Kirsty Harriman


We have four children and choose to take two eldest girls to dancing classes which are one hour 4 days a week (drop off and pick ups). This has been the case for a few years. They are used to the way this is and don't question or argue with the requirement to get into the car to take someone somewhere.  I would add that I have approached it in a non-negotiable manner but kindly. As in "it's time to take grace to dancing now, you can come back to this later" or " it will still be there when we come back". We pause something or take device with us or record onto harddrive of vcr (quick one button press as we walk out). If they are grumpy about getting into hot van (and I don't exactly enjoy being a party pooper when we need to get somewhere especially when it means leaving an air conditioned house on a very hot day), I might suggest we get an ice cream on way there or back or a lemonade or something fun. It's a sacrifice of time and comfort for some so someone else can go to somewhere they want to be. It's not empathy of course but more just acceptance that it's they way it is. 

Our 8 year old daughter loves to watch stuff on YouTube and she knows it is always there so isn't concerned about leaving it. I think emphasizing that its not going anywhere is powerful. That helps me to leave something but sometimes I need reminding too.

The other thing I have been remembering more lately is the idea of win- win and partnership. This concept had reminded me that everyone's needs are important including mine. I have generally put my needs down the bottom which I have found breeds resentment and frustration within myself which is never good for helping feel peaceful with ones kids. 

Sandra Dodd

-=-The other thing I have been remembering more lately is the idea of win- win and partnership. This concept had reminded me that everyone's needs are important including mine. I have generally put my needs down the bottom which I have found breeds resentment and frustration within myself which is never good for helping feel peaceful with ones kids. -=-

When children are young, it's not going to be any sort of equal partnership. Don't expect them to fulfill your needs. Don't take turns with them 50/50, either.

Learn not to resent being generous with your children. Learn to see it in positive ways so that you're not frustrated within yourself.

"Ceaseless Joy"? How much joy is enough joy? http://sandradodd.com/gratitude
Serving others as a gift: http://sandradodd.com/chores/gift
Being a happy mom: http://sandradodd.com/peace/mama
Service http://sandradodd.com/service

Sandra

<alohabun@...>

"I might suggest we get an ice cream on way there or back or a lemonade or something fun."

When we have appointments to go to, we often stop to do something fun on the way back.  For example, the kids are excited about going to the dentist for cleaning appointments because they know we visit the mall on the way back.  We usually ride on the carousel, visit GameStop, get french fries in the food court and usually go to whatever other places they want to check out. In the warmer weather we sometimes visit the zoo, park or beach. It helps to know there is something fun to look forward too.  Laurie