Being careful with things
seccotine_ch
[I have sent the same message to the Unschooling Basics list, I apologize to those who subscribe to both lists.]
Hello everybody
I have a problem that isn't directly linked to unschooling - but I really would like to read what you're thinking about it, because I'm stucked and don't know what to do.
Here it is : my kids (8, 6 and 3 yo) don't take care of their/ours things the way I'd like them to. This means that we have to buy some DVD again, because they can't be read anymore, that some of our books are used in no time, that they let their clothes on the floor, etc.
I know they're young, and I realize that I have probably learned to take good care of things (though I don't remember when nor how). I wish to add that I'm far from a Bree Vandekemp - I understand perfectly well that life with kids is messy and that's fine with me. I don't like when things become old too fast because they're not taken good care of.
My problem is the following : I really hate to see things treated that way. Because we don't have the money to afford it, because I think that it is disrespectful for the people who built these things, and for those who bought them and gave them to my kids, because it's waste and I think it's a shame to throw things away just because we haven't been careful ... So, when I see a DVD with big scratches, all this come in my mind and it is very difficult for me to stay calm and explain to my kids why I think that being careful is important.
Actually, I can't understand why they don't understand that. I don't see how I could make visible to them the importance of being careful. I don't want to get mad at them, because it is so useless (and because, in the end, people's feelings are more important than things, aren't they ?). On the other hand, it IS important for me - so how can I do that ?
I hope you understand what I'm trying to explain. I know I tell you that everytime that I post here, but my English is a bit rudimentary (at least when I have to write, reading is fine), and it's always frustrating when you try to explain your situation ...
I'm really looking forward to reading your answers
Many thanks in advance
Helen in Geneva (Switzerland), mom of Sylvain (8), Cyrielle (6) and Circé (3)
Hello everybody
I have a problem that isn't directly linked to unschooling - but I really would like to read what you're thinking about it, because I'm stucked and don't know what to do.
Here it is : my kids (8, 6 and 3 yo) don't take care of their/ours things the way I'd like them to. This means that we have to buy some DVD again, because they can't be read anymore, that some of our books are used in no time, that they let their clothes on the floor, etc.
I know they're young, and I realize that I have probably learned to take good care of things (though I don't remember when nor how). I wish to add that I'm far from a Bree Vandekemp - I understand perfectly well that life with kids is messy and that's fine with me. I don't like when things become old too fast because they're not taken good care of.
My problem is the following : I really hate to see things treated that way. Because we don't have the money to afford it, because I think that it is disrespectful for the people who built these things, and for those who bought them and gave them to my kids, because it's waste and I think it's a shame to throw things away just because we haven't been careful ... So, when I see a DVD with big scratches, all this come in my mind and it is very difficult for me to stay calm and explain to my kids why I think that being careful is important.
Actually, I can't understand why they don't understand that. I don't see how I could make visible to them the importance of being careful. I don't want to get mad at them, because it is so useless (and because, in the end, people's feelings are more important than things, aren't they ?). On the other hand, it IS important for me - so how can I do that ?
I hope you understand what I'm trying to explain. I know I tell you that everytime that I post here, but my English is a bit rudimentary (at least when I have to write, reading is fine), and it's always frustrating when you try to explain your situation ...
I'm really looking forward to reading your answers
Many thanks in advance
Helen in Geneva (Switzerland), mom of Sylvain (8), Cyrielle (6) and Circé (3)
Sandra Dodd
-=-[I have sent the same message to the Unschooling Basics list, I
apologize to those who subscribe to both lists.]-=-
I let this through because the questions are interesting. Please, to
everyone reading, though, don't cross-post. If you have a question,
pick a list and ask it.
-=-I have a problem that isn't directly linked to unschooling - but I
really would like to read what you're thinking about it, because I'm
stucked and don't know what to do.-=-
It's about learning and about the relationship between parent and
child, so that's going to be an unschooling matter.
-=-I know they're young, and I realize that I have probably learned to
take good care of things (though I don't remember when nor how).-=-
Probably not from people talking to you. <g>
-=-I don't like when things become old too fast because they're not
taken good care of.-=-
-=-I really hate to see things treated that way. -=-
If you look at the purpose of the existence of the things (clothing
and DVDs) that might help.
Clothing doesn't exist so that children can learn to hang it up.
DVDs don't exist for the purpose of kids learning how to take care of
them.
-=-Actually, I can't understand why they don't understand that. I
don't see how I could make visible to them the importance of being
careful-=-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Piaget
It should be simple for you to find this in French. He's one of your
guys. <g>
You can't cause a young child to understand what he's not yet capable
of understanding. What you can do is pick up their clothes and take
care of them yourself, and YOU put the DVDs in and take them out until
the kids are capable of taking care of them. If a kid is about to
treat a $15 (I don't have a euro key) item badly, yell STOP. Don't
yell that the kid is awful or stupid. Say STOP doing what you're doing.
