Sandra Dodd

This was written by Megan Valnes a while back, and she’s given me permission to share it.
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I have something to share with you and other unschoolers. Today, while making my older daughter's bed, I was reflecting on the very act itself. The girls have a bunk bed and Lila's is on the top, so I have to climb up there and she has about 20 stuffed animals--it's what I would have used to think of as a pain. Instead of feeling overworked and underpaid as I made her bed, I found myself taking extra care to make her bed very nicely because I know how good it feels to sleep in a freshly made bed. I tucked the sheets and blankets in tight and cleaned off any food crumbs. Thinking of my sweet girl, I made the bed as perfectly as I thought she would like. Her stuffed animals are placed in their special places and her bed looks very cozy and inviting. Even if she never mentions it (which I doubt she will), I feel good knowing she will appreciate the gesture.

Is this the abundance everyone talks about? This fullness of heart that I no longer think of making beds as a chore, but as an act of service and gratitude? The feeling was such a wonderful surprise!

Thank you for listening.
_________________________

I think it’s a good illustration of many aspects of the growth that comes when all these ideas take hold. It’s not a plateau that can be reached without several advances in thinking and relationships. :-)

It’s a great example of principles over rules and WHY. If anyone told a new unschooler to DO what Megan described doing, it wouldn’t seem like a good idea. So newer unschoolers who have read what’s above might be a little baffled. It’s not about learning; it’s not about the child. It’s about feelings in the mom.

Newer unschooling parents will spend a year or two deschooling, being excited by incidental connections and interests and surprising bursts of learning. Along with that, they will come to know their children better, and relax into being parents who know, increasingly, what their children enjoy, or don’t much like. And after things get better in ten or twenty ways, for ten or twenty months, then things none of us can predict will happen. Come back and tell us, when those epiphany moments come, if you want to. I’m sure new unschoolers wonder WHY their ideas are sent back, and their suggestions are critiqued.

To read some more stories of “a-ha!” or “I didn’t expect this…”:

http://sandradodd.com/change/
http://sandradodd.com/gettingit

Thanks, Megan, for writing that and letting me share it. I’m sorry for the long delay. :-)

Sandra

Megan Valnes

-=-then things none of us can predict will happen. Come back and tell us, when those epiphany moments come-=-

Since I've written the above piece, my perspective on unschooling has expanded even further. It's really pretty amazing. If there is a plateau, I don't think I'm anywhere near it, and yet everyday I seem to notice some small way in which I've grown closer to the mom I want to be. I'm in harmony with my children and it's as authentic as anything I've ever experienced. Being with my children no longer requires the mental effort it used to. For example, when one of my kids used to ask me to play a video game or watch them play a game, it felt difficult for me--I didn't want to do it. I wanted to do what *I* wanted to do. Or if one of my kids wanted to do a messy project or play in the tub with lots of bubbles and water, I would only be able to think of the mess that I would *have* to clean up afterward.

Nowadays, I'm moving past all of those negative thoughts. I enjoy watching my kids play their games and I've gotten pretty good at playing video games myself :). I feel good knowing about what my kids are into and who their favorite characters are, the storylines they're interested in and the things they find funny. When a messy project or extra-fun bath time is proposed, I still feel a twinge of hesitation, but now, I notice it and move on. I look at their happy, eager, expectant faces and saying "yes" is so much easier. I look forward to the outcome of giggles, joy, good memories, and learning that come from the experience. And guess what? I always end up having a blast too! Turns out, my kids are really fun and interesting people and we really enjoy learning and being together.

As the confines of my old way of thinking melt away, radical unschooling begins to blossom. I couldn't have rushed this--it is organic learning at its best. Everyday something new is revealed to me about myself that helps me be a better unschooler--who was I as a child, how did I feel, what made me feel safe? What would have made me feel safer, heard, and respected? I am at a place now where I'm giving my children all the things I never got, and as a result, a deep healing within myself is pushing me forward to do better and be better! That's what I call a win-win :).






Warmly,
Megan





On Mon, Mar 7, 2016 at 2:25 PM, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

This was written by Megan Valnes a while back, and she’s given me permission to share it.
________________________

I have something to share with you and other unschoolers. Today, while making my older daughter's bed, I was reflecting on the very act itself. The girls have a bunk bed and Lila's is on the top, so I have to climb up there and she has about 20 stuffed animals--it's what I would have used to think of as a pain. Instead of feeling overworked and underpaid as I made her bed, I found myself taking extra care to make her bed very nicely because I know how good it feels to sleep in a freshly made bed. I tucked the sheets and blankets in tight and cleaned off any food crumbs. Thinking of my sweet girl, I made the bed as perfectly as I thought she would like. Her stuffed animals are placed in their special places and her bed looks very cozy and inviting. Even if she never mentions it (which I doubt she will), I feel good knowing she will appreciate the gesture.

Is this the abundance everyone talks about? This fullness of heart that I no longer think of making beds as a chore, but as an act of service and gratitude? The feeling was such a wonderful surprise!

Thank you for listening.
_________________________

I think it’s a good illustration of many aspects of the growth that comes when all these ideas take hold. It’s not a plateau that can be reached without several advances in thinking and relationships. :-)

It’s a great example of principles over rules and WHY. If anyone told a new unschooler to DO what Megan described doing, it wouldn’t seem like a good idea. So newer unschoolers who have read what’s above might be a little baffled. It’s not about learning; it’s not about the child. It’s about feelings in the mom.

Newer unschooling parents will spend a year or two deschooling, being excited by incidental connections and interests and surprising bursts of learning. Along with that, they will come to know their children better, and relax into being parents who know, increasingly, what their children enjoy, or don’t much like. And after things get better in ten or twenty ways, for ten or twenty months, then things none of us can predict will happen. Come back and tell us, when those epiphany moments come, if you want to. I’m sure new unschoolers wonder WHY their ideas are sent back, and their suggestions are critiqued.

To read some more stories of “a-ha!” or “I didn’t expect this…”:

http://sandradodd.com/change/
http://sandradodd.com/gettingit

Thanks, Megan, for writing that and letting me share it. I’m sorry for the long delay. :-)

Sandra