katja.bostock@...

My son just turned 3. This past summer he chose not to wear any clothing other than his diaper. He wouldn't wear sun protective clothing by the pool or a live vest when we wanted to be on a boat. (This resulted in no boating for him and I, and taking a ferry instead of joining the family on their boat) No shoes either even when the roads were hot and the leaves were prickly. I assumed he'd start wearing clothes when fall comes around and he will have a reason to do so. It has been cooler here in PA for a few weeks now and he has not worn anything. This weekend we went apple picking. He was shivering in the shade with just his diaper on. I kept holding him under my coat to warm him up and offered pants and a jacket, both with soft fleece inside for him to be comfortable. Once he let me put the pants on him only to struggle and pull them off one minute later. 


What do I do?


Sandra Dodd

Keep him home until you find some clothes he will wear.
Look for all-cotton things without tags. Try turning things inside out and see if that’s more comfortable.

Avoid polyester or wool—they’re VERY itchy to some people.

You cannot, with words, make it okay for him to be outside at his age without clothes. It could lead to school-ordered school or loss of custody. Don’t tell him that.
Tell him that the government wants all parents to be good parents, and so you can’t be outside without him being appropriately dressed. You might be able to look up the phrases in your own jurisdiction’s statements about what could consitiute child neglect.

But first, find comfortable things. And gradually persuade him that going out will need clothes.

I hope others here will have ideas you can use, too.

Sandra

semajrak@...

Our son wore only cotton pjs until he was six or so.  He would only wear very soft cotton pjs with nearly invisible seams and no tags.  At the age of two or three, he didn't like anything tight around his waist, so the pjs he wore were one-piece.  He would wear clothes over his tighter fitting pjs if we were going out in the winter.  Once we returned home, he usually took off the outer layer of clothes.  When he began wearing them, the looser cotton fleece pj bottoms actually looked like cute plaid pants.  Many of the pj tops could pass for ordinary tops too.

People did comment on the pjs occasionally (like in line at the grocery store or someplace similar), but I'd smile and say something like "Who doesn't love a pj day, eh?!"  I had seven or more pairs of pjs for him, so that he could wear a fresh set every day.  That worked out well for us.  Gradually he began wearing regular pants and shirts.

He's thirteen now and still prefers very soft cotton clothes with pants that have flexible waistlines.  He doesn't wear socks most of the time.  He's worn crocs only for years.  He just asked for a different pair of sandles. Now that we live in California, I doubt he'll wear socks much all year.  When we lived in New York State, he'd wear them to go outside, then often take them off again once he was in.  

Polyester makes him too hot.  Socks (even cotton) do too.  He doesn't like feeling hot.  Wool is too itchy.  He does like cotton knit, though not too bulky or heavy.  For us, it has been a matter of finding what works and growing with what he'd grow into.  I never let him go in public undressed.  That didn't feel safe to me for a few reasons.  I never made him wear something he wasn't comfortable in either...well...minus the crazy-cute santa outfit his grandma sent him that first year.  He was only a month old.  The outfit was polyester, and, man, was he unhappy in it!  That was my first indication that polyester wasn't going to work.  I think my family thought I was being picky asking for cotton clothes only for Ethan, but that's okay.  He was comfortable.  :-)

Karen James

Louise Mills

I wonder if he might wear dressing-up clothes or onesies? The winter before last one of our then 4 year old sons preferred to only wear pyjamas and onesies. He really liked superhero or animal onesies, so often looked like he was in dressing up clothes rather than his night clothes when we went out. He often liked to have matching facepaint too - a tiger onesie with tiger facepaint was a favourite for a while!

When it was particularly cold or we were going somewhere onesies might not be ok, we found clothes for him to wear over the top. What really helped was to make getting dressed as quick and smooth for him as possible. I would have any clothes ready by the front door and just slip them on as we were leaving, or take them in the car with us, and quickly slip them on him as he got out of the car. We got thinner onesies as the weather warmed up, and eventually he wanted to play in water during the summer, so started wearing swim shorts :-)

He is 6 now and rarely wears anything other than pyjamas indoors, and although he gets dressed to go out it is still usually done as we are leaving, and he usually gets back into pyjamas or a onesie as soon as we are home.

Louise Mills

Bernadette Lynn

When my eldest was little she preferred dungarees, or dresses, if she wore clothes at all. Things that weren't tight or restrictive, and of soft material. She had a poncho which she would wear in preference to a coat.

My son liked wearing pyjamas, and he liked to wear his coat over his shoulders like a cape, without putting his arms through the sleeves. In hotter weather he'd wear a loose cotton t-shirt, and a nappy if we went out, but not at home, at that age. If we had visitors that would complain, I made sure it was a long t-shirt. He would wear a poncho too - he had a towelling one with sharks on, which he wore outside in strong sun sometimes. If he wouldn't wear it we stayed inside for a couple of hours at midday.

He still prefers pyjamas, but now I get him 'leisure wear' which is the same thing, but somehow more acceptable outside.


Bernadette.

