Introverts
Sandra Dodd
On a blog called Carl Kingdom, there's a list of myths about introverts. Because I'm working on an introverts page, it jumped out at me when Dan Vilter (an unschooling dad) posted it. Anyone who's very interested should to go the blog and read it there. One of the questions at the bottom is about being outgoing at parties. My husband Keith can be "the life of the party," for about an hour. Not much longer. He can't last a four-hour party, but when he IS there, he's busy, useful, entertaining. People who have been around him at conferences can attest to that. He can be super entertaining and helpful, but more hours than not, he's just not there (because he's back in the room, recovering).
If people here have other links to info that might help parents be better partners to introverted children, please post them!
From here down is from http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <-- I made that up. I'm a screenwriter.
It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal." Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.
Let me know your thoughts.
-Carl.
If people here have other links to info that might help parents be better partners to introverted children, please post them!
From here down is from http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <-- I made that up. I'm a screenwriter.
It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal." Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.
Let me know your thoughts.
-Carl.
Kelly Jarr
Thank you Sandra for shedding more light on being an introvert. I look forward to reading your page.
I found the book The Introvert Advantage by Martin Olsen Laney very helpful. It does have chapters on parent/child relationships when one or both are introvert or extrovert.
Kelly
Sent from my iPhone
I found the book The Introvert Advantage by Martin Olsen Laney very helpful. It does have chapters on parent/child relationships when one or both are introvert or extrovert.
Kelly
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 14, 2012, at 11:36 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> On a blog called Carl Kingdom, there's a list of myths about introverts. Because I'm working on an introverts page, it jumped out at me when Dan Vilter (an unschooling dad) posted it. Anyone who's very interested should to go the blog and read it there. One of the questions at the bottom is about being outgoing at parties. My husband Keith can be "the life of the party," for about an hour. Not much longer. He can't last a four-hour party, but when he IS there, he's busy, useful, entertaining. People who have been around him at conferences can attest to that. He can be super entertaining and helpful, but more hours than not, he's just not there (because he's back in the room, recovering).
>
> If people here have other links to info that might help parents be better partners to introverted children, please post them!
>
>
> From here down is from http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
>
> So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):
>
> Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
> This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
>
> Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
> Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
>
> Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
> Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
>
> Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
> On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
>
> Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
> Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
>
> Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
> Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
>
> Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
> Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
>
> Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
> Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
>
> Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
> Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
>
> Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
> A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
>
> “You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <-- I made that up. I'm a screenwriter.
>
> It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal." Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.
>
> Let me know your thoughts.
>
> -Carl.
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
Chris Sanders
I found this book to be very enlightening and Zach found it encouraging: http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344964780&sr=8-1&keywords=the+introvert+advantage
Chris in IA
Chris in IA
On Aug 14, 2012, at 10:36 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
> If people here have other links to info that might help parents be better partners to introverted children, please post them!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
verde_mama
I have been thinking a lot lately about the characteristics of introverts and extroverts and how I can help my children navigate social situations peacefully and comfortably. My oldest daughter, Camille(9), craves more social interaction than her younger sister Sylvia(5). Camille, however, is an introvert and needs a lot of time to decompress and recharge after play dates and park days and is easily overwhelmed by loud or crowded places.
Sylvia tends to choose staying at home to play rather than going out and about, but when we are out she gets so talkative and enthusiastic and enjoys the energy of exciting places and people. She does take a little time to warm up to new people/places though.
Their younger sister Ayla(2) likes watching people outside of the family, but not having to interact with them too much. Although this may be mostly because of her age.
I tend to be more of a social introvert like Camille. So, I have learned to protect Camille's space (from her sisters) after busy/social days so she can unwind peacefully. And I have learned that a little encouragement or enticement ("Wanna get a treat on the way?" or somesuch) helps Sylvia move into 'out and about' mode where she can get her fill of people and liveliness.
It took me awhile to realize this and I would have thought of Camille as the more extroverted one and Sylvia as the introvert if I looked only at their initial preferences and not at where they actually seem to gain their energy and feel balanced. These considerations have helped me help them navigate the transitions between social interactions and home life.
