<lisajceledon@...>


This is two questions, but it might be one question.  As things have started getting better in my family, and I've been learning how to do things better, and understanding how to use principles more, a lot of painful childhood memories have been surfacing, and I feel like I've been in a pretty intense, unexpected grieving process.  I'm really grateful for it, especially for the moments where I feel the connection between how doing better for my own children has helped my healing.

I have found lately, as I've been coming to a new awareness of and processing these feelings and memories from childhood, that I've struggled with making the better choice, even when I remember it, or am aware of it.  Not always, but often enough that I feel almost like I've slipped back to where I was when I first started.  I think part of my problem might be that exact thought - I have slipped back, but certainly progress, and an emerging awareness of what is going on, why, and what I can do about it, is there. 

I feel like, in spite of having experienced so many wonderful moments, and seen how joyfully daily life can unfold when I make better choices, I'm choosing to go backward, and I don't understand it.  At least not fully, not yet.  I don't know if feelings are just really raw and real for me now in a way they weren't before, and it's uncomfortable, so I'm shrinking away? 

This might be better material for a therapist, than this list.  But in the meantime, while I'm looking for one of those, what are some suggestions? In addition to (or expansion on) "being my children's mother, instead of my mother's child," which has been swirling around my thoughts a lot lately.

The second question, or related question, is that all of this is also coming up in the same few months as I've started my period again, after a three year break, and it's been more intense than I ever remember it being - way heavier and more cramping and fatigue than I experienced before having my second child.  I feel like the week leading up to and the first few days are particularly challenging as far as my mood goes - I mean, I was downright bitchy today, and thankfully I kept most of it in my head, but it still had a big impact on my how negative and grouchy and ill-willfull I felt - especially toward my husband.  And here's where there's great evidence that I haven't *totally* slipped back - I recognized all those negative feelings, was able to take deep breaths and remind myself, 'he's doing his best,' think about what is positive, and not say anything really mean, apologize for the bit of snarky micromanaging I did, and finally was able to pull myself out of it before the day was done, and go out with my kids, let my husband relax at home, and the boys and I had a great time eating french fries, and playing at the park, and singing 'Frozen heart' on repeat in the car, by my 4 yr old's request (man that is a GREAT song to stamp out some frustrations to, while feeling moved and epic and wonderful! It really carries you away from frustration, and toward strength and marvel), and the evening ended on a very nice note.

But yeah, I don't know if these two issues (the psychological ones, and the hormonal ones) are related, or compounding on each other, or what.  So, suggestions in that vein, or on coping with the moodiness of PMS would be very welcome too.  

Thank you, so much,

Lisa C

CASS KOTRBA


-== But yeah, I don't know if these two issues (the psychological ones, and the hormonal ones) are related, or compounding on each other, or what.  So, suggestions in that vein, or on coping with the moodiness of PMS would be very welcome too. -=-
 
They are definitely related!  I go through this, too.  From what I have read & experienced, the monthly cycle is a way for women to cleanse.  This is a physical & emotional cleansing.  The emotional issues that are needing to be dealt with are raw & near the surface during this time.  They are trying to get your attention & say "look at me, I am here & I want to be processed".  When I have a month where I'm processing a lot of big things I will have a difficult period.  I am just finishing one of those difficult cycles.  I think this month for me it has been triggered by the difficult emotions surrounding the serious illness of a sweet young friend.  I have cried a lot this past week & been really emotional.  And not just emotional about the illness, lots of pain from my own childhood has been coming out.  Things that were lingering around inside & I thought "why am I crying over this now?  I thought I had already processed this stuff?"  I also have slipped back with how I've been treating my family. 
 
I've been through this cycle enough times now to recognize that I'm actually making progress.  When I have these feelings come up I do my best to process them & release them.  Once the intense period of hormone induced emotions has subsided I am able to reflect more rationally on those emotions and continue to work through them.  It is actually a gift that these things are able to crop to the surface and give us the opportunity to become aware that these emotions are still in there & give us the chance to work through and release.
 
