2023 note:
This section of my webpage is old. It has been years since spanking came up in an unschooling discussion, as far as I know. If it still comes up in more conservative discussions, unschoolers don't need to know about it. Good.
Who REALLY Teaches People to Hit Children?
When the subject of spanking comes up on unschooling lists or discussion boards, and it does every few months, there are inevitably some parents who just don't believe that anyone REALLY recommends spanking. And even if they know a few people, or one church, maybe, they don't believe it's a general belief and teaching.
Here is some evidence for this widespread teaching that children should be hit (and at the end, some anti-spanking sites particular to this aspect of the problem).
Cameron went to a friend's 8th grade commencement yesterday (here in the
Christian South). The *old* headmistress spoke to the crowd. Cameron said that she
said the "S" word no less than 7-8 times (he said it could have been much
more--he was so stunned!). She kept telling the parents that DISCPLINE was so
important. That they shouldn't be afraid to spank. That spanking was good. That
to spank was to show their children that they love them. That the world needs
more spanking. This went on and on. I was appalled that someone could get away
with this in public—in a public address!
His girlfriend (who went to this school last year) said that there were STILL
school paddlings when she was there last year. I haven't asked Devon whether
it's still going on, but judging by the speech yesterday, it must be!
Articles/pages like yours, Sandra, are desperately needed.
| |
~Kelly, the stunned
5/30/03
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> > > People don't spank because they're conservative Christian;
> >
> > Many DO. They'll even show you how to DO it properly!
They showed us at our Church. It was awful. We had a ten week parenting
study last fall. They told us how to spank with the kitchen spatula. I was
just sitting there thinking, I can't believe I'm hearing this. It's a
Fundamentalist Church and we are ready to escape from all that.(I really
like the links sent through previously about the people who escaped
fundamentalism) Thank goodness I found this list and some other good ones.
We've been changing just about everything over the last few months, all for
the better :-).
[and the same mom wrote this:]
One thing I haven't seen mentioned. The Church leaders may also advise you
not to tell people that you use the rod as correction. I know that is what
they said in our parenting study. I think the exact wording was you have to
be careful who you tell (about using the rod for correction) since people
who aren't Christians, or more specifically aren't fundamentalists, may not
understand and may report you. Pretty sad really but they did stress that
point. So people may not even be honest with you if you ask them if they
spank. We are in New England so Fundamentalism isn't as prevalent as in the
bible belt but it's still there and almost all of the people I personally
know, who follow that religion do spank. Plus when you are in that sort of
Church it is easier than you might think to fall prey to their teachings,
you don't always realize it is happening until you are away from the
situation.
Come to a CHEO convention and you'll hear all about it. Turn on
Dr. James Dobson's program in the mornings for a year and
you'll her it every eight weeks or so. Read any parenting website
for fundamentalist Christians, and spanking will be a primary
tool discussed.
I've discovered by getting out of that world that there is a huge
population of Christians who don't identify with the
fundamentalist born again movement. I think they hardly know it
exists. Mainline denominations that are non-evangelical often
don't have an awareness that there are plenty of vocal Christians
who believe in the inerrancy of Scripture and who take the
commandments therein literally (not open to interpretation).
Perhaps the term conservative is alarming [to someone who] feels
she is a conservative person or is conservative politically or in
most of her Christian beliefs and therefore feels lumped into this
label.
But Christian fundamentalists (often evangelicals) use the terms
conservative and fundamentalist interchangeably and there is a
distinct movement that teaches these things. I was in it! (And the
parents who spank often are not angry people! I know so many
who aren't. They use it as a tool to train their children. I don't
happen to agree with it but I don't think assuming they are all
pathologically angry is accurate either. They sincerely believe
that they are being obedient to God and are raising godly kids.)
It is a movement that incorporates a lot more than spanking. Here
are some of the authors people read who hold this view:
Jonathan Lindvall
The Pearls (Debbie and what's his name)
Richard Fugate
Dr. James Dobson
Mary Pride
Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo
And scores more...
[Someone had written:] People don't spank because they're conservative Christian; they spank
because they haven't learned to manage their anger and frustration in
a healthy manner.
That's a nice way of saying that it's an individual choice and each person is
responsible for themselves, but it ignores reality.
There are churches, not just a few but many, where parents who don't spank
their children will be subjected to extreme pressure from the leadership and
members.
