How and/or why to discuss terrorism
Megan Valnes
Hello,
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I am wondering how to talk to my kids about the recent terrorist attacks, or whether to discuss them at all. We don't have the TV news on in our house very often, only when it comes on after a show we've watched and we haven't changed the channel. Once we notice it, we turn it off or change it, so my kids seem to have picked up on the fact that there have been attacks and that they involve Muslim radicals, but we really haven't discussed it at all. We live in an area with lots of Muslims, woman in hijabs, and we've seen full birkas from time to time. There are also many Arabs who may be culturally Muslim, but not practicing. My point is that the kids know not all Muslims are bad people.
I am not sure whether or not we should talk about the attacks. We are leaving for a flight followed by a cruise next week and I would like to prep everyone in case something did happen. Is that a bad idea? I don't want to unnecessarily frighten our children. And they are all different ages, so I'm not sure which approach would be best for all. I'm really curious what principle of radical unschooling would apply to this situation. Thank you.
Megan
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Clare Kirkpatrick
I think it would help you to let go of some of the fear you clearly hold at the moment.
" We live in an area with lots of Muslims, woman in hijabs, and we've seen full birkas from time to time. There are also many Arabs who may be culturally Muslim, but not practicing. My point is that the kids know not all Muslims are bad people."
Most violence in the world at the moment is caused by white men, not people who claim to be Muslims. True Muslims don't blow people up. Let go of the Muslim thing completely - this is about unhappy, disenfranchised people who want to commit great acts of violence for whatever reason. The reason they give is not the genuine reason. Living in fear is helpful for no one. Live joyfully, pay attention to the people doing good in the world, not the people doing bad. For your kids to have a clear, rational, hope-filled picture of the current global situation, you need to have one too.
"We are leaving for a flight followed by a cruise next week and I would like to prep everyone in case something did happen. Is that a bad idea?"
Yes, it's a very bad idea! What on earth would you say to prep children for the possibility of a terror attack that wouldn't completely terrify them? And what would be the point? What would you hope to achieve? No one can be prepared for a terror attack - that's the point of them. But, I would like to ask you, do you prepare your children for the possibility of death every time you get in a car? Because that has a far, far higher risk than terrorism does. Maybe don't take them to Syria right now, but there are a million things that are more likely to cause them harm in any other country than a terrorist attack, and I assume you don't fill their heads up with all the awful things that might happen to them in any other situation, so why the one thing that is least likely to happen and the randomness of which is likely to cause the most fear?
"I am not sure whether or not we should talk about the attacks."
We've talked about them because my children asked. We talked about not living in fear. We talked about what must happen to a person to make them capable of such violence. We talked about the use of religion as an excuse for violence and how damaging that is to those who are genuinely religious. We talked about ideas about God and Allah and the Buddha. We talked about peace and joy and love and all the wonderful people who help when bad things happen. We talked about the doctor in the attacks who did CPR on one of the terrorists. We talked about gratitude for our lives and our relative safety. We talked about refugees and how they manage to maintain hope against all odds. We *only* talked about what they wanted to talk about but, most importantly, we did it with an energy of peace and love and hope, not one of fear and 'what if's.
Clare
" We live in an area with lots of Muslims, woman in hijabs, and we've seen full birkas from time to time. There are also many Arabs who may be culturally Muslim, but not practicing. My point is that the kids know not all Muslims are bad people."
Most violence in the world at the moment is caused by white men, not people who claim to be Muslims. True Muslims don't blow people up. Let go of the Muslim thing completely - this is about unhappy, disenfranchised people who want to commit great acts of violence for whatever reason. The reason they give is not the genuine reason. Living in fear is helpful for no one. Live joyfully, pay attention to the people doing good in the world, not the people doing bad. For your kids to have a clear, rational, hope-filled picture of the current global situation, you need to have one too.
"We are leaving for a flight followed by a cruise next week and I would like to prep everyone in case something did happen. Is that a bad idea?"