Nicole Kenyon

​My boy, now 5 years old, was the same. He did not enjoy wearing any clothing. It motivated him to be nappy free by 2 years and 3 month. I tried to find out what material was better and would ask before buying.  However, to be honest he usually just said "I don't want to wear". All tags had to be cut off.  I made it clear that it is expected to wear cloths when we leave house, it was non-negotiable. Sometimes just shorts was okay as we live in the Tropics and it does get very hot. Other times it wouldn't be appropriate and shirt was required.  I told him that it was my responsibility to decide when to wear shoes, shirts and hats and that he can trust me that I make the right choice for him.  At home he can and still is naked most of the time. ​

On Tue, Oct 11, 2016 at 10:39 AM, katja.bostock@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

My son just turned 3. This past summer he chose not to wear any clothing other than his diaper. He wouldn't wear sun protective clothing by the pool or a live vest when we wanted to be on a boat. (This resulted in no boating for him and I, and taking a ferry instead of joining the family on their boat) No shoes either even when the roads were hot and the leaves were prickly. I assumed he'd start wearing clothes when fall comes around and he will have a reason to do so. It has been cooler here in PA for a few weeks now and he has not worn anything. This weekend we went apple picking. He was shivering in the shade with just his diaper on. I kept holding him under my coat to warm him up and offered pants and a jacket, both with soft fleece inside for him to be comfortable. Once he let me put the pants on him only to struggle and pull them off one minute later. 


What do I do?






Sam

Just to add to what everyone else says. My 3 year old also doesn't really like clothes. She wants to go out naked or half naked :)
I have her clothes ready and insist (gently of course) that we need to put them on before we go out the door.

If she strongly objects, she sometimes gets in the car half dressed but we bring the clothes to put on as we exit the car!

So far she has always understood if she wants to go with her sisters to X she needs to be dressed. 

It's just a case of repeating it every time, eventually she will get used to it or be old enough to Want to be dressed! 

I would never force her. If she was really upset we just wouldn't go, or would wait and do something else calmly and happily until she was ready to get dressed and go. 

My now 6 and 10 year olds also preferred to be naked at this age.

Dressing up clothes is always a good one! But not always weather suitable. 

Sam 

Sent from my iPhone

On 11 Oct 2016, at 19:44, Louise Mills lou.mills78@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:

 

I wonder if he might wear dressing-up clothes or onesies? The winter before last one of our then 4 year old sons preferred to only wear pyjamas and onesies. He really liked superhero or animal onesies, so often looked like he was in dressing up clothes rather than his night clothes when we went out. He often liked to have matching facepaint too - a tiger onesie with tiger facepaint was a favourite for a while!

When it was particularly cold or we were going somewhere onesies might not be ok, we found clothes for him to wear over the top. What really helped was to make getting dressed as quick and smooth for him as possible. I would have any clothes ready by the front door and just slip them on as we were leaving, or take them in the car with us, and quickly slip them on him as he got out of the car. We got thinner onesies as the weather warmed up, and eventually he wanted to play in water during the summer, so started wearing swim shorts :-)

He is 6 now and rarely wears anything other than pyjamas indoors, and although he gets dressed to go out it is still usually done as we are leaving, and he usually gets back into pyjamas or a onesie as soon as we are home.

Louise Mills

Sandra Dodd

Nicole Kenyon wrote:

-=- I told him that it was my responsibility to decide when to wear shoes, shirts and hats and that he can trust me that I make the right choice for him.-=-

Yes. It’s really important to remember that unschoolers have no special passes to violate laws, regulations or community standards of decency.
Also remember that anyone already doing something questionable or odd (like unschooling) is more likely to attract social-services / child-protection attention.
And furthermore remember that if relatives aren’t liking what you’re doing and you ramp it up by having a child in public without enough clothes on, the relatives (or neighbors or strangers) could call a number they could find easily and ask them to look into your oddness.

Being kind to a child is sweet. Failing to be a responsible partner and parent isn’t cool.

There is no special unschooling world. We’re living in the current, actual world and not in a fantasy universe.

http://sandradodd.com/unschoolworld

Another angle: gratitude and abundance

A century ago, there weren’t comfortable, velcro kids’ shoes, and even if there had been, few people could have afforded to buy them. Shoes were leather with stiff soles, and kids needed to learn to tie them.
You could run through full wardrobes of a century ago, or 60 years ago, and come up against uncomfortable underwear, shirts that were starched, and ironed, and needed to be buttoned, little girls’ dresses that needed the same, and buttons in the back, and a tie to tie in back (not comfortable to lean back with that bow in back) and socks that weren’t very stretchy or soft, and…

So inventory your possibilities, and appreciate when and where you live!

Sandra

Sarah Thompson

What about a game? Like a superhero/secret identity for going out? You could get or make costumes and play games about who to be when going different places, or make up movies and sketches to enact during your outings. Would any of that appeal to him? 

Sarah

Annie Regan

I used to take clothes with me for my daughter and let her get dressed when we arrived somewhere - getting her dressed AND getting her out the door was a lot of effort and took a lot of time, but she would usually get dressed as she got out of the car. She also liked to have a choice of clothing - if I gave her 3 pairs of pants to choose from and 3 shirts, she would choose one of each to wear - if she had less choice she often wouldn't want to put any of them on. I had a toddler size baby carrier as well, so if we were out and she didn't want to put clothes on and it wasn't appropriate, she could go in the carrier on my back, she'd be warm and protected and no one could tell she wasn't dressed.

2 of my children still rarely wear shoes - their feet are conditioned for hot ground and prickly leaves, and they will ask for shoes if there is a surface they don't want to walk on. I make sure I have shoes with me when we go out and they will usually be happy to put shoes on if there is somewhere we go that requires shoes. I try to remember to let them know before we go somewhere if shoes will be needed - occasionally my son will choose not to go somewhere if it means he will need to wear shoes, this is usually an indicator that he's feeling overwhelmed and we'd be better off with a day or two at home.

Annie