Sylvia tends to choose staying at home to play rather than going out and about, but when we are out she gets so talkative and enthusiastic and enjoys the energy of exciting places and people. She does take a little time to warm up to new people/places though.
Their younger sister Ayla(2) likes watching people outside of the family, but not having to interact with them too much. Although this may be mostly because of her age.
I tend to be more of a social introvert like Camille. So, I have learned to protect Camille's space (from her sisters) after busy/social days so she can unwind peacefully. And I have learned that a little encouragement or enticement ("Wanna get a treat on the way?" or somesuch) helps Sylvia move into 'out and about' mode where she can get her fill of people and liveliness.
It took me awhile to realize this and I would have thought of Camille as the more extroverted one and Sylvia as the introvert if I looked only at their initial preferences and not at where they actually seem to gain their energy and feel balanced. These considerations have helped me help them navigate the transitions between social interactions and home life.
Meredith
> So here are a few common misconceptions about IntrovertsOne of the problems with the term "introvert" is that it has a range of meanings - the misconceptions listed could just as easily be divided up into different learning styles, or processing styles, or personality types... or moods. Some people aren't talkative. Some people take time to warm up to others. Some people are better one on one than in groups. Some people are rude and dislike other people ;) And it's not uncommon for someone who is generally outgoing to be hesitant in a new situation, or be periodically tongue tied, or grouchy.
---Meredith
Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 15, 2012, at 1:51 PM, Meredith wrote:
It's a good list of myths, but too many he countered with absolutes that are just as much myth fodder.
I can talk if I have something to say but I certainly will never talk for days. I'd probably be straining to do 10 minutes off the cuff. My husband can speak much more easily but not for days either.
Sometimes I don't like people ;-) Sometimes I'd rather they'd stay in the TV or a book so I can turn them off when I'm done. Sometimes! But sometimes I need people time. As long as I have an escape plan. ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> One of the problems with the term "introvert" is that it has a range of meaningsIt has a range of meanings. And it also is just one aspect of personality. There aren't any blanket statements someone can make about what else introverts or extraverts are except, I think, about where they need to recharge.
It's a good list of myths, but too many he countered with absolutes that are just as much myth fodder.
I can talk if I have something to say but I certainly will never talk for days. I'd probably be straining to do 10 minutes off the cuff. My husband can speak much more easily but not for days either.
Sometimes I don't like people ;-) Sometimes I'd rather they'd stay in the TV or a book so I can turn them off when I'm done. Sometimes! But sometimes I need people time. As long as I have an escape plan. ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I look at introverts/extroverts this way (and I suspect Carl Kingdom might, too):
Introverts get their emotional/mental/physical energy from being alone. Extroverts get their emotional/mental/physical energy from being with other people.
I don't think that aspect changes. How it looks outwardly might (moods, rudeness, talkativeness, etc.) can be different. To me "outgoing" is the opposite of "shy". Introverts aren't necessarily shy; some can be very social without problem. But they need to recharge, at some point, by being alone. Without all those energy-sucking extroverts :-).
Guess which "-vert" I am!
Robin B.
Introverts get their emotional/mental/physical energy from being alone. Extroverts get their emotional/mental/physical energy from being with other people.
I don't think that aspect changes. How it looks outwardly might (moods, rudeness, talkativeness, etc.) can be different. To me "outgoing" is the opposite of "shy". Introverts aren't necessarily shy; some can be very social without problem. But they need to recharge, at some point, by being alone. Without all those energy-sucking extroverts :-).
Guess which "-vert" I am!
Robin B.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 10:51:53 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Introverts
> So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts
One of the problems with the term "introvert" is that it has a range of meanings - the misconceptions listed could just as easily be divided up into different learning styles, or processing styles, or personality types... or moods. Some people aren't talkative. Some people take time to warm up to others. Some people are better one on one than in groups. Some people are rude and dislike other people ;) And it's not uncommon for someone who is generally outgoing to be hesitant in a new situation, or be periodically tongue tied, or grouchy.
