Criticism of discussion
Sandra Dodd
But it's worth examining, I think.
-=-That's true but when my son and I tried moving from homeschooling to unschooling, I was reading and being open and pushing my thinking in new directions. But I found the community harsh and judgmental. Finally I felt too smacked down and criticized to reach out with questions. I could have used some support, whether you want to call it "vanilla" or otherwise, I could have used wisdom, advice, and encouragement to move forward. Books were far more helpful than the online community for me. I still read your words, which can be like seeds in my mind, taking root. But I don't "talk" anymore. -=-
The post to which "that's true" refers is a quote from a page called "The problem with "Support"....
-=-Helping other people understand unschooling isn't easy. It can take months or years for people to get it. For natural learning to flourish with them, they need to change the way they act and even the way they see learning and education. In discussions and on message boards and at conferences, people's thinking can seem to have been criticized, and some object. They want the speakers or writers to soften up, ease up, "support them." There's a difference between supporting changing in order to better understand unschooling, and the vanilla "support" that women can become accustomed to. Nice noise and soothing words of praise are what many people think of as "support."-=-
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2015/03/supporting-change.html
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We have no idea how long a person will stick around after asking a question. The new person with the question probably has no idea how many others are reading the question and the responses. If we give bad answers, or let lame answers stand as though they were good, it might be like putting in seeds that will NOT take root, or that will grow brambly vines.
Sandra
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
When people with grown up kids are taking so much time and effort to help others get it for free and someone tells them it was not helpful and you should do it differently
the issue is not the people helping but the person wanting to be coddled and soothed.
If you are very sensitive just read and do not write. Read and then try a little, wait a little, watch a little..... Your questions will more likely be asked by someone else again and again . or you can ask a moderator to post and then sit back for a few WEEKS with the answers without rejecting them. Better yet. Try them. wait, watch!
But it's worth examining, I think.
-=-That's true but when my son and I tried moving from homeschooling to unschooling, I was reading and being open and pushing my thinking in new directions. But I found the community harsh and judgmental. Finally I felt too smacked down and criticized to reach out with questions. I could have used some support, whether you want to call it "vanilla" or otherwise, I could have used wisdom, advice, and encouragement to move forward. Books were far more helpful than the online community for me. I still read your words, which can be like seeds in my mind, taking root. But I don't "talk" anymore. -=-
The post to which "that's true" refers is a quote from a page called "The problem with "Support"....
-=-Helping other people understand unschooling isn't easy. It can take months or years for people to get it. For natural learning to flourish with them, they need to change the way they act and even the way they see learning and education. In discussions and on message boards and at conferences, people's thinking can seem to have been criticized, and some object. They want the speakers or writers to soften up, ease up, "support them." There's a difference between supporting changing in order to better understand unschooling, and the vanilla "support" that women can become accustomed to. Nice noise and soothing words of praise are what many people think of as "support."-=-
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2015/03/supporting-change.html
__________________________________
We have no idea how long a person will stick around after asking a question. The new person with the question probably has no idea how many others are reading the question and the responses. If we give bad answers, or let lame answers stand as though they were good, it might be like putting in seeds that will NOT take root, or that will grow brambly vines.
Sandra
Sarah Thompson
I second the option of having a moderator post the question anonymously, and not owning it. I found that very valuable when I was stuck.
Sarah
Sandra Dodd
http://sandradodd.com/help has lots, and a link to the best intro to unschooling ever, a free e-mail series by Pam Laricchia.
http://sandradodd.com/beginning is a calmer arrangement of introductory materials. :-)
People can search for particular ideas on several sites at the second search box on this page:
http://sandradodd.com/search
That search page can also be found by typing in sandradodd.com and just anything, like this:
http://sandradodd.com/aw;leirusdpo9ucv
That's more information than any one person will ever need to read, and most topics are discussed two or three ways, in hundreds of people's voices.
Sandra
lisajceledon@...
If a parent bristles too much at the idea of changing and growing, I think it can do them (and their children!) a real huge disservice to reassure them that yes they can in fact still unschool and yes, whatever feels like unschooling to them can be called unschooling, and everything will be just fine.
I think that in those cases, families might be better served by letting that bristley reaction push them away from unschooling (perhaps briefly, a short distance, perhaps longer and further away--probably depends on how strong the bristles are) and toward other potential options and solutions which might in the end work out better for their family than mucky unschooling.
And they might not work out at all and those parents might come back with a fresh mind, far more open and willing - determined even- to do the personal growth necessary to allow unschooling to work really well.
I think by trying to protect people from feeling put off or angered by ideas, it denies them the opportunity to make real meaningful choices about what they want for their family. It enables them to stay content with their discontent, believing it just to be a part of the way things are, something to be survived, or coped with, instead of allowing them the opportunity to reach for better-- and allowing them the opportunity to choose NOT to-- while also potentially muddying those opportunities for others who might be witnessing such exchanges.
Lisa C