What words can reveal
Sandra Dodd
I'm bringing something here from the facebook group "Radical Unschooling Info" as an example of a time when the question that was asked wasn't what was answered directly, and because how important words are has been bouncing around here in the past little while (and will bounce back many times to come). The first part is a quote from someone saying she had a hard time being fully present with her children. I quoted just this one part and responded:
-=I hate it, and feel like I'm missing out on so many sweet, little moments, but it is so hard for me to be fully present, almost like I can't control it. -=-
Well don't hate it. Hate's no good. And you can't "control it." It might be easier to see it as a series of choices, with lots of chances to zone out, and lots of opportunities to focus back in.
People zone in and out all the time. It's not a sin. Live lightly. That's good for your children, if you can come back as esily as you slipped momentarily away, and if you're not hardened with self-recrimination and hate.
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
Be sweet and soft, for your children.
===============================================
The mom is holding herself stiff and uptight, I think. She's feeling wrong, and bad. In 32 words, three of them were "hate," "hard" and "control."
We were talking at the symposium recently about the sort of "body language" that can sometimes be read in people's writing. That's an example of something I spotted.
There are people who have read my writing, though, and said I was mean and harsh. But I write the way I speak, and in person I'm not mean and harsh. (Someone wrote to me a few months ago, said she had gone to a meetup near her in southern California and people there who had met me said I was just as mean in person. I had reason to think she hadn't had time to go to a meetup, and I figure it was made up, but there's another aspect that is knowing the person's voice and posture. It's not always possible.)
If I suggest, on one of these discussions, that someone needs to read more and write less, that's because she seems to be going off a cliff or down a hole, rather than uphill into the light that will help her be a sweeter, kinder mother. I'm thinking of her kids, and the happiness she can have when the relationship improves, rather than thinking about her particular feelings right now in this moment in this discussion.
For people who are writing, it's entirely fair and fine to proofread what you've written before sending it. It would be great if everyone would do that! And while you're reading for spelling and punctuation, also look at what you've said, and the words you've used. Journal writers through the ages have done that without even having an audience. And in journals, there's the added clue of handwriting going hard or jittery. Maybe the computer keyboard equivalent could be whether your hands are tension-filled; it's not a perfect indicator.
Sandra
-=I hate it, and feel like I'm missing out on so many sweet, little moments, but it is so hard for me to be fully present, almost like I can't control it. -=-
Well don't hate it. Hate's no good. And you can't "control it." It might be easier to see it as a series of choices, with lots of chances to zone out, and lots of opportunities to focus back in.
People zone in and out all the time. It's not a sin. Live lightly. That's good for your children, if you can come back as esily as you slipped momentarily away, and if you're not hardened with self-recrimination and hate.
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
Be sweet and soft, for your children.
===============================================
The mom is holding herself stiff and uptight, I think. She's feeling wrong, and bad. In 32 words, three of them were "hate," "hard" and "control."
We were talking at the symposium recently about the sort of "body language" that can sometimes be read in people's writing. That's an example of something I spotted.
There are people who have read my writing, though, and said I was mean and harsh. But I write the way I speak, and in person I'm not mean and harsh. (Someone wrote to me a few months ago, said she had gone to a meetup near her in southern California and people there who had met me said I was just as mean in person. I had reason to think she hadn't had time to go to a meetup, and I figure it was made up, but there's another aspect that is knowing the person's voice and posture. It's not always possible.)
If I suggest, on one of these discussions, that someone needs to read more and write less, that's because she seems to be going off a cliff or down a hole, rather than uphill into the light that will help her be a sweeter, kinder mother. I'm thinking of her kids, and the happiness she can have when the relationship improves, rather than thinking about her particular feelings right now in this moment in this discussion.
For people who are writing, it's entirely fair and fine to proofread what you've written before sending it. It would be great if everyone would do that! And while you're reading for spelling and punctuation, also look at what you've said, and the words you've used. Journal writers through the ages have done that without even having an audience. And in journals, there's the added clue of handwriting going hard or jittery. Maybe the computer keyboard equivalent could be whether your hands are tension-filled; it's not a perfect indicator.
Sandra