---Meredith
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
I have an extremely extroverted kid and an extremely introverted one.
People think of me as extroverted. So I do know that the extremes exist.
But....
I don't buy that there are two categories of people .. I think we're way
more complex that that and I really think there is a range and we all fall
somewhere in that range. I know very well what it feels like to be drained
by being around too many people for too long - but it takes me multiple
days of it before I'm drained, while for some people it takes just a few
hours. Still, it isn't true to say I get my energy by being around people.
I'm just way more slowly drained and don't need to get away and recharge as
often.
I really don't know anybody who never gets drained by being a large groups
for day after day.
-pam
People think of me as extroverted. So I do know that the extremes exist.
But....
I don't buy that there are two categories of people .. I think we're way
more complex that that and I really think there is a range and we all fall
somewhere in that range. I know very well what it feels like to be drained
by being around too many people for too long - but it takes me multiple
days of it before I'm drained, while for some people it takes just a few
hours. Still, it isn't true to say I get my energy by being around people.
I'm just way more slowly drained and don't need to get away and recharge as
often.
I really don't know anybody who never gets drained by being a large groups
for day after day.
-pam
On Thu, Aug 16, 2012 at 2:02 PM, <robin.bentley@...> wrote:
> I don't think that aspect changes. How it looks outwardly might (moods,
> rudeness, talkativeness, etc.) can be different. To me "outgoing" is the
> opposite of "shy". Introverts aren't necessarily shy; some can be very
> social without problem. But they need to recharge, at some point, by being
> alone. Without all those energy-sucking extroverts :-).
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I have an extremely extroverted kid and an extremely introverted one.
People think of me as extroverted. So I do know that the extremes exist.
But....
-=-I don't buy that there are two categories of people ..-=-
Good point, and it's one aspect of personality. But it's one that's often over simplified and called "shy."
There's a range of "out" that people like, and even one person will go through phases of wanting to be out more, or wanting some hours or days or weeks of staying home.
Understanding the extremes a little better, and accepting that there advantages, though, is good.
Stereotypes are usually exaggerations of something that exists.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
People think of me as extroverted. So I do know that the extremes exist.
But....
-=-I don't buy that there are two categories of people ..-=-
Good point, and it's one aspect of personality. But it's one that's often over simplified and called "shy."
There's a range of "out" that people like, and even one person will go through phases of wanting to be out more, or wanting some hours or days or weeks of staying home.
Understanding the extremes a little better, and accepting that there advantages, though, is good.
Stereotypes are usually exaggerations of something that exists.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen
> -=-I don't buy that there are two categories of people ..-=-I used to get picked on quite a bit in school for the way I acted. I was shy, yes, but more than that, I needed time away from people to enjoy people more, and I needed less people at one time. I didn't know that then, and I bought the accusations that I was "stuck up" or "too good for everyone" or "a snob." Those labels were very painful because I have a deep inner love for people. I believe in the inherent goodness in most people. And, I wanted people to like me the way I was. I was doing the best I could.
>
> Good point, and it's one aspect of personality. But it's one that's often over simplified and called "shy."
>
> There's a range of "out" that people like, and even one person will go through phases of wanting to be out more, or wanting some hours or days or weeks of staying home.
>
> Understanding the extremes a little better, and accepting that there advantages, though, is good.
>
> Stereotypes are usually exaggerations of something that exists.
Understanding that there isn't necessarily something wrong with me, is helpful, not only for me, but for my ability to support my husband and son, who are both introverts as well. They are both introverts in very different ways from each other and from me. My husband gets a thrill from talking in front of large audiences, but then he needs a couple days to do his own thing at home. He enjoys teaching and talking with people at work, but when he comes home, he needs some down time before interacting with my son and I. My son loves his friends. He plays with someone nearly every day. He can be the life of the gathering, full of humour and goodwill. When he is done, he is done. We need to go right home so that he can recharge. He prefers only one one-on-one social activity per day, and only one or two large group activities per week.
