<kgharriman1@...>

I need some help to see what seems like a endless list of want after want, and the word that comes to my mind is insatiable, in a more unschooling light. How do you help a child who always wants more. I have been imagining the unschooling answer is to "give them more". Back to saying "yes" more. How do you do that without running out of funds? I am a bit confused by this aspect.

Joyce Fetteroll


On Jan 12, 2014, at 4:51 PM, <kgharriman1@...> <kgharriman1@...> wrote:

I need some help to see what seems like a endless list of want after want

Some kids do go through that phase. Kat did. Use a lot of different strategies to help them get what they want. See it as a phase of exploration then find ways to keep it from overwhelming your funds.

Give them some money to spend when you go to a store. Or let them know how much extra you have to spend.

Let them carry around things that intrigue them in the store as you shop. Let them spend time with them. And then let them decide if there's anything they really want by the end.

Let them spend time in toy stores exploring and looking and checking things out. Plan ahead so they don't feel rushed. 

For some pricier things and things you think they'll get tired of, put them on a list. If you have a phone, take a picture. (You can also create a Pinterest account to store them in so they can browse through on other devices at home.)

Make trips to thrift stores, dollar stores, yard sales.

Avoid shopping in some places for a while.

I'm sure others will have more ideas.

Joyce

jo kirby

It might help to think more about what the 'insatiable want' might be really about. It might not be scary - it might be about wanting to learn. Choosing and getting new stuff is a learning experience, every time, in some way or other.

That thought can help me sometimes when my son is asking for a lot of stuff.

Practically, if Sam really wants something else and we've already spent quite a bit, I sometimes say well we can get it all, but I'll put something away until holiday/birthday/christmas/whatever is not to far away (usually within a month or so - so he doesn't have to wait too long, and so he hasn't gone off it by then too!), and he chooses which he wants today, and which to wait for. He always seems very happy with this offer, but I could imagine it might not work for all people.

Jo


On Sunday, 12 January 2014, 22:58, Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...> wrote:
 

On Jan 12, 2014, at 4:51 PM, <kgharriman1@...> <kgharriman1@...> wrote:

I need some help to see what seems like a endless list of want after want

Some kids do go through that phase. Kat did. Use a lot of different strategies to help them get what they want. See it as a phase of exploration then find ways to keep it from overwhelming your funds.

Give them some money to spend when you go to a store. Or let them know how much extra you have to spend.

Let them carry around things that intrigue them in the store as you shop. Let them spend time with them. And then let them decide if there's anything they really want by the end.

Let them spend time in toy stores exploring and looking and checking things out. Plan ahead so they don't feel rushed. 

For some pricier things and things you think they'll get tired of, put them on a list. If you have a phone, take a picture. (You can also create a Pinterest account to store them in so they can browse through on other devices at home.)

Make trips to thrift stores, dollar stores, yard sales.

Avoid shopping in some places for a while.

I'm sure others will have more ideas.

Joyce


Sandra Dodd

-=-I need some help to see what seems like a endless list of want after want, and the word that comes to my mind is insatiable, in a more unschooling light.-=-

Needy?
Curious.
Eager, excited, interested. Acquiring. Collector.

It's hard to really say, not knowing what kinds of things or needs you're picturing. The question was asked in a bare, philosophical way.

Sometimes when a child is recovering from paucity, he hoards.
Sometimes when a parent has been changeable and inconsistent, a child can seem clingy and grasping when attention/supplies/input are available, thinking the famine will return at any moment.

Some of these might help.
http://sandradodd.com/focus
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
http://sandradodd.com/spoiled

They all have other links.

Thinking of attachment parenting, infants and toddlers, a baby needs as much milk as he needs, and when he's done he'll turn away. A toddler needs as much holding and carrying as he needs, and when he's done, he will wiggle down and take off.

Sandra

Karen

>>>>>How do you do that without running out of funds?<<<<<

I think it depends on how old your child is, what he/she wants, and what the dynamic in your home was like prior to your question.

