OP here from kids staying up all night
Liz
Thank you all for your thoughts about my kids staying up all night. I'm letting it all sink in.
I was looking at them staying up all night like a treat they were deprived of for so long because of our past schooling and even homeschooling "schedules". It started slowly. I stopped saying things like "it's bedtime" months ago. Then they started staying up a bit after I went up - like when I'd go up to get ready for bed, they'd stay downstairs until I was ready to jump in bed, then I'd tell them to come up. Then they'd say "please, a 1/2 hour more", and finally it's come to them staying up all night, which I was trying to view as a 'summer vacation' type of indulgence.
Looking at it through my post and all the responses, it's clearly not working for everyone in my house.
How do you other parents get your kids to bed? Mine just don't want to go. Son is usually in the middle of a video game, and daughter is either watching a show or gaming on the computer.
As a little bedtime background, we've always had a family bed. My daughter started sleeping on her own 2 years ago, and is fiercely independent in her sleeping now (doesn't even want to share a bed w/ anyone on vacation). She goes in her room and shuts the door. My son still sleeps w/ hubby or I (I've taken to sleeping in my son's room because the 3 of us could no longer comfortably fit in our King bed). So son bounces back and forth between his dad and I (hubby and I are both totally comfortable w/ this arrangement). When someone sleeps over, son sleeps alone in his room (because he'd be embarrassed), but that's the only time he wants to. Otherwise he's scared, or simply enjoys the closeness to us.
So, daughter can go in her room at a reasonable time, but she'll still stay up all night. Son will come into bed w/ one of us, and eventually fall asleep. This may sound like a stupid question, but would you simple say "lights out" (except for maybe a reading light), and that's it?
They used to say to me "but WHY do we have to go to bed now? Do we have something planned tomorrow?" (which we usually didn't). I truthfully couldn't come up w/ a good answer, besides "dad's more comfortable w/ you guys having a bedtime, because that's how he was raised". I guess it's gotten out of hand now though. When I say to them "you're too loud", the response is always "we'll be quieter!", which they're actually doing better w/ the past few days, because I've given better reminders right before I go up to bed. Just asking the question on this list has helped me think a little more clearly about it all.
I was looking at them staying up all night like a treat they were deprived of for so long because of our past schooling and even homeschooling "schedules". It started slowly. I stopped saying things like "it's bedtime" months ago. Then they started staying up a bit after I went up - like when I'd go up to get ready for bed, they'd stay downstairs until I was ready to jump in bed, then I'd tell them to come up. Then they'd say "please, a 1/2 hour more", and finally it's come to them staying up all night, which I was trying to view as a 'summer vacation' type of indulgence.
Looking at it through my post and all the responses, it's clearly not working for everyone in my house.
How do you other parents get your kids to bed? Mine just don't want to go. Son is usually in the middle of a video game, and daughter is either watching a show or gaming on the computer.
As a little bedtime background, we've always had a family bed. My daughter started sleeping on her own 2 years ago, and is fiercely independent in her sleeping now (doesn't even want to share a bed w/ anyone on vacation). She goes in her room and shuts the door. My son still sleeps w/ hubby or I (I've taken to sleeping in my son's room because the 3 of us could no longer comfortably fit in our King bed). So son bounces back and forth between his dad and I (hubby and I are both totally comfortable w/ this arrangement). When someone sleeps over, son sleeps alone in his room (because he'd be embarrassed), but that's the only time he wants to. Otherwise he's scared, or simply enjoys the closeness to us.
So, daughter can go in her room at a reasonable time, but she'll still stay up all night. Son will come into bed w/ one of us, and eventually fall asleep. This may sound like a stupid question, but would you simple say "lights out" (except for maybe a reading light), and that's it?
They used to say to me "but WHY do we have to go to bed now? Do we have something planned tomorrow?" (which we usually didn't). I truthfully couldn't come up w/ a good answer, besides "dad's more comfortable w/ you guys having a bedtime, because that's how he was raised". I guess it's gotten out of hand now though. When I say to them "you're too loud", the response is always "we'll be quieter!", which they're actually doing better w/ the past few days, because I've given better reminders right before I go up to bed. Just asking the question on this list has helped me think a little more clearly about it all.
