Words and photo by Belinda Dutch:
My teenagers who don't always find it easy to "hang out" together, sharing the fire. Dog is just out of shot. Louis is watching an instructional video on a game made by a friend and Olly is watching real people jumping horses.
I realised that this would normally be interpreted grumpily as "today"s teenagers always plugged in, should participate in the real world more,— and instead I relish it as "my teenagers peacefully hanging out together and with me, while following their passions and engaging with the world."
Thank you for helping me see that! And if you ever want to use the pic you are welcome. 🙂 It's nice and wintery.
Alex Arnott responded:
YES!! Over the last few months, I am finally coming to this new awareness in a real way (as opposed to training myself to rethink/fake it until I make it).
It's taken a LONG time. But coincidentally, as I've sunk deeper into this awareness of what's actually there (replacing a mindset of abundance with my former belief about what was lacking), my kids "melt into me" more...what I mean is there is less edginess, less defensiveness, and more willingness to share their life with me. More willingness to join me in what I'm doing.
They are 8 and 6. Maybe a part of the change is their getting older; however I'm so grateful for this shift because I'm sure that my acceptance has something (a lot?) to do with the peace that we are experiencing.
The same person can see the same thing more than one way. With practice, you can see things different ways without even moving. In terms of thought, perspective is no more than "seeing" something from a new angle.
Maya wrote a retrospective on ten years of unschooling which included:
There are so many struggles I hear other homeschooling families talking about that we have completely avoided, and with barely any awareness of doing so, just by applying the principles here; the food control struggles, the sleep/bedtime struggles, the video game/"screen time" issues, the "trying to get them to do their work/chores/workbook" issues. Man, all I can think when I hear moms ranting about these things is what a waste of time. | ![]() |
February 2014, on Radical Unschooling Info, about consumerism and Lego and related ideas:
Genevieve Raymond:
My guess is that kids who grow up having been denied things they were passionate about because of their parents' abstract (to them) values end up needing/wanting a lot more material stuff than those who grow up with a sense of abundance and generosity.
Sandra Dodd:
It's abstract to other adults, too, outside the frenzy and fury of the political rally (whether in person or online). For example, water use in homes, in Albuquerque. There are businesses running water all the time, the Intel factory got an exemption of all water-use policies in exchange for hiring a bunch of locals. Philosophically, morally, probably humans shouldn't live in deserts at all. I could get us all depressed about it, but that's not good.
There have always been people living in places it didn't seem humans should live. :-)
The "turn off your lights" reminders and such make individuals feel better more than they "save the environment."
Lego is manufactured whether you buy it or not. And kids learn like crazy from it, and their imaginations are stimulated all kinds of ways.
Putting your child first while you unschool is important. When your kids grow up, you could dedicate the rest of your life to only wearing used clothes and not using electricity or charge cards or an automobile, but putting token environmental gestures first in your life causes your child to become a token environmental gesture. The environment is changed imperceptibly. His life, hugely.
This is from a discussion in 2013. Jacqueline Harakis wrote:
I loved and saved the thread that bore that wonderful quote by Sarah Dickinson; a reply to my boycotting Nestlé and how I can unschool and continue:
"Buy them if they ask, if they like them and want more then you can experiment with alternatives you feel more comfortable with.The long discussion thread: https://www.facebook.com/groups/303347574750/permalink/10151434687379751/But ultimately if M&Ms are your child's favourite then prioritise that.
You stamping your foot is like a butterfly to Nestlé but like an elephant to your children, so don't squish them. (—Sarah Dickinson)
My update: I care much more about my relationship with my boy than for any political standing. I bought him a Nestlé icecream he chose out of an icecream van on our last hot week in London this year. I enjoyed watching him eat it as I imagined the very different outcome had I said no.
Links to more about Abundance and Generosity
A page of tales of reconsidering priorities in light of being an unschooling parent.
Seeing changes by looking back, and looking around
A Different Angle
Living by Principles instead of by Rules
Thinking About "Have To"
Learning to See Differently
Parenting Peacefully
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