Unschooling 3 young children.
Yvonne Laborda
I'm wrting from Spain.
Our children are 4, 6 and 8. We have unschooled then from the very
beginning.
I'm having problems with meeting their needs at the same time. When we are
out playing or with other families there's no problem at all but when we're
at home I really don't feel like being with them some of the time. I know
it sounds bad and hard but that's how I feel. I really want and desire to
be happy with them but it seems impossible: When I'm playing cards or
whatever with the 2 oldest my 4 year old comes and bothers us or destroys
what we are doing. I feel bad because I prefer being with the older one's
as I enjoy myself more doing the kind of things they like doing: Board
games, reading to them, chess, sewing, cooking... I'm getting tired of
"baby" games and I don't play much with my 4 year old any more. It's just
that I'm tired of that sort of games and I would love her to more on... I
now her needs are not being met and I feel bad about that. I would like to
be with the 3 of them at a time without any "problems".
I've been reading some books about mindful parenting so as to get started
again and I do but after a sort while I get tired of being with her as much
as she needs.
Thanks in advance.
--
Yvonne Laborda.
www.welivelearning.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Our children are 4, 6 and 8. We have unschooled then from the very
beginning.
I'm having problems with meeting their needs at the same time. When we are
out playing or with other families there's no problem at all but when we're
at home I really don't feel like being with them some of the time. I know
it sounds bad and hard but that's how I feel. I really want and desire to
be happy with them but it seems impossible: When I'm playing cards or
whatever with the 2 oldest my 4 year old comes and bothers us or destroys
what we are doing. I feel bad because I prefer being with the older one's
as I enjoy myself more doing the kind of things they like doing: Board
games, reading to them, chess, sewing, cooking... I'm getting tired of
"baby" games and I don't play much with my 4 year old any more. It's just
that I'm tired of that sort of games and I would love her to more on... I
now her needs are not being met and I feel bad about that. I would like to
be with the 3 of them at a time without any "problems".
I've been reading some books about mindful parenting so as to get started
again and I do but after a sort while I get tired of being with her as much
as she needs.
Thanks in advance.
--
Yvonne Laborda.
www.welivelearning.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm having problems with meeting their needs at the same time. When we are
out playing or with other families there's no problem at all but when we're
at home I really don't feel like being with them some of the time. -=-
Hire help. It doesn't need to be a teen or adult. Maybe a mother's helper, who is ten or twelve, who would like to play at your house, but as an older, assistant.
Or invite another child or two to visit, and design cool activities for the group.
-=- I feel bad because I prefer being with the older one's
as I enjoy myself more doing the kind of things they like doing: Board
games, reading to them, chess, sewing, cooking..-=-
You could hire someone to play with the younger child more. Or you could ask the older children to think of things the four year old would enjoy that they would enjoy, too.
-=- I'm getting tired of
"baby" games and I don't play much with my 4 year old any more. It's just
that I'm tired of that sort of games and I would love her to more on..-=-
To move on?
This will sound harsh, but you could put her up for adoption.
Think about it. There might be a family that would want a four year old, and then you could play chess and cook and play cards!
Probably you've just thought that I'm monstrously cold-hearted; I hope you thought that. I hope you thought that putting her up for adoption was a crazy idea.
If you did look at adoption, even for two seconds while you decided it was NOT HAPPENING, then you chose to keep her. It might be the first time in years. Having a choice is like a different world from feeling stuck.
Poor girl is stuck with you and your frustration, though. She won't be four for very long. Don't make it a sorrowful time for her.
http://sandradodd.com/haveto
If you feel that you "have to" play with her, it will seem like a burden.
If you can find ways to think of it as a privilege and an honor and a fleeting opportunity to play with the last four year old you will have (or might be the last one), it might breathe life into your time with her.
I think having other people (or at least one other person) could help a lot. When Holly (my third) was a baby, a 12 year old neighbor wanted to hold her, and to visit. That turned into my paying her $3 an hour (in 1991) to be a mother's helper two hours at least once a week (sometimes two or three days, for two or three hours), and by the time she was 15, she stayed with one or two kids if I needed to take another one to the doctor or something. It helped that she was homeschoole and her mother was three houses up the street.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
out playing or with other families there's no problem at all but when we're
at home I really don't feel like being with them some of the time. -=-
Hire help. It doesn't need to be a teen or adult. Maybe a mother's helper, who is ten or twelve, who would like to play at your house, but as an older, assistant.
Or invite another child or two to visit, and design cool activities for the group.
-=- I feel bad because I prefer being with the older one's
as I enjoy myself more doing the kind of things they like doing: Board
games, reading to them, chess, sewing, cooking..-=-
You could hire someone to play with the younger child more. Or you could ask the older children to think of things the four year old would enjoy that they would enjoy, too.
-=- I'm getting tired of
"baby" games and I don't play much with my 4 year old any more. It's just
that I'm tired of that sort of games and I would love her to more on..-=-
To move on?
This will sound harsh, but you could put her up for adoption.
