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Please ask your daughter if it's okay if I add this to the spanking stories

It's a really, really good story. If she's nervous about it, I'd understand
and won't press. If she wants to add or tell it in her own words or whatever
that would be great. I'll put as much or as little (or nothing) as she wants.


In a message dated 5/17/04 11:20:54 AM, jrossedd@... writes:

<< They never realized that there was anything wrong with it when it was done

them, so they continue the behavior because that's what they think is normal.


Right. "And *I* turned out just fine" seems to be the mantra.


DD14 just told me about a conversation along these lines.

She performed in a recital/musical theatre revue on Saturday. It
involved all ages, but her own peer group within the "company" is six or
girls and a couple of boys, age 13-16 or so. (A couple are homeschooled, none
unschooled except DD, but a few others do have thoughtful, mindful parents.)
They'd been together in the theatre almost around the clock, what with dress
rehearsal and an earlier show that day, and they were cooling their heels in
wings in costume, before the first number of the second show.

As DD tells it, someone mentioned what a brat one of the youngest
dancers was, what a pain, why didn't her parents make her behave better, be
quieter and less of a prima donna. DD helps work with the younger ones and
them pretty well, so she said oh, no, really they're all great kids.

Several of the others turned on her and said not this one, this one
needs lots morems, like DD, had never been
spanked or slapped or even given a "time-out.".)

One of these girls suggested maybe all the spanking and swatting could
be part of the problem rather than the answer, to a chorus of angry denial
from those who grew up being hit by their parents. They started telling
to show being spanked was necessary to being raised right, saying "DUH -
that's why they call it *discipline*!" and that it had made them moral and
well-behaved -- if ganging up to make mean remarks about some smaller child
in your
circle can be considered moral or well-behaved <grrr>

What was really interesting though, and the reason I bring it up now,
is that DD said she realized at that point there was nothing to say. At least
there was nothing anyone who'd never been hit or punished could say. Her few
gently parented peers there just seemed to sense that anything they said
sound like a put-down of someone else's parents. And that it wouldn't help
anybody, anyway.

Here is the Power of Story I see in this. By the teen years, being
spanked and smacked becomes something its victims must either internalize and
defend, or break from their family's teachings to reject (two really poor
choices for a young teen, imo). But NOT being smacked and spanked seems by
teen years to foster a natural, internal kind of moral, well-behaved
sensitivity (one that even the girls themselves weren't conscious of).

These lovely, thoughtful, beautifully mannered, compassionate and
happy girls were just sad and felt sorry about what others had been taught to
believe, and so today I'm thinking of this as one of the first world windows
through which DD and her similarly parented peers are seeing for themselves
logical results of how humans treat each other -- and DD and I both are
despairing of how to ever share this with those who've had other
sensibilities beaten
into (or out of) them. JJ