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Backup of the writing at https://www.facebook.com/notes/10164593602005486/, in case facebook disappears.

Kirby's thoughts on the 2014 TMNT Cast
(Warning: TL;DR possible)

I found myself with some free time, the kitchen is clean, the bookshelf is mostly in order… I’ve had the new trailer linked to me many times over, so let's look at the new TMNT cast on IMDB, and pretend my opinion matters!

It should be clarified that I’m basing this off of the information in the trailer, and the few still shots I’ve seen over the months of production. I haven’t read into the details of this version of the story. Inaccuracies are probable.

Trailer and film cast can be located here: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Megan Fox as April O'neil.

We all know Michael Bay has got it going on for Megan Fox. She is on the screen for T&A, because we couldn’t have a children’s action movie without that. Really, I’m not as upset as most folks are on this call. Up until recent cartoons, April has fallen victim of the damsel in distress role. She is there as the human point of contact for the turtles, and keep them in the loop on what new danger is cropping up today. This is something even Miss Fox can achieve.

If I had all the power, influence, and money, I would cast Jennifer Lawrence, she has proven to be strong time and time again in each role she plays. Or if looking for someone a little more age appropriate, Zooey Deschanel, who I honestly wouldn’t mind seeing in many more movies.

William Fichtner as the Shredder

I’m torn. I like William Fichtner. I’ve yet to dislike him in anything I’ve seen him in. So I’m willing to hold any judgement on his role in this movie. I am extremely disappointed that in the trailer he says “heroes aren’t born, they are created. That’s what your father and I were trying to do” leading to the idea that the Shredder is not Oroku Saki, but instead a Norman Osborn (Green Goblin) wanna be who runs a huge corporation that creates our heroes. Why does he want to kill them now? Does he even like turtle soup? Oh William Fichtner, please carry this poorly written role. I believe in you.

Will Arnett as Vernon Fenwick.

I honestly can’t think of a better actor for Vernon, he is such an under-utilized character, and Will Arnett’s arrogance is perfect. I am so happy to see this! =)

For anyone who isn’t familiar: Vernon is another reporter at Channel 6 News, he is always trying to “scoop” April’s stories and generally causes more problems. He never actively tries to bring harm to the protagonists, let’s hope that doesn’t change.

Whoopi Goldberg as Bernadette “Burne” Thompson

This will be underappreciated by most, I am VERY excited for this minor role Whoopi Goldberg is taking on. Burne Thompson is an editor at Channel 6 News, and April/Vernon’s boss *he* is similar to Jonah Jameson (Spiderman), in that he doesn’t like the Turtles very much, but when they are proven heroes, he lets April do her reports. He believes in truthful newscasting and has integrity. Now Whoopi Goldberg gets to give this character a whole new breath of fresh air. If anyone can do it, Whoopi can.

Abby Elliott as Irma Langinstein

Meh. I guess it’s fitting to have an SNL cast member who blends into the background to fit the role of the news reporter assistant that also blended into the background. I don’t know much about Abby Elliott, she wouldn’t be my choice (Yeardley Smith, voice of Lisa Simpson. No contest) but I’m hopeful she can bring forth Irma’s super nerdy and mousey demeanor.

K. Todd Freeman as Baxter Stockman

I don’t know very much about this guy at all. He was in Grosse Point Blank as a character I don’t remember, he was in the Dark Knight as a character I don’t remember, he was even in five episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer as a character I don’t remember. Though I am a huge fan of all those things. so…. kudos for finally getting Baxter Stockman back to the correct skin tone! Do something awesome with the role and one day we might get to see you as a giant fly.

Danny Woodburn as Splinter

This warms my heart. Danny Woodburn does a great job and is scarcely used. I think he will do a great job as Splinter, who knows, without the Hamato Yoshi / Oroku Saki background, maybe we can get splinter back to starting as a rat turned man-rat, opposed to man turned man-rat.

The Turtles.

Ugh. Alright, for some really great people in the supporting roles, I'm not really sure what caused a set of nearly unheard of actors to be playing the main protagonists we will be connecting with. I blame Nickelodeon and their budget manager. Derp derp derp derp. (I’m letting my fandom get the best of me)

*Deep Breath*

Considering the actors were in motion capture suits, their features hardly make it onto the screen. What we really need from these folks is the deep and rich personality that each Turtle has to offer.

Pete Ploszek as Leonardo

Seems to be a brand new face, he has four listings on IMDB (including TMNT) - Wildcard baby!!!

Can he be the calm and collected leader we love? Will he be able to display true remorse during the darkest hour of the story?

Alan Ritchson as Raphael

I haven’t seen Catching Fire yet. But he plays Gloss, who is the beefed up super candidate for the Hunger Games. He’s played a Football athlete a couple of times over. So at least he can fill the “Rough and tough” aspect of Raphael.

I truly hope that he can capture the softer side of Raphael, his deep sense of loyalty, passion, and irrationally swift justice.

Jeremy Howard as Donatello

This guy might not be a bad choice. He has played minor roles in a ton of different films, but he fits the “Geeky / Intellectual” role quite well. (Watch for him in Galaxy Quest, I think he will do fine based off that role)

Noel Fisher as Michelangelo

Many folks are going to pass judgement on this poor soul because his name is in the credits for a Twilight Film. Look past that and back a few years to a little known television series known as “The Riches” where he is fan-freaking-tastic as a teenage gypsy con-artist. He has proven the ability to portray child-like curiosity, lightheartedness, and family loyalty. Michelangelo in a nutshell.

I am less concerned for Michelangelo, in part because of his line at the end of the trailer. He honestly thought April was freaking out over the orange mask, not the gigantic turtle underneath.


Thanks for reading this far. I am hopeful for this new film, my expectations aren’t very high. But it is looking much better off from the time when all we knew was “Turtles are really Aliens, zomg the face suckers are back!” Based off the trailer; the mutagen might be an alien substance, or maybe it’s all a reference to Dimension X and Krang? That would be a great after-credits teaser to introduce the 2nd film.
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