arrive there?!) We all mess up
along the way, just focus on the end result and forgive yourself for messing
up. :)
Kim Zerbe
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-i thought about this chapter and realized the next moment and the
rest of the day could still be great, it only depended on me. And the
rest of the day was just great-=-
I'm really glad that idea is helping others. It has helped me and my
kids a ton, over the years.
-=-And although it's important for me to be attentive to what i'm
offering, i would not link the meltdowns to the food. Especially when
there are so many other reasons for the kid to feel bad. Focusing on
the food seems pretty unfair to me (all the more if the mum tells the
kid) if it leads the parent to ignore the difficulties the child go
through.-=-
YES!
And "but wait..."
Yes, parents should not think that food is like magic mood-altering
pills. But in a way, it can be.
Whether a mom comes to think her kid needs less of this or that, or
more of something else dietarily, each of those children STILL need a
lot of attention, activities, time with mom, questions answered,
privacy, togetherness, respect, clean clothes, warm beds... you
know. The stuff kids need!
But if I know that Holly (for example) hasn't eaten for twelve hours,
I will also know that no amount of attention and time would keep her
from feeling that darkening headache come on and her getting cranky.
So in that case, respect would involve me making and presenting some
protein-laden food. Telling her "eat some protein" comes off as an
insult, not as loving help. Feeding her without criticism is way
different.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rest of the day could still be great, it only depended on me. And the
rest of the day was just great-=-
I'm really glad that idea is helping others. It has helped me and my
kids a ton, over the years.
-=-And although it's important for me to be attentive to what i'm
offering, i would not link the meltdowns to the food. Especially when
there are so many other reasons for the kid to feel bad. Focusing on
the food seems pretty unfair to me (all the more if the mum tells the
kid) if it leads the parent to ignore the difficulties the child go
through.-=-
YES!
And "but wait..."
Yes, parents should not think that food is like magic mood-altering
pills. But in a way, it can be.
Whether a mom comes to think her kid needs less of this or that, or
more of something else dietarily, each of those children STILL need a
lot of attention, activities, time with mom, questions answered,
privacy, togetherness, respect, clean clothes, warm beds... you
know. The stuff kids need!
But if I know that Holly (for example) hasn't eaten for twelve hours,
I will also know that no amount of attention and time would keep her
from feeling that darkening headache come on and her getting cranky.
So in that case, respect would involve me making and presenting some
protein-laden food. Telling her "eat some protein" comes off as an
insult, not as loving help. Feeding her without criticism is way
different.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***I'm also reading the big book and the section you're talking about "bad days" really helped me yesterday. I was not in a good mood for various reasons and suddenly i thought about this chapter and realized the next moment and the rest of the day could still be great, it only depended on me. And the rest of the day was just great, we played and laughed and played and laughed a lot (thanks again sandra for this book!).***
Yesterday was a very hard day for me! Chamille was premenstral and irritating and irritable and Margaux kept getting upset about everything. At one point we were in the car and I said, "wow, you guys are a joy to be around." It was mean and sarcastic and both my kids ended up crying. It wasn't a great parenting moment for sure! I worked really hard all the rest of the day yesterday to keep myself upbeat and happy so that I could be sweet and gentle with my girls, who were clearly not able to do the same for themselves.
***About peanut butter, it's funny here in France most parents would rather see their kids eat chocolate rather than peanut butter. Beliefs about food.***
Seriously, the ONLY thing that seemed to make the great big difference in my daughters' happiness yesterday, was the purchase of large amounts of chocolate! Sometimes chocolate and kindness is the best thing in the whole wide world!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yesterday was a very hard day for me! Chamille was premenstral and irritating and irritable and Margaux kept getting upset about everything. At one point we were in the car and I said, "wow, you guys are a joy to be around." It was mean and sarcastic and both my kids ended up crying. It wasn't a great parenting moment for sure! I worked really hard all the rest of the day yesterday to keep myself upbeat and happy so that I could be sweet and gentle with my girls, who were clearly not able to do the same for themselves.
***About peanut butter, it's funny here in France most parents would rather see their kids eat chocolate rather than peanut butter. Beliefs about food.***
Seriously, the ONLY thing that seemed to make the great big difference in my daughters' happiness yesterday, was the purchase of large amounts of chocolate! Sometimes chocolate and kindness is the best thing in the whole wide world!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Emily S
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
I try not to ever say "eat some protein!" but I say "it seems like you need some protein" or "I noticed that you haven't eaten much this morning and it seems like your not feeling good. Can I help you find something with some protein? That might help." And not every day, but at the times when it seems like that's the missing piece.
So, yes, I guess I am trying to sway her, but not out of some random, arbitrary idea that she needs X amount of protein every day. So, what do you all do in that situation, where you are pretty certain that the advice you are providing can help them feel better if they take it? I don't force her to eat it, and if she decides to eat something else, I get it for her. I just say "this is what I think."