After a difficult cycle has passed I do feel cleaner & fresher inside.  I am aware that going through that process has not been a set back, it has helped to move me forward. 
 
The more I have healed myself the more I have had cycles where I feel quite emotionally stable & my period is quite light.  Having a difficult cycle is becoming quite rare now.  When I do have one I think "oh good, let's get some more of this dysfunctional junk out of here".  Well, I try to remind myself of that anyway!
 
So I would say that your slipping backwards is only a temporary thing.  It's like cleaning house.  If you want to clean a closet you take a lot of the stuff out & it looks like a huge mess.  But you are straightening & organizing, getting rid of stuff you don't need anymore.  In the end the closet will be much better off for your efforts. 
-Cass
 

CASS KOTRBA


-=-  I also have slipped back with how I've been treating my family.  -=-
 I do try not to let the negative emotions effect my family but when you are a close family & a member is struggling the others are obviously going to be effected by that.  My kids are a little older so I try to explain to them what I am going through & that my crankiness not their fault.  I apologize a lot.  When I'm tempted to say really hurtful things I try to quickly remind myself of how that will make the other person feel & sort of imagine that my mouth has been sewn shut!   I take baths where I can cry my heart out privately.  I give lots of big hugs.   I try to make up for it after it has passed.
 
My son told my husband yesterday "it's really annoying when mom gets like that" and he said "I hear that!" and gave him a high five.  I laughed when my husband told me that & was glad they had each other.  I try super hard, but I am not perfect.  I'm a lot better than I'd be if I weren't trying so hard!!
 
And like I said, the more time that passes, the more issues I work through, the calmer & more emotionally stable I get.  THAT is priceless.  I do not know where I'd be in the process without this group!! 

CASS KOTRBA


-=-    I try super hard, but I am not perfect.  I'm a lot better than I'd be if I weren't trying so hard!! -=-
 
I'm also aware that sometimes I try too hard! A few days ago I was feeling really stressed and my husband said "You're trying too hard.  Try to relax."  Gosh, sometimes that man is not a total idiot. ;D  lol

Sherry Franklin

Have any of you struggling with emotional issues ever tried EFT?  Emotional Freedom Techniques or Tapping.  It really works and you can use it to help you with past traumas as well as present.  It is very easy to learn and can be taught over Skype. 

http://eft.mercola.com

Sherry



El lunes, 5 de mayo de 2014, CASS KOTRBA <caskot@...> escribió:
 



-=-    I try super hard, but I am not perfect.  I'm a lot better than I'd be if I weren't trying so hard!! -=-
 
I'm also aware that sometimes I try too hard! A few days ago I was feeling really stressed and my husband said "You're trying too hard.  Try to relax."  Gosh, sometimes that man is not a total idiot. ;D  lol

D. Regan

I have found lately, as I've been coming to a new awareness of and processing these feelings and memories from childhood, that I've struggled with making the better choice, even when I remember it, or am aware of it.  Not always, but often enough that I feel almost like I've slipped back to where I was when I first started.  I think part of my problem might be that exact thought - I haveslipped back, but certainly progress, and an emerging awareness of what is going on, why, and what I can do about it, is there.  

I feel like, in spite of having experienced so many wonderful moments, and seen how joyfully daily life can unfold when I make better choices, I'm choosing to go backward, and I don't understand it.

Are you "choosing to go backward", or are old habits resurfacing when you're less mindful?  
Are you being too hard on yourself, too demanding?  That kind of pressure can't be sustained indefinitely.  At some point people drop the pressure and old ways can come back.    

For people who have spent their lives achieving and trying to control, it can be particularly difficult to accept that they aren't where they'd like to be, that they're not on top of things...  Learning to accept more will help.  If you can be peaceful, life will be more joyful.  Accept that you can't rush your healing.  Accept the loss of dreams of being 'there' sooner.  Take the pressure off.  

Pushing yourself to achieve more, at the expense of being present, won't make progress happen better or sooner.  When you're calm, you're able to make better choices, and be more available to your family, and to yourself for reflection.  