Think about it. There might be a family that would want a four year old, and then you could play chess and cook and play cards!
Probably you've just thought that I'm monstrously cold-hearted; I hope you thought that. I hope you thought that putting her up for adoption was a crazy idea.
If you did look at adoption, even for two seconds while you decided it was NOT HAPPENING, then you chose to keep her. It might be the first time in years. Having a choice is like a different world from feeling stuck.
Poor girl is stuck with you and your frustration, though. She won't be four for very long. Don't make it a sorrowful time for her.
http://sandradodd.com/haveto
If you feel that you "have to" play with her, it will seem like a burden.
If you can find ways to think of it as a privilege and an honor and a fleeting opportunity to play with the last four year old you will have (or might be the last one), it might breathe life into your time with her.
I think having other people (or at least one other person) could help a lot. When Holly (my third) was a baby, a 12 year old neighbor wanted to hold her, and to visit. That turned into my paying her $3 an hour (in 1991) to be a mother's helper two hours at least once a week (sometimes two or three days, for two or three hours), and by the time she was 15, she stayed with one or two kids if I needed to take another one to the doctor or something. It helped that she was homeschoole and her mother was three houses up the street.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***It's just that I'm tired of that sort of games and I would love her to more on... I now her needs are not being met and I feel bad about that.***
Something you can remind yourself when feeling that, is that your little 4 yr old will only be 4 one time in her life. You only get one chance at being a mom to that little person at that age of 4 or 5 or 6. You only have a very limited amount of time to play dollies and dress up and toy cars. That 4 yr old hasn't played all the fun games yet, it's all new. See the world through her eyes. Find another way to play that includes everyone. Nobody likes to be left out.
There's plenty of years where the oldest will be too old to want to play. When that day comes, you won't want to see the youngest, who will be older, to be treated as if they are bothersome to the oldest. Those things are learned behavior. In school, it's a pecking order of age discrimination. That same thing can happen in families. Try very hard to see each child's development as something other than bothersome. A 4 yr old can't help being 4. A mom can help her own attitude about being with a 4 yr old.
I remember getting tired of birthday parties, but I worked to get over it. My younger child didn't ask to be the youngest. She didn't ask to be so very far apart in age from her older sister. I remember feeling partied out, no excitement left about it. It felt exhausting to me. I examined that thought and changed it! I have a child to give a party to, she lived another year, she has friends to invite, I'm excited that she was born. So every year when a birthday party comes around, I get excited to celebrate it. It seems almost silly to me now that I ever felt exhausted over planning and executing a party. What a terrible thing to feel about the birth of my child! When I examined it, what it all came down to was trying to do the same things I did with my oldest. I was younger and we had BIG parties.
And just like parties, play doesn't need to be the same with your now 4 yr old as it was with you 8 yr old when they were 4. It can be different. It can be little things like more interesting bath times or better stories at bedtime. Find one thing each day to enjoy with the littlest. Start with that and add more.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Something you can remind yourself when feeling that, is that your little 4 yr old will only be 4 one time in her life. You only get one chance at being a mom to that little person at that age of 4 or 5 or 6. You only have a very limited amount of time to play dollies and dress up and toy cars. That 4 yr old hasn't played all the fun games yet, it's all new. See the world through her eyes. Find another way to play that includes everyone. Nobody likes to be left out.
There's plenty of years where the oldest will be too old to want to play. When that day comes, you won't want to see the youngest, who will be older, to be treated as if they are bothersome to the oldest. Those things are learned behavior. In school, it's a pecking order of age discrimination. That same thing can happen in families. Try very hard to see each child's development as something other than bothersome. A 4 yr old can't help being 4. A mom can help her own attitude about being with a 4 yr old.
I remember getting tired of birthday parties, but I worked to get over it. My younger child didn't ask to be the youngest. She didn't ask to be so very far apart in age from her older sister. I remember feeling partied out, no excitement left about it. It felt exhausting to me. I examined that thought and changed it! I have a child to give a party to, she lived another year, she has friends to invite, I'm excited that she was born. So every year when a birthday party comes around, I get excited to celebrate it. It seems almost silly to me now that I ever felt exhausted over planning and executing a party. What a terrible thing to feel about the birth of my child! When I examined it, what it all came down to was trying to do the same things I did with my oldest. I was younger and we had BIG parties.
And just like parties, play doesn't need to be the same with your now 4 yr old as it was with you 8 yr old when they were 4. It can be different. It can be little things like more interesting bath times or better stories at bedtime. Find one thing each day to enjoy with the littlest. Start with that and add more.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On Mon, Feb 18, 2013 at 11:39 PM, Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
The youngest has older ones to interact with and may not need as much of
you, anyway. Instead of thinking you "have to" play with her, think that
you want her to have a stimulating and enriching life - arrange that for
her (may include having more friends over, sending her off to hang out with
friends). I paid my middle daughter to read to my youngest (youngest was a
later reader and wanted to be read to a LOT and I grew tired of reading
aloud so much).