Yes, it's a very bad idea! What on earth would you say to prep children for the possibility of a terror attack that wouldn't completely terrify them? And what would be the point? What would you hope to achieve? No one can be prepared for a terror attack - that's the point of them. But, I would like to ask you, do you prepare your children for the possibility of death every time you get in a car? Because that has a far, far higher risk than terrorism does. Maybe don't take them to Syria right now, but there are a million things that are more likely to cause them harm in any other country than a terrorist attack, and I assume you don't fill their heads up with all the awful things that might happen to them in any other situation, so why the one thing that is least likely to happen and the randomness of which is likely to cause the most fear?
"I am not sure whether or not we should talk about the attacks."
We've talked about them because my children asked. We talked about not living in fear. We talked about what must happen to a person to make them capable of such violence. We talked about the use of religion as an excuse for violence and how damaging that is to those who are genuinely religious. We talked about ideas about God and Allah and the Buddha. We talked about peace and joy and love and all the wonderful people who help when bad things happen. We talked about the doctor in the attacks who did CPR on one of the terrorists. We talked about gratitude for our lives and our relative safety. We talked about refugees and how they manage to maintain hope against all odds. We *only* talked about what they wanted to talk about but, most importantly, we did it with an energy of peace and love and hope, not one of fear and 'what if's.
Clare
On 14 December 2015 at 20:54, Megan Valnes meganvalnes@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:Hello,
I am wondering how to talk to my kids about the recent terrorist attacks, or whether to discuss them at all. We don't have the TV news on in our house very often, only when it comes on after a show we've watched and we haven't changed the channel. Once we notice it, we turn it off or change it, so my kids seem to have picked up on the fact that there have been attacks and that they involve Muslim radicals, but we really haven't discussed it at all. We live in an area with lots of Muslims, woman in hijabs, and we've seen full birkas from time to time. There are also many Arabs who may be culturally Muslim, but not practicing. My point is that the kids know not all Muslims are bad people.I am not sure whether or not we should talk about the attacks. We are leaving for a flight followed by a cruise next week and I would like to prep everyone in case something did happen. Is that a bad idea? I don't want to unnecessarily frighten our children. And they are all different ages, so I'm not sure which approach would be best for all. I'm really curious what principle of radical unschooling would apply to this situation. Thank you.Megan
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Juliet Kemp
--- I am not sure whether or not we should talk about the attacks. We are leaving for a flight followed by a cruise next week and I would like to prep everyone in case something did happen. Is that a bad idea? I don't want to unnecessarily frighten our children. ---I may have misunderstood, but it sounds like you're saying that you are concerned that your flight or cruise might be attacked, and you want to warn your kids? That sounds kind of nuts to me. The possibility of that happening is minuscule. I can't see any way in which talking to your kids about that wouldn't just scare and upset them, and I can't see any advantage to doing it either.You could, maybe, have a general chat about staying close to parents when travelling, and maybe give them each a label with phone numbers as was discussed on another travelling thread here recently - but that's more about safe travel generally. Similarly there will probably be safety rules on the cruise that you'd want to go over with them but again likely to be about "don't lean over the side / don't mess with the lifeboats" than anything else.More generally - you say your kids are different ages so I guess you'd talk to them about the attacks differently. Younger kids might not have registered it at all and personally I wouldn't introduce it (unless there was a very direct family connection I suppose). Older kids who have heard the news might want to know a bit more, and it might be worth being open to that conversation or gently introducing it and seeing if there's anything they want to say? But associating it with an upcoming family trip which is supposed to be fun sounds like it will just make the holiday less fun and more scary for everyone.Juliet
Sandra Dodd
-=- may have misunderstood, but it sounds like you're saying that you are concerned that your flight or cruise might be attacked, and you want to warn your kids? That sounds kind of nuts to me. -=-
That’s too harsh.
It’s too personal, and it’s not fair.
Mothers DO worry and imagine how they would deal with difficulties.
The question was asked because she knew she was thinking about it, so let’s discuss the moon, not the finger.