Let your healing take as long as it takes.  It will happen faster that way!  ;)  Accept your mistakes.  The narrative does not need to be that you "have slipped back".  That may be a concept you've brought with you from some harsh place  that you don't need now.  Like the ideas of 'falling behind', 'not living up to your potential', 'not trying hard enough' and so on.   Accept when you have been detached or snarky, and make a better choice.  Each moment is a new one, a new chance to make a better choice, no matter what has gone on before.  
:)
Debbie
  

Sandra Dodd

-=-.....ever tried EFT?  Emotional Freedom Techniques or Tapping. 
It is very easy to learn and can be taught over Skype. -=-

Is it taught for free?

Recommending anything that's going to cost money might not be as good as first seeing whether unschooling itself and the tools we discuss here every day will have the same effect with better longterm benefit.

From the  link brought by the poster quoted above:
  • Remove Negative Emotions
  • Reduce Food Cravings
  • Reduce or Eliminate Pain
  • Implement Positive Goals
Perhaps except for the elimination of pain (depending on the cause of the pain), learning to live mindfully in the moment and make choices that take you toward being more positive covers the whole set of things, AND one is left with an ever-increasing ability to make thoughtful choices.

Sandra

Sherry Franklin

Yes, it can free.  You can learn how to do it from the link I posted, and from YouTube.  Unschooling for adults!  It is a tool that might help pinpoint that person into living in the moment.  It is very helpful when dealing with and helping to eliminate past traumas, which sometimes hinder us from living in the moment as the previous poster has said she is struggling with.  



-Is it taught for free?

Recommending anything that's going to cost money might not be as good as first seeing whether unschooling itself and the tools we discuss here every day will have the same effect with better longterm benefit.-


Bernadette Lynn




On 5 May 2014 21:49, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:



Recommending anything that's going to cost money might not be as good as first seeing whether unschooling itself and the tools we discuss here every day will have the same effect with better longterm benefit.
================================


One thing I've learned through unschooling discussions has made a big difference to my PMT (and eliminated food cravings!). Since deciding to eat the way I'm helping my children to eat - making thoughtful choices based on what I'm actually hungry for, instead of counting calories and weighing and measuring and dieting as I had been doing for many years - most of the pain, lethargy and irritability I previously got every month have disappeared. I don't know if learning to be happy with my body made the big difference or if eating the things I craved made up for dietary deficiencies, but now I'm no longer fighting my body a great many of my physical problems seem to have evaporated.

Sleep is another one. At first, when I started agreeing to my children staying up later to play with their friends in other time zones, I would stay up with them and then try and get up at a normal, conventional time so I could do housework or do my own things. It was very hard. But when I made the simple change of sleeping in if the children were, paying more attention to my body's cues, I felt much better. And putting the principles into practice in my own life as well as theirs has made me a much better unschooler, I think.

Bernadette. 

Sandra Dodd

-=-but now I'm no longer fighting my body...-=-

Today I corresponded with a friend who used "battling" about his own emotional situation, and of his wife's medical condition said "fighting" and "I'm still in there swinging....." which can be a baseball idiom, but because he's been involved in medieval sword fighting for much of his life, it's probably more combative, in his mind.

If I had collected the times people had used combative language about their children... I'd have another page on my site, and I probably have enough.

But when a person changes from the adversarial besieged "have to" stance to a softer, thoughtful position, they can have results like Bernadette Lynn is reporting: She made simple changes and felt much better.

When a parent feels better and is more at peace, and more centered, and more able to think clearly, unschooling will work better. Parenting will be better. The lives of the other people in that family will be better.

Sandra Dodd

-=-As things have started getting better in my family, and I've been learning how to do things better, and understanding how to use principles more, a lot of painful childhood memories have been surfacing, and I feel like I've been in a pretty intense, unexpected grieving process.  I'm really grateful for it, especially for the moments where I feel the connection between how doing better for my own children has helped my healing.-=-

Don't try to look at everything at once.  Rather than dredge up more childhood stuff, recover and let it go.  The next time you look, or the next time something comes up, you'll see it from a stronger place, with more experience being a parent yourself.  

