Contemplating A Weekly Social Day
Miliana Johnson
My daughters, 4 & 6, have said the only thing they miss about school (having been out for about 2 weeks now) is playing with their school-friends.
I'm contemplating hosting a standing-invitation Monday social day at our home for their school- and other friends.
My goals are:
1. To provide the girls an opportunity to play with friends they already know (the school they attended isn't open on Mondays);
2. To provide an opportunity for other moms to be social and/or to have time to run errands or whatever;
3. To provide their friends the opportunity to explore nature and farm life;
4. To do activities that might be more fun with more kids, like hide and go seek or making a movie or play;
5. I enjoy having kids over - the way the dynamics change, the way I see my farm and my kids through other's perspectives - and I like most of the moms and would appreciate their company.
I don't want to do it immediately - I feel like we're all still on vacation and I want to give us all time to adjust to the new adventure - but I thought I'd ask you all for any ideas, comments, or concerns for me to consider.
Has anyone else here done something like this? How successful has it been? Any lessons you learned that I could learn from you?
Thanks in advance.
Aloha,
Miliana
I'm contemplating hosting a standing-invitation Monday social day at our home for their school- and other friends.
My goals are:
1. To provide the girls an opportunity to play with friends they already know (the school they attended isn't open on Mondays);
2. To provide an opportunity for other moms to be social and/or to have time to run errands or whatever;
3. To provide their friends the opportunity to explore nature and farm life;
4. To do activities that might be more fun with more kids, like hide and go seek or making a movie or play;
5. I enjoy having kids over - the way the dynamics change, the way I see my farm and my kids through other's perspectives - and I like most of the moms and would appreciate their company.
I don't want to do it immediately - I feel like we're all still on vacation and I want to give us all time to adjust to the new adventure - but I thought I'd ask you all for any ideas, comments, or concerns for me to consider.
Has anyone else here done something like this? How successful has it been? Any lessons you learned that I could learn from you?
Thanks in advance.
Aloha,
Miliana
dezignarob
=== My daughters, 4 & 6, have said the only thing they miss about school (having been out for about 2 weeks now) is playing with their school-friends.
The reasons why I would not do this are as follows. First it keeps you tied to school and school think and inevitable school conversations. It will be harder to deschool if you are surrounded on a regular basis by crowds of people who will, consciously or not, inevitably try to draw you back into schooly life. Instead, I would encourage you to find a local inclusive home schooling group with a park day for large group social interaction for your kids, like big group games. Arrive early and try to go very regularly to help establish the relationships.
Second, it kinda forces all the children to recreate the relationships and hierarchies from school. Is this what you want? A long time ago I was a boarder at school. I had good friends among the boarders. Then when I became a day student, those boarder friendships faded away very quickly and I found new friends among the day students - even though the boarders were still there in my class room. I think the commonality of experience changes who your friends are. Sometimes school friendships last forever, others don't.
Third, it can be stressful for kids to always have to be hosts, and may even become so for you. Every week in your home? I think you like the idea of a community, but your little kids may not need such a big one, so regularly. And there is something about neutral territory, like a park day.
Instead, invite individual friends or families over for playdates, including the moms (because they would want to come anyway with their little children, right), children that your kids like a lot, and see how those relationships advance in the absence of school. Your kids are very young. They probably don't need as many big groups of friends to play with.
We used to have a standing playdate once a week at our house. It worked great for about a year, then the odd thing would come up on the day, and we had other activities, and slowly we met less often, and our two kids drifted apart. They are still cordial, but now more like acquaintances than friends. And, other than a few awkward times when we parents were keener on reviving the relationship than our two girls were, it is just fine. Relationships do change.
We also used to have a standing park day small group on Dance Class day. Because there were multi-aged siblings taking different classes during the day, a group of families would meet at the park around the corner from dance class, and play in changing groups before and after the classes. It was great. Again, times change, and there was attrition, and now I don't know if the newer families with little kids keep up the tradition.
