<boisei@...>

I’m getting stuck with my 11 yo son.  We’ve been unschooling for about 2 ½ years.   He spends most days using his computer, watching videos. looking things up, listening to music or watching Netflix or Youtube.  He also enjoys video games, sword fighting and role playing games.  Any or all of these activities can happen with or without myself and/or his brother. 

 

Recently he has told me that he is bored more often.  He is looking for other things to do than his usual computer/gaming related stuff.  He has often said that he wants to do something  “off the couch” (his words).  I offer many suggestions, some things he has enjoyed in the past, some new, both alone or with me, but they are often rejected.   In these situations, when nothing else entices, he usually goes back to his computer.  He has said that sometimes he uses the computer for lack of anything better to do. 

 

I was just reading today on Sandra’s site about how unschoolers watch tv.  Especially Pam’s quote hit home. “In a way, how much tv they watch is an indicator for unschooling parents as to how well we're doing in creating a rich and stimulating environment.”  There is more to the quote about not taking it too far, but I still think it is relevant. 

 

 I know that I need to do more for him so that he has options.  But my problem is that I’m not sure what else to suggest or offer him.  He does not like to go out except for the usual things that are very familiar like the trip to the grocery and to visit grandparents, or for things that are special and not too often, aircraft carrier museum, train ride, Disneyland. He doesn’t like to see other people, especially kids.  I keep trying to think of things to do like:  build models, build lego, make a movie, design or work on a costume, cook, or work on a train layout (examples of stuff he has liked in the past or thought he might like).  When I am bored I usually want to work on a hobby : paint, knit, garden, do push ups or what ever.  But he doesn’t have go to projects that he likes to continue.  It is a recurring pattern that he expresses interest in an area and we try to get more of that to help him pursue it, but he doesn’t really want to “do” very many things.   I put the word “do” in quotes because there seems to be a difference between taking in info like he usually does,  or playing games, and what he is seeking (something more active). 

I’m feel like I’m wasting his time because I can’t see what I should be doing.

Thanks, Melissa

Sandra Dodd

-=- He has often said that he wants to do something  “off the couch” (his words). -=-

Don't wait until he's restless.  Plan a couple of things a week for their own sake, and not just a replacement.  

Maybe have lunch somewhere you've never been, in an interesting area, and don't park right next to the restaurant, so you pass by a thing or two.  Window shop.  Go to a mall.  

Maybe if you can afford do, do an overnight trip to another town.  Or if you live where there are trains, subways, light rail, maybe just shop in another town, for fun, for the ride.  Or a bus ride somewhere.  Maybe don't even get out. Just ride the bus across town and come back.

You could use taking photos as a reason.

Some people like graveyards for photos (Joyce and I do; Colleen and her son Robbie do :-) ).

Schools will have Christmas concerts.  In the spring, sometimes high schools do musicals.  They're not expensive, and it's fun to see what they'll do creatively t make up for a very low budget.

Other people will have other ideas, too.  But don't leave it to him to tell you he wants to do something.  Plan a richer life.

Sandra

<boisei@...>

I would love to plan activities out of the house, but when I do or suggest it, he does not usually want to go.  He doesn't enjoy activities that are about the journey, so to speak.  There needs to be a reason and a destination (most of the time).   I will definitely incorporate going out to lunch/ out for tea and/or coffee more.  But, because he is so resistant to going out I need to bring things into our home.  


I guess I'm getting stuck on how to plan a richer life mostly at home.  

Melissa



---In [email protected], <[email protected]> wrote:

-=- He has often said that he wants to do something  “off the couch” (his words). -=-

Don't wait until he's restless.  Plan a couple of things a week for their own sake, and not just a replacement.  

Maybe have lunch somewhere you've never been, in an interesting area, and don't park right next to the restaurant, so you pass by a thing or two.  Window shop.  Go to a mall.  

Maybe if you can afford do, do an overnight trip to another town.  Or if you live where there are trains, subways, light rail, maybe just shop in another town, for fun, for the ride.  Or a bus ride somewhere.  Maybe don't even get out. Just ride the bus across town and come back.

You could use taking photos as a reason.

Some people like graveyards for photos (Joyce and I do; Colleen and her son Robbie do :-) ).

Schools will have Christmas concerts.  In the spring, sometimes high schools do musicals.  They're not expensive, and it's fun to see what they'll do creatively t make up for a very low budget.

Other people will have other ideas, too.  But don't leave it to him to tell you he wants to do something.  Plan a richer life.

Sandra

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

I have an 11 year old that has never gone to school and right now does not like to go anywhere either.
New games are great, watching TV together is great. Talking about his games is great. He loves it.
I play a little bit with him , I read about his game a little so I know what he is talking about, I watch him play a little.
I just got some Magic The Gathering cards so we can learn to play and see if he will like it.
I am planning on finding some other board games to play with him.
A few months ago we built a gaming computer together after months of saving and researching and selling some old toys to make enough.
He helps me a little to take care of kittens and he helps his dad a little when he needs in the farm but he rather be doing his things.
I get him books from the library and leave in his room so he can take it or not. He likes Manga/Comic books/Pop Tokio
The only place he went this year was to a Anime Convention and we had fun that day but neither him nor his sister wanted to go a second day.

But really his favorite things is talking to me about things he finds out, video games he is playing.
I share funny video game memes with him, I share funny stuff with him because he loves anything that is funny or a joke.
I have offered fun stuff but right now he wants to stay home.  I make him foods that he likes, homemade milkshakes and yummy stuff.
Today I realized he just passed me in height!]
I guess he may be needing this time to grow! Saving all his energy . SO he plays games, explores Youtube, Netflix and books.
He talks to me, plays a little with his sister and is happy.  Maybe do more of the things he likes to do now.
Play some games with him, talk about it. watch some good movies together or shows!

 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

I see Sandra was giving some ideas . I thought I read that he did not want to do anything outside the house!

Well There is so much I can think about doing!

Paintball, Flying simulators, gaming/anime conventions, Comics Conventions, Theme parks ( that does take my son out of the house!), water parks,
Inflatables/jumping  places, go fly a plane with an instructor ( or sailing), Geo-catching, camping, hiking, canoeing, Kart racing.....
Wall climbing, swimming, ..
I like the idea of little trip to explore new places!
Eating out or going to Barnes and Nobles to look at book! That is fun!
Movies !  Thor is out so is Ender's Game




 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 


JJ

One of the things we are going to do in the next couple of days is to visit RV dealers. My kids and I love RVs even though we just had one time experience. But visiting RV dealer, looking through all the different models and imaging we travel in a RV sound fun. Kids are all up for the idea. 