Our son, Ethan has an allowance. I really liked Sandra's idea of 75 cents/age, so we used that when we started a few years ago. My son is eleven now so he gets $8.50/week. He loves getting upgrades on various servers with that money. He'll save for the best upgrades. I've offered to get him a couple myself, but he really likes to use his own money on these.

I've started asking for gift certificates or money for Ethan's birthday and christmas gifts from family when asked about what he would like. Over the holidays, Ethan bought himself a full set of Minecraft action figures with gift certificates from Amazon given to him by family members.

Generally speaking, Doug and I do our best to get him the things he expresses an interest in. We both figured that some kind of alternative schooling would likely be a whole lot more than what Ethan asks for. He actually asks for very little. I'm usually the one bringing new things into the home to explore. Maybe surprising your child with things you know she would like before she asks for them would help her feel more full.

>>>>>How do you help a child who always wants more.<<<<<

I have found it really helpful to avoid using the words "always" and "never". I highly doubt that your child always wants more. Look at when he/she does really want more and find creative ways to meet those needs.

Also, make sure to take the time to notice when he/she is satisfied and/or doesn't want more of something. You'll develop a more well rounded opinion of your child when you can see a clearer picture of him or her.

Karen.

CASS KOTRBA

-=-How do you help a child who always wants more.-=
 
When we switched to Unschooling about 1 1/2 years ago I changed my thinking about a lot of things and generosity to the children, and not judging how they chose to spend those resources, was one of them.  For about a year it seemed like all I heard was "I want" from my daughter.  I gave her as much as I could and would sometimes feel the same way you are describing "How can I keep this up?  Will it ever slow down?".  I did notice that I could always manage to find funds when she asked for something I thought was valuable for her to have but when she asked for things I didn't value it was a lot harder.  I worked on not judging the purchases, that was one thing.  I realized that even though the "stuff" or VIP memberships to the websites she loved often seemed like a waste of precious resources to me but it was really important to her.   So I tried to conserve money in other areas and I did put some things on credit cards.  I gave and gave as much as I could.  Thrift stores definitely helped a lot!
 
When Christmas rolled around this year she said she pretty much had everything she wanted and had a hard time coming up with gift ideas!  She did, of course, manage to come up with a pretty good list (although not overwhelming) and I made sure to get everything on it.  When it came time to open gifts she was so genuinely satisfied and joyful.  At the end she said that she had gotten everything she wanted and more.  She said there was nothing else she could think of that she wanted!  I felt so proud and satisfied!!  She has not asked me for one thing since!  We took an excursion to the mall last week for a mother/daughter day, which is something we started doing periodically when we started unschooling, and she knew that I had money in my purse and she could pick out anything she wanted.  For the first time she had a hard time finding things she really wanted & I actually came home with a little money left!  For her, those trips to the mall have slowly transitioned from a frantic desire to fill up the need inside of her to a relaxing and enjoyable time that we get to hang out & have fun together.
 
It took a year of giving until it hurt.  Same with food.  She felt held back before so when the rules around food were lifted she went through the grocery store isle by isle, picking out every brightly colored package she could find.  She would drink pop all day and ate almost exclusively out of cans, boxes and bags.  I watched what she ate and thought "how can she eat that? I would feel so sick if I ate like that."  I tried super hard to keep all the negative food thoughts locked up in my head where I could work on them & the words of criticism and negativity would not slip out.  I would tell her "Jade, I'm never going to go back to having food rules again".  She would look me dead in the eye and say "I don't believe you".  It took over a year of giving freely and not judging for her to let go of that idea.  Now - she buys the things she really wants and she eats the foods she really wants.  She is healing from what she considered a time of scarcity.  It took awhile!!  She is 11.
-Cass

CASS KOTRBA

-=-She felt held back before so when the rules around food were lifted she went through the grocery store isle by isle, picking out every brightly colored package she could find.  She would drink pop all day and ate almost exclusively out of cans, boxes and bags.-=-
 
I think it's also worth noting that during this time of transition when her diet was "horrendous" her health actually flourished.  She has asthma & despite being on a preventative inhaler she was having attacks every night.  That has stopped, as has the preventative inhaler.  Her nose is clearer, less congested then she used to be.  Her skin has gone from dry & bumpy to smooth and soft.  These changes were brought on by changes in her emotions.  Her diet went from completely homemade, organic, sprouted grains, raw milk etc. to prepackaged "garbage" and her health flourished.  So in my mind it is very clear and obvious - their emotions are the most important factor - in every aspect of their lives!