If you want to offer your farm as a kind of field trip destination, there are home schoolers who would equally jump at the chance as school groups. I would say special occasions, not every week for the whole class.
Another idea could be to host a 4H group. Your kids could participate or not depending on their desires as time goes on.
best wishes,
Robyn L. Coburn
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.robyncoburn.blogspot.com
>I wouldn't do something as big and all encompassing as this for several reasons, but I did do something smaller which I will get to momentarily.
> I'm contemplating hosting a standing-invitation Monday social day at our home for their school- and other friends.====
The reasons why I would not do this are as follows. First it keeps you tied to school and school think and inevitable school conversations. It will be harder to deschool if you are surrounded on a regular basis by crowds of people who will, consciously or not, inevitably try to draw you back into schooly life. Instead, I would encourage you to find a local inclusive home schooling group with a park day for large group social interaction for your kids, like big group games. Arrive early and try to go very regularly to help establish the relationships.
Second, it kinda forces all the children to recreate the relationships and hierarchies from school. Is this what you want? A long time ago I was a boarder at school. I had good friends among the boarders. Then when I became a day student, those boarder friendships faded away very quickly and I found new friends among the day students - even though the boarders were still there in my class room. I think the commonality of experience changes who your friends are. Sometimes school friendships last forever, others don't.
Third, it can be stressful for kids to always have to be hosts, and may even become so for you. Every week in your home? I think you like the idea of a community, but your little kids may not need such a big one, so regularly. And there is something about neutral territory, like a park day.
Instead, invite individual friends or families over for playdates, including the moms (because they would want to come anyway with their little children, right), children that your kids like a lot, and see how those relationships advance in the absence of school. Your kids are very young. They probably don't need as many big groups of friends to play with.
We used to have a standing playdate once a week at our house. It worked great for about a year, then the odd thing would come up on the day, and we had other activities, and slowly we met less often, and our two kids drifted apart. They are still cordial, but now more like acquaintances than friends. And, other than a few awkward times when we parents were keener on reviving the relationship than our two girls were, it is just fine. Relationships do change.
We also used to have a standing park day small group on Dance Class day. Because there were multi-aged siblings taking different classes during the day, a group of families would meet at the park around the corner from dance class, and play in changing groups before and after the classes. It was great. Again, times change, and there was attrition, and now I don't know if the newer families with little kids keep up the tradition.
If you want to offer your farm as a kind of field trip destination, there are home schoolers who would equally jump at the chance as school groups. I would say special occasions, not every week for the whole class.
Another idea could be to host a 4H group. Your kids could participate or not depending on their desires as time goes on.
best wishes,
Robyn L. Coburn
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.robyncoburn.blogspot.com
yelenakaplan
Hello,
We have been doing something similar at our house and it has worked out great! The best thing to do is think of boundaries first, then set up around those boundaries. I've had to consider the time frame, space availabilities, my kiddo's ability to handle a bunch of kids in their home, and finances.
We have a friend who used to open her house up to the local unschooling/homeschooling/neighborhood community and her house got ransacked by kids, toys were broken, parents chatted and didn't supervise their kids, and she spent a lot of money on supplies, money she had, but not all of us do ;). The driving force behind this was to create a community for her daughter but no one really reciprocated and only came to her house to use the space and resources. Also, her daughter was often stressed with that kind of commotion in her space.
So taking all the things I learned from her, I tweaked them to work at our house and provided a space for people to gather and do projects and have some clubs. I started slow, doing one club/activity at my house per month. Some months I pick it up a bit and do one or two a week depending on our energy level, but after 3 weeks of weekly activities, I always take at least a week long break to recoup and reevaluate. The one regular club we've started so far meets biweekly to prevent burnout. For the weekly activity (3 weeks in a row only) I pick an activity my daughter likes, pick a day and specific time, and posted to the group. The requirements to show up are:
1. RSVP so I know how many people are coming because my house really only fits up to 10 people without being crazy. So as soon as that many people reply and say they are coming, everyone else who replies after that is invited to the next gathering instead.