Just an idea

Jihong 

Sent from my iPhone

On Nov 4, 2013, at 5:46 PM, <boisei@...> wrote:

 

I’m getting stuck with my 11 yo son.  We’ve been unschooling for about 2 ½ years.   He spends most days using his computer, watching videos. looking things up, listening to music or watching Netflix or Youtube.  He also enjoys video games, sword fighting and role playing games.  Any or all of these activities can happen with or without myself and/or his brother. 

 

Recently he has told me that he is bored more often.  He is looking for other things to do than his usual computer/gaming related stuff.  He has often said that he wants to do something  “off the couch” (his words).  I offer many suggestions, some things he has enjoyed in the past, some new, both alone or with me, but they are often rejected.   In these situations, when nothing else entices, he usually goes back to his computer.  He has said that sometimes he uses the computer for lack of anything better to do. 

 

I was just reading today on Sandra’s site about how unschoolers watch tv.  Especially Pam’s quote hit home. “In a way, how much tv they watch is an indicator for unschooling parents as to how well we're doing in creating a rich and stimulating environment.”  There is more to the quote about not taking it too far, but I still think it is relevant. 

 

 I know that I need to do more for him so that he has options.  But my problem is that I’m not sure what else to suggest or offer him.  He does not like to go out except for the usual things that are very familiar like the trip to the grocery and to visit grandparents, or for things that are special and not too often, aircraft carrier museum, train ride, Disneyland. He doesn’t like to see other people, especially kids.  I keep trying to think of things to do like:  build models, build lego, make a movie, design or work on a costume, cook, or work on a train layout (examples of stuff he has liked in the past or thought he might like).  When I am bored I usually want to work on a hobby : paint, knit, garden, do push ups or what ever.  But he doesn’t have go to projects that he likes to continue.  It is a recurring pattern that he expresses interest in an area and we try to get more of that to help him pursue it, but he doesn’t really want to “do” very many things.   I put the word “do” in quotes because there seems to be a difference between taking in info like he usually does,  or playing games, and what he is seeking (something more active). 

I’m feel like I’m wasting his time because I can’t see what I should be doing.

Thanks, Melissa

Gwen Montoya

In my town there is a big (huge!!) RV show. We go every year & have a great time. We get to peak inside million dollar models and little pop up campers.


We've never actually gone RV'ing, but 
we have the best time exploring the models. We also like boat shows & car shows for the same reason.

Gwen 




On Nov 4, 2013, at 7:13 PM, JJ <whatismyusername@...> wrote:

One of the things we are going to do in the next couple of days is to visit RV dealers. My kids and I love RVs even though we just had one time experience. But visiting RV dealer, looking through all the different models and imaging we travel in a RV sound fun. Kids are all up for the idea. 

Just an idea

Jihong 

Sent from my iPhone

On Nov 4, 2013, at 5:46 PM, <boisei@...> wrote:

 

I’m getting stuck with my 11 yo son.  We’ve been unschooling for about 2 ½ years.   He spends most days using his computer, watching videos. looking things up, listening to music or watching Netflix or Youtube.  He also enjoys video games, sword fighting and role playing games.  Any or all of these activities can happen with or without myself and/or his brother. 

 

Recently he has told me that he is bored more often.  He is looking for other things to do than his usual computer/gaming related stuff.  He has often said that he wants to do something  “off the couch” (his words).  I offer many suggestions, some things he has enjoyed in the past, some new, both alone or with me, but they are often rejected.   In these situations, when nothing else entices, he usually goes back to his computer.  He has said that sometimes he uses the computer for lack of anything better to do. 

 

I was just reading today on Sandra’s site about how unschoolers watch tv.  Especially Pam’s quote hit home. “In a way, how much tv they watch is an indicator for unschooling parents as to how well we're doing in creating a rich and stimulating environment.”  There is more to the quote about not taking it too far, but I still think it is relevant. 

 

 I know that I need to do more for him so that he has options.  But my problem is that I’m not sure what else to suggest or offer him.  He does not like to go out except for the usual things that are very familiar like the trip to the grocery and to visit grandparents, or for things that are special and not too often, aircraft carrier museum, train ride, Disneyland. He doesn’t like to see other people, especially kids.  I keep trying to think of things to do like:  build models, build lego, make a movie, design or work on a costume, cook, or work on a train layout (examples of stuff he has liked in the past or thought he might like).  When I am bored I usually want to work on a hobby : paint, knit, garden, do push ups or what ever.  But he doesn’t have go to projects that he likes to continue.  It is a recurring pattern that he expresses interest in an area and we try to get more of that to help him pursue it, but he doesn’t really want to “do” very many things.   I put the word “do” in quotes because there seems to be a difference between taking in info like he usually does,  or playing games, and what he is seeking (something more active). 

I’m feel like I’m wasting his time because I can’t see what I should be doing.

Thanks, Melissa

Sandra Dodd

-=-I see Sandra was giving some ideas . I thought I read that he did not want to do anything outside the house!-=-

There are hundreds of people reading and considering these ideas.  I'm unwilling to be so specific as to give personal analysis rather than discussing the larger idea of a child saying bored, and wanting to get up and move, and the mom offering only more sitting at home, only in different chairs.

Sometimes a child who hasn't been out and about much might not know what's out there, and he might be happy enough at home.  But the question was about a child stating that he was needing more.

Sandra

Karen

>>>>>He has often said that he wants to do something "off the couch" (his words).<<<<<

>>>>>I guess I'm getting stuck on how to plan a richer life mostly at home.<<<<<

My son is going to be 11 in a couple weeks, so our boys are similar in age. He is also a lover of home and an avid gamer, so they may have some similar interests. I will share some ideas that have worked well for us, but I think it's most important that you observe what he does like currently (in the games he plays, or in the ideas he expresses), so that you can help him build on his existing interests as well as introduce new activities and ideas that might spark something unexpected.

We have a pull up bar from our kitchen to our living room. Ethan likes to swing on it. He has also tied rope to it and used it with the rope in a number of interesting ways. Some examples included making it into a swing, experimenting with it to see how waves travel along it, making it into a type of pulley.

We have a small trampoline in the house that has been in both the living room and Ethan's bedroom. When in the living room, he would often jump on it while watching tv. In his bedroom he uses it to bounce out ideas he has when he is playing games on his computer, or when he's excited about an accomplishment he's achieved in a game.

Outside, pogo sticks have been a big hit with my son and our friends. We also have a slack line and an outdoor trampoline. I use the slack line and the trampoline with Ethan. He loves that. I try the pogo stick, but I'm not great at it. We also go bike riding from time to time. A couple of times we planned a bike trip around our neighbourhood in search of a geocache. That was fun.

We have nerf guns that we have played with together in the front and back yards. I've set up obstacle courses and hidden targets for something different and challenging. We throw frisbees and play tag around the yard too. Recently we played a fun game where one of us took a close up photo of something in the yard, and the other one had to find it.