Sandra

Phoebe Wyllyamz

I have been learning how to deal with emotional trauma and have found DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) to really help me.

"Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) combines cognitive and behavioral therapy, incorporating methodologies from various practices including Eastern mindfulness techniques."

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_lessons.html

It has helped me ground myself in acceptance and living in the moment.

A lot of free information online.

Be well,
Phoebe

<anita_loomis@...>

Because you specifically mention hormones in your post subject, I would like to share that I have found Susun Weed's "New Menopausal Years, The Wise Woman Way" to be helpful.  It is for women ages 30-90, so I'm guessing it might be applicable to you:)  While the book is not free, it can be found used on Amazon and possibly from a library (mine did not have available even on inter-library loan), 


An unschooling aspect of my utilizing some of her suggestions is that my family has had discussions about botany (what's a leaf, a flower, a root), where medicines come from, what is "health,"  physiology (what's a gland, a hormone), history of food (what's canning) and more.  It even led us to decorative arts as my daughter wanted to decorate the jars used for tea!


Anita

Christine Phillipson

i'm chipping in here..

i've just looked on amazon, it seems to be available as a kindle book.
will get a sample to see what i think.

thank you - christine




On 6 May 2014, at 16:28, <anita_loomis@...> <anita_loomis@...> wrote:

Because you specifically mention hormones in your post subject, I would like to share that I have found Susun Weed's "New Menopausal Years, The Wise Woman Way" to be helpful.  It is for women ages 30-90, so I'm guessing it might be applicable to you:)  While the book is not free, it can be found used on Amazon and possibly from a library (mine did not have available even on inter-library loan), 




Sandra Dodd

I rejected a note. I'm bringing the text of it, but I didn't save (or even notice) who sent it. I want to object a bit.

I know I'm the one who let posts through that were going off topic, but please be careful about messing too much with natural processes.

-=-You may be estrogen heavy, which can cause mood swings, painful periods, and intense PMS. You can get tested by your doctor and if you are you can buy a natural progesterone topical cream to help balance your hormones. I have found this cream very helpful. Hormones are very powerful and maybe you are in need of some internal chemical balancing.
-=-

The same parents who would not screw with a child's development by giving them hormones should be very, very wary of rubbing horse estrogen and other animals' hormones in and on themselves. Seriously. If your body is intended to naturally stop a process it naturally started, it's worth considering letting that process unfold as nature intended it.

By using the tools one has learned to be kinder to family members, it should be easier to get through an uncomfortable few years. Menopause doesn't last forever, but by "balancing hormones," and using estrogen from other animals you CAN make it last longer than it naturally should.

Find ways to be more comfortable, yes. Have a fan on you at night. Put a towel on your pilllow so when you sweat you can throw the towel off onto the floor and have another few hours on a dryer pillow. Carry a hand fan, maybe and instead of announcing to everyone in the room that you're having a hot flash, fan yourself off while you smile.

It might seem like it will last forever, but it won't. It shouldn't. Don't unnaturally extend your "youth" in ways that could cause you to have a shorter old age.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

"Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) combines cognitive and behavioral therapy, incorporating methodologies from various practices including Eastern mindfulness techniques."

So does unschooling. :-)

What did you find at DBT that isn't going to be helped by changing the way we think and act and the way we see the world with the unschooling ideas of living by principles and making better choices?

Sandra

Megan Valnes

Just fyi Sandra, the hormone cream I'm talking about is not a prescription or made from any animal products.  The product is made from soy.

I suggested talking to a doctor because she may not be sure. I am not an advocate of the artificial animal hormones.  I am very far from menopause (presumably) but have suffered from hormonal imbalance for a few years. I have taken up the natural methods of the topical cream and also taking shatavari and evening primrose oil.  These things have helped tremendously, especially around the time of my period.  

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post such a comment, I was trying to be helpful.