2. I send my physical address only to people who RSVP and not the whole yahoo group.
3. Whatever the activity, the folks involved bring their own materials to use and/or share. This actually works out great because for playdough day there were 3 kinds of different clay/dough to choose from and extra tools that we didn't have.
4. Keep the activity downstairs only with the option of extending the play outside if the kids aren't interested in the project at hand. The upstairs is off limits during these things (with exceptions of course, cuz if it's people we are comfortable with already, they are used to playing upstairs), but the kids can make a playdate and come play in the whole house at a later date.
5. I encourage people to bring snacks for their kiddos that they will eat.
The other considerations are:
1. I have been in the uncomfortable situation of telling someone not to come back with their child because my daughter was freaked out about having them in our house again. This is not something I want to have to do, but will do again if I feel it's needed, so far only once.
2. This one has proven most helpful: I either get a babysitter for my daughter who can go from enjoying herself with other children to complete freak out mode very quickly or set it up so my husband is home to do something with her if she's not enjoying the company any longer. Especially if i'm responsible for other children, which usually isn't the case cuz the parents come and are pretty involved, there has to be someone dedicated to my kids if/when they need a break. The commitment to the activity is mine, not theirs, at least at their current ages.
3. Also set up some grown-up clubs -- cooking club is my favorite at our house! Like minded people come from all over the place.
This is how we do it, it works great, not a ton of people ever show up, but the ones that do are just the right ones!
Another note: Some of our most valued friends are school kids and their families (we met them on our unschooling list, but they are in school either now or have always been), so I wouldn't write off your school group unless it's proving to be a problem. There are lots of attachment style parents whose kids are in the school system, but the families are very relaxed and fun, more so than some unschoolers I know. Slowly but surely the right people will stand out and the wrong ones will drop out of your lives.
Good luck!
Yelena
We have been doing something similar at our house and it has worked out great! The best thing to do is think of boundaries first, then set up around those boundaries. I've had to consider the time frame, space availabilities, my kiddo's ability to handle a bunch of kids in their home, and finances.
We have a friend who used to open her house up to the local unschooling/homeschooling/neighborhood community and her house got ransacked by kids, toys were broken, parents chatted and didn't supervise their kids, and she spent a lot of money on supplies, money she had, but not all of us do ;). The driving force behind this was to create a community for her daughter but no one really reciprocated and only came to her house to use the space and resources. Also, her daughter was often stressed with that kind of commotion in her space.
So taking all the things I learned from her, I tweaked them to work at our house and provided a space for people to gather and do projects and have some clubs. I started slow, doing one club/activity at my house per month. Some months I pick it up a bit and do one or two a week depending on our energy level, but after 3 weeks of weekly activities, I always take at least a week long break to recoup and reevaluate. The one regular club we've started so far meets biweekly to prevent burnout. For the weekly activity (3 weeks in a row only) I pick an activity my daughter likes, pick a day and specific time, and posted to the group. The requirements to show up are:
1. RSVP so I know how many people are coming because my house really only fits up to 10 people without being crazy. So as soon as that many people reply and say they are coming, everyone else who replies after that is invited to the next gathering instead.
2. I send my physical address only to people who RSVP and not the whole yahoo group.
3. Whatever the activity, the folks involved bring their own materials to use and/or share. This actually works out great because for playdough day there were 3 kinds of different clay/dough to choose from and extra tools that we didn't have.
4. Keep the activity downstairs only with the option of extending the play outside if the kids aren't interested in the project at hand. The upstairs is off limits during these things (with exceptions of course, cuz if it's people we are comfortable with already, they are used to playing upstairs), but the kids can make a playdate and come play in the whole house at a later date.
5. I encourage people to bring snacks for their kiddos that they will eat.
The other considerations are:
1. I have been in the uncomfortable situation of telling someone not to come back with their child because my daughter was freaked out about having them in our house again. This is not something I want to have to do, but will do again if I feel it's needed, so far only once.