We've made a variety of different paper airplane designs and thrown them off our back porch. We've dropped eggs off the porch in a variety of protected housings. Did you know that you can actually walk on a carton of eggs?! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiRw-PzLiXQ) I haven't tried that yet, but I think Ethan would love that one. I'm looking forward to surprising him with a few cartons of eggs on the driveway and seeing what the results are!

We've made soda geysers and pop rockets outdoors. Usually, I set it up and invite him out to watch me. Most often he wants to give it a go after he sees me. Sometimes even before I get a chance to try it. :-) Giant bubbles have been a big hit as well.

I like to find things that have some unexpected reaction, because that delights Ethan. One of Ethan's favourite video games a few years ago was called Crazy Machines. It was then I discovered that he loved cause and effect type relationships, so I always keep an eye out for anything like that. Recently, I found this popsicle stick chain reaction (http://www.stevespanglerscience.com/lab/experiments/popsicle-stick-chain-reaction), and went ahead and made one of my own to show Ethan. He loved it! Dominoes are fun too. Rube Goldberg type set-ups have been a hit here over the years as well. Here's a fun one from Honda to inspire you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWk9N92-wvg. You can make these from almost anything you find in the house.

For most of these activities, it works best with Ethan if I get involved first. I have a lot of fun with the kinds of activities I've listed. I think that in itself is contagious enough to encourage Ethan to join me. From there, he either pursues it further himself, or it becomes something fun that we shared and then cached as a happy memory, maybe to resurrect another day in some unexpected way. :-)

Deb Lewis wrote a nice list of things to do, and Sandra saved it here:

http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist

While your thinking of some ideas to spruce up your days, take some extra time to play his games with him. Even if he's using games as a default for the time being, your playing with him will provide him with some variety and company, and will allow you to better understand where his interests lie. Playing games with Ethan has been the greatest way for me and my husband to really connect with and better understand our son.

belinda dutch

My son also resists going out, and the very fact the suggestion comes from me seems to put him off! But I have kept one day a week free from other comittments and we jokingly call it our school trip day. Because it happens every week there is less resistance and when we are out he shifts into a different mindset and is often really engaged and engaging, it's the best time for real conversations between all of us.

If it's not fun or not working we just come back home. These trips are rarely things he would choose or things he is excited about beforehand, because we always draw a blank there, he has no suggestions. We have discussed and laughed about the fact that our interests are different but I have noticed by observation that he is more interested in the world out side the house than he perceives himself to be, so I persist in dipping him in it!

We have included things as small as a trip to local library, and as big as a science fair in London. We have a pin board where we cut out snippets from magazines and local newspapers as trip wish lists. These are mostly suggested by his sister and I but it means we discuss, plan and dream in advance which helps him to accept and process the ideas. And reject some of them out of hand! I write as much of these as poss in our calendar so he can see them coming as he has requested/needs advanced warning of events in his life.


I do think everything seems to go better with a bit of planning, once he is feeling 'stuck', he is resistant to all suggestions, I find it better to anticipate and pre-empt that state.

kcool575@...

If he is interested in photography how about setting up a home darkroom.

Then you might entice him out to have an adventure taking pictures and seeing what "develops" later.

K Pennell

My son is around the same age, and sometimes gets "bored". We have started our production line, making presents for Christmas. We're sewing, maybe marbling paper, maybe making jewelry. He looks forward to doing it every evening.
We've also started playing Settlers of Catan, just the two of us. Eventually we'll get tired of it, but we both look forward to playing that every night!



On Tuesday, November 5, 2013 6:07 AM, "kcool575@..." <kcool575@...> wrote:
If he is interested in photography how about setting up a home darkroom.

Then you might entice him out to have an adventure taking pictures and seeing what "develops" later.






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Lisa Celedon

What if you plan to go places you think will interest him, and then invite him along?  As opposed to, do you want to go x, y, z?   My son is much younger, but often "Do you want to go to ___(anywhere)___" is rejected, whereas, "I'm going to  ____, would you like to come?" is often a yes. You may end up going places alone, but he might come along. If it's interesting enough for you to make plans and leave the house, it might interest him enough to come along. Does he have friends he can invite?  Portable gaming devices?  "Hey, I'm going out to lunch, want to bring your (game/laptop) and come too?" (This is suggested with the assumption that him staying home while you go out is an option).

I find in my family, I tend to be the one who wants to be out in the world, and my husband likes to be home.  On my husband's days off, I used to spend the day suggesting ideas for fun things to do, places to go, etc, and waiting for someone to show some kind of interest.  By the end of the day, we'd often never left the house.  Now I just plan fun things when I want to do them, and find fun things that I think everyone will enjoy.  I plan, I go, I bring the kids.  My husband sometimes wants to come, mostly wants to stay home.  He's usually a lot more interested in going if everything is already planned out and all he has to do is get dressed and walk out the door with us.  He also doesn't enjoy going out for the sake of the journey, so finds the concept of making a 'journey' or making decisions about a journey stressful or off-putting.  So I streamline it as much as I can by planning in advance. 

Also if you live near enough to a theme park, and that is a special thing he loves and is willing to leave the house for, get season tickets if you can!  Season tickets are often not much more (and sometimes less) than the price of going twice, and then you could plan to go once a month or once a week or as often as you can.  Getting out more often to do something totally special and fun might make getting out in general easier. 

 

Sandra Dodd

-=-Deb Lewis wrote a nice list of things to do, and Sandra saved it here:

http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist  -=-

And now I want to add Karen's list somewhere.  :-)

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

My son is also interested in reactions and experiments and I have found some kits for chemistry and Physics.
He has his lab coat, googles and gloves and loves to play the mad scientist.
( Thanks Colleen for the Popsicle link!) There is lots of fun things on youtube to copy and make at home.
As Colleen pointed out you do it,  both my kids will join me when I do something  fun.

I think some parents have the idea that they will give something to the child and they will go and do it themselves.
Many times they will but other times  you are the one starting them.
I  found out since my kids were little that they will join me if they are interested and curious and that  I need to be involved!

It is like when I go out to split some fire wood and my son sees me he frequently comes and takes the maul away from me to do it himself.
Sure sometimes he goes on his own but if he sees me he always does.

This Halloween I went outside to carve pumpkins. Gigi was sick and did not come but I announced I was going and 2 minutes later my son was out and carved a pumpkin with me.
At first he had passed it when I asked him  but  I went anyways and there he comes to do it.
We had fun and he loved it. The only thing he did not want to do is take the guts out because he was grossed out by them.

I think all the time I spend listening to him talk about his video games  has been the  most important time for us. The last month it has been all about the series Thief.
I even played the tutorial of one of the and it was very hard.  But I know all about it! I know the story, I have seen the cut scenes, I have listen to my son talk and talk and talk and payed attention. I put down whatever I am doing and look into his eyes so he knows I am listening. I don't brush it off. 

