therapy groups for kids and teens
Jenny C
This is a hot topic for me personally. I've done hours and hours of
research on this in the past.
The conclusion I came to was that parents could avoid ALL of it if they
took even a moment and did some critical thinking and analysis of their
own personal dynamic they have with their kids.
It is incredibly common to find problems with kids and teens. It's also
incredibly disheartening when I see it and hear it and read about it.
If a parent can really see what the problem is and recognize that it is
generally their own perception that even makes it a problem to begin
with, they will be one step closer to making better parenting choices.
Kids react to their environment. Sometimes their reactions aren't
great, sometimes they are terrible and have terrible consequences, like
running away from home, or over using drugs or alcohol. The fact that
they are reacting to their environment says everything that needs to be
said. It is up to the parents to change that environment whether their
kids are in school or out. It isn't up to the kids to change their
reactions to their environment, unless of course you want kids to put up
and shut up in life.
I don't know many parents who want their kids to mindlessly follow
orders. Most parents, even the ones who expect this of their own kids
in regards to their own rules, admittedly don't want that for their
kids. They simply don't see themselves as training their kids to do
just exactly that. If you've intentionally or unintentionally created
an environment that makes your kids miserable, do you really want them
to simply adjust with that and accept it?
I know I don't want that for my kids. I don't want my kids to EVER be
in a situation that makes them miserable and uncomfortable and not see a
way out. Parents are the most influential part of a kids life. If
parents enforce this of their kids, the kids will accept it as normal.
If parents allow kids to have hundreds of choices and work really hard
at creating a life for their children in which kids can safely express
their likes and dislikes and truly have a choice, they won't be nearly
as accepting of things that make them terribly unhappy.
How does any of this relate to video games?
Here's an excerpt from that health group:
****************************************Top 5 Signs You Need Help With
Gaming or Internet Addiction
Do you or someone you know spend too much time playing video or computer
games or going online? Here are some ways to tell if you need to ask for
help:
1. You feel really happy when you're online or when you're playing
games, but as soon as you have to stop, you get angry or upset.
2. You think about going online or playing when you are supposed to
be focusing on other things, like doing school work or having dinner
with your family.
3. You spend more time with your keyboard or controller than
physically hanging out with your friends.
4. Your friends or parents ask what you spend all your time doing,
and you lie about it or laugh it off, but inside you know they may have
a point.
5. You get up in the middle of the night to check your e-mail or your
MySpace comments because you're having a hard time sleeping.
*************************************
I don't know how other people feel, but if I'm happily playing a game or
happily online doing something I see as important and awesome, "yes", I
do feel upset if I'm pulled away from that. Since I have kids, I do get
pulled away and I've learned how to do that happily and I've learned how
to make my time online not interfere with their time needed of me.
Sometimes I think about being online or playing when I'm supposed to be
doing other things, but you know what, it's normal to think about doing
other things if you are engaged in something you don't necessarily want
to do. I can see how school work would fall into that category.
Spending more time with keyboards and controllers over friends. Well,
this is incredibly outdated! One can truly have both at the same time.
If someone were constantly measuring my time and then judging whether or
not my activities were worthy ones, I'd likely hide my activities too.
That's a normal human reaction to being measured and judged by others
when what they are measuring and judging is something the one doing that
measuring and judging has decided is negative and unworthy.
Also, yes, if I'm having a hard time sleeping, then I will definitely do
something other than just lie there!
The "signs" of addiction are only signs of addiction in that someone has
deemed the activity negative and unworthy. Would someone say these
things of another if it applied to sports or music or art or science?
I want my kids to know without any doubts, that I will support their
passions. It took me a while to really understand my older daughter's
love of horror and gory things, but when I could find a way to at the
very least revel in her joy of it, everything in our life was just that
much better.
One time Schuyler gave a talk on TV at an unschooling conference. A mom
stood up at the end, during the question and answer part, and said flat
out that she could NEVER support her son watching horror movies because
she didn't like them. I thought how sad that was, how much that mom was
going to miss out of something really fascinating because she didn't
want to support her kid in something he loved simply because she didn't.