-=-You could, maybe, have a general chat about staying close to parents when travelling, and maybe give them each a label with phone numbers as was discussed on another travelling thread here recently - but that's more about safe travel generally. Similarly there will probably be safety rules on the cruise that you'd want to go over with them but again likely to be about "don't lean over the side / don't mess with the lifeboats" than anything else. -=-
These ideas are good, and work in lots of situations. Helping children be prepared for what might happen is wonderfully good. There are places they need to be quieter (hospitals, libraries, funerals) and places they can run, and things they need to dress up for and things they need to wear clothes that can get paint or clay on them. Preparing them for frightening and unlikely situations should (I think) be handled in very general terms. Putting fright into every child because one in many miillions might be hurt is too much fear and damage to peace and good sleep.
I agree with this, and I would wait until they asked, or it came up otherwise.
-=- Older kids who have heard the news might want to know a bit more, and it might be worth being open to that conversation or gently introducing it and seeing if there's anything they want to say? But associating it with an upcoming family trip which is supposed to be fun sounds like it will just make the holiday less fun and more scary for everyone. -=-
I was looking at a cruise page recently—I don’t even remember why, but I ended up there. One cruise warned about the danger of pirates, and discussed how to safely store and protect valuables to limit losses. THAT was spooky, but I wasn’t going, so it didn’t advance to “scary.”
Sandra
That’s too harsh.
It’s too personal, and it’s not fair.
Mothers DO worry and imagine how they would deal with difficulties.
The question was asked because she knew she was thinking about it, so let’s discuss the moon, not the finger.
-=-You could, maybe, have a general chat about staying close to parents when travelling, and maybe give them each a label with phone numbers as was discussed on another travelling thread here recently - but that's more about safe travel generally. Similarly there will probably be safety rules on the cruise that you'd want to go over with them but again likely to be about "don't lean over the side / don't mess with the lifeboats" than anything else. -=-
These ideas are good, and work in lots of situations. Helping children be prepared for what might happen is wonderfully good. There are places they need to be quieter (hospitals, libraries, funerals) and places they can run, and things they need to dress up for and things they need to wear clothes that can get paint or clay on them. Preparing them for frightening and unlikely situations should (I think) be handled in very general terms. Putting fright into every child because one in many miillions might be hurt is too much fear and damage to peace and good sleep.
I agree with this, and I would wait until they asked, or it came up otherwise.
-=- Older kids who have heard the news might want to know a bit more, and it might be worth being open to that conversation or gently introducing it and seeing if there's anything they want to say? But associating it with an upcoming family trip which is supposed to be fun sounds like it will just make the holiday less fun and more scary for everyone. -=-
I was looking at a cruise page recently—I don’t even remember why, but I ended up there. One cruise warned about the danger of pirates, and discussed how to safely store and protect valuables to limit losses. THAT was spooky, but I wasn’t going, so it didn’t advance to “scary.”
Sandra
Judy W
I don't see how *introducing* the topic of terrorism to your children would be beneficial. If you're concerned enough about your up-coming trip that you'd feel the need to "prep everyone," then you must believe you're putting yourself and your children in danger. If you really believe that, then I don't think you'd be willing to take that vacation.
Like you, we do our best to keep the TV/radio news off around our kids. When our kids have caught wind of a negative story, for instance when we're reading about an historical event or they see a front page full-color photo in our local newspaper (a police officer was recently shot and killed in our city, so his funeral was on the front page), I answer their questions as they come up...as briefly and honestly as possible but without embellishment or my personal commentary.
I do remind my kids (who are 8 and 9.5) -- again, briefly, and only when the situation/conversation arises -- that while there are more good people in the world than bad, it's important to be aware of your surroundings. I also try to use humor to keep things a little less scary. For example, I've said something like, "...It's not like a purse snatcher is going to approach me in a dark parking lot by saying, 'Excuse me, ma'am, but may I please steal your purse?'" or something like that.
On your up-coming trip, you'll be going through airport security, so your older children may ask why that's necessary. We've had this exact conversation with our boys, and we say it's so no one brings anything "dangerous" onto the plane. Recently, my older son had more detailed questions about airport security, and we eventually explained how security really tightened up after September 11, 2001. In discussing 9/11, we (so far) haven't needed to label the terrorists as coming from any particular religious or cultural background. I suppose if/when my boys learn of a religious connection to a terrorist attack, I would remind them that there could be bad people in any group (religious or otherwise), but those willing to go to such extremes are the rare exception. As they get older, more aware, and more exposed (gradually and naturally) to world events, they'll make their own assessments, too. In the meantime, its up to my husband and myself, with our greater awareness of the world, to be concerned about such things and to keep our children safe and secure as they explore what interests them.
