Reply by Maya on September 23, 2008 at 1:23pm

Early in this thread Sandra said:

"What might help with the decision is to decide what your principles and priorities are."

When I read that, I had the (incredibly obvious, I guess, but still) thought that ANY time, around any issue, not just tv, that those guilty-strange-controlling-squeamish thoughts and feelings come up about something my kid wants to do, this would be good advice to follow. To find the principle I want to live from—not to impose it in some way, on them, but to live from it myself—grounds the charge of my murky fears right out, and guides me in my actions. If I'm really going to be a kind, joyful, generous person who values freedom and choice, then I'm really not going to control tv or sugar or sleep or whatever because that wouldn't be kind, or freedom-creating, or joyful, or generous. Full stop. Living from principles, rather than fears, is the easiest way to grok unschooling, as far as I can tell. (But maybe it isn't easy, because it took me a long time to figure that out for myself, haha. I was all, 'what is all this rules vs. principles stuff anyway?' Now, in my unschooling, it seems like the most important part.)

The issue isn't tv. The issue is whether you really value freedom and want that for your kids. If you do, then it doesn't matter the thing, tv, sugar, sleep, video games, yada yada—if you want them to be free, you're going to help them do what they freely choose.

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

One of the kids that live near us, said rather astonished, "you don't have any rules do you?" I looked at him and said, "yes we do, they are, play nicely and behave kindly." He didn't think those were rules, and they aren't really, but that's where it all seems to come down to. A rule of no hitting, could be summed up nicley with "be nice," because clearly hitting isn't nice. Being nice covers it all.

A kid could easily not break the rule of "no hitting" by pinching or kicking, and completely get away with it, and feel pretty darn good about getting away with being mean without getting in trouble. If the idea is to "be nice," pinching or kicking won't work.