Warmly,
Megan

On May 6, 2014 11:14 AM, "Sandra Dodd" <Sandra@...> wrote:
 

I rejected a note. I'm bringing the text of it, but I didn't save (or even notice) who sent it. I want to object a bit.

I know I'm the one who let posts through that were going off topic, but please be careful about messing too much with natural processes.

-=-You may be estrogen heavy, which can cause mood swings, painful periods, and intense PMS. You can get tested by your doctor and if you are you can buy a natural progesterone topical cream to help balance your hormones. I have found this cream very helpful. Hormones are very powerful and maybe you are in need of some internal chemical balancing.
-=-

The same parents who would not screw with a child's development by giving them hormones should be very, very wary of rubbing horse estrogen and other animals' hormones in and on themselves. Seriously. If your body is intended to naturally stop a process it naturally started, it's worth considering letting that process unfold as nature intended it.

By using the tools one has learned to be kinder to family members, it should be easier to get through an uncomfortable few years. Menopause doesn't last forever, but by "balancing hormones," and using estrogen from other animals you CAN make it last longer than it naturally should.

Find ways to be more comfortable, yes. Have a fan on you at night. Put a towel on your pilllow so when you sweat you can throw the towel off onto the floor and have another few hours on a dryer pillow. Carry a hand fan, maybe and instead of announcing to everyone in the room that you're having a hot flash, fan yourself off while you smile.

It might seem like it will last forever, but it won't. It shouldn't. Don't unnaturally extend your "youth" in ways that could cause you to have a shorter old age.

Sandra

Megan Valnes

Oh, you can read about it here:

http://www.sourcenaturals.com/products/GP1259

Warmly,
Megan

On May 6, 2014 11:14 AM, "Sandra Dodd" <Sandra@...> wrote:
 

I rejected a note. I'm bringing the text of it, but I didn't save (or even notice) who sent it. I want to object a bit.

I know I'm the one who let posts through that were going off topic, but please be careful about messing too much with natural processes.

-=-You may be estrogen heavy, which can cause mood swings, painful periods, and intense PMS. You can get tested by your doctor and if you are you can buy a natural progesterone topical cream to help balance your hormones. I have found this cream very helpful. Hormones are very powerful and maybe you are in need of some internal chemical balancing.
-=-

The same parents who would not screw with a child's development by giving them hormones should be very, very wary of rubbing horse estrogen and other animals' hormones in and on themselves. Seriously. If your body is intended to naturally stop a process it naturally started, it's worth considering letting that process unfold as nature intended it.

By using the tools one has learned to be kinder to family members, it should be easier to get through an uncomfortable few years. Menopause doesn't last forever, but by "balancing hormones," and using estrogen from other animals you CAN make it last longer than it naturally should.

Find ways to be more comfortable, yes. Have a fan on you at night. Put a towel on your pilllow so when you sweat you can throw the towel off onto the floor and have another few hours on a dryer pillow. Carry a hand fan, maybe and instead of announcing to everyone in the room that you're having a hot flash, fan yourself off while you smile.

It might seem like it will last forever, but it won't. It shouldn't. Don't unnaturally extend your "youth" in ways that could cause you to have a shorter old age.

Sandra

<semajrak@...>


>>>>>I feel like, in spite of having experienced so many wonderful moments, and seen how joyfully daily life can unfold when I make better choices, I'm choosing to go backward, and I don't understand it.  At least not fully, not yet.  I don't know if feelings are just really raw and real for me now in a way they weren't before, and it's uncomfortable, so I'm shrinking away? <<<<< 

When I started processing the trauma from my childhood, I was miserable about my own bad luck.  I hadn't really seen it before.  Not knowing any better, I thought it was how everyone lived.  Seeing that it wasn't how everyone lived, and later experiencing for myself a better way to live, left me feeling angry that I hadn't had a better experience as a child.  And, for a short moment in time (that I'm sure felt like an eternity, though I don't remember any more), I was angry, envious, and had feelings of entitlement, resentment and hopelessness all wrapped up in one tight, short-sighted package.  