There have been times when someone will stop by to play with Ethan and he will say he is not up for playing at that time. I used to do that. At my wedding, a friend stood up and talked about how "odd" I was that way. Of course, she has been my friend for 35 years, despite my oddness ;-) She is very extroverted.
I have often worried a bit about Ethan. I worried that I was having a negative influence on him because of my own perceived "odd" ways. Through reading along in this particular discussion, it has been a great relief to understand better that how I am socially is not something I need to feel guilty or awkward about. It is a great relief largely because that will mean that my son will (hopefully) be more free from the inner voices telling him he isn't good enough than I have been. Introvert, extrovert, or anything in between, this has been a wonderful discussion on personalities and their different strengths and characteristics. I am truly thankful.
[email protected]
Karen, I so appreciate you writing about your family. Mine is similar; my husband, my daughter and I are all introverts in different ways. Ross is also a great speaker and instructor, but he had to overcome his shyness to do it. He, too, needs a good deal of down time after his engagements. He has a fancy pair of noise-cancelling headphones he wears on planes. Mostly it's to listen to music, but they're also to give people next to him a clue that he doesn't want to talk, can't talk, in fact. Doesn't stop some people from pestering him, though :-).
My daughter prefers one-on-one friendships, but can hang out in a small group. At conferences, she spends most of the time in the room with friends or outside wandering. Not a large group person and definitely cannot be found on teen panels or group discussions. Much of her connection with people is on-line. She's maintained a cohesive circle of friends from WoW and Pokemon for years, and has made a new in-person friendship every couple of years at our local conference.
I am social, but need to get alone time, even in my own house full of introverts! I often wonder how I manage conferences! I try to have a job that I can concentrate on, because to sit and chat with people for 5 days would be way too much for me. I need to be busy to get my quiet time, if that makes sense. We still go to conferences because Senna's friends are going and she can connect in person. If there weren't anyone she wanted to see, I doubt we'd go.
I dance hula and am involved in a halau (hula school). There are times when I know my hula sisters don't understand me (I *am* the 20% <g>) and want me to be different. I've been called out because I sometimes have to hold myself apart to process what's going on and not join in the socializing in the way they want me to. When I need some time to think, I don't want to be followed and talked at. I'm a hard worker, though, and am valued for it by my kumu (teacher). I collect the money for the costume fund; I vacuum the halau floor; I reorganize the paper plates and utensils; I take the recycling home; I have a good memory for detail and I am curious about the culture and language and actively seek out information in a way that others don't. But it just seems weird to the rest of them.
Although I agree with Pam that there probably aren't just two categories, period, I've found that a couple extroverted-tendency friends are more likely to think there's something wrong with me. Maybe it's easier to dismiss me as strange because I'm in the minority :-)
I've kept an article, written some years ago, now online, from The Atlantic. It's a humor piece - kind of a primer on what to do and what not to do with family and friends who have introverted tendencies. It's helped me feel not so alone and weird, because the author addressed some real issues. I'm not sure it's appropriate for this list, though. If anyone wants the link, please email me privately.
I wonder if different cultures/countries have different percentages of introverts/extroverts from the 80/20 split here? Do some cultures value one trait over another? I'm Canadian as well, and in addition to being overly polite <g>, I think we, as a country, tend towards introversion. Honestly, I'm sure it was part of the culture shock I felt when I moved to the U.S.
Robin B.
My daughter prefers one-on-one friendships, but can hang out in a small group. At conferences, she spends most of the time in the room with friends or outside wandering. Not a large group person and definitely cannot be found on teen panels or group discussions. Much of her connection with people is on-line. She's maintained a cohesive circle of friends from WoW and Pokemon for years, and has made a new in-person friendship every couple of years at our local conference.
