Sandra Dodd

This came by e-mail. I'm deleting just a few bits to make it more
generic. My responses are routine. I've brought it here because
there might be new list members with some of the same questions, and
something in here might help. For those who've been reading a longer
time and are more confident, it might not be worth reading.

The gist of it has to do with clarity of concept and language, I think.

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From: "DW" <dandgwh@...>
Date: March 18, 2008 11:12:30 PM MDT
To: <Sandra@...>
Subject: dandgwh@...

Is unschooling all about making time to play with child .
Mine is 10 and still doesnt want to go to school and She
sometimes wants to but She wants to play all the time.
So I ALLOW HER TO DO so and I cant all the time because
if shes not going to do chores then they all fall on me
I HAVE TO GET THEM DONE and I cant play with her . shes
an only child and I am a single mom unschooling . It is
really difficult to get her to do things when I want her
to get them done. I am talking about chores mostly . so
then I have to do them all and dont have time with her .
time with her gives me joy and her too. Can I ask what
do other unschoolers do when the public school and state
law forces them to take the standarized testings they are
mandatory here in this state. I know my child will fail
the testings because she is behind way behind like shes a
first grade level in math and not even that mentally I
mean she can not do math mentally so we dont do it at
all except for baking cookies. but when the testings come
she wont pass . I worry because then they will make her
take more tests that will proove she has learning problems
and then they will force learning specialists because the
state says we have to have a team . I dont want a team
of teachers with me . I am the parent and I dont teach
and I want to continue unschooling with out the schools
interference but THIS IS GOING TO BE VERY DIFFICULT UNLESS
I LYE ABOUT WAHT GRADE SHES IN SO SHE DOESNT HAVE TO TAKE
THE TESTS AT ALL AND SKIP TO 5TH GRADE SO SHE WONT HAVE TO
TAKE THE 4TH GRADE TEST. THEN WHAT DO I DO AFTER THE 6TH
GRADE AND 8TH GRADES WHEN SHE NEEDS A TEST AGAIN . AND
10TH . It is the law they have to know where shes at .
If I say shes in [whatever] grade and she still doesnt
know here multiplication tables they will force me to
meetings I WILL ignore but I might get introuble with
social services if I dont comply with their meetings and
grading my daughter and testing her. I DONT TEST HER NOW
AND DONT BELIEVE IN TESTING I really want to know if any
one has ever avoided the testings and how have they done
that . or do they just take the tests and not even
worry what the childs score is and if they want to file
it away let them if its law and I can throw it in the
trash . because it means nothing to us except competition
within th nation nationally amongst children thank you for
listening and plaese give me some names and email
addresses to talk to or suggestions

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My response:



-=- I DONT TEST HER NOW AND DONT BELIEVE IN TESTING I
really want to know if any one has ever avoided the
testings and how have they done that . or do they just
take the tests and not even worry what the childs score is
and if they want to file it away let them if its law and
I can throw it in the trash .-=-

Whatever state it is, please look here and join a local list and ask
them what they actually do, or if they've found workarounds.

http://sandradodd.com/world

-=if shes not going to do chores then they all fall on me
I HAVE TO GET THEM DONE-=-

Or what? What if you don't "GET THEM DONE"?

Be very careful with "have to."
It might make you feel better to read here:
http://sandradodd.com/haveto
http://sandradodd.com/choices

It's really important.

-=- It is really difficult to get her to do things when I
want her to get them done. -=-

It takes more time to do really difficult or impossible things than it
does to play with a child.

http://sandradodd.com/chores/gift

-=- state law forces them to take the standarized testings
they are mandatory here in this state.-=-

"Force" is not the same as "requirement." "Force" has to do with
physical threat and manhandling and shoving and pushing.

Your writing seemed full of fear of threat and fear of fear.

Find out what others in your state do. Be peaceful and sweet with
your daughter, above all. Make her life interesting. And sometimes
play with her. More than you want to, and a little more than you
think you can. It will work out better that way. Before long it
won't be more than you want to.

http://sandradodd.com/strewing
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully

If you're not a member of a disussion list, unschooling basics might
be a good one to join.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/


Sandra

Jenny C

>
> Is unschooling all about making time to play with child .
> Mine is 10 and still doesnt want to go to school and She
> sometimes wants to but She wants to play all the time.

Then she should play. Find play in everything you do.


> So I ALLOW HER TO DO so and I cant all the time because
> if shes not going to do chores then they all fall on me
> I HAVE TO GET THEM DONE and I cant play with her . shes
> an only child and I am a single mom unschooling . It is
> really difficult to get her to do things when I want her
> to get them done. I am talking about chores mostly .

I have a kitchen full of dirty dishes because I spent the day at the
park yesterday and did other things with and for my kids. My floors
desperately need to be vacuumed. I will get some of it done today, but
I'm not stressing over it, other than the discomfort it causes me, which
I'm letting go. I still haven't cleaned the bathroom after cleaning the
dog, but we do have 2 bathrooms, that was 2 days ago.

I'm not a single mom, but I have 2 times the amount of people in my
house, so double the messes, and I'm still the main household cleaner
and comfort maker. Some people have really high standards for
cleanliness and try to raise kids with that standard, but neglect the
rest of what children need. Kids, as well as adults like some level of
creature comforts, but they also need to feel like they can be mentally
comfortable in their environment.

If a parent constantly trumps mental comfort for physical comfort, in
the form of a neat and tidy house, the children will look elsewhere for
mental comfort. Sure there's a balance there. A parent shouldn't be
trying to get a kid to do whatever it is the parent wants when the
parent wants. Asking for help is great, working with a child's time
frame is great, doing things together is great. If it's not going to be
peacable and pleasant doing it together or having a child do it, then do
it differently. Do it for her kindly because you want a certain level
of comfort for yourself and her.

I know my child will fail
> the testings because she is behind way behind like shes a
> first grade level in math and not even that mentally I
> mean she can not do math mentally so we dont do it at
> all except for baking cookies. but when the testings come
> she wont pass .

How do you know she won't pass? What is passing? Where I live you need
to be in the 15th percentile to be considered passing, and even if you
don't make even that very low minimum, you have a year to make progress
and get a better score, and if you still don't make a better score, you
still have options other than special ed or school. I know it's
different in every area, but the way you describe it, has been described
in my area by newer homeschoolers who are afraid, even though there are
good reasons not to be. It really does help to know the laws where you
live.

Nancy Wooton

>
>
> Is unschooling all about making time to play with child .
> Mine is 10 and still doesnt want to go to school and She
> sometimes wants to but She wants to play all the time.
> So I ALLOW HER TO DO so and I cant all the time because
> if shes not going to do chores then they all fall on me
> I HAVE TO GET THEM DONE and I cant play with her

I know a 10 y.o. isn't a baby, but I was reminded of this poem,
anyway. And it's as old as me :-)
http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/03/babies-dont-keep.html
(I had to Google it, and found it at this blog)


Ruth Hulburt Hamilton, Song for a Fifth Child, written in 1958 and
first published in the Ladies Home Journal

Song for a Fifth Child.

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

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