This weekend he found this other game on Steam called Game Dev Tycoon- (Start your own game development company and replay the history of gaming in this business simulation game. Start your business in a garage in the 80s. Research new technologies and create best selling games. Hire and train staff. Move into bigger offices and unlock secret labs. Become the leader of the market and gain worldwide fans. ) and  it was on sale for $6 ,th at is what he has been playing since. Very interesting game.
I sat with him last night and was laughing so much at the  name of his games.

I like how Colleen wrote about joining your son in gaming and what he likes to do.  Get excited with him.  If you see he is getting restless find something interesting  like the popsicle stick and set it up and call him to see it!  Don't wait until he is sitting and telling you he is bored.
Call him up and say "Lets get a book " "Lets go get an icecream " " Lets go look at games at Game Stop " "Come get some Pepsi and Mentos and explode them"
When I feel my son getting a little restless I always get him to come do something with me, sometimes is just go out to the barn to feed and play with kittens which he loves .

Nerf gun fights can start in the house and go outside! SO much fun!   Don't say "Lets have a nerf gun fight." Just grab the gun and shoot him ( not if he is playing a game be mindful of what he is doing!) and  get going on fun!

Yesterday my son and I were laughing so hard at something I found online and we were watching together I was almost peeing on my pants! My daughter come running downstairs to see what was happening! A good laugh will always make people feel better and unstuck and ready to do new things!
 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 

<zurrolaur@...>

  Caitlyn (almost 7), also prefers to stay home a lot, as does her dad, while I like to be out and about a lot more. She enjoys spending her days gaming and Skyping, watching her favorite Minecraft You Tubers, creating stories with her Pokemon and assorted other toys, and watching Digimon (recently several weeks almost nonstop), and Pokemon and a few other things. She finds something she likes and pretty that is the focus for weeks or months. I have gotten a Minecraft and Animal Jam account and we play together or watch Youtube videos together. I know who all her favorite people are and often send her Facebook links when I think there's something/someone she'll like. I'm not as good at sitting down and doing the creative play since I need to constantly be moving, so I've had to find other ways to stay engaged and share her joy.  

Her interest in staying home vs going out seems to be cyclical and it's helped me to realize that and be ready for when she's ready to do a lot of time away from home. We do normally try to get out a couple of times a week, usually for ice cream or some other treats, or the zoo or something else I think falls in line with her interests. Recently, we moved to a much larger house that offers her a lot more space to spread out all her toys, and lots more fun stuff outside and in the neighborhood. New insects and other wildlife have has caught her attention (we even found a walking stick) and she's become interested in finding out more about local wildlife. I've made sure to make those new things exciting for her. She saw snow for the first time last year, and this year it's the changing of the leaves. I guess my excitement has rubbed off because she's been pointing out particularly colorful trees or ones that she's noticing change, and she's begun to collect leaves which we bring home to look them up together, and then become beds for her favorite toys.


Last week I stopped by the library and picked up two books which I plan to poke through with Caitlyn for some ideas. You might leave something like them around for your son to pick up or for you to look through together. The first is called "Unbored, The Essential Field Guide of Serious Fun" and the other is "This Book Made Me Do It".

Laura Zurro & Caitlyn 



---In [email protected], <boisei@...> wrote:

I’m getting stuck with my 11 yo son.  We’ve been unschooling for about 2 ½ years.   He spends most days using his computer, watching videos. looking things up, listening to music or watching Netflix or Youtube.  He also enjoys video games, sword fighting and role playing games.  Any or all of these activities can happen with or without myself and/or his brother. 

 

Recently he has told me that he is bored more often.  He is looking for other things to do than his usual computer/gaming related stuff.  He has often said that he wants to do something  “off the couch” (his words).  I offer many suggestions, some things he has enjoyed in the past, some new, both alone or with me, but they are often rejected.   In these situations, when nothing else entices, he usually goes back to his computer.  He has said that sometimes he uses the computer for lack of anything better to do. 

 

I was just reading today on Sandra’s site about how unschoolers watch tv.  Especially Pam’s quote hit home. “In a way, how much tv they watch is an indicator for unschooling parents as to how well we're doing in creating a rich and stimulating environment.”  There is more to the quote about not taking it too far, but I still think it is relevant. 

 

 I know that I need to do more for him so that he has options.  But my problem is that I’m not sure what else to suggest or offer him.  He does not like to go out except for the usual things that are very familiar like the trip to the grocery and to visit grandparents, or for things that are special and not too often, aircraft carrier museum, train ride, Disneyland. He doesn’t like to see other people, especially kids.  I keep trying to think of things to do like:  build models, build lego, make a movie, design or work on a costume, cook, or work on a train layout (examples of stuff he has liked in the past or thought he might like).  When I am bored I usually want to work on a hobby : paint, knit, garden, do push ups or what ever.  But he doesn’t have go to projects that he likes to continue.  It is a recurring pattern that he expresses interest in an area and we try to get more of that to help him pursue it, but he doesn’t really want to “do” very many things.   I put the word “do” in quotes because there seems to be a difference between taking in info like he usually does,  or playing games, and what he is seeking (something more active). 

I’m feel like I’m wasting his time because I can’t see what I should be doing.

Thanks, Melissa

Adrienn Fulop

Hi, 
My name is Adrienn and although my children are still small (4,1.5) I joined this list to help me understand Unschooling better. I am having difficulties with the unlimited screen time and after reading the discussion on the bored 11 year old boy I would like to ask something? 

Isn't it strange that so many 10-11 year olds are interested in the SAME thing (computer games)? Unschooling is an autonomous exploration of life that follows the person's  interest so it is a very individually tailored journey for every child, and yet when they discover video games it seem to become the main interest for so many of them. 
Why is that? 
And it also seems that these children whose curiosity was nurtured from babyhood focus their interests on computer games and the rest of the world with its "off the couch" activities don't seem very exciting after that.? 
I wonder, could it be that computers and tv are PHYSICALLY addictive for the human brain? Its colours, moving images and sounds are PHYSICALLY hooking the brain making it difficult for children to just treat it like any other activity.?

It seems that parents are developing special strategies to get the children out of the house, to get them interested in other activities. Where is the curiosity gone? 

This worries me because I thought that if I let my children follow their interest and not enforce any control over their activities they will stay curious and driven to find out more and more about the world. 

I look at my children when they watch tv or muck around on the computer and they don't hear or see anything outside the screen! 

Maybe I'm getting it all wrong and it is not like this at all. After all I don't live with any of these children and don't see their intense interest in many other things other then compute games. It just seems that parents often single out playing computer games in their discriptions more than any other activity. 

Do you think screens may have a physically addictive affect on the brain which would make it unfair to leave the children decide for themselves when to stop? 

I'm asking this because I would like to let go of the anxiety I have with tv and computer time and your personal insights may help. 

Thanks

Adrienn


On 5 Nov 2013, at 04:15, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

 

-=-I guess I'm getting stuck on how to plan a richer life mostly at home.-=-



Those lead out to many other things.