One of the very best things about unschooling is how it has opened up my
world, how many things I have learned because of my kids, things I would
never have learned about otherwise. As unschooling parents we can shut
a kids world just a tiny bit or we can open it up. We can fear
addiction and millions of other things, or we can let that go and really
see the beauty in what our kids love.
My oldest daughter is 18 and I've seen many different styles of
parenting. Without a doubt, the ones who supported their kids, are the
ones who still have decent relationships with their kids. The ones who
didn't, the outcomes have been horrendous, lots of damaged kids growing
straight into adulthood with wounded souls, unable to eliminate their
baggage and it had everything to do with how their parents didn't honor
those kids. I know I've shared this before, but I'll say it again.
This is from my dad.... In any given moment you can either bless or
curse your children but you can't do both at the same time.
Giving your kids the ability to enjoy their passions, whatever they may
be, is a blessing. Denying them is a little curse.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
research on this in the past.
The conclusion I came to was that parents could avoid ALL of it if they
took even a moment and did some critical thinking and analysis of their
own personal dynamic they have with their kids.
It is incredibly common to find problems with kids and teens. It's also
incredibly disheartening when I see it and hear it and read about it.
If a parent can really see what the problem is and recognize that it is
generally their own perception that even makes it a problem to begin
with, they will be one step closer to making better parenting choices.
Kids react to their environment. Sometimes their reactions aren't
great, sometimes they are terrible and have terrible consequences, like
running away from home, or over using drugs or alcohol. The fact that
they are reacting to their environment says everything that needs to be
said. It is up to the parents to change that environment whether their
kids are in school or out. It isn't up to the kids to change their
reactions to their environment, unless of course you want kids to put up
and shut up in life.
I don't know many parents who want their kids to mindlessly follow
orders. Most parents, even the ones who expect this of their own kids
in regards to their own rules, admittedly don't want that for their
kids. They simply don't see themselves as training their kids to do
just exactly that. If you've intentionally or unintentionally created
an environment that makes your kids miserable, do you really want them
to simply adjust with that and accept it?
I know I don't want that for my kids. I don't want my kids to EVER be
in a situation that makes them miserable and uncomfortable and not see a
way out. Parents are the most influential part of a kids life. If
parents enforce this of their kids, the kids will accept it as normal.
If parents allow kids to have hundreds of choices and work really hard
at creating a life for their children in which kids can safely express
their likes and dislikes and truly have a choice, they won't be nearly
as accepting of things that make them terribly unhappy.
How does any of this relate to video games?
Here's an excerpt from that health group:
****************************************Top 5 Signs You Need Help With
Gaming or Internet Addiction
Do you or someone you know spend too much time playing video or computer
games or going online? Here are some ways to tell if you need to ask for
help:
1. You feel really happy when you're online or when you're playing
games, but as soon as you have to stop, you get angry or upset.
2. You think about going online or playing when you are supposed to
be focusing on other things, like doing school work or having dinner
with your family.
3. You spend more time with your keyboard or controller than
physically hanging out with your friends.
4. Your friends or parents ask what you spend all your time doing,
and you lie about it or laugh it off, but inside you know they may have
a point.
5. You get up in the middle of the night to check your e-mail or your
MySpace comments because you're having a hard time sleeping.
*************************************
I don't know how other people feel, but if I'm happily playing a game or
happily online doing something I see as important and awesome, "yes", I
do feel upset if I'm pulled away from that. Since I have kids, I do get
pulled away and I've learned how to do that happily and I've learned how
to make my time online not interfere with their time needed of me.
Sometimes I think about being online or playing when I'm supposed to be
doing other things, but you know what, it's normal to think about doing
other things if you are engaged in something you don't necessarily want
to do. I can see how school work would fall into that category.
Spending more time with keyboards and controllers over friends. Well,
this is incredibly outdated! One can truly have both at the same time.
If someone were constantly measuring my time and then judging whether or
not my activities were worthy ones, I'd likely hide my activities too.
