vrsjadams

How do you handle your teen as the become more and more independent? Our family is in a financial situation where we are not able to pay for our teens extra curricular activities and our teens are bartering/volunteering for the opportunities to participate in these activities. This is a blessing for them especially since theatre is one of my teen's passion. Since my son is spending a lot of time at the theatre, between the performances, other families let him come along with them to restaurants and ice cream places afterwards. We do not have the money to pay for all the times that his friends and their families go out to eat. Therefore, he goes along just to hang out with the group, and then someone seems to always pay for him to eat. I usually do not go along since I can't purchase anything either. I feel like I am losing my son to all of his friends since I can't give him what they can give him. He would rather be with them that with our family. Any suggestions on how to handle/deal with this?

Meredith

"vrsjadams" <vrsjadams@...> wrote:
>
>I feel like I am losing my son to all of his friends since I can't give him what they can give him. He would rather be with them that with our family. Any suggestions on how to handle/deal with this?
**************

It might help to see it as a good thing, rather than something you need to "handle". He's doing things he loves to do and connecting with other people who share his passions - that's great! He's growing up and spreading his wings a little. It's scary, sure, but let it be a good kind of scary, an excited-about-the-future kind of scary.

>>Our family is in a financial situation where we are not able to pay

Are you concerned that he's exploiting others' good-natured willingness to buy things for him? More likely it's a case of people wanting him to feel included, especially if he's being clear that he can't pay on his own.

---Meredith

Sandra Dodd

-=- Since my son is spending a lot of time at the theatre, between the performances, other families let him come along with them to restaurants and ice cream places afterwards. We do not have the money to pay for all the times that his friends and their families go out to eat.-=-

There were a couple of situations when a friend of my boys (usually of both of them) didn't have as much money as we did and we included them.

In each case, when that boy got older and had a job, he would treat others generously.

Marty had a job for a couple of years and would treat friends. Then he was employed for a while, and was able to graciously accept their assistance when they went out to eat because he hadn't been counting coins in earlier years but was saying "no problem, I can get this."

I wouldn't worry much. When you do have some money, though, let him take some.

-=-. I feel like I am losing my son to all of his friends since I can't give him what they can give him. He would rather be with them that with our family. Any suggestions on how to handle/deal with this?
-=-

Graciously.
With gratitude.

How can you "lose him" when you know where he is and he's with people who like him and are providing him opportunities?

If your emotion is jealousy or embarrassment, try to see it another way. If his unschooling involves theatre and friends, then he's learning and being kept happy and safe.

I doubt you want to limit him or draw him back into a less stimulating situation.

If it seems he would rather be with other families than at home, it's possible that it's not about money so much as it's about the tone and mood. Be happy for him! Be sweet and welcoming and not fearful or resentful, if you can be.

Sandra

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Pam Sorooshian

I have a theater kid (grown up now at 24). I used to go a lot after
performances and hang out and go to restaurants and ice cream places, too.
You don't have to eat to go sit with them and have fun. I'd have a glass or
water or a cup of tea, quite often.

Also - the camaraderie that can grow in theater is amazing and your son is
lucky to experience it. Theater people are the only other group I know of
that is as accepting of diversity and individuality as unschoolers.

Question: if he was into mathematics or physics, would you find the money
to spend on math textbooks? They are very expensive. Could you consider
spending at least that much on allowing him to go out with his theater
friends? Maybe he could just order a desert or some kind of lower cost
food.

You really can't buy the kind of wonderful social life that theater offers
- and going out after rehearsals and performances is really quite integral
to that life.

-pam

On Tue, Jul 17, 2012 at 11:23 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> -=- Since my son is spending a lot of time at the theatre, between the
> performances, other families let him come along with them to restaurants
> and ice cream places afterwards. We do not have the money to pay for all
> the times that his friends and their families go out to eat.-=-
>


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Sandra Dodd

-=-How do you handle your teen as the become more and more independent? -=-

I never "handled" my teens.
The answer to your question, I think, will depend on your relationship up to this point. And

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