Something like Martial Arts
We are doing something like martial arts. People come here and we work out together - in a dojo they punch and kick and here we use words to critique each other for a reason. In martial arts it is to improve stamina, strength, balance, centered thinking, calmness, quickness, etc. Here it is to support our kids natural learning and live joy-filled lives outside of school. There is nothing that we're doing here that is for the purpose of hurting or insulting or scaring someone, but if they wander into the dojo and onto the mat without understanding what is going on, they're going to feel scared, hurt, attacked and the same is true here.
Note from Sandra:

This dojo analogy helps some and scares others. Joyce's (below) about a ball being thrown out can help some to see that we're examining the ideas brought to the discussion, not the people who bring the idea (unless a person can't separate herself from the idea she's brought).

Pam Sorooshian
March 2013
in Always Learning message #70773

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Shauna R. responded:
OH I get it! This analogy really helped me to get why I've felt "attacked" most of the times I post here. I've wandered on the mat sometimes with ideas that aren't clearly defined, or that need a little refinement, or I'm looking in a different direction all together. Maybe at times I've even brought a gymnastics move move, or something unrelated here, and when someone cried "foul" I felt attacked rather than noticing I was playing the wrong sport.

Perhaps someone hits me from a direction I wan't expecting, and I feel misunderstood, rather than just understanding it's ideas being punched and kicked around.

Hmm, Great analogy Pam! Perhaps putting a warning similar to that paragraph there would help people understand.

This analogy also explains why I haven't left and why I have continued to find value despite feeling attacked. I have never been one to back away from a challenge that I feel can make me stronger.

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The list is about ideas, not about people.

Think of ideas like balls and the list like a ball court. If someone tosses an idea worth discussing into the court it's going to get batted about. At that point what's going on is no longer about the person who tossed the idea in. It's about the idea and how well and cleanly it's being tossed about. (Unless the tosser keeps jumping in and grabbing the idea ball saying "Mine!")

Joyce
Help for new unschoolers Notes on breathing You don't "have to" do this.