Emily
>This and something someone (I think Pam) said earlier about "swaying her with science" has me a little confused. When I talked to my daughter about protein, I was trying to provide information. It's been in bits and pieces over several months. She's facinated by everything about how the body works (she's been loving looking at adult anatomy books and youtube vidoes of heart and brain dissections), so a lot of our conversations about how food works in our bodies have been a part of answering her questions. Snuggled up under a blanket, flipping through a book, and coming on a page about the digestive system.
> But if I know that Holly (for example) hasn't eaten for twelve hours,
> I will also know that no amount of attention and time would keep her
> from feeling that darkening headache come on and her getting cranky.
> So in that case, respect would involve me making and presenting some
> protein-laden food. Telling her "eat some protein" comes off as an
> insult, not as loving help. Feeding her without criticism is way
> different.
>
> Sandra
I try not to ever say "eat some protein!" but I say "it seems like you need some protein" or "I noticed that you haven't eaten much this morning and it seems like your not feeling good. Can I help you find something with some protein? That might help." And not every day, but at the times when it seems like that's the missing piece.
So, yes, I guess I am trying to sway her, but not out of some random, arbitrary idea that she needs X amount of protein every day. So, what do you all do in that situation, where you are pretty certain that the advice you are providing can help them feel better if they take it? I don't force her to eat it, and if she decides to eat something else, I get it for her. I just say "this is what I think."
Emily
Sandra Dodd
-=-I try not to ever say "eat some protein!" but I say "it seems like
you need some protein" or "I noticed that you haven't eaten much this
morning and it seems like your not feeling good. Can I help you find
something with some protein? That might help." And not every day, but
at the times when it seems like that's the missing piece. -=-
Some moms talk too much. (Sometimes I've been one of them.)
Why talk about it? Why say things like "I noticed you haven't eaten"
or "it seems like you're not feeling good" or "Can I help you find
something with some protein?"
If it's true that she doesn't seem to feel well and you know she
hasn't eaten, why not ask if she wants some eggs, or maybe just get up
and start making an omelette for yourself, and even if she's saying
she doesn't want any, you could offer her a bite. She might have one
bite. She might change her mind and want the whole thing.
Sometimes when kids are at that rasty point of about-to-lose-it, they
do NOT feel hungry. They feel anxious and frustrated and uneasy.
They don't know food might help, and talking to them makes them more
frustrated.
-=-So, yes, I guess I am trying to sway her, but not out of some
random, arbitrary idea that she needs X amount of protein every day.
So, what do you all do in that situation, where you are pretty certain
that the advice you are providing can help them feel better if they
take it? I don't force her to eat it, and if she decides to eat
something else, I get it for her. I just say "this is what I think." -=-
Feed her instead of swaying her, maybe.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you need some protein" or "I noticed that you haven't eaten much this
morning and it seems like your not feeling good. Can I help you find
something with some protein? That might help." And not every day, but
at the times when it seems like that's the missing piece. -=-
Some moms talk too much. (Sometimes I've been one of them.)
Why talk about it? Why say things like "I noticed you haven't eaten"
or "it seems like you're not feeling good" or "Can I help you find
something with some protein?"
If it's true that she doesn't seem to feel well and you know she
hasn't eaten, why not ask if she wants some eggs, or maybe just get up
and start making an omelette for yourself, and even if she's saying
she doesn't want any, you could offer her a bite. She might have one
bite. She might change her mind and want the whole thing.
Sometimes when kids are at that rasty point of about-to-lose-it, they
do NOT feel hungry. They feel anxious and frustrated and uneasy.
They don't know food might help, and talking to them makes them more
frustrated.
-=-So, yes, I guess I am trying to sway her, but not out of some
random, arbitrary idea that she needs X amount of protein every day.
So, what do you all do in that situation, where you are pretty certain
that the advice you are providing can help them feel better if they
take it? I don't force her to eat it, and if she decides to eat
something else, I get it for her. I just say "this is what I think." -=-
Feed her instead of swaying her, maybe.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
alexandriapalonia
Rasty?
Combination of raunchy and nasty?
(That's what the urban dictionary said it was, but that didn't seem right in the context . . . maybe there's an alternative meaning?).
Andrea
Combination of raunchy and nasty?
(That's what the urban dictionary said it was, but that didn't seem right in the context . . . maybe there's an alternative meaning?).
Andrea
> Sometimes when kids are at that rasty point of about-to-lose-it, they
> do NOT feel hungry. They feel anxious and frustrated and uneasy.
> They don't know food might help, and talking to them makes them more
> frustrated.
> Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-
-=-Combination of raunchy and nasty?
