mamalobue

I'm posting this for a friend (really!). She's been unschooling her
kids (now 16 and 13) for a number of years. She's getting divorced
and her soon-to-be ex-husband wants the kids to be in public school
and is getting the court to order it. Her computer is broken, but she
really wants to talk with someone who has had a similar experience.
We are in the Central Valley in California just east of the San
Francisco Bay Area. Can anyone help or guide me in the right
direction to help my friend?

Thanks!

[email protected]

What help does she need?
She just signs them up for school and they go.

Does she want help fighting it in the courts?
Reasurance about school?

At these ages, it can't do them much damage, can it? Most of the unschoolers
I know who are that age would be very little fazed by schoolish nonsense.
The divorce will probably do them more emotional damage than school will, so I
would advise her against blaming things on school that ANY children would go
through during and after a divorce.

If she wants encouragement to detach herself emotionally from the school's
stuff, there's this:
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice

Some won't apply if they're there against their own will, but a lot will.

Maybe the 16 year old is old enough to go to college instead of high school,
and possibly even the younger one, in a year or two if not now. California
has a fantastic deal for residents and the two-year colleges. She could look
on the internet (or you could look for her) for the Wes Beach information on
that.

Sandra

[email protected]

Holly's thinking about going to 8th grade next fall, and I think I might need
to do that same detached observer thing myself. She might change her mind
(probably will), but might not!

Sandra

Brandie

Wow...Sanda...I have never read http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
until tonight...this gives me a whole new way to respond to my own sisters complaints about her children's school. I have never heard of detachment option. Not sure she would do this as your sister did, but now I have new "advice" I can give her.

Brandie
http://www.scrapgirls.com



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

sharonjrt

Thanks Sandra for your simple, yet brilliant, observations!
I just sent this article, to a niece with 4 kids in public school.
She has over-extended herself, to the point of physical and fiscal
exhaustion, in her efforts to provide her kids with "The Best"
education. After hearing repeatedly about incidents of bullying,
contagious illnesses and "keeping up with the Joneses", I also tell
her to just keep them home. Hopefully, this will help her ease up on
herself.

It also should help her to be more accepting of her aunt's "Crazy"
decision to homeschool. Ooops! In my note to the attachment, I
mentioned that you're an authority on Unschooling. I think I might
have let the cat out of the bag. She really has no idea how far we've
decided to go (not?) in our approach homeschooling!

I also printed this out for DH, who spends all day on computers
(literally), and is therefore reluctant to go on-line once at home.
So much for my dream of a paperless (home) office! I think that
reading about your very schoolish sister deciding to allow her kids
to choose Homeschooling for themselves should bolster his resolve to
allow our daughter to follow her own methods of learning.

Good luck with your daughter. At least you know that if she decides
to attend school, it will be her choice and that, should she change
her mind about it, once there, she will have the courage to leave.

Live, laugh, Learn!
Sharon

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/31/05 6:22:10 AM, sharonjrt@... writes:

<< Good luck with your daughter. At least you know that if she decides

to attend school, it will be her choice and that, should she change

her mind about it, once there, she will have the courage to leave. >>

If she goes it will not be to learn the subject matter. She wants to go out
of pent up curiosity about what the big deal is, and how real schools are
different from TV and movie portrayals. She'd be like a field anthropologist or
a spy. <g>

She said she would only do the homework she thought was fun and quit if she
started getting F's, or by October, whichever came first.

I don't think she'll want to get up at 7:00 three or four days in a row, let
alone five days a week, so I'm not TOO worried.

Sandra

Joanna Wilkinson

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> Holly's thinking about going to 8th grade next fall, and I think I
might need
> to do that same detached observer thing myself. She might change
her mind
> (probably will), but might not!
>
> Sandra

I would encourage her to wait til 9th grade. A lot of the freshmen are
feeling nervous about starting high school. They are all at
the "bottom of the barrel" at that point and they don't have that "we
rule the school" attitude 8th graders can tend to have. The junior
high behavior can be brutal, but I've found that they want to act more
mature in high school since they are going to school with near adults.
Carly started 9th grade this year and has had a mostly positive
experience. It was also very easy to sign her up. The guidance
councelor told me they are all starting from scratch in 9th grade and
I didn't need any documentation of all the previous years. Maybe we
lucked out with an easy going guy.
And for anyone worried about how a radical unschooler would do in a
school environment; she has had all A's and B's (honor roll) on her
report cards (3 so far). Her teachers love here and her "entusiasm
for learning" as they put it.
I think it would be entirerly different if she was forced by her dad
to go after a divorce though. That's a tough one.

Joanna (whose finally back on line after 2 months away)

Pam Sorooshian

HI Joanna!!!! So GLAD to see you!