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> And just like parties, play doesn't need to be the same with your now 4 yrThat's a good idea. Let it be different than it was with the older ones.
> old as it was with you 8 yr old when they were 4. It can be different. It
> can be little things like more interesting bath times or better stories at
> bedtime. Find one thing each day to enjoy with the littlest. Start with
> that and add more.
The youngest has older ones to interact with and may not need as much of
you, anyway. Instead of thinking you "have to" play with her, think that
you want her to have a stimulating and enriching life - arrange that for
her (may include having more friends over, sending her off to hang out with
friends). I paid my middle daughter to read to my youngest (youngest was a
later reader and wanted to be read to a LOT and I grew tired of reading
aloud so much).
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Feb 18, 2013, at 7:45 PM, Yvonne Laborda wrote:
It sounds like burn out. Which when it happens with a job, you can quit and get a new one. As Sandra pointed out, you *can* quit this one. You could empty the bank account and take off. Each day you don't do that is a day you've chosen to be with your family.
When negative thoughts come to you, immediately think of something you love about that child.
What if you only had today to spend with your child? And the rest of your life to do the things that are hard to do right now? How would you spend your day?
Feelings come from thoughts. If you can *choose* to let go of old thoughts, *choose* new thoughts, you can change your feelings a little at a time.
Getting Scott Noelle's The Daily Groove might help too. They're daily practical things you can do to remind yourself to be more present.
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> when we'reStuffing down feelings you don't want isn't good. They'll fester then explode. And a problem can't be fixed until it's recognized as a problem. So its good to drag stuff like that out into the light of day.
> at home I really don't feel like being with them some of the time. I know
> it sounds bad and hard but that's how I feel.
It sounds like burn out. Which when it happens with a job, you can quit and get a new one. As Sandra pointed out, you *can* quit this one. You could empty the bank account and take off. Each day you don't do that is a day you've chosen to be with your family.
When negative thoughts come to you, immediately think of something you love about that child.
What if you only had today to spend with your child? And the rest of your life to do the things that are hard to do right now? How would you spend your day?
Feelings come from thoughts. If you can *choose* to let go of old thoughts, *choose* new thoughts, you can change your feelings a little at a time.
Getting Scott Noelle's The Daily Groove might help too. They're daily practical things you can do to remind yourself to be more present.
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
trish52101
This may sound morbid, but when I struggle with being present and playing with my five year-old, I think about how fragile life is and how tomorrow isn't a guarantee for anyone. I ask myself, "What if something tragic were to happen to her, or myself, tonight. What if this were my last chance to play these games?" I had a cousin whose son passed away at 3 1/2. She would love the chance to play boring 4 year-old games with him. Chances are, nothing tragic will happen and tomorrow will be another day full of playing, but kids will grow up. One day will be the last day they ask you to play something. I don't think there are many old women and men sitting around saying, "I am so glad I don't have to play with my kids anymore. I wish I had said no to playing more, I wasted so much time."
Trisha
Trisha
Robin Bentley
> When negative thoughts come to you, immediately think of somethingOne of the best pieces of advice I got here (from Sandra) was "smell
> you love about that child.
your child's head." There is something about it that will bring you
back to the present and reconnect you to her. It's biological!
I still do it with my 17-year-old.
Robin B.
>
Yvonne Laborda
THANKS... SO..., so much for your words. 3 days ago when Naikari (my 4 year
old daughter) woke up (the 5 of us cosleep) I just started kissing and
hugging her non-stop. I continually said to her that I love her so much and
said sorry for the times I didn't assit (met her needs...) her .... She
just looked at me and said I know. I then said to myself that from now on
things (me and my thoughts) are going to change.
Thanks again.
2013/2/19 Robin Bentley <robin.bentley@...>
Yvonne Laborda.
www.welivelearning.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
old daughter) woke up (the 5 of us cosleep) I just started kissing and
hugging her non-stop. I continually said to her that I love her so much and
said sorry for the times I didn't assit (met her needs...) her .... She
just looked at me and said I know. I then said to myself that from now on
things (me and my thoughts) are going to change.
Thanks again.
2013/2/19 Robin Bentley <robin.bentley@...>
> **--
>
>
>
> > When negative thoughts come to you, immediately think of something
> > you love about that child.
>
> One of the best pieces of advice I got here (from Sandra) was "smell
> your child's head." There is something about it that will bring you
> back to the present and reconnect you to her. It's biological!
>
> I still do it with my 17-year-old.
>
> Robin B.
> >
>
>
>
Yvonne Laborda.
www.welivelearning.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Carol Ivany
You don't stop playing because you grow old, but you grow old because you stop playing
Carol I
Carol I
----- Original Message -----
From: trish52101
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, February 19, 2013 12:39 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Unschooling 3 young children.
I don't think there are many old women and men sitting around saying, "I am so glad I don't have to play with my kids anymore. I wish I had said no to playing more, I wasted so much time."
Trisha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]