Judy W.
Hope Pressler
My children don't ever see news because we use DVDs or Amazon. I have purposely not discussed terrorism or mass shootings with them because I have not wanted them to have to think about it at their age.
However I was just visiting the Statue of Liberty with my children ages 3, 5, and 7 and their 10 year old friend. While we were there the topic of terrorism came up. This experience made me think I should have had a discussion with my 7 year old about terrorism prior to it coming up unexpectedly.
My seven year old didn't understand why there were signs about no explosives being allowed on the ferry and he had a lot of questions about security. (We went to the Statue of Liberty last year and none of my children asked about anything.) At first he was making jokes and even said, "Do they think someone might blow up the Statue of Liberty!" He thought this sounded so ridiculous and absurd. His 10 year old friend started talking to him about terrorism. At that point he asked, "What is a terrorist?" I pulled him aside at that point and had a quick talk. We had a longer talk later at home without my younger children.
I'm not sure exactly when the right time is to tell children about horrible things that are going on in the world. I was not prepared for the questions when they came up. I think you should try to gauge your children's possible concern or interest. Maybe it is just best to think about and prepare yourself for a conversation about terrorism if your children ask or experience things that bring up the topic.
I think it is important to make sure children are aware of their surroundings. My kids always ask me questions when they see something that appears unusual. I always tell them when we are in large crowds to stay close so I won't lose them. It has gotten to be a joke at this point. I also tell them that most people in the world are nice, but some people are not so they should never go away with a person they don't know. These are very general and if you are just generally concerned about safety they might work.
Hope
On Tuesday, December 15, 2015, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:-=- may have misunderstood, but it sounds like you're saying that you are concerned that your flight or cruise might be attacked, and you want to warn your kids? That sounds kind of nuts to me. -=-
That’s too harsh.
It’s too personal, and it’s not fair.
Mothers DO worry and imagine how they would deal with difficulties.
The question was asked because she knew she was thinking about it, so let’s discuss the moon, not the finger.
-=-You could, maybe, have a general chat about staying close to parents when travelling, and maybe give them each a label with phone numbers as was discussed on another travelling thread here recently - but that's more about safe travel generally. Similarly there will probably be safety rules on the cruise that you'd want to go over with them but again likely to be about "don't lean over the side / don't mess with the lifeboats" than anything else. -=-
These ideas are good, and work in lots of situations. Helping children be prepared for what might happen is wonderfully good. There are places they need to be quieter (hospitals, libraries, funerals) and places they can run, and things they need to dress up for and things they need to wear clothes that can get paint or clay on them. Preparing them for frightening and unlikely situations should (I think) be handled in very general terms. Putting fright into every child because one in many miillions might be hurt is too much fear and damage to peace and good sleep.
I agree with this, and I would wait until they asked, or it came up otherwise.
-=- Older kids who have heard the news might want to know a bit more, and it might be worth being open to that conversation or gently introducing it and seeing if there's anything they want to say? But associating it with an upcoming family trip which is supposed to be fun sounds like it will just make the holiday less fun and more scary for everyone. -=-
I was looking at a cruise page recently—I don’t even remember why, but I ended up there. One cruise warned about the danger of pirates, and discussed how to safely store and protect valuables to limit losses. THAT was spooky, but I wasn’t going, so it didn’t advance to “scary.”
Sandra
Cheri Tilford
we just got back from a trip around Europe (we live in the US) and we left shortly after the attack in Paris.