2. This one has proven most helpful: I either get a babysitter for my daughter who can go from enjoying herself with other children to complete freak out mode very quickly or set it up so my husband is home to do something with her if she's not enjoying the company any longer. Especially if i'm responsible for other children, which usually isn't the case cuz the parents come and are pretty involved, there has to be someone dedicated to my kids if/when they need a break. The commitment to the activity is mine, not theirs, at least at their current ages.
3. Also set up some grown-up clubs -- cooking club is my favorite at our house! Like minded people come from all over the place.
This is how we do it, it works great, not a ton of people ever show up, but the ones that do are just the right ones!
Another note: Some of our most valued friends are school kids and their families (we met them on our unschooling list, but they are in school either now or have always been), so I wouldn't write off your school group unless it's proving to be a problem. There are lots of attachment style parents whose kids are in the school system, but the families are very relaxed and fun, more so than some unschoolers I know. Slowly but surely the right people will stand out and the wrong ones will drop out of your lives.
Good luck!
Yelena
--- In [email protected], "Miliana Johnson" <milianajohnson@...> wrote:
>
> My daughters, 4 & 6, have said the only thing they miss about school (having been out for about 2 weeks now) is playing with their school-friends.
>
> I'm contemplating hosting a standing-invitation Monday social day at our home for their school- and other friends.
>
> My goals are:
> 1. To provide the girls an opportunity to play with friends they already know (the school they attended isn't open on Mondays);
> 2. To provide an opportunity for other moms to be social and/or to have time to run errands or whatever;
> 3. To provide their friends the opportunity to explore nature and farm life;
> 4. To do activities that might be more fun with more kids, like hide and go seek or making a movie or play;
> 5. I enjoy having kids over - the way the dynamics change, the way I see my farm and my kids through other's perspectives - and I like most of the moms and would appreciate their company.
>
> I don't want to do it immediately - I feel like we're all still on vacation and I want to give us all time to adjust to the new adventure - but I thought I'd ask you all for any ideas, comments, or concerns for me to consider.
>
> Has anyone else here done something like this? How successful has it been? Any lessons you learned that I could learn from you?
>
> Thanks in advance.
>
> Aloha,
> Miliana
>
Miliana Johnson
-=-The reasons why I would not do this are as follows. First it keeps you tied to school and school think and inevitable school conversations. It will be harder to deschool if you are surrounded on a regular basis by crowds of people who will, consciously or not, inevitably try to draw you back into schooly life. Instead, I would encourage you to find a local inclusive home schooling group with a park day for large group social interaction for your kids, like big group games. Arrive early and try to go very regularly to help establish the relationships.-=-
I agree that, in most situations, having kids from school visit our home would make it hard to stop thinking "school think." Our circumstances somewhat mitigate that point as the school is very small (about 8 kids total) and the teacher herself encouraged us to homeschool. If anything, the kids and parents would be curious and want to learn more about how we're doing things rather than us being drawn into a school-y life.
But your point is the biggest reason I'm *thinking* about it now and not doing it yet. We definitely need time to unschool to the point that being around schooled children can be fun, not stressful.
Thank you for recommending a home schooling group. I've already done so but I do need to be more proactive in attending their events.
-=-Second, it kinda forces all the children to recreate the relationships and hierarchies from school. Is this what you want? A long time ago I was a boarder at school. I had good friends among the boarders. Then when I became a day student, those boarder friendships faded away very quickly and I found new friends among the day students - even though the boarders were still there in my class room. I think the commonality of experience changes who your friends are. Sometimes school friendships last forever, others don't.-=-
That's another really good point.
-=-Third, it can be stressful for kids to always have to be hosts, and may even become so for you. Every week in your home? I think you like the idea of a community, but your little kids may not need such a big one, so regularly. And there is something about neutral territory, like a park day.-=-
Yes. We had very good friends spend the night on Friday and, as much fun as all of them had, it was obvious they were ready to go and my girls were ready to see them go by the time they left.