Joyce Fetteroll


On Nov 6, 2013, at 3:04 AM, Adrienn Fulop wrote:

 I am having difficulties with the unlimited screen time

Have you read the pages at Sandra's site and mine?

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com (scroll down the left side)

Isn't it strange that so many 10-11 year olds are interested in the SAME thing

Biology!

Games match how their brains want information at those ages. So it's not so strange at all.

And it's why passionate gamers do move on to other interests as they get older. Most retain some interest in games but it dies way down. Some retain more interest than others. It depends on how their brains work.

(It helps not to mix schooling kids who game into your thoughts about gaming. While school kids game for the same puzzle solving reasons as unschooled kids they're *also* gaming to decompress from school and escape the pressures in their lives. Without the pressures to escape from, kids can just play because it's fascinating. And then move on when other things look more fascinating.)

And it also seems that these children whose curiosity was nurtured
from babyhood focus their interests on computer games and the rest
of the world with its "off the couch" activities don't seem very exciting after that.? 

I assume your kids aren't still fascinated by the toilet flushing, putting every object into their mouths, banging on pots, squishing their food with their fingers. Is that bad? Or is it age?

Given a rich, supportive environment, kids explore what matches their curiosity. When their most burning questions have been answered, they move onto something else that ignites questions.

Games are fascinating puzzles that are as fascinating to kid brains as water is to baby brains. While games tend to get lumped together as though they were all just slight variations, the challenges each offers is as different as books. 

I wonder, could it be that computers and tv are PHYSICALLY addictive for the human brain?

If that were true, unschooling kids would log more and more time and continue their addiction into adulthood. That doesn't happen with unschooled kids. They do move onto other interests. Just as they moved from childhood interests to gaming.

(Schooled kids sometimes do continue to escape if they feel pushed and powerless. For them it becomes a way to soothe the pain from their lives.)

Its colours, moving images and sounds are PHYSICALLY hooking
the brain making it difficult for children to just treat it like any other activity.?

There is a common belief that it's drugs, alcohol, and everything else people do to damaging degrees that are addicting.

It's not true. If it were, unschooling kids would be the most addicted to gaming kids in the world since they don't have enforced breaks for school. And yet they aren't. They do move on to other interests as they get older. (There are several parents here who have always unschooled kids who are now adults. It's not just theory.)

Do read about the Rat Park study:


A researcher put rats in a stressful environment where they became addicted to morphine. He moved them to a "rat park" that was interesting and gave them the ability to do the fun things rats enjoy. They also had access to morphine but chose to go cold turkey.

It's much easier to get people fired up to spend money to fight drugs. There would be a huge resistance to telling parents they're causing their kids to retreat into drug use.

It seems that parents are developing special strategies to get the
children out of the house, to get them interested in other activities.

It's better to think of it as adding more to their lives. Games *are* fascinating puzzles. And empowering. It's hard for real life to match that. It does take extra creativity to come up with ideas that are as interesting.

Where is the curiosity gone? 

It's taken on a form that you don't recognize.

Do you play the games with your kids? Playing with them or at least being with them as they play so that you understand what they're telling you and why they're excited. It's connecting and bonding. It's also empowering. They get to be in a world where they're competent and can be the ones helping you.

This worries me because I thought that if I let my children follow
their interest and not enforce any control over their activities they
will stay curious and driven to find out more and more about the world. 

They are! :-)

But apparently  you didn't stay curious to find out more about *their* world and what excites them!

I look at my children when they watch tv or muck around on
the computer and they don't hear or see anything outside the screen! 

Actually it's you that's not seeing beyond the box they're looking at! ;-)

You're seeing the surface and dismissing what they value from a casual understanding. Is that the approach to the world you want to model for your kids?

Playing the games with them is a good cure for that. :-)

The above link at Sandra's site has a wealth of views from parents who took the time to look inside the box and found they had been too quick to make snap judgements about what was going on. What they found was a wealth of learning.

Joyce

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

I have two children who never went to school. Although my daughter does love playing Minecraft and Skyping with friends and in the winter she is does that on a regular basis, she is not a gamer like my son is. She rather be outside with the cows and farming with her dad. She plays hours of pretend play with her My Little Pony and with friends.
She checks the clock constantly for times she goes outside to do chores . She loves doing chores on the farm. She is 7 years old. She goes to 4-H., she takes piano lessons with a friend of ours because she wants and  she goes horseback riding.

Now my son is a big time gamer. He is 11 and just two days ago this kid outgrew me in height.  Since he was 5 he has always love gaming. He learned to read by playing games online. Before he started playing video games and when he was a toddler and young little guy I used to think and even talk to my husband when we saw are nephew playing video games that I would never let him do that. I was appalled that kids liked it and found no value other than hand-eye coordination on video games.
 When he was 4 and a half he was playing a few games online, mostly educative games, but by them I was reading unschooling boards and being more open to gaming. We went on a trip to another state and stayed in a hotel for 9 days while my husband was at a cow show. We visited many places and had fun but there were times that I needed him to be entertained so I bought him a handheld console called a Nintendo DS and a little Scooby Doo Game.  For the most part I played the game and he watched.
I have never been a video game player so it was new to me too. With time he played more and I would do hard parts.

A couple months later we went to buy a new game and this young kid at the store told us the Super Mario 64 for DS was a great game. OH MY GOSH! That was a big hit.
By Christimas all  my son wanted was not more video games but for me to get a Nintendo DS , as his Christmas present, so we could play mini games together.
Because with one game you could wirelessly connect the two Nintendo DS and play together

A gamer was born and because I am the kind of parent who falls in love with what my kids love and support them and share the joy. No. I did not become a gamer and I played a little with him, mostly watched him and helped and supported  and fed hid passion.
 But I GOT IT! I was seeing not only the joy but all the learning he was doing. Soon after when he was I found a game called Roblox online that was pretty new and we made an account for him. That game was an amazing opportunity for me to see him learn and for my son. It is now 6 years later and his character is still known by veterans. People did not believe him when he said he was 5 in the game. Yes he learned to read and write playing Roblox!

Because I joined myhim and learned about video games because of my son and his passion for it and I saw the values of video games all doubts  never really took hold and I am thankful that by the time he started playing I was open and not afraid because I had been reading and learning about unschooling along the way.

In the end of August my son and I build a gaming computer. That was pretty awesome for an 11 year old.

From the moment my son fell in love with gaming I have been reading everything about it that I can because that is the kind of person I am. I do the same for My Little Pony that my daughter loves or her Monster High dolls. I read about the games, the story behind them and much much more. I can say for someone that plays very little, as I still play with my son when he asks, I am pretty knowledgeable of gaming. Now I do the same with things my husband loves like cows and genetics, basketball, baseball and running and biking.