That's a normal human reaction to being measured and judged by others
when what they are measuring and judging is something the one doing that
measuring and judging has decided is negative and unworthy.
Also, yes, if I'm having a hard time sleeping, then I will definitely do
something other than just lie there!
The "signs" of addiction are only signs of addiction in that someone has
deemed the activity negative and unworthy. Would someone say these
things of another if it applied to sports or music or art or science?
I want my kids to know without any doubts, that I will support their
passions. It took me a while to really understand my older daughter's
love of horror and gory things, but when I could find a way to at the
very least revel in her joy of it, everything in our life was just that
much better.
One time Schuyler gave a talk on TV at an unschooling conference. A mom
stood up at the end, during the question and answer part, and said flat
out that she could NEVER support her son watching horror movies because
she didn't like them. I thought how sad that was, how much that mom was
going to miss out of something really fascinating because she didn't
want to support her kid in something he loved simply because she didn't.
One of the very best things about unschooling is how it has opened up my
world, how many things I have learned because of my kids, things I would
never have learned about otherwise. As unschooling parents we can shut
a kids world just a tiny bit or we can open it up. We can fear
addiction and millions of other things, or we can let that go and really
see the beauty in what our kids love.
My oldest daughter is 18 and I've seen many different styles of
parenting. Without a doubt, the ones who supported their kids, are the
ones who still have decent relationships with their kids. The ones who
didn't, the outcomes have been horrendous, lots of damaged kids growing
straight into adulthood with wounded souls, unable to eliminate their
baggage and it had everything to do with how their parents didn't honor
those kids. I know I've shared this before, but I'll say it again.
This is from my dad.... In any given moment you can either bless or
curse your children but you can't do both at the same time.
Giving your kids the ability to enjoy their passions, whatever they may
be, is a blessing. Denying them is a little curse.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- The fact that
they are reacting to their environment says everything that needs to be
said. It is up to the parents to change that environment whether their
kids are in school or out. It isn't up to the kids to change their
reactions to their environment, unless of course you want kids to put up
and shut up in life.-=-
But there are environmental realities, and parents can help kids be happy with what they have to work with.
If parents become their children's partners, changing the environment and helping the kids have a realistic and peaceful perspective is part of creating a happy situation.
This, though, is spot on:
-=-If a parent can really see what the problem is and recognize that it is
generally their own perception that even makes it a problem to begin
with, they will be one step closer to making better parenting choices.-=-
Unschooling is about creating an environment in which natural learning can flourish. (I said that once in Arizona and Roxana Sorooshian wrote it down and showed it to me, and I've used it ever since. :-)
A parent can't expect to get the kinds of relationships those of us with older kids have without changing the environment (physical and emotional) in which they live when they're younger, and throughout.
I have seen some unschoolers not do a great job, but it's from being illogical or inattentive, of from there being a lot of negativity in the situation and the kids picking that up.
Negativity is crippling to curiosity, wonder and joy.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
they are reacting to their environment says everything that needs to be
said. It is up to the parents to change that environment whether their
kids are in school or out. It isn't up to the kids to change their
reactions to their environment, unless of course you want kids to put up
and shut up in life.-=-
But there are environmental realities, and parents can help kids be happy with what they have to work with.
If parents become their children's partners, changing the environment and helping the kids have a realistic and peaceful perspective is part of creating a happy situation.
This, though, is spot on:
-=-If a parent can really see what the problem is and recognize that it is
generally their own perception that even makes it a problem to begin
with, they will be one step closer to making better parenting choices.-=-
Unschooling is about creating an environment in which natural learning can flourish. (I said that once in Arizona and Roxana Sorooshian wrote it down and showed it to me, and I've used it ever since. :-)
A parent can't expect to get the kinds of relationships those of us with older kids have without changing the environment (physical and emotional) in which they live when they're younger, and throughout.
I have seen some unschoolers not do a great job, but it's from being illogical or inattentive, of from there being a lot of negativity in the situation and the kids picking that up.
Negativity is crippling to curiosity, wonder and joy.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]