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<When Christmas rolled around this year she said she pretty much had everything she wanted and had a hard time coming up with gift ideas!  She did, of course, manage to come up with a pretty good list (although not overwhelming) and I made sure to get everything on it.  When it came time to open gifts she was so genuinely satisfied and joyful.  At the end she said that she had gotten everything she wanted and more.  She said there was nothing else she could think of that she wanted!  I felt so proud and satisfied!!  She has not asked me for one thing since!  We took an excursion to the mall last week for a mother/daughter day, which is something we started doing periodically when we started unschooling, and she knew that I had money in my purse and she could pick out anything she wanted.  For the first time she had a hard time finding things she really wanted & I actually came home with a little money left!  For her, those trips to the mall have slowly transitioned from a frantic desire to fill up the need inside of her to a relaxing and enjoyable time that we get to hang out & have fun together.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Ah but you left out something important! She also is enjoying giving!!! Cass's daughter also made a Creeper hat and scarf and sent out to my daughter Gigi for Christmas. It is lovely! Because they are friends online and play together! It is very sweet that they want to give too. Many kids that feel scarcity cannot even thing about giving because they feel they do not have enough.
Gigi is like that too. She loves giving presents.
When a little girl was at out house a month or so ago and loved the My Little Pony Mintys Gigi gave her a handful of them ( the little girl's mom only took one or two) just because!
The more I give my kids the less they want! Parents are afraid that the more they give the more the kids will feel entitled but it has not happen in my experience.


Alex Polikowsky
 


<jsearthmom@...>



<How do you help a child who always wants more.>

We have used photos and Pinterest to keep ongoing lists of fun things the girls want. These are generally more expensive items I need to save up for. And when there are extra funds, we browse the list of wants, update it if needed, and sometimes we order online or purchase one of their chosen items from a local store. But sometimes, even after adding lots of fun ideas to the list, the girls would rather head to a local store and walk through, selecting instead something that was not on their wish list, and sometimes nothing at all.

This helps a lot with living on a budget. Each child has weekly allowance as well, tho I usually keep it on a tally, rather than the girls keeping cash, as they have had disappointment with lost money- so we work together and I always have an up-to-date figure in my phone.

Giving the children their own money to spend has also helped me stop judging their wants. When it was "My Money" I often judged the value of things they wanted to purchase and this was difficult for all of us. When it is their money, the only question I need answered is whether or not they have enough money. (But I find myself happier to chip in now too.)

<Back to saying "yes" more.>
My first thought was - do you mean "back to saying yes" as though you have stopped saying yes so much? If so, check that out.

<How do you do that without running out of funds? I am a bit confused by this aspect.>
We do run out of funds. Our budget is a real-life limit. But as we construct our budget, we consider the needs and wants of each family member.

We have an organized budget where we allocate money for bills and savings and spending on certain things, like groceries. There is a finite amount of money and organizing it helps me say yes more. I am more confident saying yes when I am certain I can do so without negative consequences - like coming up short on the bills.

I keep a budget category for toys, regular activities (like gymnastics), and created a category called "Impulse Activities." This is my Yes category. It might be fees to go to a science museum, or going out to ice cream; maybe the zip-line course, or a trip to the dollar store. Every pay period, I allocate money to this "Yes" category. Sometimes we spend it all, but often it adds up over a few weeks of the kids wanting to be home and then I have the means to say yes when something fun comes up.

I keep it all in my phone with an app and this also helps because I can see in real-time if we can do/buy/have whatever has caught our interest.
Karen

Sandra Dodd

-=-The more I give my kids the less they want! Parents are afraid that the more they give the more the kids will feel entitled but it has not happen in my experience.-=-

In English, originally, "want" means "lack."  Literal meaning of "what do you want?" or "what are you wanting?" is what is missing, what do you need [to do the job, to survive, to thrive]?