-pam


On Apr 1, 2005, at 6:44 AM, Joanna Wilkinson wrote:

>
> Joanna (whose finally back on line after 2 months away)
>

Gold Standard

For what it's worth, my daughter decided to go to school this year in the
7th grade. Geography was the thing she knew nothing about but was so
motivated she memorized the states' locations in a day. Math took her a week
or so to catch on to be at somewhere in the middle of her class. Now she has
all A's and is skipping 8th grade. It has been a scary process for me,
because it seemed like she was buying into a process that I don't, but due
to Sandra's simple yet wise advise ("Let her enjoy it!") I am just loving
and supporting her through this. The teachers really appreciate her too!
They really know a motivated student when they see one, and by this age,
don't see too many of them!

We checked out different schools for Hannah to try, and she picked a small
art charter school. We are lucky to have that here.

Jacki

[email protected]

My 12 year old daughter, who has been unschooled for the last five years,
is planning on trying 7th grade this year. Should I judge her school
experience by the grades she gets and whether she makes the honor roll?
I don't think that is why she wants to go. I hate it when people justify
homeschooling of any kind by their children's grades being as good as or
better than a schooling child's.

Kristi

[email protected]

I didn't mean for that to sound as nasty as it came across. I just have
never been able to understand why we use the same comparisons if we're
making our choices for different reasons.

Kristi with a lot of caffeine this morning.

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/1/05 10:55:17 AM, kltronoff1@... writes:

<< Should I judge her school
experience by the grades she gets and whether she makes the honor roll?
I don't think that is why she wants to go. >>

No.
If Holly goes she plans to flunk out. <g>

<< I hate it when people justify homeschooling of any kind by their
children's grades being as good as or better than a schooling child's. >>

It's not worth hating. It's just part of a real set of data we're sharing
for free with each other to help people feel better about the very scary
decision they're making.

Kirby went to college. Got a D in English on his first essay (on a paper the
teacher said was B writing, but he had violated technicalities most of you
would probably think were ridiculous). Is getting an A in math, though he never
took a math class ever before in his life.

Is that something I should not share?
If every unschooler who went back to school was entirely baffled and got
horrible grades, no one would want to unschool anymore.

So we're not promising anyone anything, and yet still sharing experiences.

If Holly goes and does NOT get bad grades, should I keep that secret or share
it? It WOULD be a story of unschooling and school.

<< I hate it when people justify homeschooling of any kind by their
children's grades being as good as or better than a schooling child's. >>

Why does it bother you so much?

There's a radio interview in which I talked about the block of years that
unschoolers are likely to be behind, before they're "ahead" again.
http://sandradodd.com/radio

Sandra

Pam Sorooshian

If Rosie went to school next year it would be 9th grade, probably, and
I wouldn't just our unschooling by her grades. But I would find it
interesting and worth mentioning if she DID make good grades, after all
these years of not doing ANY school at all.

I see what you mean, though, that it makes it seem like we are judging
by grades - but, I don't think that's really what's going on, Kristi.


-pam

On Apr 1, 2005, at 10:07 AM, kltronoff1@... wrote:

> I didn't mean for that to sound as nasty as it came across. I just
> have
> never been able to understand why we use the same comparisons if we're
> making our choices for different reasons.

[email protected]

I mailed Holly the recommendation about waiting for 9th grade, and she wrote
this by e-mail:

-=-I really dont want to go Eldorado (or however you wanna spell it) mostly
because its too far away, I mean Hoover is far but I can walk and spell its
name right. and also I guess because going highschool seems like a move tword
adultness, and maybe thats seems like a fun thing for schoolkids but I dont
think so.-=-



She spelled Eldorado fine. "Toward" could stand to buy a vowel. But
there's the reasoning of ah always-unschooled 13 year old who might want to go to
Hoover Midschool for part of 8th grade.

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/1/2005 11:09:08 AM Mountain Standard Time, klt
ronoff1@... writes:

I didn't mean for that to sound as nasty as it came across. I just have
never been able to understand why we use the same comparisons if we're
making our choices for different reasons.



-----------------

Comparisons are inevitable.

We also compare those more important reasons on which unschooling is based.
And we brag to each other about those things. Is that as unfair? If we say
schooled kids don't seem to do as well at independence and honesty and
desire to hang out with their siblings or parents, that they tend to avoid eye
contact with adults and to want to be away from home as much as possible, would
it be somehow better NOT to make those comparisons?

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

I know you're right. I've just been struggling with this since my
daughter has come out with her decision to go back to school. Maybe I'm
questioning my own feelings about all of it. If I say that I don't think
that grades are important then how do I support her in this journey when
that is what everyone will be focusing on? How do I respond to the
friends and relations when they want to know how she is doing compared to
everyone else? This is definitely my problem, not my daughter's. So far
I haven't seen much concern from her over the upcoming change in her
life.

Kristi

[email protected]

Oh! I just read "Public School on your own terms". It answered a lot of
my questions. I guess change is always a little nerve wracking.
Sometimes I need to pull myself out the details and get back to the
bigger picture as to why we live our lives this way.