5 weeks ago I came across a Coursera course ( if you do not know what Cousera this is the web definitions:"Coursera is an educational technology company offering massive open online courses founded by computer science professors Andrew Ng and Daphne Koller from Stanford University.") on Video Games and Learning.

I enrolled and this is week 5  of 6. I have to say that it is all about what I have been reading all along  from long time unschoolers!! It is all about how and what and why video games are amazing learning tools.  IF anyone has any doubts about video games and studies this course there is no way they would not be convinced.
Of course I did not need convincing and I have been reading the same things here for years now and not only that but observing them myself in my children.

It is just beautiful the way this researches and scientist , and the couple running the course  are a married couple of gamers and professors, can talk and express it in very academic and impressive vocabulary  the values and immense learning that happens when people play video games.

This weeks they are talking about subjects and how people learn them through gaming.

I highly recommend anyone who has doubts to enroll and do this course and I have to say that Sandra and the veteran's here have been saying this things all along.

Would I think my son was addicted to books if he read for hours like I did at his age?  ( and can still do !!)

If I read on my kindle is that still screen time?

Do you know that reading in video games and because of Video games like World of Warcraft is better than English and Literature done in High School? and that kids are doing at much younger ages?

Would you stop your 11 year old from doing all the reading and writing like that?





 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 

Deborah Donndelinger

My 15 year old son is a huge gamer and in the last few years has discovered the world of podcasts. He is more up to date on the news and current events worldwise than I ever would be.
He has expanded his world incredibly without leaving the house.  It's really fun to watch his explorations.  And he and I have fascinating conversations on the drive to karate practice.  And he has no restrictions on his computer time and access so he's free to explore any podcast he likes.  Same with games. 

For my 13 year old daughter, I have found to helpful to differentiate between being bored as being part of a desire to expand and grow or being bored as a name for being tired, out of sorts, and restless.  For the first situation, I have found it helpful to realize that developmentally there are shifts around 8, 12, 14 and 17 and 21 (I really like Natural Learning Relationships model by the Luvmours).  What my child used to like might no longer be enough.   So I need to look with a fresh set of eyes what is she asking for and how do we meet those needs? And if she doesn't know yet, that's okay.  So if I don't get stuck in "something is wrong, she's bored" and see it as an expansion, that lets me get more creative in helping her. 

And if she's bored because she feels tired/out of sorts/restless, then that's an invitation for lots of connecting time. 

PDF on the Natural Learning Relationships model: http://www.luvmourconsulting.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Central-Tenets-Of-NLR%E2%84%A2-11.pdf


Sandra Dodd

-=-I wonder, could it be that computers and tv are PHYSICALLY addictive for the human brain?-=-

No.  It's attractive as a theory for parents who want to control their children.  

-=-Its colours, moving images and sounds are PHYSICALLY hooking the brain making it difficult for children to just treat it like any other activity.?-=-

If someone would rather be at a play that to stare at a tree (or even climb a tree), maybe the play is more stimulating, and stimulation leads to learning.

If someone learns from conversation and words (some do more than others), then having access to spoken voice and words will be stimulating for them.  Similarly, for some people, music, or art, or textures.   http://sandradodd.com/intelligences

-=-It seems that parents are developing special strategies to get the children out of the house, to get them interested in other activities. Where is the curiosity gone? -=-

If a child is interested in books, do you think that means he's not curious anymore?
Video, and especially interactive video, is WAY more stimulating in many more ways than a book is.  

There is a longstanding tradition of villifying whatever is new.  

-=-This worries me because I thought that if I let my children follow their interest and not enforce any control over their activities they will stay curious and driven to find out more and more about the world. -=-

So you're pining for the enforcement of control now?  :-)

Children find out a great deal about the world by watching video.  In my neighborhood, a child can see another lizard, maybe, or another dove or pigeon, but he's NEVER going to see a giraffe run, or a swan, or an oak tree.  


-=-I look at my children when they watch tv or muck around on the computer and they don't hear or see anything outside the screen! -=-

Why do you think that is?  
Seriously.  
What might you ever have been doing that kept you from hearing someone talking to you?  Or that kept you from turning your head just because something moved in your perhipheral vision?

Sandra

Lisa Celedon

I (a 32 yr old mother of 2) LOVE video games. LOVE them. I also LOVE books. I LOVE movies and sci FI tv shows. I can get totally absorbed in a game or a book or a show for hours or days or weeks. I do that less now because I find being my kids mom so fascinating and fun-- it's easier to put a book or game down or save it for when they're asleep.
I also really LOVE nature and animals and camping and food and astronomy, physics and languages and going to coffee shops and the grocery store and taking walks along the creek. I love trains and cars. I love spending time with my friends and my family.

We focus intensely on what interests us.

As far as I know, addiction is a means of coping with too much stress.


Sent from my iPhone

Karen

>>>>> Isn't it strange that so many 10-11 year olds are interested in the SAME thing (computer games)? Unschooling is an autonomous exploration of life that follows the person's interest so it is a very individually tailored journey for every child, and yet when they discover video games it seem to become the main interest for so many of them.

Why is that?<<<<<

I would encourage you to spend some time learning what people, young and old, learn from playing video games.

Have a look at one game called Minecraft has to offer it's players:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI0BN5AWOe8

That's only *one* game. In our home playing a variety of video games has inspired so many activities both on and off the computer. Here's a incomplete list of some of those activities:

watching informational videos and custom animations,

reading wikipedias,

designing and writing our own programs using mods or visual programming languages like Scratch,

employing drawing tools to make our own characters or copy those we are inspired by,

using a digital keyboard and sound recording tools for music and video,

learning to play some of our favourite video game music on the piano,

employing photo and video editing tools,

making our own stop motion animations using clay, chalkboard drawings, found object pieces, drawing, and computer animation,

exploring a huge variety of favourite music on YouTube and Spotify - much of the music first discovered while playing video games. (Here's one example of my personal favourites. I have a lot of favourites. ;-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6PGZskrw-Q)

That's just off the top of my head, and barely makes a complete list of how video games have enriched our learning. I'm sure there are ways in which it has done so that I may never fully comprehend. Such is the nature of learning.

So you ask us Why...And I ask you, Why not?! :-)

There's just so much to explore. So much more offered today than ever before. Why wouldn't young people want to take full advantage of that? I most certainly and enthusiastically do!

Some books you might find shift your thinking could include:

"Reality is Broken - Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World" by Jane McGonigal

"Everything Bad is Good For You" by Steven Johnson

"What Video Games Have to Teach Us About Learning and Literacy" by James Paul Gee

"Killing Monsters - Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Make-Believe Violence" by Gerard Jones

>>>>> And it also seems that these children whose curiosity was nurtured from babyhood focus their interests on computer games and the rest of the world with its "off the couch" activities don't seem very exciting after that.?<<<<<

That has not proven to be a reality in our home. Although my son clearly loves the learning that happens via video games and other media activities, he also loves exploring anything and everything that sparks his curiosity in the world at large. It's not one or the other. It's all connected, influencing and enriching every new and familiar experience.