Imagine a $100 theoretical gift.  When a parent gives grudgingly, hatefully, or as a substitute for attention and presence, the child has a $100 item.
Imagine the same $100 item given freely, happily, joyfully, lovingly, and then the parent smiles and is as excited as the child, and takes her photo with it, and helps her find a great place to keep it, and assists in taking care of it, and plays/admires it with her.

Which filled more need in that child?  Same financial outlay, different circumstances, different intention, different relationship.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

-=-We took an excursion to the mall last week for a mother/daughter day, which is something we started doing periodically when we started unschooling, and she knew that I had money in my purse and she could pick out anything she wanted.  For the first time she had a hard time finding things she really wanted & I actually came home with a little money left!  For her, those trips to the mall have slowly transitioned from a frantic desire to fill up the need inside of her to a relaxing and enjoyable time that we get to hang out & have fun together.-=-

That shows faith and trust.  She trusts that it's not her last chance for you to buy her something.

When I started reading about the food, I wondered whether it might have taken about a month of choices to make up for each year of lack (that "month-per-year" deschooling formula that was already around when I started unschooling 23 years ago).   I kept reading and came to the answer. :-)

-=-  I would tell her "Jade, I'm never going to go back to having food rules again".  She would look me dead in the eye and say "I don't believe you".  It took over a year of giving freely and not judging for her to let go of that idea.  Now - she buys the things she really wants and she eats the foods she really wants.  She is healing from what she considered a time of scarcity.  It took awhile!!  She is 11.-=-

Eleven years of her food being prescribed and controlled for 11 years took about a year, something over a year, for recovery.

A couple of times lately someone has joined Always Learning and (because Yahoo changed everything and I touched something I shoudn't have, exploring the different moderator pages and now people need to announce themselves) said that she was planning to take a child out of school and unschool next year.

It's January.  Each time I want to say something, but I don't always.  Over the years, I guess 2/3 of the time I have said "Take him out now; don't wait."   Each bit of school might need undoing, and sometimes a child gets to the point that there's no longer time for recovery before he's grown.  Some are so damaged that it's too late, too much.  Some parents can't really  manage to relax, and their unschooling is always compromised.  

Once someone really intends to unschool and has cleared the path and is ready to go, waiting a few months isn't helpful. 

Those stories of Cass's are very inspiring.  

Sandra


Virginia Warren

My daughters get allowance every time my husband gets paid. Sometimes they spend every penny the day they get paid. Sometimes they forget about it for weeks or months and save up serious money.

As Christmas came up, they both had over a hundred dollars saved up. My younger daughter found a bunch of  beautiful Monster High and Barbie dolls on clearance at Target. She bought herself 8 dolls within 5 days of Christmas. Some killjoys suggested this might "ruin Christmas". It did not. If I had tried to prevent my daughter from buying the dolls she wanted, that could easily have caused enough bad feelings to taint Christmas, and then some.

My older daughter still has her savings, and more. She plans to buy her sister a Nintendo 3DS for her birthday in February.

Jorie Denny

Karen,

"I keep it all in my phone with an app and this also helps because I can see in real-time if we can do/buy/have whatever has caught our interest."

Can you please share what phone app is working for you? I have been looking to do this too.

Thanks,
Jorie



Sandra Dodd

-=- Her diet went from completely homemade, organic, sprouted grains, raw milk etc. to prepackaged "garbage" and her health flourished.  So in my mind it is very clear and obvious - their emotions are the most important factor - in every aspect of their lives!-=-

AND that the food you had once called "garbage" was not.
Please, even when using quotes, don't use that term here.  People need to drop "junk" and "garbage" ideas about food, TV, ideas, books, and see just the benefits and the learning and the peace.

Sandra

<kgharriman1@...>

great food for thought. one comment here that rang true was that indeed it isn't constant more more more - there are indeed many moments I have observed since that post was written when she's content in her chosen activity (ipod, barbies, coloring, reading eggs, drawing)... its mostly when she's tired, frustrated at having to wait for the mail to arrive, or for more funds to come in, etc. she sometimes seems to feel a keen sense of lack. I need to look more closely at what this "lack" might be. After reading this fabulous article http://livingjoyfully.ca/unschooling/articles/family_of_individuals.htm I recognise that its not necessarily a lack of material stuff (they do have alot of stuff and toys, hence my bewilderment in apparently wanting more and more stuff and toys).