I am social, but need to get alone time, even in my own house full of introverts! I often wonder how I manage conferences! I try to have a job that I can concentrate on, because to sit and chat with people for 5 days would be way too much for me. I need to be busy to get my quiet time, if that makes sense. We still go to conferences because Senna's friends are going and she can connect in person. If there weren't anyone she wanted to see, I doubt we'd go.
I dance hula and am involved in a halau (hula school). There are times when I know my hula sisters don't understand me (I *am* the 20% <g>) and want me to be different. I've been called out because I sometimes have to hold myself apart to process what's going on and not join in the socializing in the way they want me to. When I need some time to think, I don't want to be followed and talked at. I'm a hard worker, though, and am valued for it by my kumu (teacher). I collect the money for the costume fund; I vacuum the halau floor; I reorganize the paper plates and utensils; I take the recycling home; I have a good memory for detail and I am curious about the culture and language and actively seek out information in a way that others don't. But it just seems weird to the rest of them.
Although I agree with Pam that there probably aren't just two categories, period, I've found that a couple extroverted-tendency friends are more likely to think there's something wrong with me. Maybe it's easier to dismiss me as strange because I'm in the minority :-)
I've kept an article, written some years ago, now online, from The Atlantic. It's a humor piece - kind of a primer on what to do and what not to do with family and friends who have introverted tendencies. It's helped me feel not so alone and weird, because the author addressed some real issues. I'm not sure it's appropriate for this list, though. If anyone wants the link, please email me privately.
I wonder if different cultures/countries have different percentages of introverts/extroverts from the 80/20 split here? Do some cultures value one trait over another? I'm Canadian as well, and in addition to being overly polite <g>, I think we, as a country, tend towards introversion. Honestly, I'm sure it was part of the culture shock I felt when I moved to the U.S.
Robin B.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Karen" <semajrak@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, August 17, 2012 9:02:42 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Introverts
> -=-I don't buy that there are two categories of people ..-=-
>
> Good point, and it's one aspect of personality. But it's one that's often over simplified and called "shy."
>
> There's a range of "out" that people like, and even one person will go through phases of wanting to be out more, or wanting some hours or days or weeks of staying home.
>
> Understanding the extremes a little better, and accepting that there advantages, though, is good.
>
> Stereotypes are usually exaggerations of something that exists.
I used to get picked on quite a bit in school for the way I acted. I was shy, yes, but more than that, I needed time away from people to enjoy people more, and I needed less people at one time. I didn't know that then, and I bought the accusations that I was "stuck up" or "too good for everyone" or "a snob." Those labels were very painful because I have a deep inner love for people. I believe in the inherent goodness in most people. And, I wanted people to like me the way I was. I was doing the best I could.
Understanding that there isn't necessarily something wrong with me, is helpful, not only for me, but for my ability to support my husband and son, who are both introverts as well. They are both introverts in very different ways from each other and from me. My husband gets a thrill from talking in front of large audiences, but then he needs a couple days to do his own thing at home. He enjoys teaching and talking with people at work, but when he comes home, he needs some down time before interacting with my son and I. My son loves his friends. He plays with someone nearly every day. He can be the life of the gathering, full of humour and goodwill. When he is done, he is done. We need to go right home so that he can recharge. He prefers only one one-on-one social activity per day, and only one or two large group activities per week.
There have been times when someone will stop by to play with Ethan and he will say he is not up for playing at that time. I used to do that. At my wedding, a friend stood up and talked about how "odd" I was that way. Of course, she has been my friend for 35 years, despite my oddness ;-) She is very extroverted.
I have often worried a bit about Ethan. I worried that I was having a negative influence on him because of my own perceived "odd" ways. Through reading along in this particular discussion, it has been a great relief to understand better that how I am socially is not something I need to feel guilty or awkward about. It is a great relief largely because that will mean that my son will (hopefully) be more free from the inner voices telling him he isn't good enough than I have been. Introvert, extrovert, or anything in between, this has been a wonderful discussion on personalities and their different strengths and characteristics. I am truly thankful.