A simple example of this might be found in a creek bed like the one we found a couple of months ago near home. Ethan discovered a fairly thick layer of clay. He was thrilled and started playing with it. He said "This reminds me of the clay in Minecraft." Then he went on to talk about the similarities and differences between real world clay and Minecraft clay, all the while conducting his own experiments with how the clay dissipated in water and flowed downstream, how it clung to the rocks when drawn with, how it could be shaped, and how it could splat and explode on various surfaces. Then he went home to see how his findings compared to the game design, and talked later about how he would improve the clay properties if he was designing the game himself.

>>>>> It seems that parents are developing special strategies to get the children out of the house, to get them interested in other activities.<<<<<

I see it as my responsibility as an unschooling parent to provide my son with the richest learning experience I can, both inside and outside of the home. I make every effort to surround him with things I know he enjoys doing, and I try to find and introduce new things to our days to see if it (and how it) sparks new connections and curiosities.

I, by the simple act of being on this earth 32 years longer than my son, have a little more experience in the world. I have adult friends who share their experiences with me as well. Consequently, I may know or have access to more of what is out there than Ethan currently does. (Although, I must admit, he is rapidly catching up, and in some instances bypassing me in knowledge.) So, I do my best to expose Ethan to information and activities I know and find, not to strategize or manipulate him into doing what *I* want him to, but to offer up some things he might not have known about previously, as well as to help him get his needs met and build on his current interests.

It's also fun for me. That's a bonus. ;-)

>>>> Maybe I'm getting it all wrong and it is not like this at all. After all I don't live with any of these children and don't see their intense interest in many other things other then compute games. It just seems that parents often single out playing computer games in their discriptions more than any other activity. <<<<<

For blog readers out there...I'm wondering if there is a good blog that shows us how an unschooling family lives with, and thoroughly embraces, all the learning technology has to offer while, at the same time, illustrates a greater involvement in the community and the world at large. I was thinking of authoring one, but I'm not sure if I would be the best candidate. Maybe there are one's I'm not familiar with?

Colleen

*****And it also seems that these children whose curiosity was nurtured from babyhood focus their interests on computer games and the rest of the world with its "off the couch" activities don't seem very exciting after that.?*****

My son (now 10) discovered video games when he was 3 or 4 years old, had the flu, and was home miserable on the couch waiting to be able to breathe well again :-)

We had an old Playstation and a couple of games (Pacman, Tetris) in the basement, so we hooked it up to help distract him and pass the time.

He loved playing - and over time, we got a Wii, a DS, a PS3 system - then an iPod Touch and an iPad - and more recently, a WiiU.  When Pokemon Black came out, he thought Pokemon might be of interest, so we picked up that game - and then many more of the older Pokemon games - and a love of Pokemon began that continues to this day. 

All in all, there were video games that he enjoyed and played for hours at a time, day after day - and others that he barely enjoyed for an hour before proclaiming them "not for me."  There were many days when he played video games, and many he did not.  I can't say there was a "balance" because we never added up the hours, but I do know that giving him unlimited access to video games did not turn him into an addict, or a zombie, or anything else so evil and scary sounding as that - just like giving him unlimited access to the TV and Netflix didn't turn him into an addict, or a zombie… nor in fact did unlimited access to Legos, books, Nerf guns, etc. :-) 

This summer, he spent many, many hours Minecrafting while FaceTiming or Skyping with friends.  Some days, the Minecrafting/FaceTiming would start before breakfast and continue with few breaks until well into the night.  Other days, he'd stop for a few hours and we'd go out to the beach or to a park or playground, or we'd get together with friends, or do other such things.  Some nights instead of playing, he chose to watch movies or Star Trek episodes or documentaries about the Vikings or Roman history or such (whatever was of interest on a particular day) and he'd ask questions and we'd Google all sorts of information and learn even more interesting things… So even in a summer that was very full of gaming there was still other activity too, even if that other activity was somewhat buried in a sea of crafting and chatting about crafting :-)

As the summer wrapped up, his interest in Minecraft continued, but suddenly the time he spent playing the game waned and he began asking to go out much more.  Somehow along the line of a mostly-gaming-filled few months - probably (I'm guessing) related to trips we took to the beach, walks through nature-filled old cemeteries, etc. - he had developed an intense interest in birding, and the draw of being outside trying to spot a new bird, walking trails, searching for rarities, etc. surpassed the draw to mine and build.  

So now, he plays Minecraft some days not at all, some days for an hour here or there - but mostly he bounces into our room in the morning and asks "So guys, where are we going today???!!!!" immediately upon waking up in the morning, and soon after breakfast he wants to be on the road to a park, wildlife refuge, nature reserve, etc.  If he's not leafing through field guides and picking out birds he's hoping to see, he usually plays Pokemon or another game on his DS on the way to wherever we're going - but once we arrive, he leaves the games in the car and heads out into the woods with his binoculars in hand.  He has begun to start many conversations with phrases like, "Someday when I work for Audubon…." - or "Someday when I am crawling through the Alaskan tundra stalking good photos of elusive birds…" and though neither his dad nor I have ever suggested a particular career path to him (as we want him to find his own path - if he's happy as a game programmer, an artist, a gas station attendant, a naturalist, or anything else, his happiness is our priority!), I admit I do smile at the idea of him keeping his love for nature and birds with him into his adulthood :-)

I could probably write about this forever :-) but I'll give just one more example of how video games aren't all-or-nothing with my son (or any other child I know - every child I've ever met does have other interests in addition to gaming :-)) - 

This past weekend, he and his dad went to Minecon in Orlando - two whole days of celebrating and enjoying Minecraft.  He had really wanted to go and asked us to try to get tickets - which we were lucky enough to be able to do (they sold out very quickly).  He loved every minute of the convention (he's still talking about it now, days later - and he asked us to promise to get tickets to the next one too :-)).  But he also asked to take time while in Orlando to go birding, to explore the area, to eat out, etc.  There was a gaming area set up at the convention, and my husband and I would have been totally a-ok if he'd wanted to sit and game for 2 days straight - or if he wanted to go to a panel every hour, or chase famous YouTubers for autographs - or whatever would make him happy.  But he didn't want to do only Minecraft-related things.  He wanted to be at the convention and meet online friends in real life, tour the exhibits, go to a couple panels - but he also wanted to mix it up by getting out and seeing some of the Orlando area.  