The other night (after I wrote the first post) I felt it was more of me she was looking for. She wanted to play a game of Memory with just me (she's 8 btw) so we did, we played two games over the next half hour, even though it was very late and I was practically asleep on my feet with toddler NOT asleep on my back! AND even though it upset my younger children because they wanted to play too. There are times when its seems no matter what we do someone is upset by the perceived lack of fairness. I think this filled something up in my eldest daughter, and she went to sleep happily after we had finished our game.


wrt to buying more and more stuff, we are about to start an allowance which I expect will take the pressure off wrt value judgements of things as mentioned in one answer here. It was an interesting thing, just after Christmas there was desire for more (in our case it was barbies, because their new barbies needed some friends!), and I felt like it was taking away from the magic of Christmas. My initial thoughts were, why have special gifts on these occasions when we can just go and hand over some more money to buy stuff whenever we want or feel like it? Its got me looking more deeply at how we splurge at birthdays and Christmas and in-between these two occasions, we don't buy much in the way of toys and stuff, and why this needs to be this way. By the way, we did go downtown and added to their new barbie collection with some new clothes, three extra barbies and a horse and stable, and a barbie movie which is now on its fifth run in three days, as I type this.


<kgharriman1@...>

I should add that I did sit and watch barbie and the pink shoes with them twice and found to my surprise I actually enjoyed it a lot. I never would have imagined that.

Sandra Dodd

-=-Its got me looking more deeply at how we splurge at birthdays and Christmas and in-between these two occasions, we don't buy much in the way of toys and stuff, and why this needs to be this way.-=-

Be careful with "needs."  Traditions don't have "needs."  Looking at every word you use can help you untangle confusion.

Unschooling's "educational supplies" are often toys, or things that kids in school would not want or need, because they have it at school, or because it's not "age appropriate."  School is processing kids through an assembly line, and there is pressure to accept and then abandon various intersts.   Unschooling has a whole different operating system.

 -=-By the way, we did go downtown and added to their new barbie collection with some new clothes, three extra barbies and a horse and stable, and a barbie movie which is now on its fifth run in three days, as I type this.-=-

Consider thrift stores or ebay or etsy and such.  Some people make doll clothes to sell, or sell older Barbie things no longer available otherwise.  Even just looking through Barbie stuff onlline might satisfiy a lot of her need to know more about Barbie.  I hope you've seen these things:  http://sandraodd.com/barbie

Sandra

<kgharriman1@...>

Yes in addition to buying some more barbies (bonus for us was that they were on big sale just after Christmas/new year at target otherwise may have reduced quantity of extra purchases ), I did hop on ebay and bought some second hand clothes for little outlay and plan to again. Some home made (possibly designed for more vintage barbie shape as the waist was very small!). We do make regular trips to local second hand shop and often return with bunches of books and clothes etc. This has helped a lot when funds have been low. Oh and she has been searching for barbie books online and we have watched an additional two barbie movies we downloaded from iTunes, along with barbie fashion app for her new ipod. Will explore online further for more interesting bits. These things that have been happening here wry barbie (and I pod for that matter) would have been unimaginable a few months ago. I have done a lot of deep breathing as I let go.

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY


 
<<<<<<<<<<<<Unschooling's "educational supplies" are often toys, or things that kids in school would not want or need, because they have it at school, or because it's not "age appropriate."  School is processing kids through an assembly line, and there is pressure to accept and then abandon various intersts.   Unschooling has a whole different operating system.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

When my son is  wanting yet another game on Steam and I feel like I just gave him a couple ( they are usually on sale and really cheap- my kids are great for waiting on sales and shopping around) I think "what if he was asking for a book on  Vikings and their history?"
That is the cost of homeschooling/unschooling. Thing is my son is learning amazing things playing those games! Including Vikings History!
Just the other day he was telling me about games and how this one  was not historically accurate and  why.

