<ann@...>

We are just starting in on our unschooling journey with our 7 year old son and could use a little support/advice/ideas.  Our son really loves to watch tv/videos/movies and in the past we have limited his time to do this in varying degrees.  Now, we have lifted those limits and he is watching nonstop.  It's uncomfortable for *me* when my parents, one of which live with us, see this going on and question our son on "What did you learn today?" and our choices in general.  I know intellectually that this is a transition time and Sam and I will do more learning together as he gets used to his new found freedom, but I could use advice/help on how to let go of my fears through this transition time. 

Sandra Dodd

-=- in the past we have limited his time to do this in varying degrees.  Now, we have lifted those limits and he is watching nonstop.-=-

Did you "lift those limits" all at once instead of gradually?

If so, there WILL be a period of binge and an adjustment.  I wish you had asked earlier and someone had said "just say yes a lot more, say "sure!" and "okay" and "why not?" a hundred times instead of one big "go ahead—as much as you want."

I have a serious question here.  
-=-It's uncomfortable for *me* when my parents, one of which live with us, see this going on and question our son on "What did you learn today?" and our choices in general.-=-

Do you live with one of your parents, or does one of your parents live with you?  Do you also have a husband, father-of-child on the premises?

It matters because the person who owns the house or pays the rent does have a greater claim to want to know what's going on and why that someone who is dwelling rent-free (if there is such a one).  

But Pam Laricchia's book "Free to Learn" is perfect for a grandparent.

-=-  I know intellectually that this is a transition time and Sam and I will do more learning together as he gets used to his new found freedom, but I could use advice/help on how to let go of my fears through this transition time. -=-

Gradually.
Don't "let go" so much as look for reasons to forget your fears.  It's not a force-of-will blanking out of a natural instinct.  It is observing your child closely, and being with him in ways that enable you to feel him relax, to see him learning, to discuss with him what he's doing and seeing and thinking. 

-=-Our son really loves to watch tv/videos/movies -=-

You've probably found the obvious links, but for those who might now know how much info is around, check Joyce's site at 
and (not all at once, any of this—just a page or two at a time)
and (thanks for not using this term, but...)

Sandra

[email protected]


Hi there
I have been a silent reader for a v long time. I just read a thread regarding unschooling support where u were discussing "screens" . My son is 4+, he is hooked on computer games he loves to play it allllllll day. I m a bit worried about his eye sight isn't it dangerous for his eyes?
Cme
Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

Are you watching some Youtube and Tv with your son?
If you do you can easily say:
" We learned this and that today in a video and we discussed this and that because of that TV show"


Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 


CASS KOTRBA

-=-  I know intellectually that this is a transition time and Sam and I will do more learning together as he gets used to his new found freedom, but I could use advice/help on how to let go of my fears through this transition time. -=-
 
Also, it's not like kids go crazy for awhile and then go back to behaving in ways that parents/grandparents previously expected.  There is tons & tons of interesting stuff on TV and online and your son is not going to absorb all of it in 2 months and then go back to practicing his cursive writing and wanting to do things to show you how much he is learning.  His learning is not going to look like what you have been previously taught it should look like.  His learning is going to be taking place deep inside and he may not have the verbal ability to show it to you, nor should he be expected to.  So work on your expectations.  Help other family members grow & learn about unschooling as you do so that you can all be on the same page as much as possible in supporting him.  It is often a big change for the adults to look at education and expectations of children differently.  It is not going to be an overnight thing but a constantly evolving & changing journey.  Expect bumps in the road and try to relax so that they are not so jarring to you.  Learning to relax and look at things from your child's perspective are SUPER important to "getting it".  As Sandra says, "read a little, try a little, watch".  And don't forget to laugh and have fun!!! 
-Cass

CASS KOTRBA

-=- As Sandra says, "read a little, try a little, watch"-=-
 
Oops - read a little, try a little, wait a little, watch.  :D
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, February 16, 2014 8:58 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Deschooling support

 

-=-  I know intellectually that this is a transition time and Sam and I will do more learning together as he gets used to his new found freedom, but I could use advice/help on how to let go of my fears through this transition time. -=-
 
Also, it's not like kids go crazy for awhile and then go back to behaving in ways that parents/grandparents previously expected.  There is tons & tons of interesting stuff on TV and online and your son is not going to absorb all of it in 2 months and then go back to practicing his cursive writing and wanting to do things to show you how much he is learning.  His learning is not going to look like what you have been previously taught it should look like.  His learning is going to be taking place deep inside and he may not have the verbal ability to show it to you, nor should he be expected to.  So work on your expectations.  Help other family members grow & learn about unschooling as you do so that you can all be on the same page as much as possible in supporting him.  It is often a big change for the adults to look at education and expectations of children differently.  It is not going to be an overnight thing but a constantly evolving & changing journey.  Expect bumps in the road and try to relax so that they are not so jarring to you.  Learning to relax and look at things from your child's perspective are SUPER important to "getting it".  As Sandra says, "read a little, try a little, watch".  And don't forget to laugh and have fun!!! 
-Cass