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I'd also like to recommend Susan Cain's book and her TEDTalk on her site:
http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/about-the-book/
Robin B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/about-the-book/
Robin B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Here's an article about the article in The Atlantic. :-)
http://www.patrickcooper.com/2010/08/the-most-popular-article-about-introverts-ever-written.html
http://www.patrickcooper.com/2010/08/the-most-popular-article-about-introverts-ever-written.html
Robin Bentley
Which has the link to the article imbedded :-)
On Aug 17, 2012, at 11:29 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
> Here's an article about the article in The Atlantic. :-)
>
> http://www.patrickcooper.com/2010/08/the-most-popular-article-about-introverts-ever-written.html
>
Sandra Dodd
I'll probably add to this over the coming years, but here's the beginning of a new little section on introverts.
http://sandradodd.com/introvert
Sandra
http://sandradodd.com/introvert
Sandra
keetry
== I used to get picked on quite a bit in school for the way I acted. I was shy, yes, but more than that, I needed time away from people to enjoy people more, and I needed less people at one time. I didn't know that then, and I bought the accusations that I was "stuck up" or "too good for everyone" or "a snob." Those labels were very painful because I have a deep inner love for people. I believe in the inherent goodness in most people. And, I wanted people to like me the way I was. I was doing the best I could.==
One of the things we were supposed to do in that workshop I mentioned was to come up with a slogan for our group/personality types. Mine was, "Just because I need time to myself doesn't mean I don't like you."
I came up with that because I got that same reaction. It was and is painful when people think I'm a snob because I'm not very chatty or always up for doing a group thing.
Alysia
One of the things we were supposed to do in that workshop I mentioned was to come up with a slogan for our group/personality types. Mine was, "Just because I need time to myself doesn't mean I don't like you."
I came up with that because I got that same reaction. It was and is painful when people think I'm a snob because I'm not very chatty or always up for doing a group thing.
Alysia
Lesa Owens
------------------------------
On Fri, Aug 17, 2012 12:28
*** "Just because I need time to myself doesn't mean I don't like you." ***
I need to put that on a shirt and wear it when I go to my Mom's on holidays. I end up dragging myself over there. Its not like I am responsible for any of the cooking or bringing snacks. I don't help clean up either, my sisters in law do that. Its just the mental prep that I go through in order to be ready. I find myself thinking of all the people who are gonna be there. The noise from all the kids. The tvs blaring in every room of the house. The fact that I wont be able to get alone and have peace and quiet. Even though its family I can only takes about 2-3 hours and then I'm ready to go. My daughter is the same but she like I stays all day and tries to go off on her own which for her could be the inevitable grocery store run. My two sons love every noisy minute of it. When I say its time to go they want to stay longer.
I'm always being told by my brothers that I'm different because I don't jump at the chance to socialize with family. That shirt would say it all~:)
On Fri, Aug 17, 2012 12:28
*** "Just because I need time to myself doesn't mean I don't like you." ***
I need to put that on a shirt and wear it when I go to my Mom's on holidays. I end up dragging myself over there. Its not like I am responsible for any of the cooking or bringing snacks. I don't help clean up either, my sisters in law do that. Its just the mental prep that I go through in order to be ready. I find myself thinking of all the people who are gonna be there. The noise from all the kids. The tvs blaring in every room of the house. The fact that I wont be able to get alone and have peace and quiet. Even though its family I can only takes about 2-3 hours and then I'm ready to go. My daughter is the same but she like I stays all day and tries to go off on her own which for her could be the inevitable grocery store run. My two sons love every noisy minute of it. When I say its time to go they want to stay longer.
I'm always being told by my brothers that I'm different because I don't jump at the chance to socialize with family. That shirt would say it all~:)
Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 17, 2012, at 2:11 PM, robin.bentley@... wrote:
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I'd also like to recommend Susan Cain's book and her TEDTalk on her site:Carl just read Susan Cain's book and loved it. He had said it should be required reading for everyone :-) He totally gets himself now :-)
>
> http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/about-the-book/
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]