I said absolutely nothing to my 4 year old about terrorist attacks. We talked about finding a person in a uniform if she ever gets lost, and now that she's old enough to talk to people and tell them my full name, I don't bother to pin my contact information to her shirt, which I did when traveling with her when she was younger. Her dad and I talked (without her) about where we might not go in case other events happened, but it was smooth sailing and totally enjoyable.
the whole point of terrorism is to catch indefensible people off-guard. it's meant to be terrifying so I can't think of any way to "prepare" a child without causing undue stress. General emergency and travel safety would suffice.
in my opinion, worry is only useful if it leads you to a plan that relieves stress. worry about terrorism is wasted energy. let go of what's out of your control and enjoy your trip!
cheers-
cheri
I said absolutely nothing to my 4 year old about terrorist attacks. We talked about finding a person in a uniform if she ever gets lost, and now that she's old enough to talk to people and tell them my full name, I don't bother to pin my contact information to her shirt, which I did when traveling with her when she was younger. Her dad and I talked (without her) about where we might not go in case other events happened, but it was smooth sailing and totally enjoyable.
the whole point of terrorism is to catch indefensible people off-guard. it's meant to be terrifying so I can't think of any way to "prepare" a child without causing undue stress. General emergency and travel safety would suffice.
in my opinion, worry is only useful if it leads you to a plan that relieves stress. worry about terrorism is wasted energy. let go of what's out of your control and enjoy your trip!
cheers-
cheri
Ann Hedly Rousseau
We talked about finding a person in a uniform if she ever gets lost
We’ve told our kids to find a mom with kids if they ever get lost and can’t find us. We took a trip to NYC when my children were 5 and 3 and while riding on the subway I had one of those worst possible scenarios run through my mind and imagined what would I do if my 3 year old stepped off the subway and the doors closed and I was whooshed off to the next stop without him. That didn’t happen, but the thought scared me. As I looked around I couldn’t find one police officer (or any other person of uniform), but I could easily find moms or nannys with children; they were everywhere. That observation comforted me to no end that day. I kept seeing children and caretakers everywhere I looked, but not police officers. I also imagined that my children would be more comfortable asking another mother for help than approaching an officer. From then, that’s what we’ve talked to our kids about doing if we are somewhere with lots of other people and they get lost.
lucy.web
I've also read that it's better to tell your children to find a woman with kids rather than someone in a uniform because security guards and bouncers, etc, sometimes wear uniforms and recruitment for those professions may not necessarily include doing background checks or be particularly reliable.
I found the book "Protecting the Gift" informative and useful, a little scary too, but with lots of practical info that can help reassure a parent that their child is equipped to know what to do if they get into one of the scary situations. So ultimately a reassuring read rather than a scary one.
One of the other things I remember clearly from that book is to advise your child to approach someone (preferably a woman or couple with children) before someone has the chance to notice they are looking lost and can approach them. Someone your child proactively chooses is highly unlikely to be a predator. Someone who chooses to go up to you child might be a predator who has seen an opportunity.
Also that it's important not to over-emphasise the idea of 'stranger danger' because you don't want your child to be too scared to ask for help.
Lucy
Sent from my iPad
We talked about finding a person in a uniform if she ever gets lost
We’ve told our kids to find a mom with kids if they ever get lost and can’t find us. We took a trip to NYC when my children were 5 and 3 and while riding on the subway I had one of those worst possible scenarios run through my mind and imagined what would I do if my 3 year old stepped off the subway and the doors closed and I was whooshed off to the next stop without him. That didn’t happen, but the thought scared me. As I looked around I couldn’t find one police officer (or any other person of uniform), but I could easily find moms or nannys with children; they were everywhere. That observation comforted me to no end that day. I kept seeing children and caretakers everywhere I looked, but not police officers. I also imagined that my children would be more comfortable asking another mother for help than approaching an officer. From then, that’s what we’ve talked to our kids about doing if we are somewhere with lots of other people and they get lost.
Sandra Dodd
-=-I've also read that it's better to tell your children to find a woman with kids rather than someone in a uniform because security guards and bouncers, etc, sometimes wear uniforms and recruitment for those professions may not necessarily include doing background checks or be particularly reliable.-=-
Yes.
But rather than TELL them to be nervous about uniformed personnel, it would be better to say “If you can’t find a mom with children, find someone who works there.”
Here the scary place to be lost is the state fair. But there are uniformed personnel, with guards’ unforms or with bright-colored safety vests, and kids can find them easily.
