Accepting and Supporting

A mother was defending her negativity, and kids' programs she "hated"; I'll link the original below.

By Sandra Dodd on Friday, November 26, 2004 - 09:21 am:

-=-I think I'm as entitled to an opinion as they are though. My children are accustomed to me being honest and genuine. -=-

If the honesty makes them feel ashamed of what they liked, or makes them second guess their own natural feelings, it's not a great unschooling tool.

"Entitled to an opinion" is fine, but entitled to belittle their joy?

"As entitled as they are" seems fair and true on the surface, but adults often need to keep their opinions in check to allow children to form their own unhampered.

MANY times I've heard a parent spit out "I cannot STAND Mr. Rogers, he makes me sick, he's so stupid..." or some of that, or more often MORE of that. Every time I think that the child would be better off watching Mr. Rogers for half an hour than being with that parent for half an hour.

My mom used to be like that about The Friendly Giant. It was one of the sweetest, most peaceful things I had ever seen in my young life, and she would come in like a witch (sometimes like a drunken witch) and say "TURN OFF THAT STUPID SHOW." Once she turned it off herself, while I was watching it.

Was she as entitled as I was to an opinion on that program?

I don't think people should do what my mom did.
I don't think people should do anything that is even a shadow of what my mom did.

Her opinion made me think less of her. Her opinion on that program made me question her other opinions.

I think parents only have so many vetos they can use with their kids before the kids start ignoring them, and I think maybe those vetos should be saved for important things down the line, if they're used at all.

Every negative message to a child is a scar on that relationship. Not enjoying the same thing is fine, but HATING what they enjoy ("hating" much of anything) is a loss to joy, not an addition to joy.

Sandra (original discussion)
The Friendly Giant (Bob Homme; click image for more info)

Some years after what's above, another mom described a program her children loved as "crap." I wrote of my strong feelings about my mother's cruelty. That is here:
Slamming Doors

Positivity (replacing negativity with positivity)

Being (being with our children directly)

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be