Rachel
===I was looking at them staying up all night like a treat they were
deprived of for so long because of our past schooling and even
homeschooling "schedules". It started slowly. I stopped saying things like
"it's bedtime" months ago. Then they started staying up a bit after I went
up - like when I'd go up to get ready for bed, they'd stay downstairs until
I was ready to jump in bed, then I'd tell them to come up. Then they'd say
"please, a 1/2 hour more", and finally it's come to them staying up all
night, which I was trying to view as a 'summer vacation' type of
indulgence.===
Although going slow is very sound advice, you also have to be careful of
another problem that happens with going slow and not really explaining
things. Right now your kids don't really know why you are saying yes to
them staying up later than usual (do you even know why you are saying
yes?). They may very well be waiting for the day when the hammer drops and
this gets taken away. So instead of listening to their bodies, they are
trying to stay up as late as possible, for as many nights as possible,
until they lose the ability to do so. Since you describe this as a
"'Summer vacation' indulgence" it seems that your own mind set is also one
where it may be taken away or end at some point. Perhaps a quick talk with
them about the fact that they will always have this option and that they
don't have to worry about it going away would help. Maybe also explaining
to them the reason behind it if they are in a mood to listen. If you don't
have a good reason right now, be sure to read some older posts on here,
there are lots of great discussions about this topic. Perhaps by talking
to them about it, they will no longer have that feeling that they must
hoard these late nights before they are gone.
Rachel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
deprived of for so long because of our past schooling and even
homeschooling "schedules". It started slowly. I stopped saying things like
"it's bedtime" months ago. Then they started staying up a bit after I went
up - like when I'd go up to get ready for bed, they'd stay downstairs until
I was ready to jump in bed, then I'd tell them to come up. Then they'd say
"please, a 1/2 hour more", and finally it's come to them staying up all
night, which I was trying to view as a 'summer vacation' type of
indulgence.===
Although going slow is very sound advice, you also have to be careful of
another problem that happens with going slow and not really explaining
things. Right now your kids don't really know why you are saying yes to
them staying up later than usual (do you even know why you are saying
yes?). They may very well be waiting for the day when the hammer drops and
this gets taken away. So instead of listening to their bodies, they are
trying to stay up as late as possible, for as many nights as possible,
until they lose the ability to do so. Since you describe this as a
"'Summer vacation' indulgence" it seems that your own mind set is also one
where it may be taken away or end at some point. Perhaps a quick talk with
them about the fact that they will always have this option and that they
don't have to worry about it going away would help. Maybe also explaining
to them the reason behind it if they are in a mood to listen. If you don't
have a good reason right now, be sure to read some older posts on here,
there are lots of great discussions about this topic. Perhaps by talking
to them about it, they will no longer have that feeling that they must
hoard these late nights before they are gone.
Rachel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sadie Bugni
We usually use the term quiet time. The kids understand that some
activities work well when others are sleeping, some not so much.
Their rooms have TVs, video games, netflix, books and legos that all seem
to work well at night. We also have a family bed, and when they are ready,
they come lay in our room where a TV is usually still on (or they can sleep
in their own rooms).
They try to be quiet in the common areas of the house and we keep easy
snacks for late night snacks. All in all this works well for us, and I
should mention that we have 11 kids at home. That being said, some like to
go to sleep earlier, some later, and we really try to meet everyone's
needs. When we need to be up early the next morning, no one really objects
to an earlier quiet time because they know there is a purpose behind it.
So i guess my suggestion would be to make sure everyone has their own fun
space to still be up, but not disturbing others.
Gook luck!
Sadie Bugni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
activities work well when others are sleeping, some not so much.
Their rooms have TVs, video games, netflix, books and legos that all seem
to work well at night. We also have a family bed, and when they are ready,
they come lay in our room where a TV is usually still on (or they can sleep
in their own rooms).
They try to be quiet in the common areas of the house and we keep easy
snacks for late night snacks. All in all this works well for us, and I
should mention that we have 11 kids at home. That being said, some like to
go to sleep earlier, some later, and we really try to meet everyone's
needs. When we need to be up early the next morning, no one really objects
to an earlier quiet time because they know there is a purpose behind it.
So i guess my suggestion would be to make sure everyone has their own fun
space to still be up, but not disturbing others.
Gook luck!