I recognized living like that was not only toxic for me, but also for those I loved around me.  So, I chose to work on letting those feelings process and then move on.  Holding on to the resentment was hurting me.  I did nice things for myself regularly.  I consciously chose to look at the nice things that had been done for me by others, even amidst the difficult times.  I forgave the people who fell short in my care.  I forgave myself for later doing the same thing to me.  I celebrated the blossoming me who made the conscious choice to work toward not perpetuating those patterns I had grown up with.  Step by step, slowly and with some set backs, I moved toward some simple goals I had set for myself.  To be honest.  To be kind.  To be generous.  To know love.

I still get cranky from time to time, but now that cranky me is more like a friend that gives me clues to what I need to change to move toward more peace.  Sandra has a great talk on her sight where she talks about moving across a room one step at a time.  Recognizing that becoming a better person was going to take time and commitment helped me a lot.  Seeing the results of my efforts encouraged me.  Gradually feeling more whole encouraged me.  Watching my relationship with my husband strengthen again encouraged me.  Witnessing my son grow up whole is the absolute best evidence that I am still moving in a good direction.

The talk I'm referring to is halfway down this page:

Parenting Peacefully

 


The part about moving one step at a time is short and about half-way through, I believe.

Karen.   


 

Sandra Dodd

This is BEAUTIFUL!

-=- Step by step, slowly and with some set backs, I moved toward some simple goals I had set for myself.  To be honest.  To be kind.  To be generous.  To know love.-=-  (Karen James wrote it.)

Karen recommended the talk at this page:  http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
I like it, too.
I had forgotten about this part: "The part about moving one step at a time is short and about half-way through, I believe. "

Yesterday, writing to my depressed and irritating friend who kept saying "I know" and "yeah but" to every single thing I was asking him to consider, I wrote this:
_________________________________

You won't need to wrestle it so much if you begin (however small) to choose positive over negative. If you accept it as inevitable, it's like being in the back yard believing you could not possibly ever be in the front yard, even though by one step at a time you could move toward it. http://sandradodd.com/mentalhealth Lots and lots of people are finding that "struggling with a disorder" is not as good as living with choices and looking up instead of down. I'm trying to help you, or rather to give you tools you can use to help yourself. If you don't want them, they'll be there if you do someday.

______________________________________________________________

 It's rough and was quick for one person, but part of it i liked, so I used it in Just Add Light. :-) )


Maybe even "coping" in the title of this topic could be spruced up in happier words.  
"Find joy in emotional recovery and hormones"?
"Living well despite emotional recovery and hormones"?  No, because without the emotional recovery, living well isn't as likely.

Sandra


CASS KOTRBA

-=-  What did you find at DBT that isn't going to be helped by changing the way we think and act and the way we see the world with the unschooling ideas of living by principles and making better choices? -=-
 
I have found unschooling ideas, & this list especially, to be the best therapy money can't buy.   I have realized that when I feel like I have a problem of one kind or another that what I really have is a lack of perspective.  I find it helpful to shine an unschooling light onto my thoughts & experiences, using that light to really look around and think about the things that I find there.  
 
Many times I compose an email in my mind for this list about the conundrum.  Once my thoughts become more clear the answers start floating into my mind.  I start to remember useful tidbits that others have shared in the past & thinking about how they apply to my situation.  I'll ponder those useful gems & try to chase my thoughts down all the little wormholes in my mind with the healing power those ideas hold.

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

Cass wrote:
 
 
-=-I have found unschooling ideas, & this list especially, to be the best therapy money can't buy.   I have realized that when I feel like I have a problem of one kind or another that what I really have is a lack of perspective.  I find it helpful to shine an unschooling light onto my thoughts & experiences, using that light to really look around and think about the things that I find there.  -=-
 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Yes! Uschooling ideas and this list have definitely changed my whole life!   I am more mindful and not as reactive. I have more clarity . I think more clearly. I see choices and I am able to make more mindful choices everywhere and in every aspect of my life. My words have more meaning because they are  more y words than from others .
I don't repeat things without thought or care like I used to, or at least a lot lot less.