Kristi


Brandie

I thought I would share my own comparison to public school. After one year of deschooling/unschooling, my son came to me and said that he was very worried that he isn't learning.Long story, but I went ahead and enrolled him in a charter school (public school system where they give the books/lesson plans and you meet with them weekly to show the work completed). The first week he was enrolled they wanted to give him placement tests -- I was hesistant about this, but he went ahead and did the testing. The end result? The school was absolutely amazed...he was in 6th grade, but placed in 12++grade for math (his favorite) and his science. Social studies was very high too, and reading/spelling was about 10th grade level. What was so great is that he decided to stop attending the school within a week or two. While he was only unschooled for about a year, that placement test gave him the satisfaction that he was still learning at home, without textbooks, structure, etc. We have continued unschooling and I LOVE it.

I don't care if my kids fit public school standards, BUT if I have something that gives a great comparison on unschooling vs. public school, I do love to share.

Brandie



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joanna Wilkinson

... If I say that I don't think
> that grades are important then how do I support her in this journey
when
> that is what everyone will be focusing on? How do I respond to the
> friends and relations when they want to know how she is doing
compared to
> everyone else? This is definitely my problem, not my daughter's.
So far
> I haven't seen much concern from her over the upcoming change in her
> life.
>
> Kristi

Hi Kristi
I didn't mean to sound like I was bragging or that Carly making the
honor roll was the only way to judge her experience in school.
I was only mentioning it to help people who do wonder how these
unschoolers might fare in a school environment, where grades are the
be all and end all of success there. And I wasn't justifying my
choices with her grades because this wasn't my choice at all.
It does make it easier for me to deal with people who thought I was
crazy for unschooling. If she had gone and left, or gone a really
struggled and made fair to bad grades, I would have to defend our
ways, when people would comment on it. This way, I get to hear things
like, "you did such a great job with her!" Even my husband tries to
give me credit! I always say, "I didn't do anything but let her be
who she is. She gets all the credit for what's happening in school"
I don't think people believe me.
I never would have dreamed she would find it all so easy. She was so
NON academic all of her life. I really thought the getting up early
would get to her. She LOVES having a place to go to everyday where
she can express herself in fashion, so that makes it worth it to her.
She loves the interpersonal dynamics that happen all day long there,
with other kids and the adults in the system.
She decided after the first week that she would probably stay and that
she wanted to get good grades if she was going to do this.
I told her "Okay, but you better not make the honor roll, cause I'm
NOT going to put one of those "My child made the honor roll at....."
bumper stickers on my car. When she actually did make it (which was
not a goal for her) she told all her friends that she was going to be
in big trouble. :-)
Anyone who unschools can probably imagine that we are not sitting here
implying to her that these grades make her something better than what
she was before she went to school. If we gave her any indication of
that, she would put us in our places quickly. She would find that
insulting, coming from us. She'll take the $100 that Pop Pop gave her
for it though ;-). She has come away with an idea that grades are
definetly a product of playing the school game not a indication of
intelligence.
She thinks a lot about what is going on and we talk a lot about all of
it. She's not an unschooler anymore, but I still am (and am still
unschooling with her younger siblings) and our relationship and my
parenting is still heavily influenced by that philosophy.
The grades do make it easier for me to say "See! :-p, I knew what I
was doing." But, if she hadn't done as well, or had left, it wouldn't
affect our thoughts on unschooling. I know my daughter, and know she
is brilliant. It would have made it harder to defend though. Like my
8yo not reading yet. It's so much easier for us when they fall into
the norms, or even excel. That's one of reasons we have boards like
this. To help us when they don't meet outside expectations.

Joanna

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/2/05 8:05:12 AM, Wilkinson6@... writes:

<< The grades do make it easier for me to say "See! :-p, I knew what I

was doing." But, if she hadn't done as well, or had left, it wouldn't

affect our thoughts on unschooling. I know my daughter, and know she

is brilliant. It would have made it harder to defend though. >>

Right.
Kirby getting a D in English didn't make me think he would never write. It
reminded me that teachers and school can be crushing and horrible. I felt
sorrier for the other three who got a D, and the four who got F's, because they had
taken English 101 after 12 or 13 years of school and STILL made a horrible
grade.

Kirby starting out baffled in Math 099 didn't surprise me a bit. How could
he NOT be baffled? Kirby having an A average at the midpoint surprised me in a
good way, and made me calm (more calm, but I'm already calm) about Marty and
Holly who have always been "better at math" than Kirby (meaning, here, quick
at puzzles and computations and better at spatial reasoning and less likely to
ask me or Keith for help in such things).

For those people who fear or have spouses who REALLY fear that unschoolers
will be clueless, at least grades indicate that not all are. Nothing can
promise every unschooler will be happy or good at school or creative or easily
employed. But every story of ease or success refutes claims of "can't" or "will
never" or "will fail" or "will be unemployable."

Sandra