I am amazed by the things he knows and it all comes from connections because of his love for Video games!
So yes! Another game is an educational supply! I just don't know yet all that he will be learning from it or how it will lead him to new connections but I know it will and I am happy if the only thing it does is bring him joy.

Alex Polikowsky

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

I have a bunch of Barbie books I found on Thrift stores!
Also the older Barbie moves are amazing.
Princess and the Pauper
Diamond Castle
Something Pegasus
 Swam Lake and other great ones. I found them on Ebay, Target and Walmart cheap!  All for $5 or less!
 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 


Karen

>>>>>Consider thrift stores or ebay or etsy and such. Some people make doll clothes to sell, or sell older Barbie things no longer available otherwise. Even just looking through Barbie stuff onlline might satisfiy a lot of her need to know more about Barbie. I hope you've seen these things: http://sandraodd.com/barbie<<<<<

I hope you can see this photo:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=562419157161238&set=pb.100001794774804.-2207520000.1389715234.&type=3&theater

After a recent discussion about Barbies here on Always Learning, I pulled out my suitcase of barbies and set them up for a photo shoot. Ethan (my eleven year old son) helped me dress them. He said he was really having fun. As you can see from the photo, they are a motley crew. Our cat just couldn't stand not being part of the fun, so he climbed in with them too. :-)

Included in the arrangement (you can't see it very well) is a sectional sofa that I made as a girl out of an old pair of corduroy pants, a cardboard box, some stuffing and some glue. Sectional sofas were big in the 70s. :-)

I made that sofa myself, but my dad used to set me up with all kinds of supplies for accessorizing my doll collection. He would bring cardboard home from his work. He would pick up carpet and wall paper remnants for free from stores. He collected scrap wood and taught me how to use a skill saw - hand first, powered later. He cared that I cared about these dolls.

My mom had one lady make some clothes for the dolls one Christmas. She marveled when I made my own clothes out of Kleenex, and at the elaborate homes I built for them. She didn't play with me. I would have liked that, but that's okay. She didn't have this awesome resource. :-)

Find as many ways as you can to fill your daughter's cup. Surprise her one day with some new creation for her dolls. Set them up in an interesting scenario, and wait until she finds them. Sit down and play with them with her. Grab a Kleenex. Make a skirt. Build a house out of a cardboard box. Help her decorate it. Buy a second hand one, and let her find it one morning. Get really creative and enjoy this time with your daughter.

More and more I'm discovering it's not so much about giving, as it is about building, and, as Sandra has said, investing. You are setting the foundation for your daughter's future interactions with the people she will come to hold dear (yourself included) - many little gifts given by you, that your daughter will be able to generously pass on to the people she loves.

Karen.

mbyerly77

barbie.com is great for games and exploring barbie and it is free! There are free short videos there that are also pretty funny (the life in the dreamhouse series).

Besides the barbie dolls, clothes, furniture, accessories, my older daughters have enjoyed the barbie paper dolls and the cardboard magnetic dolls. These are very inexpensive and come with A LOT of outfits. They are a little harder to find. Walgreens (pharmacy chain store in U.S.) sells them from time to time. Maybe you can find online, though?

Barbie collector magazine (a catalog) is free. You can get on their mailing list from their website (barbiecollector.com). The dolls are amazing. Most of the dolls are pretty expensive. We have bought a few from time to time. It might be nice for each barbie lover to receive their own catalog. The barbie collector dolls (and the black-label barbies--they have those at Target from time to time) are thinner than the regular barbie, so they can generally wear the average sized barbie clothes, but not vice versa.

It's not barbie, but my daughters are really loving the game website therealtoothfairies.com. It's free to join, but I think it's been worth the vip upgrade (pretty low-cost at about $5 per month). There are lots of clothes, furniture, etc. to "buy" for the user's virtual hotel room. There are some games on there too (how you earn your virtual money to spend). One of the main features of the game is the virtual shopping experience (you even have a shopping bag that you empty).