(That's what the urban dictionary said it was, but that didn't seem
right in the context . . . maybe there's an alternative meaning?).
-=-
The urban dictionary is what, 10 years old?
I've known the word for fifty years. <G>
It can be used of nasty-tasting drinks (something that's gone off) or
of dirty jokes or of anything that would make you grimace. Bikers
might want to be rasty but usually "rasty" is an unfortunate and
temporary situation.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Sometimes when kids are at that rasty point of about-to-lose-it, theyRough; edgy; not courteous.
> do NOT feel hungry. They feel anxious and frustrated and uneasy. -=-
-=-Combination of raunchy and nasty?
(That's what the urban dictionary said it was, but that didn't seem
right in the context . . . maybe there's an alternative meaning?).
-=-
The urban dictionary is what, 10 years old?
I've known the word for fifty years. <G>
It can be used of nasty-tasting drinks (something that's gone off) or
of dirty jokes or of anything that would make you grimace. Bikers
might want to be rasty but usually "rasty" is an unfortunate and
temporary situation.
Sandra
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Mandy Ray-Jones
My son clearly has hypoglycemia and I have found that talking to him about
how food helps him to not be "grumpy" at times when he's NOT experiencing
the symptoms has really helped. It has prepared him to better understand
what is going on in his body when he is feeling so anxious and and
frustrated. So now when he gets like that I calmly say, "Hey, I think some
food might help" and he almost surrenders to it. I've also explained that
his dad and I also have this condition and that it seems to run in the
family, etc. He really seems to "get it" now.
On Wed, Dec 2, 2009 at 1:31 PM, alexandriapalonia <
alexandriapalonia@...> wrote:
Mandy Ray-Jones
Artsy Mamas Executive Director and Founder
http://artsymamas.org/
Child of God, Supermom, Wife, Natural Learning Facilitator, Aspiring Natural
Nutritionist, Truth Seeker, Lover of Life, Friend, and Geeky Blogger
http://www.bonafidemama.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
how food helps him to not be "grumpy" at times when he's NOT experiencing
the symptoms has really helped. It has prepared him to better understand
what is going on in his body when he is feeling so anxious and and
frustrated. So now when he gets like that I calmly say, "Hey, I think some
food might help" and he almost surrenders to it. I've also explained that
his dad and I also have this condition and that it seems to run in the
family, etc. He really seems to "get it" now.
On Wed, Dec 2, 2009 at 1:31 PM, alexandriapalonia <
alexandriapalonia@...> wrote:
>--
>
> Rasty?
>
> Combination of raunchy and nasty?
> (That's what the urban dictionary said it was, but that didn't seem right
> in the context . . . maybe there's an alternative meaning?).
>
> Andrea
>
> > Sometimes when kids are at that rasty point of about-to-lose-it, they
> > do NOT feel hungry. They feel anxious and frustrated and uneasy.
> > They don't know food might help, and talking to them makes them more
> > frustrated.
>
> > Sandra
>
>
>
Mandy Ray-Jones
Artsy Mamas Executive Director and Founder
http://artsymamas.org/
Child of God, Supermom, Wife, Natural Learning Facilitator, Aspiring Natural
Nutritionist, Truth Seeker, Lover of Life, Friend, and Geeky Blogger
http://www.bonafidemama.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- So now when he gets like that I calmly say, "Hey, I think some
food might help" and he almost surrenders to it. I've also explained
that
his dad and I also have this condition and that it seems to run in the
family, etc. He really seems to "get it" now.-=-
In our family it's mostly me and Holly. She experimented with it on
her own and paid attention on her own, so she believes it because she
has tried both (all combinations of) ways. Sometimes I'd say "When's
the last time you ate?" but that isn't always nice. Sometimes it's
not bad, if we've been apart for several hours, and if I say it in a
happy, hopeful way that offers to make or buy her some food.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
food might help" and he almost surrenders to it. I've also explained
that
his dad and I also have this condition and that it seems to run in the
family, etc. He really seems to "get it" now.-=-
In our family it's mostly me and Holly. She experimented with it on
her own and paid attention on her own, so she believes it because she
has tried both (all combinations of) ways. Sometimes I'd say "When's
the last time you ate?" but that isn't always nice. Sometimes it's
not bad, if we've been apart for several hours, and if I say it in a
happy, hopeful way that offers to make or buy her some food.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/2/2009 5:42:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
Sandra@... writes:
<<<Rasty.... ....The urban dictionary is what, 10 years old?
I've known the word for fifty years. <G> >>>
I'm over 40 and I've never heard that term before in Ohio-is it regional?
Peace,
De
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra@... writes:
<<<Rasty.... ....The urban dictionary is what, 10 years old?
I've known the word for fifty years. <G> >>>
I'm over 40 and I've never heard that term before in Ohio-is it regional?
Peace,
De
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]