Look directly at your child
I was working on a Just Add Light and Stir post. I thought there had been a page about seeing a child directly, but I didn't find one. What I did find was several good uses of the idea, on different pages, so I thought a collection might be worth having.
The idea is mine; the quotes are mine unless otherwise indicated. I say so because there's been some plagiarism lately, and I don't want these things lifted and claimed by others. I DO want them used happily by parents to make their children's lives better.
Turn away from the school and look directly at your children.
(2009 Interview, "Unschooling")
Look directly at your child. Practice watching your child without expectations. Try to see what he is really doing, rather than seeing what he's NOT doing. Just look.
A Loud Peaceful Home
Look directly at your child without filters or labels.
Doing Unschooling Right
Jill Parmer: A huge shift for my deschooling was that I wanted my kids to be like certain kids I was reading about on the old unschooling.com message boards. And when I had that thought, it shocked me. I realized I was not seeing my kids as who they were, that I was still wanting them to be....something else. That shock was enough to make me banish that thought and look directly at my kids and play with them and have fun with them.
Deschooling Chat
I tell them to look directly at their child without overlays or filters or labels—to see who he is, right now, and respond to that.
Why I Unschooled My Three Kids
Photos are links, both to this text by Karen James:Living in the world peacefully and respectfully are good places to begin to focus when new to unschooing. The best advice I was given was to look at my son. Not at ideals. Not at freedom. Not at school or no school. Not at labels. Not at big ideas. Look at my son. Be with him. Get to know him deeply. And, then to read a bit about unschooling. Give something new a try. See how it goes in the context of our real day to day life.
I still do that. I'm still learning.—Karen James
First photo by Karen James; second by Julie Daniel
Debbie Harper:
Sometimes parents get tangled up with a particular issue, and lose sight of the child.
. . . .
Embrace the child - listen to and be receptive to him. Help him with things that matter to him, help him feel whole and cherished as he is, help him feel content and fulfilled at the end of each day.
Karen James:
When you look at your children, see *them*, not the ideas of peace, joy, success or failure. Notice what your children are engaged in. Join them when you can. If one of your children is cutting paper, quietly join in, even if only for a moment. When another child is playing Lego on the floor, get down there and put a few pieces together with her. One girl is drawing, do some doodles. One girl is playing Minecraft, notice what she's building. Ask her about it (if your question doesn't interrupt her). As you join your children you will begin to get a sense for what they enjoy. Build on what you learn about them.
There will be some conflict, and there will be times when you don't get it right. See those moments, learn from them, and then look toward where you hope to go. Whenever I'm driving on unfamiliar roads, I tend to look at the road right in front of the car. The twists and turns come up so quick, and I find that my grip on the wheel tightens and my heart races. I panic until I remember to look at the horizon. It's so remarkable how much more easy driving becomes when I take in a wider view of where I want to go. Take in a wide view of where you want to go, making little adjustments as necessary. It'll feel less frantic and less like you're at the mercy of every little bump or turn that suddenly appears. The ease and confidence that will gradually come will make for a smoother ride, for you and for those lovely little passengers you've been gifted to travel this journey with. 🙂
Sometimes people have a sort of social hypchondria—every problem that's described, they identify with, or fear the danger will get their children. They would do much better to spend more time and attention with and on their children so that they see their wholeness, rather than imagining their vulnerabilities.
Fear, overcoming
| Look
| Turn and softly look at your child to see what is fresh and new. Look at your child with awe. See your child with curiosity. Admire your child. You will be amazed.
Turn and softly look
photo by Joyce Fetteroll |
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Pam Sorooshian, in a 2009 chat/interview, wrote:
Every time someone starts thinking they should do something because someone else said it was a good idea, they should stop. And they should think right then about their own child and about whether it is a good idea for that actual real child. When people call themselves experts, warning lights should probably go off.
Real expertise shows itself by the good ideas, the modeling, the understanding you get from them. Real experts don't need to call themselves experts or promote themselves as such.
Being
Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life
Thoughts on Changing
