Someone had had a run-in with some rude and verbally-abusive teens, and spent some time talking with them, mostly unsatisfactorily. After telling that story, in public fashion, on facebook, she went into a philosophical close:
I hope beyond hope that they don't grow to be adults who perpetuate childism, adults who think that because they own a house, they get to say how people act within it. Adults who tell children how to think, when to eat, when to go to the toilet, what to eat, when to sleep, how to play, what to wear, what to learn. I hope beyond hope.

Fucking END CHILDSISM NOW. Seek it out as you are your racism, find it lurking in the way you set the table, in the way you think that 'children need consistency' in the way you think they should respect you at detriment to their own judgement. they way you want them to be quiet, calm down, apologise, fucking share.

Root it out and dismantle that shit, for the good of your beautiful grandchildren.

My response, June 19, 2020: -=-adults who think that because they own a house, they get to say how people act within it.-=-
Don't go TOO far.

Whether you own or rent, you get some say about how people act at your house.

If a stranger or neighbor (or relative) came over and was berating or threatening or harming your child, you could ask (or tell) them to stop. If they didn't, you could ask them to leave. If they failed to leave with the homeowner or occupant asking them to leave, you could call the police.

There are responsibilities that come with tenancy or home ownership, and the responsibilities fall on the adults, not on the children.

There are responsibilities that come of being parents or guardians to children, and the responsibilities fall on the adults, not on the children.

Parents can and SHOULD be sweet and kind and generous, but they can't morally, legally, sensibly, make their children equally responsible.

Senior team members have responsibility.
Team captains have responsibility.

The author of the original story responded:
yes also good points, I had a question mark over that sentence when writing but didn’t heed it, I’m reducing it to absolutes here, it’s waaay more complex than this. Partnering and coaching respect for property is also important.

I would like to request that anyone writing for the sake of clarity, about their own parenting, or unschooling, should avoid reducing anything to absolutes. That doesn't seem like "a reduction," to me, but an elevation of an "it depends" or "sometimes" to an ABSOLUTELY.

I didn't leave this argument there; it was already going off topic from her story about the near-altercation with teens who were being rude and reckless.

If you're in a state to think clearly enough to make choices, "choose up." Breathe, and upgrade your options.

In a 2016 discussion, my response to some too-absolute "not-my-job" seeming statements:

-=-I'd say "yes" to every request like I was reporting for a job as Person Who Will Be Solely Responsible for Child's Condition. -=-

Don't step too far away from that, unless you have others to share the responsibility. Young human offspring ARE dependent on adults If you choose not to send them to school, the "solely" become a larger reality, doesn't it?

You don't need to say yes all the time, but you're still solely responsible for making sure the child is in good physical condition, and is learning, and is content with life.

-=- It was a big lesson to learn that they will be just fine even as I muck it up and get it wrong sometimes.-=-

Mainstream advice often reminds moms not to worry, that kids will be just fine. Kids are resilient. Kids won't remember.

For purposes of helping people see how unschooling can work, advice that seems (though perhaps it wasn't intended) to say that moms shouldn't worry or feel responsible seems headed the wrong direction.

(on facebook, 2016, not the main topic).

Jenny Cyphers:

In my own experience, I am the protector of my child. From the day each child was born, I took on the responsibility to ensure that my children were safe and comfortable and loved and supported. That didn't stop when we disagreed. It didn't stop when the stakes were high. It didn't stop just because it was a difficult part of life"

—Jenny Cyphers
I don't know where it first was, but I found it at Safe and Comfortable.

Truthful and protective

When freedom and choices are given to children, they are given by a parent who has the power to withhold them. The parents are still the authorities and the responsible parties in the group. They don't need to abuse authority to prove they have it. They don't have to have a steep hierarchy; they can have a closer, cooperative hierarchy, but there is still a hierarchy. If parents earn their children's respect by being kind and helpful and truthful and protective, then there will be a natural hierarchical relationship, not something the parents claimed out of tradition or the air.
photo by Elise Lauterbach



Parental Authority

(Choices, Freedom, and other difficult ideas)