I am able to stop and reset when I am loosing it  and start to be just reactive with no thought and make a better choice because I know clearly what  principles I value  and where I want to be and how I want to be with my children , my husband and others around me.;

Still like Karen James wrote ( yes beautifully and worth repeating):-=- Step by step, slowly and with some set backs, I moved toward some simple goals I had set for myself.  To be honest.  To be kind.  To be generous.  To know love.-=-

Not perfectly but striving for better and better every choice and every step of my day.

Alex Polikowsky

Sandra Dodd

-=-I have found unschooling ideas, & this list especially, to be the best therapy money can't buy. -=-

There is a book called Smarter Than you Think.  I would love to quote from it, but I listened to it in audible form.  DOH!

I bought the paper book and now I need to start over to find the good parts.

What we do in this discussion, though, is something new and very impressive.  The guy wrote about it last year.  We've been doing it, some of us, for 20 years. :-)   "It" is maintaining a discussion where ideas are shared by lots of experienced volunteers, in real time.  

What we do on Always Learning surpassed every example in the book.

Sometimes someone writes something that makes me think to recommend AlAnon or AlAnon's adult children of alcoholics meetings.  It's not the starting place, but it can be an adjunct if it seems that their problems are likely to overpower them.

In the reading section of my site, there are a couple of places I talk about the value of a child learning to read without lessons or pressure.  If she knows that she figured out how to read, nothing else will seem daunting.

With self-reflection and personal growth issues, there is something similarly important.  IF through parenting mindfully, someone sees that she was able to overcome the sorts of traumatic  memories that some people pay big bucks to discuss, it will give her confidence that can not ever come from having gone to a therapist and put money down.  And though there are some great therapists in the world, there are also some who are just so-so, and millions of them who know nothing about unschooling, and in nearly every single case, one is getting the opinion of one (1) single person.

That never happens here.

Sandra

Phoebe Wyllyamz

Sandra,
Thats exactly it. It gave me some good deschooling, solid practice. That i also get from reading on your site and also Joyce's. I was able to really tune into and focus on those changes and place I wanted to be.

Thank You all for challenging me everyday. I am a better person everyday because of each question and response.
With Joy,
Phoebe

Pam Sorooshian


On Tue, May 6, 2014 at 3:38 PM, CASS KOTRBA <caskot@...> wrote:
Many times I compose an email in my mind for this list about the conundrum.  Once my thoughts become more clear the answers start floating into my mind.

I did this hundreds of times of the past 20 years. STILL do it sometimes. But not in my mind - I type it all and then never send it. I think it is a very good idea not to "hit send" too quickly, but write and leave it for a bit and then go back and read it and try to think about what you'd say to him or her if another person wrote that email. Clear thinking is really what we're all striving for, I hope.When our thinking is clear, answers appear.

-pam

Sandra Dodd

-=-I did this hundreds of times of the past 20 years. STILL do it sometimes. But not in my mind - I type it all and then never send it. I think it is a very good idea not to "hit send" too quickly, but write and leave it for a bit and then go back and read it and try to think about what you'd say to him or her if another person wrote that email. Clear thinking is really what we're all striving for, I hope.When our thinking is clear, answers appear.-=-

Yes, yes, but I don't want everyone thinking the goal is to type and delete.

Others would like to see the thought processes too!!

Sandra

Pam Sorooshian


On Tue, May 6, 2014 at 6:35 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
Yes, yes, but I don't want everyone thinking the goal is to type and delete.

Others would like to see the thought processes too!!

I don't delete when I think others might benefit. And of course I delete a lot less in more recent years. But back 15 to 20 years ago? I wrote some pretty lame stuff and figured that out before posting mostly :)

-pam

Sandra Dodd

-=- But back 15 to 20 years ago? I wrote some pretty lame stuff and figured that out before posting mostly :)-=-

I've heard people say that, but Pam I thought you were always Right There, solid, finished. :-)
Seriously.  I remember you as being strong and solid.  (Maybe because you deleted the stuff that would have made people think otherwise. :-) )

Sandra