These might help:
http://sandradodd.com/rules (though it's called "rules," it's about
principles)
http://sandradodd.com/chores (take care of things yourself until
they're able to take care of things for real reasons they understand)
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/changing%20parenting/ifthencontracts.html
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
apologize to those who subscribe to both lists.]-=-
I let this through because the questions are interesting. Please, to
everyone reading, though, don't cross-post. If you have a question,
pick a list and ask it.
-=-I have a problem that isn't directly linked to unschooling - but I
really would like to read what you're thinking about it, because I'm
stucked and don't know what to do.-=-
It's about learning and about the relationship between parent and
child, so that's going to be an unschooling matter.
-=-I know they're young, and I realize that I have probably learned to
take good care of things (though I don't remember when nor how).-=-
Probably not from people talking to you. <g>
-=-I don't like when things become old too fast because they're not
taken good care of.-=-
-=-I really hate to see things treated that way. -=-
If you look at the purpose of the existence of the things (clothing
and DVDs) that might help.
Clothing doesn't exist so that children can learn to hang it up.
DVDs don't exist for the purpose of kids learning how to take care of
them.
-=-Actually, I can't understand why they don't understand that. I
don't see how I could make visible to them the importance of being
careful-=-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Piaget
It should be simple for you to find this in French. He's one of your
guys. <g>
You can't cause a young child to understand what he's not yet capable
of understanding. What you can do is pick up their clothes and take
care of them yourself, and YOU put the DVDs in and take them out until
the kids are capable of taking care of them. If a kid is about to
treat a $15 (I don't have a euro key) item badly, yell STOP. Don't
yell that the kid is awful or stupid. Say STOP doing what you're doing.
These might help:
http://sandradodd.com/rules (though it's called "rules," it's about
principles)
http://sandradodd.com/chores (take care of things yourself until
they're able to take care of things for real reasons they understand)
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/changing%20parenting/ifthencontracts.html
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny C
>>> My problem is the following : I really hate to see things treatedthat way. Because we don't have the money to afford it, because I think
that it is disrespectful for the people who built these things, and for
those who bought them and gave them to my kids, because it's waste and I
think it's a shame to throw things away just because we haven't been
careful ... >>>
>>> Actually, I can't understand why they don't understand that. I don'tsee how I could make visible to them the importance of being careful. I
don't want to get mad at them, because it is so useless (and because, in
the end, people's feelings are more important than things, aren't they
?). On the other hand, it IS important for me - so how can I do that
?>>>
Over the years, I've been the keeper of things at our house. I fix
toys, put stuff away, fold clothing, wash things, mend things, all of
it. My kids are used to that. They know how to put discs away because
I've always done it. They don't stay sitting out usually.
Over the years, we have lost discs and other things have broken. It's a
fact of life! My husband and I, for a long time couldn't keep a french
press in our house, one of us would always break it within a year of
ownership. It was a little joke of ours. One time someone gave my
husband a gift card to a coffee shop, in exchange for work that he did.
We bought a beautiful french press that is NOT glass.
Margaux breaks half of her polly pockets through no fault of hers, it's
a side effect of cheap plastic toys. Chamille has rolled over discs
with her office chair at least twice and broken at least one that wasn't
replacable.
Last week one of Chamille's friends broke a window in our van. It was
completely accidental. It wouldn't have done any good to be mad at him
for it. Some things are casualties of childhood. Some kids are harder
on things than others. I was always gentle when I was a kid, but my
sister wasn't.
EveryTHING is replacable to an extent. You can't replace the way you've
injured another person though. You can apologize, but you can't take
away the damage that was done by being mean to a child. Children behave
like children, some of them mature faster than others, some will never
really care about material possessions, or clean houses, or clutter, and
some of them will. I've known adults that go through cars, like they do
underwear!
Verna
>We have had this issue in our house as well at times. I usually put DVD's in. Or atleast help and oversee how they are holding them etc. Some things are more available to the kids (without asking for help) than others. For example, our wii is up where my oldest son and the adults and the house can reach it but the younger children need help. We have rock band and keep the intrements put away when not being used so they dont get messed up. Any books I dont want ruined are put on a high shelf. The kids are welcome to look at them but since I am asked to help get them down, I am more aware of when they are being looked at so can be more helpful. If I see clothes on the floor, I pick them up.
> Here it is : my kids (8, 6 and 3 yo) don't take care of their/ours things the way I'd like them to. This means that we have to buy some DVD again, because they can't be read anymore, that some of our books are used in no time, that they let their clothes on the floor, etc.
>
> I know they're young, and I realize that I have probably learned to take good care of things (though I don't remember when nor how). I wish to add that I'm far from a Bree Vandekemp - I understand perfectly well that life with kids is messy and that's fine with me. I don't like when things become old too fast because they're not taken good care of.
>
One thing we have done with CD's is burn a copy and keep the origional safe in a closet. With DVD's and video games, we put the most used ones in a big CD case so it is easier to put them away and noone has to look for the origional case. It is more likely they will be put away that way and not be left sitting on top of the t.v.
I put an old tape player with garage sale tapes in the little kids room. They love it and have free reign of it and if it breaks it isnt that big of a deal. They also have access to video player t.v. in there that is older and lot of vhs tapes they can trade out whenever they want. If they want a DVD they just come ask.