Sandra Dodd


On a smaller discussion list aimed at one area, an exchange has taken place which could use more input, so the original poster agreed to let that moderator bring the situation to Always Learning.     If you quote from it, take off the citation so it won't be "Sandra Dodd wrote....}     "Moderator" is the moderator of the smaller discussion list.
If we just address the ideas (and there are many), it shouldn't matter much who wrote what, but try to keep people straight. :-)



Concerned Mother:
what happens when your 16 yr old decides she really doesn't want to learn anything an sleep all day I have stressed she needs to do something she has links to math games she can play, videos on Netflix about subjects she was interested in but she doesn't want to write anything down all I ask for was a log of sites she goes to and movies she has watched an maybe what there about. I understand being 16 I was there once although she don't believe it, I also understand she is in a very hard spot now but with directly saying it she and her boyfriend put themselves in this situation now I am pulling my hair out an have stressed how she really needs some sort of diploma but is refusing to do anything to help herself. (she has been unschooled for 1 year already)
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moderator response:
From the little bit you've written here it sound like she's passively resisting you trying to control her. Not surprising - most people don't like to be controlled :-)

Why do you think she needs a diploma? Is that a goal you have for her that she doesn't share? Many unschoolers never earn a high school diploma.

It sound like you still have educational expectations of her and that's getting in the way of you and your daughter successfully unschooling.

I have to leave the house now, but will write more later. In the meantime here's a link on unschooling teens getting jobs and how that sometimes relates (or doesn't relate) to having a diploma.

http://sandradodd.com/teen/jobs
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Concerned Mother 12 hours later: 
I have sat back and looked at what I have been expecting my daughter to do for schooling during the day......my concern is everything she "learns" is not documented and I have nothing to show for an evaluation or if the school district wants to review her files not sure how to handle that.........also I have thought about what my daughter has been "learning" in the past 3 weeks to my surprise she has been learning :-) OK, sadly she found out she is pregnant but we are dealing with that issue but now she is learning about pregnancy, babies, she has been watching videos on nexflix, youtube. she has learned about bedbugs (not sure why) how to can pickles, new photography ideas, right now she is learning bout the history of kissing

i am going to step back from pressuring her to "do school work" an enjoy watching her learn on her own what she would like i can figure out the documentation part later thanks again

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(end of the three quoted posts)

Sandra Dodd

-=-I have sat back and looked at what I have been expecting my daughter to do for schooling during the day......my concern is everything she "learns" is not documented and I have nothing to show for an evaluation or if the school district wants to review her files not sure how to handle that-=-

It looks to me like there was no deschooling for the child or the mom.  Deschooling can't start until expectations or schooling learning are dropped, for months.   "Nothing to show" means the mom hasn't learned to see learning where it is.

And VERY often a parent beleive she is required to document more than she actually needs to.  So clinging to that fear and belief can keep unschooling from working.

-=-what happens when your 16 yr old decides she really doesn't want to learn anything an sleep all day I have stressed she needs to do something she has links to math games she can play, videos on Netflix about subjects she was interested in but she doesn't want to write anything down all I ask for was a log of sites she goes to and movies she has watched an maybe what there about. -=- 

At sixteen, she might be old enough to drop out of school where you are.  Check into that.  That would take pressure off.

Math games required for a child of ANY age isn't unschooling.  Netflix about subjects, ditto.

Look at REAL math, and real videos, about anything in the whole world.  Let information flow, and connections will begin to build up.
http://sandradodd.com/math (but look at games, and puzzles, and mystery stories, and all kinds of logic as math.  If you can't see that yet, you the mom need more unschooling)

It's not fair or accurate to say you've been unschooling for a year if you're still wanting her (at 16) to be playing math games so you can document it.

There must have been factors already in play that caused you to want to take her out of school, or to stop using a curriculum.  Unschooling isn't the problem (especially since it seems not to have had an opportunity to take hold.

But the hard part:  pregnancy
This might be a hard time to learn to be partners, because there's a danger of biological conflict if you try to own her and control what she does now, and how.

I recommend being as nurturing as you can be, and giving her opportunities to make choices, all the while looking seriously at how you can better understand unschooling.  It's going to take over a year for either of you to recover from schooling, and tehre is something pressing and overwhelming happening in the middle of it all.  

If you haven't already, subscribe to Pam Laricchia's intro to unschooling.  Slowly, read each one twice (not right in a row—a few hours or a day later.  Let those ideas percolate through you, patiently and openly.

If you don't change, you will stay the same.
If you don't change your expectation of your daughter's schoolishness, things will get worse.



Sandra

Jorie Denny

I wanted to add my own experience to what Sandra suggested about "dropping out". I dropped out of high school at age 16 with my Mother's blessing and it was completely legal. I took the CHSPE (California HighSchool Proficiency Exam) and passed. It is equal to a GED. It just required parental consent for those under 18. See if you have something like that where you live. I am so happy that I did not waste anymore time in school and I think the "diploma" helped my Mom not worry as much about what I did next. So I got to "unschool" the rest of my life. :) And now I am unschooling my own kids with passion. 
I hope you find peace and less fear. 
Good Luck ! :)