My kids have liked when I helped organize their barbies and accessories, set up barbie shops (they call it barbie world), and helped with barbie's hair grooming and hairstyles. Sometimes I have done it upon request and sometimes as a surprise (though, I wouldn't change a hairstyle unless I was asked).

My second daughter (who is now 6) has enjoyed cutting barbie dresses she has tired of into new designs. She is really good at it.

All of my kids have cut barbie's hair. They like doing it and sometimes those dolls become boys and sometimes the boyfriends of the other (still female) barbies (and they often seem to prefer these to the already male Ken dolls).

I have cut some of my clothes (that I didn't want or had holes, etc.) into barbie (or baby doll) dresses, shirts, etc. Sometimes, my kids wanted something new quick and they didn't mind that it wasn't sewed or hemmed and far from perfect. Sometimes the outfit was only worn once. I have used small safety pins and even a glue gun to construct these in a couple of minutes. Toilet paper works too. I haven't tried anything on toilet paper yet, but it could be fun to pretty it up with markers or glitter or glitter glue might work especially well.

Michelle

<anniel_5@...>

At times I have been overwhelmed by my kids seeming to want things constantly and over time I've learnt that 'I want...' can mean different things at different times and for different children. For a while I was reacting to every 'I want...' with the feeling that it was up to me, right then, to either get them what they wanted, or to say no, and that was stressful. I've realised now that its not always up to me, and that they are not always asking for something to happen right now. Often they are saying that they'd like it sometime, or simply saying that they think it is cool. Sometimes I'll say 'yeah, that looks pretty exciting' and that is enough. Other times we'll chat excitedly about how they'd play with it alongside their other toys. Sometimes I put it on a wish list. 

Other times we buy it next time we are out.


I think by buying things when I can and saying yes a lot they feel confident that they will get the things that they really want so they are happy to wait and/or to accept that we won't buy EVERY toy that they see but they will have enough. I found the requests came much more frequently once we started watching commercial tv a lot last year (previously we had watched a lot of tv but most of it was our government funded channel (in Australia) which has great programming for kids and adults, with no commercials). So suddenly the kids were seeing ads for all sorts of things and asking for lots of them - I was feeling quite worried and pressured by this until one of the kids said that they were just saying that it would be cool to have it, not that they expected me to buy it.


I've also found that when it does come to purchases, Liam has a very strong sense of what he will actually use - if he asks for something then he will treasure it and play with it. Caitlin likes the act of receiving things, but usually doesn't really use them once she has them. So I can help her feel satisfied by buying little things as often as I can, as well as spending lots of time with her. Liam doesn't need the little things and doesn't like gifts that aren't what he really wants, so I can wait and buy more meaningful things for him. 


All three of my kids are very generous with their own money and time and love to buy for other people. Both Liam and Caitlin bought or made gifts for everyone in our family (including grandparents, aunts and uncles) this christmas.


Recently we were in our local op shop (thrift store) and Liam (who is 7) found some pokemon figures - 3 in a little bag for $2. I said I'd buy it for him - and he said that there was only 1 figure that he wanted because he had the other ones. I said that it was ok to have 2 of the same if he wanted to get them - and he went up to the counter and asked the lady if he could just buy 1 of the figures and leave the others. She was surprised and also tried to talk him into the whole bag, but he insisted that he only needed the one and only wanted to buy that, so she said he could have it for 50c and we happily bought it. I was pleasantly reassured that by saying yes to as much as I can, and happily discussing their requests even when I am not able to buy something, that he still only wants what he really wants and doesn't just want everything he sees (which is what friends tell me will be the consequence of always saying yes)


So I guess what I have learnt is that by really seeing and knowing my children, what can look like insatiable want is not that at all (and the pressure I was feeling came from myself, not from my children). And that satisfying each child's want looks very different for each child - and knowing what each one needs to feel satisfied has been really helpful


Annie

Karen

<have been looking to do this too.>>

 I use a computer program for our budget called "You need a budget" aka YNAB. They have a trial period to see if it is a good fit for your needs and the app is free but only works if you use the computer program as a "home base" of sorts.

It has really helped a lot.
Warmly,
Karen

Sent from my iPad