Sadie Bugni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-How do you other parents get your kids to bed? Mine just don't want to go. Son is usually in the middle of a video game, and daughter is either watching a show or gaming on the computer.-=-
Don't ask them to go when they're in the middle of a game. Work backwards from the time you want them to go to bed. Find winding-down routines that have to do with sleepiness and quiet time rather than the clock. Not having an *arbitrary* bedtime is good. Having times that it makes sense to go to bed for real, sensible reasons is not bad, and it's fairly necessary with younger children and small houses and a parent who needs to get up early and go to work to Pay for that small house and this unschooling.
Sleep is more important than anyone's imagined "right" to stay up. Please don't confuse choices and options with "rights."
Each person in the house, whether an infant or a grandparent or an eighteen year old should have a quiet place to sleep if possible, and a dark place, and an undisturbed stretch of time. That should take precedence over gaming and playing and movies, and any noise that comes along with or from those.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Don't ask them to go when they're in the middle of a game. Work backwards from the time you want them to go to bed. Find winding-down routines that have to do with sleepiness and quiet time rather than the clock. Not having an *arbitrary* bedtime is good. Having times that it makes sense to go to bed for real, sensible reasons is not bad, and it's fairly necessary with younger children and small houses and a parent who needs to get up early and go to work to Pay for that small house and this unschooling.
Sleep is more important than anyone's imagined "right" to stay up. Please don't confuse choices and options with "rights."
Each person in the house, whether an infant or a grandparent or an eighteen year old should have a quiet place to sleep if possible, and a dark place, and an undisturbed stretch of time. That should take precedence over gaming and playing and movies, and any noise that comes along with or from those.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
My son is the one with a rotating schedule kind of like Robyn's daughter Jayn. So yes, suSo. We do not use any terms as quiet time or such. |Simply put dad waked up everyday of the year, yes every singe day, at 430 to work.|He also has to check cows in labor or sick animals in the middle of the night.
So we need to keep it quiet so he can get some rest.
Dad likes to sleep downstairs and we stay upstairs. |MD, 10 years old, likes to go get snacks and drinks so we are now thinking in giving him his on college size refrigerator for snacks and drinks, not because of noise per se but because we think it will be nice top him and to dad too.
He also helps dad get up in the middle of the night for checks, and it is great that he helps with that. He even goes out with dad in the middle of the night many times!| Since his schedule rotates, sometimes he is the one early in bed and early up.
|So yes I simply tell my soon he cannot stay up if he is going to make noise and wake up the people that need sleep, specially dad. |He is pretty good about it. Getting better as he gets older.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
So we need to keep it quiet so he can get some rest.
Dad likes to sleep downstairs and we stay upstairs. |MD, 10 years old, likes to go get snacks and drinks so we are now thinking in giving him his on college size refrigerator for snacks and drinks, not because of noise per se but because we think it will be nice top him and to dad too.
He also helps dad get up in the middle of the night for checks, and it is great that he helps with that. He even goes out with dad in the middle of the night many times!| Since his schedule rotates, sometimes he is the one early in bed and early up.
|So yes I simply tell my soon he cannot stay up if he is going to make noise and wake up the people that need sleep, specially dad. |He is pretty good about it. Getting better as he gets older.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- I simply tell my soon he cannot stay up if he is going to make noise and wake up the people that need sleep, specially dad. |He is pretty good about it. Getting better as he gets older.-=-
Same at my house. If I had to get up and ask them to be quiet, sometimes I would suggest another activity (and it wasn't really "a suggestion" at that point, it was the last-chance option), or depending how late or how loud, I might ask them to just go to bed. If I had to get up twice I'd say "Go to bed." And they would. Because they knew that the deal from the beginning was go to bed when we did, or stay up so quietly that they didn't disturb anyone.
They're good about keeping their deals because we have kept our deals with them.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Same at my house. If I had to get up and ask them to be quiet, sometimes I would suggest another activity (and it wasn't really "a suggestion" at that point, it was the last-chance option), or depending how late or how loud, I might ask them to just go to bed. If I had to get up twice I'd say "Go to bed." And they would. Because they knew that the deal from the beginning was go to bed when we did, or stay up so quietly that they didn't disturb anyone.
They're good about keeping their deals because we have kept our deals with them.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]