Holly mentioned the other day that she's sorry so many parents want their kids to be diagnosed with problems so the parents don't have to learn to be better parents, and then the kids will act however they want to and say "Oh, I didn't take my meds today" as an excuse. (Holly was 16.)

Lydia had a girl on her cheerleading squad (who does take meds for her behavior, and yes Holly is correct she does use not taking them as an excuse for bad behavior) say she was feeling "crazy" today because she ate a candy bar. Lydia said she was just awful that day, pulling the girls hair, stepping on their feet, pinching, all in the name of a "joke". Using a candy bar as an excuse for bad behavior. This girl is almost 11.

We have had on going issues with this teammate, but it's been quite a learning experience for Lydia...and myself.

amy g

In a discussion about a young child and Tourette's symptoms, and the little voices in our heads, I had written:

You don't want to become a tiny voice in your son's head shaming him for being ways he can't avoid. And even nicey-nice criticism or reminders can come back for 20, 30, 50 years as "something is wrong with you," in the little-voices gallery. [—Sandra Dodd]

Laura Endres responded:

And, as is the case with us *right now*, it can come back much sooner and quite unexpectedly.

Long story short our youngest son when he was between the ages of 3-5 exhibited some symptoms of what looked like Asperger's. I didn't even think that until a close friend gently suggested it. Back then, I sorta went through some denial and avoidance, and then became a bit fixated on it. I wasn't willy-nilly in talking about it with others, but I did explore what the suggestions were for kids with Asperger's, and I implemented some of them. We saw a naturopath, but we didn't seek a diagnosis or label. We made some dietary changes and I changed the way I interacted with him. I changed our expectations of how he'd navigate social situations, and I was more careful in where we'd go, when, and with whom. All those things helped.

But just the other day my oldest was telling his best friend about that, and he casually asked my husband, "What was it you thought Jonathan had?" Which led to Jonathan saying, "What do you mean I HAD something?" I wasn't there to help navigate that conversation. It was news to Jonathan that we'd ever considered something to be wrong with him. There've been several questions since - What kinds of things did I do? How long was I like that? What was it called again? What do you mean I couldn't go to some places? What would I do?

It's been very upsetting, and I regret that I let it consume us for a while. Alas, I cannot go back in time. Many of the things I learned about dealing with people who are very sensitive still serve me to this day. I never expect that a kid will (or will want to) talk to me, for example. I am very respectful of their space. BUT, even though it's been a long time (12 yrs) since that original period of worry and focus, it's affecting my son's self-esteem and view of himself NOW.

Laura