-=-Instead, invite individual friends or families over for playdates, including the moms (because they would want to come anyway with their little children, right), children that your kids like a lot, and see how those relationships advance in the absence of school. Your kids are very young. They probably don't need as many big groups of friends to play with.-=-
This is what we've been doing. My older daughter, 6, really likes large groups of kids. My younger, 4, prefers one-on-one play. Maybe a once-a-month larger group would be enough for my oldest and not too much for my youngest.
-=-We used to have a standing playdate once a week at our house. It worked great for about a year, then the odd thing would come up on the day, and we had other activities, and slowly we met less often, and our two kids drifted apart. They are still cordial, but now more like acquaintances than friends. And, other than a few awkward times when we parents were keener on reviving the relationship than our two girls were, it is just fine. Relationships do change.-=-
I think the craft circle my mom hosts is the longest-standing get-together I've ever been a part of. That's the exception, while for the most part relationships do shift and change.
-=-If you want to offer your farm as a kind of field trip destination, there are home schoolers who would equally jump at the chance as school groups. I would say special occasions, not every week for the whole class.-=-
Yes, the homeschool group has taken us up on our offer to give a tour in June. We're looking forward to it.
-=-Another idea could be to host a 4H group. Your kids could participate or not depending on their desires as time goes on.-=-
I like this idea and will save it for when I've got the time to take on something so big.
Aloha,
Miliana
I agree that, in most situations, having kids from school visit our home would make it hard to stop thinking "school think." Our circumstances somewhat mitigate that point as the school is very small (about 8 kids total) and the teacher herself encouraged us to homeschool. If anything, the kids and parents would be curious and want to learn more about how we're doing things rather than us being drawn into a school-y life.
But your point is the biggest reason I'm *thinking* about it now and not doing it yet. We definitely need time to unschool to the point that being around schooled children can be fun, not stressful.
Thank you for recommending a home schooling group. I've already done so but I do need to be more proactive in attending their events.
-=-Second, it kinda forces all the children to recreate the relationships and hierarchies from school. Is this what you want? A long time ago I was a boarder at school. I had good friends among the boarders. Then when I became a day student, those boarder friendships faded away very quickly and I found new friends among the day students - even though the boarders were still there in my class room. I think the commonality of experience changes who your friends are. Sometimes school friendships last forever, others don't.-=-
That's another really good point.
-=-Third, it can be stressful for kids to always have to be hosts, and may even become so for you. Every week in your home? I think you like the idea of a community, but your little kids may not need such a big one, so regularly. And there is something about neutral territory, like a park day.-=-
Yes. We had very good friends spend the night on Friday and, as much fun as all of them had, it was obvious they were ready to go and my girls were ready to see them go by the time they left.
-=-Instead, invite individual friends or families over for playdates, including the moms (because they would want to come anyway with their little children, right), children that your kids like a lot, and see how those relationships advance in the absence of school. Your kids are very young. They probably don't need as many big groups of friends to play with.-=-
This is what we've been doing. My older daughter, 6, really likes large groups of kids. My younger, 4, prefers one-on-one play. Maybe a once-a-month larger group would be enough for my oldest and not too much for my youngest.
-=-We used to have a standing playdate once a week at our house. It worked great for about a year, then the odd thing would come up on the day, and we had other activities, and slowly we met less often, and our two kids drifted apart. They are still cordial, but now more like acquaintances than friends. And, other than a few awkward times when we parents were keener on reviving the relationship than our two girls were, it is just fine. Relationships do change.-=-
I think the craft circle my mom hosts is the longest-standing get-together I've ever been a part of. That's the exception, while for the most part relationships do shift and change.
-=-If you want to offer your farm as a kind of field trip destination, there are home schoolers who would equally jump at the chance as school groups. I would say special occasions, not every week for the whole class.-=-
Yes, the homeschool group has taken us up on our offer to give a tour in June. We're looking forward to it.
-=-Another idea could be to host a 4H group. Your kids could participate or not depending on their desires as time goes on.-=-
I like this idea and will save it for when I've got the time to take on something so big.
Aloha,
Miliana