<lorna.laurie@...>

Hi, 
We are enjoying unschooling and sometimes if I have moments of wondering about what we're doing, any alternatives that come to mind (like trying to make thinngs happen that are not happening now), that does not feel right.

My son was the first to decide to leave school ay the beginning of 7th grade and was so deeply in distress that my instincts were to put schholling of any kind way down and eventually off of the priority list altogether in favor of being a support while he came through what was happening. His own mature wisdom combined with his tendency to be strong enough to insist on doing/not doing what feels right for his own self made the path roll out in front of us without me thinking about schooling and lo and behold, he was learning and moving into his passion(graphic design and video editing) while I was leaving him to decide EVERYTHING for himself. The thing that also made it easy was that I knew even if he decided to return to school, 7th and 8th grade would mean nothing in terms of learning...I knew there was nothing he'd be "behind" on.

Ok, so then my daughter left at the beginning of 10th grade pretty shot out from the system. She was excited of course at being able to leave to learn on her own and I guessed that she'd need to spend some time deschooling. I have been reassured by multiple stories I have read about teens who've left and sat around for months. So, Nicola is doing whatever she feels like which is currently sleeping and watching/doing things on the computer. The only thing she had kept going were her voice lessons which were thrilling her before but I could tell she was losing steam. She decided to  discontinue saying she just feels right now like she doesn't want to be committed to anything. 

So, page 9 of Sandra's Bg Book makes me want to get some feedback. I know that somewhere else, Sandra advises on the gradual change, but that is just not happening here...which is fine...my kids are not little.

Is my understanding of this idea that the more you hang on to schooling ideas and pressures, it gets in the way of true unschooling being able to unfold? If so, I think that's supporting what I am supporting here at home. This is what my instincts say, but I still feel like such a newbie even though I KNOW it all feels right and I've seen the multitude and profound ways it has brought freedom and beauty to our home life.

So, the thing that I have moments of being unsure about the round the clock staying bed and episoed watching. I'm sure I've heard before what unschooling parents would say, but I'm just lloking for a little support.

I realize it's entirely possible I still have old habits or ideas...not sure if anything like that comes through here.  I would appreciate any kind of feedback at all to help me move  into greater awareness so that I may be a true support to my children and release anything that impedes this.

Thank you!!

Lorna

<plaidpanties666@...>

>> the thing that I have moments of being unsure about the round the clock staying bed and episoed watching<<

Older kids can need a lot of rest when they leave school. It can help to think of them as though they were recovering from an injury or serious illness - they might not be "in pain" any more, but they're still worn out and need time to come back to themselves. On top of that, teens can go through a period of needing to turn inward, spend time in their own thoughts, even to sleep more. Some people call it a "cocoon period". My daughter is going through a stage like that, and my stepson did, too, when he first left school at 13. Even though their personalities and circumstances are very different, they both need time to "cocoon". 

Offer to do low-key things together - watch movies, play video games, even sit together to read (if your kid(s) like to read). If your kid doesn't want the company, do sweet things - make favorite "comfort" foods, for instance. 

---Meredith

Sandra Dodd

-=-while I was leaving him to decide EVERYTHING for himself. -=-

"Leaving him" sounds a little distant.
Were you not much involved with him?  

As both of your children were in school for many years, this section might be helpful.  http://sandradodd.com/later
If it was easy for your son and you "left him" to do it himself, you're probably comparing your duaghter to that.  If you yourself didn't need to deschool because your son was making all his own decisions, would that be part of your problem now?  Her activities don't look like his?

She was in school three years longer, right?  

-=-So, page 9 of Sandra's Bg Book makes me want to get some feedback. I know that somewhere else, Sandra advises on the gradual change, but that is just not happening here...which is fine...my kids are not little.-=-


What do you mean "that is just not happening here"?  You're rushing them?


Page 9 of the book is below.

Why Rush to Get It?

There is the possibility that a family can run out of time.

Young children who are unschooled have their whole lives to memorize 7x8 if they want to, and so time seems to stretch out beyond the mental horizon.

The mother of a twelve-year-old has very little time if she wants to help him recover from school and spend a few unschooling years with him before he's grown and gone. She doesn't have time to ease into it gradually. If she does, he'll be fifteen or sixteen and it just won't happen.

If the mother of a five-year-old is trying to decide how much reading instruction and math drill to continue with before she switches to unschooling, I want to press her to decide it's "NONE," because "some" is damaging to the child's potential to learn it joyfully and discover it on his own. And "lots" will just hurt that much more. "None" can still be turned to "some" if the parent can't get unschooling. But if she doesn't even try unschooling, she misses forever the opportunity to see that child learn to read gradually and naturally. It will be gone forever. Forever.

So I don't say "Gosh, I'm sure whatever you're doing is fine, and if you want to unschool you can come to it gradually at your own rate."

Until a person stops doing the things that keep unschooling from working, unschooling can't begin to work.

It seems simple to me. If you're trying to listen for a sound, you have to stop talking and be still.

Some people want to see unschooling while they're still teaching and assigning and requiring.

They have to stop that first. And then they have to be still. And then they have to look at their child with new eyes.

If they don't, unschooling will not happen.

http://SandraDodd.com/doit

Sandra Dodd

I just answered an e-mail from February. :-) Sorry.
Probably that situation is all happily resolved.

Maybe there's someone else here who pretty much missed February on the discussion too, though, and won't mind. :-)

Sandra