Practicing with kids to say the parent’s names instead of “mom and dad” is helpful and it can be done in fun, funny ways. We used to play “what’s my name” with toddlers for that purpose, and for fun. The first time Kirby said his dad’s name he said “Teef Doonvald.” It was for “Keith / Gunwaldt.” We were somewhere with friends from the SCA and in a normal (not-medieval-event) setting, it’s fairly common for people to refer to the others as “Jeff/Artan” or such so that if the hearers know them by only one name or the other they’re still identifiable.
So “Doonvald” wouldn’t have been very helpful and it was good for him to say “Keith Dodd” and “Sandra Dodd” well enough that others could understand him, but the one time he did get lost, they announced that a little boy was lost and his name was…. Tirby?” So I thought having their names and ours, and phone numbers, on cloth, was a good idea after that. :-)
Sandra
Yes.
But rather than TELL them to be nervous about uniformed personnel, it would be better to say “If you can’t find a mom with children, find someone who works there.”
Here the scary place to be lost is the state fair. But there are uniformed personnel, with guards’ unforms or with bright-colored safety vests, and kids can find them easily.
Practicing with kids to say the parent’s names instead of “mom and dad” is helpful and it can be done in fun, funny ways. We used to play “what’s my name” with toddlers for that purpose, and for fun. The first time Kirby said his dad’s name he said “Teef Doonvald.” It was for “Keith / Gunwaldt.” We were somewhere with friends from the SCA and in a normal (not-medieval-event) setting, it’s fairly common for people to refer to the others as “Jeff/Artan” or such so that if the hearers know them by only one name or the other they’re still identifiable.
So “Doonvald” wouldn’t have been very helpful and it was good for him to say “Keith Dodd” and “Sandra Dodd” well enough that others could understand him, but the one time he did get lost, they announced that a little boy was lost and his name was…. Tirby?” So I thought having their names and ours, and phone numbers, on cloth, was a good idea after that. :-)
Sandra
Michelle Marr
I don't think we've ever sat down and discussed terrorism with the kids, but they're aware that bad people sometimes do bad things. Our family has driven over Hoover dam several times on vacation and had to stop to get the contents of the SUV's roof rack inspected. We briefly explained why ("to show them that we're not lunatics with a bomb"), but since we'd spent the whole morning talking about the bomb testing in other parts of the desert we were more focused on asking the kids to please not talk about bombs in front of the nice men who were about to look in our car.
Seven or eight years ago, there was a local incident where pipe bombs were being found under cars. If I remember right, no one was seriously injured but there were also some big unrelated fires at local businesses and and it was a scary time. I remember taking my daughter to karate and hearing that there had been an explosion a couple of hours earlier (detonated by the police, but we didn't know that at the time) and a fire that people assumed was caused by one of the bombs. It turned out that the man planting the bombs lived -very- close to us and worked with my husband. (The guy wanted to kill his wife and decided to throw off suspicion by blowing up some random strangers, too. Luckily, he didn't yet know how to actually make a bomb that would work.) The kids heard a lot about it at church and at the knitting guild and grocery store and once we found out the real details, they heard more at home.
Over the years, my daughter's karate instructor has addressed a couple of mall shootings in a matter of fact way -- take cover, move away from the violence if you can and worry about finding your parents later.
There's never been a big discussion about terrorism, it's just come up a bit at a time. We talk about where to meet up if we get separated, write phone numbers on wrist bands at events, have a backup plan of who to call if I'm not responding on my phone. But none of that is because of terrorism. It's because things happen and little boys can zig when Mommy zags or phones can break when a kid is supposed to call with a pickup location.
I Lost my littlest one at the zoo a few years back and went into an absolute panic. He noticed that we weren't there and found some guys doing construction work on one of the buildings and told them he was lost. By the time I'd found a zoo employee to report him missing, he was trotting down the path holding hands with a security guard and had given them his full name and my full name and had solved the problem himself. I wouldn't have suggested looking for the busy guys with power tools, but they had radios and it worked.
I think the kids are developing problem solving skills by being there when we solve problems and those will be good whatever weird thing happens along the way.