<alysonduneman@...>

A couples things:
1) Really try to resist the temptation to make changes based on what other people think.  This is hard.
2) If the child stops taking something away from the experience he will stop doing whatever it is that he was doing.  Try and remember that he is a little child.  Sometimes what seem like very simple and useless things to us (adults) are still very surprising and interesting to a little one.
3) We live in MN so there can be a period of 'hibernation' type activities ( I know I do that).  I would be willing to bet money if it were July he would be outside.

Joyce Fetteroll

On Feb 16, 2014, at 12:44 AM, ummehashim@... wrote:

> I just read a thread regarding unschooling support where u were discussing "screens" .

If the discussion was about screens, then the gist of it was "Don't call them screens."

Really! If you don't know what's going on beyond that screen, then you're connecting with the screen rather than your child. Be with him. Get to know what he loves and why he loves it.

Wouldn't it sound odd if your husband referred to the books you loved to read, the origami you did, the watercolors you painted, the cleaning you did with paper towels as you really liking paper?

> My son is 4+, he is hooked on computer games

It will make it harder for you to enjoy what he loves if you see think about it as hooked. I know it's a word that gets used casually. But it's important for thinking about our kids clearly, for seeing through their eyes, to use words that are clear.

People get hooked on drugs. That's a bad thing. It's not the way your son wants you to see him when he's having a blast playing a game!

> I m a bit worried about his eye sight isn't it dangerous for his eyes?

I've been using computers since 1975. My near vision is better than it should be for a 57 year old. My daughter is 22 and has used computers pretty much from the beginning. Her vision is better than 20/20.

But think about your question. If we were seeing vision problems in our kids because of tablets and TVs and computers, would we be encouraging parents to support their kids? Or maybe it's a trick question to see if we care more about computers or about our kids ;-)

Joyce

Sandra Dodd

-=-I just read a thread regarding unschooling support where u were discussing "screens" -=-

I hope you didn't.  There was a discussion where were were NOT using the word "screens," and I hope you won't, either.


-=-My son is 4+, he is hooked on computer games he loves to play it allllllll day. I m a bit worried about his eye sight isn't it dangerous for his eyes? -=-

No.  It's not going to hurt his eyes.

"Hooked" is good, right?  Fascinated?  Dedicated to figuring it out and doing it well?

Sandra

Lorna Laurie

I love that I've learned here that "everything in moderation" is what society would have you believe is a good goal, but through posts here, I realize that I've always thrown myself in deeply to whatever is thrilling me at any given period of time and I love that...makes sense not to curb my child's passion for something if they want to throw themselves completely into something they are into. Though we're only at this for less than two years(which still feels newish), I've already seen what this can lead to...incredible dedication and learning...ESPECIALLY things I would never have even KNOWN to "teach" them. That's pretty thrilling to witness. 

Lorna


On Sunday, February 16, 2014 5:40 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
 
-=-I just read a thread regarding unschooling support where u were discussing "screens" -=-

I hope you didn't.  There was a discussion where were were NOT using the word "screens," and I hope you won't, either.


-=-My son is 4+, he is hooked on computer games he loves to play it allllllll day. I m a bit worried about his eye sight isn't it dangerous for his eyes? -=-

No.  It's not going to hurt his eyes.

"Hooked" is good, right?  Fascinated?  Dedicated to figuring it out and doing it well?

Sandra


BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

Playing Video games can actually improve and heal some eye issues.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/9088262/Playing-video-games-improves-eyesight.html


I have read some other articles about it but could not find them!

 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 

Sandra Dodd

About the saying "All things in moderation."
Leah Rose wrote:

I've been thinking about that saying "All things in moderation." Next time someone says it to me, I think I might just ask them: "Do you mean we should have joy in moderation? Should we have peace in moderation? Kindness in moderation? Patience in moderation? Forgiveness? Compassion? Humility?"

Honestly, I used to think it sounded like a very wise and balanced philosophy. Now, the more I think about it the less sense it makes.

__________________

I saved it here. http://sandradodd.com/phrases

<skyjeep@...>

I'm 44 and been glued to a computer screen since I discovered my first one in 1981. I have a degree in computer science and its my job to stare at a screen all day. I don't (yet) wear glasses at all even though all of my family and friends needed reading glasses it around 40 even if they didn't before.

Screens these days are FAR better than I had for many years, so I really wouldn't worry about eyesight. Chances are most kids these days will spend most of their lives staring at screens anyway, so limiting now is not going to make much difference to lifetime use ;-)

Cheers
Richard