All in all, if we had put pressure on him, or tried to discourage him from spending this summer with Minecraft, or from spending whatever weeks he spent trying to beat Mario Galaxy, or from gaming for exactly as much as he wanted to - if we had said "yes you can go to Minecon but you better do other things too!!" - he wouldn't have had the experience of making choices of what to do with his time based on what he wants for himself - and we would have been minimizing his interests and his priorities rather than supporting him in what he loves and giving him the opportunity to learn what he likes and how he's happy spending his time.  My husband and I want to raise a child who knows what he likes, and knows that it's ok to try different things because no one will decide that he Has To do this and he Has Had Enough Of that.  And so far, that seems to be what we're doing :-)

So I have just chosen to spend the last little while writing this email.  My husband chose to cook dinner and read National Geographic rather at the same time.  My son is building - yep, in Minecraft :-) - a scene he watched yesterday in Seaquest DSV.  Each of the three of us chose how to spend our time this evening, and as a result, each of us is happy and smiling.  Works for me :-)

Colleen 
PS For anyone who doubts the value of gaming in the "real world" - or anyone who'd like to see something fun :-) - there's yet another interesting thing to watch.  The UN is using Minecraft in community development in Kenya and other places.  If the opening ceremony of Minecon 2013 is on YouTube already, they explain the project.  They also talk about it in the older 2012 Opening Ceremony.  It's pretty cool.  Minecraft and the UN - a very, very interesting partnership :-)

Sandra Dodd

-=-He loved every minute of the convention (he's still talking about it now, days later - and he asked us to promise to get tickets to the next one too :-)).  But he also asked to take time while in Orlando to go birding, to explore the area, to eat out, etc. -=-

Robbie's first full day there, her went out to find a bird, and sent the photo back to his mom, and told her to share it with me.  It was in Just Add Light earlier this week. :-)


Sandra

Sandra Dodd

Skyler Collins, in Utah, sent me this note and link:

Sandra, I thought you'd like to add this to your video game page: 

My video game page is too big now, AND not as important as it used to be. :-)
There was a time when there was very little positive info on video games on the web and now there's something new every day or two. :-)  

I used to get notes from teenaged boys whose parents were being horrible to them, and they would write and thank me for being the only positive page they could find, but their parents still didn't care.  Maybe some of those boys are the men writing these articles now.

Sandra

Patricia Platt

I'm so glad Karen S listed those terrific books about the importance of play. Here's another one that I'd make "required reading" for every parent if I could:

- "Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul," by Stuart Brown.

There's all kinds of good stories and research in this book about the importance of unrestricted/controlled play. Brown isn't writing about videogame playing here, but his principles definitely apply. It turns out that unrestricted play makes people smarter, more socially intelligent, more creative, more adaptable, better problem solvers, and on and on with the positives. On the flip-side, restricting and controlling play among children is NOT a good thing. In fact, extensive research among murderers in prison has shown one thing they all had in common: their parents rigidly controlled their play as children. In particular, Brown studied Charles Whitman, the engineering student who climbed the campus tower at the University of Texas at Austin and shot 15 people, including a pregnant woman. Here's an excerpt: "But the incredibly thorough investigation of Charlie's whole life revealed a more surprising factor. After extensive interviews with everyone who had entered Charlie's life, it became clear that the *lifelong lack of play* had itself been an important factor in his psychopathology."  (pp 95-96)

Here's a related, important point, especially for parents who think they know better than their children what kind of play is good for their children: what is play to one person is not necessarily play for another person. Children are built to learn what's necessary to survive and thrive as adults in their culture. That's why so many adolescents today are so drawn to videogame playing. They know instinctively -- often better than their parents -- that computer literacy is critical to their success in their lives as adults. Peter Gray makes that same point in this article, where he compares limiting videogame playing to restricting bow-and-arrow play for a hunter-gatherer's child: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201201/the-many-benefits-kids-playing-video-games

And, finally, I second Karen's recommendations. I have read some of these books twice!:
>>
"Reality is Broken - Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World" by Jane McGonigal

"Everything Bad is Good For You" by Steven Johnson

"What Video Games Have to Teach Us About Learning and Literacy" by James Paul Gee

"Killing Monsters - Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Make-Believe Violence" by Gerard Jones <<

 -- I would add this article by psychologist, Peter Gray, where he makes the point that restricting videogame playing for our children is like restricting bow-and-arrow play among hunter-gather children:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201201/the-many-benefits-kids-playing-video-games

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

I have been listening to James Paul Gee  videos and I absolutely love him and what he has to say about video games and learning is amazing.

I think a lot of parents with young kids have a lot of fear. They want the best for their children and they want to protect them.
It must be a biological thing as baby animals are more vulnerable and parents are their only protection against outside dangers.

So parents read/hear that Video Games changes brains and they are very scared! Never mind that the more they study it the more  it shows that they changes are for the best! That it now only heals the brain but it is amazing for learning.

Parents read/hear that while watching TV the brain is in an Low Alpha state. OH MY Gosh that must be bad! Never mind that is the same state as a brain in a meditative state is and how meditation  is considered a wonderful thing!

Parents read/hear that kids  behavior is affected by sugar consumption and that kids go crazy. Never mind that all the studies prove that not to be the case and that young brains need sugar!

 But unschoolers that have been doing this and observing and discussing they   have  been saying that for a long time because they stopped, thought about it, watch their kids, discussed the ideas, read about it, tried doing it and now  they are here sharing what has been their experiences.
 Why is that important?
It is important because children  studies are usually  correlated to school and school performance, To being away from parents most of the waking hours in an environment that can be hostile and  being there many times against their will . Those kids have NO choice.

Unschooling children do not have that. They have choices, time to play and explore, attentive parents, great relationships with parents that partner with them, a rich learning environment  as parents are always discussing how, what to bring more interesting things to their lives.
 
This is what was seen here. A parent that is asking because she/.he wants to make sure they are doing their best. That they are providing opportunities, bringing in the world to be explored, that they are being present and participating.  Yes there are people who think unschooling parents sit back and  let the kids *lead* the way. There is  neglect in the worse cases.  That is not the kind of unschooling people are talking about here.

 So for parents of young kids I  repeat what Sandra has been saying:

"Read a little, try a little. Wait a while. Watch" and someone added "Repeat" I think!

I talked about "Safety on the Unschooling Path" this year . It was because I have observed so many families with young kids that said they were going to unschool only to go the opposite way once the kids were a little older.

If you are doing something out of fear it cannot lead you to unschooling better. Knowledge, deep thinking, lots of choices, connection, joy, learning, partnership and  a little research maybe and  absolutely looking to your kids is a much better path than one full of fear and no choices.
Is your child happy playing video games?
Is he learning?
Is he doing it  but has many other choices he can pick and not out of no options?
Are you connecting with him and supporting him?
 Are you feeding his passion with  things you bring in that relate to the game? ( books about his games, movies, videos, concerts with video game music, music, instruments like in the game, visiting places, and so much more!)

 Ask yourself those questions and think about them.  I doubt a parent will still be afraid of video games if they truly  look at their children, or join them, and  ask themselves those questions.



 
Alex Polikowsky