There are books, not just a few but many, that instruct in the how and why
and when of spanking to save your child's soul.
There are talks at homeschooling conferences on Biblical discipline that
include admonishment that not spanking is disobeying the word of God. There
are chapters in homeschooling books that explain the same.
These books and speakers and churches are overwhelmingly conservative
Christian.
When people spank because their pastors and friends and paid speakers and
books all tell them it's their duty to their children and their God, that to
not spank their children is to withhold love from them, it's disingenious for
others to say that it's not because they're conservative Christian.
We're talking about groups like this:
No Greater Joy
The book To Train Up a Child is for sale there. You can read the
first chapter right on that site. It is very troubling. This is the
stuff that some Christian parents are taking seriously. It is, in my
opinion, the kind of stuff that gives Christians a very bad name. It
is not supposed to be what Christianity is about. :(
They actually suggest setting a child up, so that you can "train" him
(with a switch) not to touch things that he shouldn't. That way your
children will obey you in public, and people will marvel at your well
behaved children:
"Try it yourself. Place an appealing object where they can reach it,
maybe in a "No-no" corner or on an apple juice table (That's where
the coffee table once sat). When they spy it and make a dive for it,
in a calm voice say, "No, don't touch it." They will already be
familiar with the "No," so they will pause, look at you in wonder and
then turn around and grab it. Switch their hand once and
simultaneously say, "No." Remember, you are not disciplining, you are
training. One swat with a little switch is enough. They will again
pull back their hand and consider the relationship between the
object, their desire, the command and the little reinforcing pain. It
may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to
consistently obey, even in your absence."
and to make a wiggly toddler sit still on your lap:
"For the next weary forty-five minutes, fifteen times the child would
make his legs move, and the daddy would turn him around and spank his
legs. The father was as calm as a lazy porch swing on a Sunday
afternoon. There was no hastiness or anger. He did not take the
disobedience personally. He had trained many a horse or mule and knew
the value of patient perseverance. In the end, the twelve-month-old
submitted his will to his father, sat as he was placed, and became
content—even cheerful."
Sheila
Australian writer, apparently secular, promoting spanking to prevent monsters in Australia: Uncontrolled Children Become Uncontrollable Citizens
From 'Character Of Australians' in A Study Of Our Decline by P Atkinson (2006 February)
List of Christian Sites posted by Tia Leshke, to assist one mom needing backup:
May I print this out and show to my sister in law? She and my nephew
are in town visiting and I have discovered (by her proud admittance) that she is using a belt on my 8yo nephew.
I would also like to get her a book on non-punitive christian parenting.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Lastly, are there Christian websites that counter the argument to spank?
There was a list, but over the years sites have disappeared. Someone sent me a few replacement links in 2010; sorry it's no longer one particular person's list. —Sandra
New in 2012: The Rod Verses: Taking the rod verses literally
Arms of Love Family Fellowship- author of the Book Biblical Parenting
http://www.aolff.org/
(click on banner at top to find out more about the book or check out the
Amazon reviews)
Book:
Families Where Grace is In Place
Parenting Freedom: Discipline
http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/
(Link gone in January 2023; no archived copies.)
Christians for Non-Violent Parenting
http://www.nospank.net/cnpindex.htm
Positive Discipline in the Christian Home: Using the Bible to Develop
Character and Strengthen Moral Development Jane Nelson
Amazon reviews
Therapy for adults who have suffered the legalistic/ rod based parenting
(and why this type of parenting is good to avoid):
Growing Up Wholly and Holy: Understanding and Hope for Adult Children of
Evangelicals
The Dangers of Growing Up in a Christian Home
Amazon reviews
Tired of Trying to Measure Up
Amazon reviews
The Yucky Stuff she might be into:
The Pearls
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/
[And a long book excerpt:
TO TRAIN UP A CHILD by Michael &Debi Pearl]
Ezzo Info
http://www.ezzo.info
Other Refutation
anti-spanking Christian sites
Here is a page of many links about the Ezzos, Pearls and similar folk, on a site called Gentle Christian Mothers: Unprepared for Parenting. They have a forum here: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/
Anecdotal evidence showing that the impact of non-violent parenting is starting to convince even once skeptical Christian blocker communities
Why Not Train a Child?
Christians refuting some of the spanking arguments used by the Pearls and others.
Parenting in Jesus' Footsteps, and a
petition
More on not spanking and on other parenting issues for unschoolers