Michelle
Seven or eight years ago, there was a local incident where pipe bombs were being found under cars. If I remember right, no one was seriously injured but there were also some big unrelated fires at local businesses and and it was a scary time. I remember taking my daughter to karate and hearing that there had been an explosion a couple of hours earlier (detonated by the police, but we didn't know that at the time) and a fire that people assumed was caused by one of the bombs. It turned out that the man planting the bombs lived -very- close to us and worked with my husband. (The guy wanted to kill his wife and decided to throw off suspicion by blowing up some random strangers, too. Luckily, he didn't yet know how to actually make a bomb that would work.) The kids heard a lot about it at church and at the knitting guild and grocery store and once we found out the real details, they heard more at home.
Over the years, my daughter's karate instructor has addressed a couple of mall shootings in a matter of fact way -- take cover, move away from the violence if you can and worry about finding your parents later.
There's never been a big discussion about terrorism, it's just come up a bit at a time. We talk about where to meet up if we get separated, write phone numbers on wrist bands at events, have a backup plan of who to call if I'm not responding on my phone. But none of that is because of terrorism. It's because things happen and little boys can zig when Mommy zags or phones can break when a kid is supposed to call with a pickup location.
I Lost my littlest one at the zoo a few years back and went into an absolute panic. He noticed that we weren't there and found some guys doing construction work on one of the buildings and told them he was lost. By the time I'd found a zoo employee to report him missing, he was trotting down the path holding hands with a security guard and had given them his full name and my full name and had solved the problem himself. I wouldn't have suggested looking for the busy guys with power tools, but they had radios and it worked.
I think the kids are developing problem solving skills by being there when we solve problems and those will be good whatever weird thing happens along the way.
Michelle
Megan Valnes
Thanks to everyone for the sage advice on this topic. The kids are very excited to leave and haven't mentioned anything about terrorism or attacks, so I'm going to keep it simple and not bring up any specifics. The night before we leave, we will discuss general safety, staying close to us at the airport, and what to do if we do become separated.
We leave on Tuesday and everyone is so excited! There had been no fear or talk of attacks from my children, so I won't bring it up.
On Wednesday, December 16, 2015, Michelle Marr michelle_m29@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:I don't think we've ever sat down and discussed terrorism with the kids, but they're aware that bad people sometimes do bad things. Our family has driven over Hoover dam several times on vacation and had to stop to get the contents of the SUV's roof rack inspected. We briefly explained why ("to show them that we're not lunatics with a bomb"), but since we'd spent the whole morning talking about the bomb testing in other parts of the desert we were more focused on asking the kids to please not talk about bombs in front of the nice men who were about to look in our car.
Seven or eight years ago, there was a local incident where pipe bombs were being found under cars. If I remember right, no one was seriously injured but there were also some big unrelated fires at local businesses and and it was a scary time. I remember taking my daughter to karate and hearing that there had been an explosion a couple of hours earlier (detonated by the police, but we didn't know that at the time) and a fire that people assumed was caused by one of the bombs. It turned out that the man planting the bombs lived -very- close to us and worked with my husband. (The guy wanted to kill his wife and decided to throw off suspicion by blowing up some random strangers, too. Luckily, he didn't yet know how to actually make a bomb that would work.) The kids heard a lot about it at church and at the knitting guild and grocery store and once we found out the real details, they heard more at home.
Over the years, my daughter's karate instructor has addressed a couple of mall shootings in a matter of fact way -- take cover, move away from the violence if you can and worry about finding your parents later.
There's never been a big discussion about terrorism, it's just come up a bit at a time. We talk about where to meet up if we get separated, write phone numbers on wrist bands at events, have a backup plan of who to call if I'm not responding on my phone. But none of that is because of terrorism. It's because things happen and little boys can zig when Mommy zags or phones can break when a kid is supposed to call with a pickup location.
I Lost my littlest one at the zoo a few years back and went into an absolute panic. He noticed that we weren't there and found some guys doing construction work on one of the buildings and told them he was lost. By the time I'd found a zoo employee to report him missing, he was trotting down the path holding hands with a security guard and had given them his full name and my full name and had solved the problem himself. I wouldn't have suggested looking for the busy guys with power tools, but they had radios and it worked.
I think the kids are developing problem solving skills by being there when we solve problems and those will be good whatever weird thing happens along the way.
Michelle