Sandra Dodd

I received the following by e-mail. My response is at the bottom.
Maybe don't respond to this one, but to the topics I will sort out
and post separately.

Do you have something pre-written- somewhere... where you talk about
how to switch the switch on the child who is used to being
guided through the day by the parents who mean well but have been
inconsistent and maybe messed up!!!!! below a little about what I mean.

That is..... we (parents ) TRY very hard to refrain from comments
about not practicing piano and using the computer too much and
eating easy sweets instead of other foods.....but we mess up. We are
2 parents with slightly differing approaches.. One parent constantly
reminds the kids to brush their teeth and the other lets them
remember on their own One parent reminds the child that its bedtime.
We remind the kids that practicing music is required because the
music lessons cost money and on and on.....

My daughter ( 12 and never been to school ) still asks me what is
happening today instead of making her day happen .When I suggest an
activity she likes the idea... but is not the one to think of it
first... like call a friend over or go out to play tennis. She is
used to having choices offered to her instead of knowing that she has
ALL the choices available. That, I'm sure, is my fault as the one who
has always been the leader of the pack. Wanna go for a bike ride? "
sure ".

I know she loves to go to the pool club but she does not ask but
rather says OK when I ask her if she would like to call a friend and
head over to the pool.
Or when I say, wanna play tennis.... she says OK. ...Not usually
thinking of it for herself. If I say nothing- she DOES use the
computer to play Runescape but I know she loves hunting for mushrooms
and bike riding and swimming and hanging out at the river. It
appears that she is waiting for those activities to happen...
not making them happen.

So... MY thoughts revert to .. Well, I guess she really doesn't want
to do these things that badly or she would have asked.
I'm not sure how to help her to feel empowered.. Have I totally
messed her up? Can this be remedied? Can this be un- done?

My/Sandra's first response:
All these things have been discussed, but much of the discussion is
probably still in archives.

Some things you might want to look at are

I'm going to take the questions to the list without your name, and
you'll get better answers there from lots of people, and the answers
I write will benefit lots of people.


If any of you feel like searching archives of this or
UnschoolingDiscussion and bringing a link to prior discussions, that
would be very cool.